I rarely ever take selfies but I was definitely feeling like taking a little picture 🙂‍↕️

ahhhh i don't want this to become this whole big rant because, truly, all i want to do is uplift people and make people feel happy and loved, and i believe in visibility and taking up space and living by one's virtues and all that good stuff, but like... man, i DO NOT like who i am or how i show up in this world, unfortunately. :')

i want to be open. i want to live as a genderless person, in a way that makes other people feel comfortable living as a genderless person or as a person of their own gender, too. i want all bodies to be appreciated and respected, and everyone to be loved for who they are, not how they look or what they can do for this capitalist hellscape. i love people so, so deeply; i'm so incredibly fascinated by the human experience, and how diverse it is. <3

so it's incredibly jarring to me that i'm just... not a person to other people, and it's because of my body.

for context (idk if this context actually matters, but just in case): i'm autistic, and i don't feel a sense of gender. i'm asexual as well, and don't feel a sense of attraction to people's bodies, but i do have a very strong sense of aesthetics and believe the human body in all its forms and iterations is genuinely a work of art, and that it's so incredible how different we can all look. i have genuinely never found another human being to be ugly, or to look "unusual", or have never found something to be "wrong" with another person's body (although i used to work in healthcare, so take this with a grain of salt; obvi, whenever i saw someone bleeding out or something, i was like "!!! that is wrong!!!"). but i have never encountered a person whose body was so particular or "extreme" in some way that it overrides my belief that they are a multidimensional human being; i don't even understand how that would even work.

i, myself, run on estrogen, and was born that way, and not to stereotype, but it is very very obvious when you look at me: big hips, big thighs, big butt. i've struggled against this body my entire life; even as a skinnier kid, it never felt like home to me, i've always felt awkward just being in a body and being perceived by others, and i've always been dissociated. i didn't know other people genuinely experienced gender - i didn't even know assigned sex was real until high school. i've always been clumsy. i used to starve myself following a series of violent body-based attacks, and also in part because i felt like i wasn't allowed to be genderless in such a curvy body; i've since recovered, but the way people treat this body has remained, and only gotten worse with time.

i don't want my body to matter to other people, but they treat me like there's not even a person in here, this is just a soft, cushy form used for pleasure. i don't think my weight or build should matter to people, and i want to think i'm more complex than just the "puzzle" of "them boobs should match them hips but they don't", but apparently i'm not. i work in a warehouse now; the other day, i stepped on a wooden pallet and broke it, which my boss found endlessly hilarious, and it brought my whole world crashing down. i really thought i'd escaped just being a body in the workplace, i thought maybe healthcare was just weird and an impossible place to be genderless because everyone there had studied anatomy without doing the necessary internal work to divorce their understanding of secondary sexual characteristics from gender. but i guess not; i'm just a collection of hyper-sexed features and, because of the way they're put together, i'm not human. i'm just here to touch, or fuck, or harm, or laugh at, because some parts are larger and some parts are smaller and, if i was really a person, i'd at least offer the viewer the dignity of making sure those parts matched and were in accordance with rules i don't even believe in, and gender roles i don't think anyone should be held to.

i feel like my body is holding me back, and i feel like the expectation that it change is also holding me back. is it really such a tall ask to ask to be agender in a short, curvy body? it's just so bizarre to me that any variation of the human body can make the human inside the body less... human to others. will i really never be a person?

I am agender for five months now and decided to change my name because my name given at birth made me feel uncomfortable. (My new name is Sam btw but I am not 100% sure yet if I really like it or not) My friends still call me by my birth name so I wanted to tell the ones I trust the most that I am agender and that I changed my name. I am scared that they will judge me or don’t wanna be friends with me anymore.

Stranger: hey what are your pronouns?

Me: YES

Stranger: Im sorry what

Recently I’ve been debating with myself whether my perception of my own gender is normal or if I could be considered agender. Thought I’d ask here, seems as good a place as any. If the answer’s no, so be it. I’m just really curious. Apology if my writing doesn’t make any sense.

