Obviously, it's the exact opposite of a bar, but it's a place where everybody knows your name. And they're always glad you came. I know there's been a lot if talk about the decline of the "third place", a place that is not home, and not work, but AA is a really good third place.

Tonight I went out with my friends to participate in a Halloween shindig. I just celebrated 2 years sober on October 13th, I hadn’t had a drop. We stopped in a cafe/bar style place and I ordered a non alcoholic Shirley temple slushee… sometimes it’s easier to get a mocktail or a soda when I’m around people drinking. The bartender gave me a drink and as I took the first sip I immediately knew it was tequila. The bartender was pretty adamant it was “non alcoholic”. Both my friends tried it and said no this is a frozen margarita. The manager came out and it turned out she did in fact give me the wrong drink. I explained to them I was sober and just hit my 2 year mark. They both said “dang now I feel bad”. I walked away feeling an irrational anger and guilty for something out of my control. I know I was in a bar atmosphere but how do you make that kind of mistake? And now I can’t stop thinking about the sip I had. Am I overreacting? Does this mean I’m not 2 years sober? I feel like I’m back at square one. I’ve been struggling remaining sober because of the amount of stress I’m under. I feel like this incident is really kicking me when I’m already down.

i used to think i needed a drink to deal with certain things, but now im learning that i can sit with my feelings and let a bad day be just a bad day without making it worse.i’m not going to pretend every day has been easy, and i definitely don’t have everything figured out. but i’ve made it two weeks, and i want to keep going.something i’m curious about for those of you who have been sober for a while: what was the biggest change you noticed in yourself during your first month of sobriety? i’d love to hear your experiences.

Hi All - my 21 year-old daughter entered sober living today. She was about 18 days sober when she relapsed and she decided finally to give into sober living. Her first day was a disaster quite honestly. She went in with kind of a bad attitude. I often hear my friends who have been sober for a long time, of having a “spiritual awakening”, and I’m so very curious about that.

I wish nothing more than to have my daughter have a spiritual awakening, so she can realize that these are supposed to be the best years of her life and spending them high, drunk, and in and out of rehab is such a waste of what really is a very short life.

For those who believe they had a spiritual awakening, can you tell me a little more about that? I’m so worried that at 21, my daughter who thinks she knows everything won’t even recognize it if she does have a spiritual awakening. Or is it so extreme and obvious that you can’t possibly ignore it?

I have been reflecting on the 10th Step Bill proposed, this month.

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

I am old enough now to reflect on the patterns in my life that were once rampant, now less so, but still requiring attention and management.

For me my life has swung wildly between excess and asceticism, and to some degree those traits remain, although both are mostly dormant. It took a long time to realize that these were simply a mirror of each other - they manifested differently (obviously), but they were both sprouted from the same seed.

So when drinking, I didn't just drink, I drank and used to the limits of my life. When being adherent to boundaries (often a reaction), I didn't just walk, I crossed continents. I didn't just diet, I fasted for days at a time. I didn't just isolate from people, I didn't see humans for months at a time.

Both of these conditions, were rooted in the same cause.

There are obvious ways and ideals that AA offers to practice inventory with rigorous honesty. For me inventory is not limited to the harms I have caused others, but also the harms I have caused (cause) myself. These days those harms are dramatically reduced. Daily meditation helps accomplish that - in that space I am not just simply practicing inventory as a verb - inventory is a state of being. It is being in the presence of truth. Often my amends are to myself.

Later in his life, Siddhartha Guatama, came to the realization that living in extremes was rooted in attachment, and therefore caused suffering. Fanaticism, being over-zealous, being fervent, was usually caused by an underlying void or spiritual blind spot, caused by attachment. A self created mask of sorts. A reflexive protection from the truth. At times it is even a comforting validation of the ego. Equanimity cannot truly be found where attachment is prevalent, and therefore he spoke of the "middle path".

For me, in seeking true sobriety, the middle path has offered the least obstacles and the most success as I approach AA and inventory.

My life remains work. But as long as I have chosen inventory to be an immersive experience, the less fear and self deception have been an interference.