Here it is: I don’t feel like my gender is connected to my identity in any way. Like, my gender is female because I have two x chromosomes and I was raised as a girl. The former dictates what other people see when they look at me, (although I don’t prefer wearing feminine… anything), and the latter dictates which I spent the most time around and which were mostly my friends when I was young (girls), making it so that I would rather spend time with girls than boys.

(In reality, most of my friends are queer and neurodivergent (as am I) and/or don’t really participate in a rigid social gender binary, meaning that if I was thrown into either a group of cis men or a group of cis women it would be kinda awkward and I wouldn’t really know how to act. But when I was younger, all my friends were girls.)

I don’t have a strong feeling of being female, nor do I have a strong feeling of not being female. If I woke up one day and I was a boy, I don’t think anything would change. Provided I had the same friends and the same brain, of course. However, if I was suddenly expected to be “masculine”, I think I would have a hard time doing it. It might be a bit easier to perform femininity, but that is probably for the most part a result of me having spent a lot more time around girls in my life.

If people started using different pronouns for me I wouldn’t care at all.

I view being in either a male or female body as having their own set of inconveniences, (female arguably having a lot more). I don’t have an emotional want or need to not have a gender, but I do think logically it would be kind of nice to be completely detached from social gender expectations. I’m pretty close to that already, at least within my own friend group.

Although, if gender is a social construct and is only determined by how you feel about yourself, in the absence of any personal strong feeling the only thing that keeps me “female” gender-wise is how other people perceive me due to my biological female traits. That’s kind of crazy.

I realized while writing this post that the answer to my original question might be more obvious than I first thought, but what do you guys think? I’m curious if there’s any contradictions or things I’m missing here.

I’ve been using the term agender for myself since I feel as if I don’t have a gender at all, not a he/him, not a she/her, not even a they/them (or neo-pronouns) Is it ok I call myself agender? I am closeted though because I am a teen with a parent who is anti-lgbtq. I have long hair and look like a girl(because again, closeted) and I don’t want to cut my hair short because it’ll look bad on me and I like my hair long. So I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be called agender because I do have long hair and don’t want to cut it, and like a lot of girly and cute clothes. I know it might sound stupid, but I don’t know. I just want some confirmation or something.

my legal name is elizabeth, i hate it so im trying to change it

heres a list:

1. Eline
2. Asher
3. Iris
4. Fin
   

i would show my face but im a minor sooooo....

(i have bushy brown hair, pale skin, and green-gray eyes.)

I feel strongly about abolishing gender or at the very least making it matter WAY less in our lives.

But i dont know.. it doesnt make me apathetic about it?

As in, id much rather be perceived in a masculine leaning way (still quite androgynous especially with my long hair), and i feel kinda dysphoric abt some elements of womanhood.

But is that just because as an afab person, ive been gendered that way so many times and im sick of gender as a whole?

And does it make sense, as someone who hates gender, to be transmasc..?

Ive been asking myself if in a world where gender is almost non existant, I'd still feel that way, and tbh idk.

The weirdest part is, i think that connection to masculinity still does shift smh, like i sometimes do feel ok with femininity.

I considered the label librafluid but idrk- again does it make sense?

I considered I might just like a certain expression but not feel it as a gender- and honestly that would make sense? I think in an ideal utopic world where gender doesnt exist the concept of femininity/masculinity could still exist but it just wouldnt mean anything abt u as a person or be linked to sex in any way, it would just be a style yaknow? Idk enlighten me pliz

Transmasc agender would make sense but idk if the concept as a whole makes sense or is contradictory

Today, I found out I'm agender!

My cousin was talking about how he's agender, and I realized I am too! When I think about myself or look in a mirror, I never think of myself as having a gender, I'm just disconnected with the concept entirely. I don't see myself on a spectrum of masculine to androgynous to feminine at all, I'm just apart from it.

Now, I go by they/he pronouns (I like they and he equally, but I put the they first, because people usually only use he if I put he/they), so yeah!

It's really freeing, not living by these rules of gender and labels, I'm just me. I don't mind being perceived as a man (I'm AMAB), but I'm not any of it. I like men, women, and nonbinary people, but I won't put a label on it.