Does anyone else have dreams (or nightmares) of relapsing? I often dream that I’m in the moment enjoying myself with friends and I take a sip of red wine (my drink of choice) and just as it goes down my throat, I suddenly remember I was sober and I had just ruined my sobriety. There’s is a moment of panic and then I say to hell with this I may as well drink the whole glass now. I wake up so relieved that I’m still strong on my 3 year streak and it was just a dream. But very unsettling. Anyone else??

At 88 days & 99 meetings . . .

I’m feeling like I need a break from AA meetings, talking about sobriety, and counting days.

Of course, it’s not as exhausting as being hungover, tired & sick.

Thoughts?

i’m a 23 year old female that just attended my first two AA meetings yesterday and today. would be looking for someone who also identifies as female at least in a similar age range. i understand my age is uncommon in groups such as these, just because im so young.
i posted here the other day looking for support and they recommended online AA meetings and the group of people i’ve met have been fantastic and have inspired me to keep going, even if im not sober yet. i intend to keep going, but i can’t make promises. after all, it’s not about promises, it’s about honesty and the willingness to try.
i’m agnostic basically, and not looking for anything too terribly religious, and would prefer to keep it that way. but at this point im open to a lot of different things.

delete if not allowed, but i want someone i can ACTUALLY talk to with no judgement. isn’t that what a sponsor is?
my dream and ultimate goal one day is to help someone in my “same boat”. i want to be able to say “i’ve been sober … years”. YEARS.

the withdrawal is the hardest part for me without any access to rehab and health insurance.
thank you in advance. may you all have an amazing day.

three days might not sound like much, but right now, it means something to me. know i still have a long way to go, and i️m trying not to get ahead of myself. i just want to keep showing up and make it through today without drinking.if you️ are starting over too, i hope you know you️ are not alone. we️ve got this, one day at a time. ️️what helped you get through your first week?

I thought it was impossible, AA wouldn’t work for me, and alcohol would kill me any day. Don’t give up-there’s a whole new life waiting for you!

So my question is consuming 30 to 50 beers a week.

Alcoholism? Ok I know it is down to 24 now.

But it made me think what is alcoholism it don't impact my daily life so.

I know a lot who drink 5 to 7 days a week after work.

Me only 3 days a week. Just curious what people think.

Few years back I barely drank at all.

Now its just normal.

I hate this part of recovery. People always assume I’m drunk no matter what.

hello all :p i just turned 20 a few days ago but have been drinking since i was about 16-17. i’d always use it responsibly but these past few months, as of july i believe, i have been drinking quite literally every day. this includes not long after i wake up in the morning, before i go to sleep every night, at work, running errands, hanging with friends (where the focus of the hangout is not to socially drink), etc. unfortunately this past week it’s been every one of my shifts.

i know it’s not good for me but i have no intentions to stop. my life isn’t much better or worse without it, but not being sober is better than being sober in my opinion because i’m just going through a lot right now. the drinking doesn’t interfere with my working, social interactions, familial obligations, etc. but i can acknowledge that going through 1-2 375 ml bottles of rum a day isn’t ideal for anyone.

my question is just, at what point do you consider yourself an alcoholic? i don’t want to wait for my habits to get worse but i also feel like they’re not negative enough to warrant taking any action at the moment. any insight is appreciated

This time 5 months ago, I was in the hospital with acute pancreatitis, acute kidney injury, hallucinations, anxiety ( which I’ve always had) and suicidal ideation. Over 3 decades of alcohol abuse finally took its toll. Grateful for the program, a great sponsor and the fellowship.

I’m from the Bay Area and I’m a newly (attemptive) sober.

I went to a beginner’s meeting because I was a week sober and trying my best. I was hoping this group would be helpful for newbies still struggling. Well … this beginners group was infiltrated by visitors calling themselves the Adventure Group. They have made me terrified to attend another AA meeting.

I was so turned off by their intense obsessiveness, I actually relapsed (place all the blame for my relapse on me that y’all want, idc because these guys are wild and disrespectful).

The Adventure Group completely took over the meeting and I’m not sure that anyone local besides me actually got a word in because of the folks from this group (and I only got a word in because I decided to crosstalk and initiate my own share. I was pissed at their behavior halfway through the meeting that I decided to speak over them to try and redirect the meeting to local folk shares). When I say they took over the meeting, I mean they TOOK. OVER. THE. MEETING.

Firstly, they kept disrupting the literature part of the meeting trying to disrupt with their own opinions throughout reading the literature.
Second, they didn’t allow a single person to speak during the meeting that wasn’t them. (I literally had to disrupt their hold on the meeting to get my share in. Also so disrespectful to take over a local group and not allow any locals to speak. None of them were from the specific area we are from.)
Third, they kept standing up to speak, which is not standard for any meetings in the area, and was such a red flag on their own behavior. I realized they were standing up because they were proselytizing to the meeting and that was their sole purpose - to preach harmful habits to people who weren’t ready for it yet. (Literally by the end of the meeting at least 3 group members were telling another group member to shut up because the other was preaching the steps to me exceptionally hard when all I asked was “what are sober ways to entertain myself and give myself TLC in the first few weeks”)
Fourth, they were pushing the steps real hard. The literature meeting was about TLC and providing TLC to alcoholics (forgive me for not remembering the specific piece of literature, although if you comment or DM it, I’ll likely remember). They kept preaching the steps and saying that people will die without doing the steps. (Literally I’m 1 week in. I don’t need some fucking weirdos to tell me I’m going to die of suicide because I’m more focused on getting a handful of days sober over immediately working the steps.)

There was a point that I disrupted them to share my own resonance to the literature (I was the only one that disrupted their agitation and I literally had to keep speaking over them to be granted a chance to speak. They literally did not follow the guidelines of the list that was passed around to sign up and speak in an orderly fashion.)

This group clearly tried to clamp onto me to try and initiate me into whatever weird cult they have going on. They infiltrated a beginners group to try and target newly sober people trying to seek help. They kept pressuring me to go out to dinner with them, despite the fact that they were getting dinner at a place that was a regular spot for me to get drunk at. (I did not get dinner with them but I was disgusted by their insistence that I go with them to a spot that is clearly a huge trigger place for me to go drink. Yes I did tell them this place was a trigger. Yes they insisted I go with them there even when I clearly wasn’t ready. Mind you none of these assholes are local to the town I live in).

I’m genuinely furious that not only was a meeting I thought was a safe space was taken over by such whack jobs but the fact that the secretaries of the meeting allowed for it to happen. This was the only meeting that completely detracted from its regular format and it was all to accommodate this group of whack jobs.

If you’re in the Bay Area and find yourself in a meeting with people who call themselves the “Adventure Group” you need to either 1) leave if you’re a newbie otherwise they will manipulate you 2) stand up and speak so that they are unable to 3) be a secretary that doesn’t allow for this shit.

I texted my sponsor immediately after the meeting because I was triggered. My sponsor said this group was “infamous” for doing this and I was upset at that too because why didn’t they warn me about this group of manipulative freaks?

Literally if you’re a newbie in the Bay Area, and the Adventure Group shows up - please leave IMMEDIATELY if you can! These people are crazy, manipulative, and clearly just want people traumatized. They details they sent into about suicidal ideation and sexual assault is not appropriate for any meeting, let alone a beginners meeting.

Bay Area be warned. The Adventure Group is manipulative and certainly a cult. They are harmful and gross and I’m now at 24 hours again but I wish I never met them due to their own psychopathy. The Adventure Group will forever do more harm than good. They focus on targeting beginners meetings and it’s disgusting to me.

My friend has been sober for 6 years. He went to rehab for alcohol addiction 6 years ago and has been sober since. He had a stroke this past year due to his alcohol problems from years ago. He got a DUI a couple of weeks ago (Monday morning heading to work) after relapsing and is now facing a criminal charge. He hasn't told his work and he's hiding it from them. He told his friends and his family but hasn't told his AA group or his mentor from AA. He's worried that they'll tell him he should go to rehab. His parents don't really know what to do because if he quits his job and goes to rehab he might not find another job again for a while. Right now he is living at home and taking the bus to work (2 hours) because he doesn't have a car and he's constantly tired. He's made every excuse in the book to not tell the people at AA even though he goes every week. He just lies to them every Saturday. I believe he's sober right now but he really doesn't want to lose his job and go to rehab again.