I'm done with all this categorization, none of these labels can capture or explain me like my own words can.

I feel so euphoric and free now, it's wonderful, and I'm so happy I looked into it and questioned myself instead of just assuming I'm cis.

Yay! I'm so happy! :)

Hey

I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery especially in the last year and I want to know if my situation applies to the agender definition and if anyone else has any insights into this.

I also don’t really know what the typical discovery process looks like for those who are agender, so I apologize if this example is rather trivial!

Okay so I grew up AMAB, started questioning about a year ago about both my gender and sexuality (the latter isn’t really important here though), and I came to a conclusion that I was a man, but… only kinda. “he/they” is what I called myself

Recently, though, I’ve fallen out of my sense of belonging to masculinity. But I also don’t feel any belonging to femininity, either. I’ve had debilitating and chronic depression for a decade and the other night I realized I’ve fallen out of my sense of belonging with my physical body entirely.

Whatever “me” is, has been ground into dust by my struggles. The face I see in the mirror no longer feels like my own. I’ve fallen out of love with gender as a concept entirely. I don’t think I as a living being have anything really to offer others so I’ve decided to no longer demand respect from others.

My gender is theirs. My gender is yours. My gender is everything but my own. If you want to call me a man, be my guest. If you think I’m a woman, then call me as such. You wanna use neopronouns on me? That’s perfectly fine by me. As long as it makes you comfortable then it’s fine by me.

Is this… normal? Part of me feels like this shouldn’t be how I feel, but after 24 years of masculinity, I no longer feel like I am anything. Masculinity feels hostile to whatever it is that I am, and femininity feels like a foreign concept, one that I don’t have a desire to adopt for myself. I often don’t even feel a belonging with the label of “human” because of how uncontrollable and inhumane my mental condition is on a daily basis.

So… this is what I am now. Just a… thing, whose identity is dependent on whoever is around me.

TL;DR: My chronic depression/various mental illnesses have left me at a point where I feel disillusioned with the concept of self-identity completely, including gender. My gender is yours to determine, not mine. Is this normal? Is this… healthy?

I’m 25, in college, amab, and on my first month of feminizing HRT. I’m also in recovery for addiction. I have over a year alcohol free and almost 7 months no weed. I’ve been driving for about 6 months, and got my first car on my birthday in June. All that to say, I’ve done so much growth and made so much progress.

However, the gender shit has been hard. It’s always been a struggle. I recently officially told my mom I started HRT and she’s really upset about it. Things have been pretty tense between us. Especially because I told her when my dad was in the room cooking dinner, I assumed he could be me because he was close enough but apparently he still doesn’t know. My mom says I need to tell him but she also says that me telling him is like dropping a bomb, throwing a wrench in the progress.

I’ll admit, it’s been kind of hard adjusting to the hormones but I’m taking it day by day. I started taking them Sept 4. I’ve been kinda fatigued and have had some mood swings which is normal. But I’m happy with the results.

My mom is really upset, I’m talking crying a lot. I’ve felt like she’s resented me a lot of my life but feels very valid and real lately. She’s saying that me starting HRT destroys all the progress I’ve made. She also asked why I started them. I said it’s for cosmetics and I wanna look more femme, to keep it brief. I know that no matter what I tell her, she’s not gonna get it, gaf, or it’s not gonna matter to her, she has her own beliefs and idea and i can’t change it.

With all that being said, it’s really hard to navigate it. I feel more androgynous expression wise. I’m in the parking lot waiting to go in for my hair appointment and excited about it. I want kind of a fox cut and embrace the androgynous femme look. I just feel like I’m not allowed to explore and don’t feel like I’m valid and it makes me second guess a lot. I’ve gone back n forth on getting on HRT for over 5 years and finally doing it. I was on them for a bit like 2ish years but was still in addiction.

I guess I just need some advice or support. It’s so vulnerable. I don’t even feel comfortable telling a lot people really because such as my mom, people think taking HRT means i suddenly wanna become a woman which isn’t true at all. I’m not changing my pronouns, I’ve never given af about pronouns.