Hi everyone. Looking for some recs for meetings staying in flatiron district . I’ve been in the program for 2.5 years in Denver and love it . 10/18 / 23 I got a dui and had a seizure a few days after from withdrawal. The program saved me and I’d love to grab a few hugs make a new memory for that date . It’s really a smile and hug from the world . I’m 41 and don’t care if it’s a newcomers meeting , old timers or young people . I love them all but love a good mix ! Please share ! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

THROUGHOUT EACH DAY

October 16

This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

During my early years in A.A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word "continued." "Continued" does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 16, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Hey guys, first time poster here. As the title says, I just don't know what to do now. My father is a retired 60yo who has been drinking since he was 14, ever since he retired (over a year ago) he has been drinking more. He has no hobbies or interests other than drinking, his excuse is he's bored and there is nothing to do here which is bullshit. There's plenty of things he can do but he doesn't want to it nor socialise.

Over the past 3 years he has tried quitting drinking, longest being 8 months and shortest being several hours. I've always tried to help and support him every way I can and at times when he didn't want it. I've lost count the amount of times he's relapsed. Now I feel like whenever he says wants to get better, its just words without meaning because he'll relapse again which unfortunately he has a bad track record for.

What normally happens when he relapses is he'll have a beer then 2, 3, a 6 pack then 2 six packs. When he can't get drunk off that, he downs a bottle of bourbon and more. If he runs out of booze, he'll walk to the bottle shop which is a 10 minute walk or he'll drive even when he's very clearly over the limit and he would take the back roads to avoid Mobile RBTs ( Mobile Random Breath Test units). He'll do what it takes to get his drink, occasionally he'll ask me to buy him a bottle on my way over. I'm not an enabler and I ain't doing that shit which leads to arguments

Just recently it was getting really out of hand, so I spoke to my dad and I gave him some tough love. Told him how I felt about his drinking problem, what it's doing to him and how it's affecting me. I also told him how much I loved him and I didn't want to see drink himself to death. I spoke to him about AA and he immediately shut it down. His excuse is AA are for people whose root cause for alcoholism are past mental and physical traumas and that's not his problem, told him for many yes but that's not true for everyone. He continued to drink after that and I left.

I feel fustrated like anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know what to do from here, I'm lost. I don't want to give up on him but I can't keep doing this. Time and time again, nothing changes.

I am 204 days sober from alcohol. I haven’t been to any meetings. 2 nights ago I was in a rough patch with my partner and was feeling like the sober me is not the better me, so I went and bought a drink. I came home and told my partner and sat beside the drink for a while. I didn’t want to give up 202 days of sobriety but was feeling so disconnected from myself that maybe liquor was the answer. I sat there for over an hour with the drink, I ended up dumping it in the sink. My partner said they were very disappointed in me and that they are emotionally exhausted. I am wanting a drink tonight, but I can’t tell my partner because I am exhausting them. Is it too late to go to meetings? To be able to build a support system there? What do you do when you are wanting a drink but there’s no one to talk to in the moment? What do you do to get your mind off of it? How do you get that weight of wanting a drink off your chest? How can I talk about my crippling feelings without bringing them down in the process? And did aa help you with those feelings?

For someone who does not identify as nor spiritual whatsoever, could AA possibly help me or is it a waste of my time? I ask this because I have been sober for 6 weeks now but still feel on edge and amped up all the time. I’ve been told I need a support group. Thank you.

I’ve met a guy who has a ton of qualities I like, especially for someone who would help me out. He was also the only person to not just shake my hand after a meeting but come up and ask how I was doing and what was going on?

That said, he is never someone I would try to be friends with.

Not sure if that’s ok or not. I think it is, he has the qualities I like and want even if our interests, goals, and general being is different

or at least accept the awful things you’ve done? and how much you’ve affected the lives of people you love?