I know that was a lot, sorry for the rant, thanks for reading.

I love how skirts look on others. They are so cute and pretty and magical. I want to wear a skirt but when I actually wear one it just feels off?? I usually dress quite masculine or neutral, so putting on a skirt doesn't feel like a thing I would do. I feel like I'm limiting myself from wearing cool outfits just because I don't feel fully comfortable in skirts. I think my mind is just stuck in the stereotypes when I think of skirts, so any tips on how I could separate the idea of feminine clothes and being a female from each other would be nice. Similar experiences or advice would also be appreciated.

(I'm afab and not out to anyone yet. This is also my first post here.)

call me he, she, they, them, it...whatever. actually no idon't like it. anyone else feel like this? i've felt this years before i discovered i was agender, and as i started to inquire more into my own mind and why i felt this way, it led me down the path towards my new identity.

Do vitamin labels and the like make anyone else dysphoric or just me? 🫠

(I tried to capture my soul in the second one)

I have name ideas(North, Marlow, and Zane are a WIP)but I’m willing to drop all of them if i become enlightened.

I just don't like the feeling of my breasts moving around. I also don't want to squish them down, though, and feel claustrophobic or whatever. I just want them to stay put if that makes sense. I think that Medieval or early modern kirtles would be neat for my purposes, but since they are not really an option I want to ask whether someone has any ideas?

For awhile, I thought I might be agender. I think a closer fit would be cis woman who is extremely gender apathetic.

But I might be agender and gender apathetic. I don't have a strong desire to be called they, but I wouldn't mind either.

I feel like I am just me.

I don't care what pronouns people use for me. If I post under a gender neutral online name, some people will call me she and some people will call me he.

I had a weird experience a few days ago where I was kicked out of a disboard group I just joined. I only posted two things, one of which was the "fill this out to tell me about yourself" post. One of the questions was preferred pronouns. I said that I was she/her, but I was okay with anything people wanted to call me because I was gender apathetic.

Are there people in the GLBT+ plus group that get offeded by this? Did I word it badly? Does it come across as disrespectful for people who feel their pronouns are very important?

Does anyone else feel like they struggle to find fitting pronouns or other "gendered" terms in English? Its my second language and in my native language we only have gender neutral pronouns.

Of the general options, I'm most comfortable with he/him and being referred to as a man but it always sounds a little off. I don't know if its because I feel silly due to being a pre-T trans masc person, like people are forcing themselves to refer to me with the most masculine things they can think of while I still look feminine.

The worst is familial terms like brother or uncle. It just doesn't seem like it fits me and I cringe a little if I have to hear that. Still, those are the best options. No other pronouns or terms really resonate with me either (including xeno/neopronouns etc).

I'm most comfortable when talking in my native language because everyone is referred to with the same gender neutral pronoun. Maybe I just don't like being othered in that way. Sometimes it feels awkward when it becomes super clear I'm trans while everyone else is cis. Its like I'm wearing a clown costume while everyone else is dressed normal.

Anyway... Am I the only one who feels like this?

tl;dr: I'm not sure if I want to go on HRT or not because my feelings towards it have changed but I'm worried that it may be due to anxiety and I'm not super sure what to do

How do you feel affirmed or stay grounded in who you are?

For context I can slip into black-and-white thinking towards gender especially my own and I was wondering how to prevent it. Like sometimes I’ll feel good or at least okay but then I’ll ruminate myself to death. I struggle to stay grounded in who I am at times.

I have had two long ass conversations with my boyfriend about this. I have talked with trans people about it. AND IT IS STILL NOT RECONCILED.

I feel such a resentment for the concept and institution of gender as a whole, right? Like, I want to pursue a world where that does not exist. Normal, standard fare, right?

Where agender people lose me immediately is when they start to say that they want to align with a certain concept of gender.

I have suddenly lost the plot completely. The whole thing is supposed to be about the abolition of gender, right? I hate it. I do not like it! I wish to see it gone!

I think it is a shitty system, and I think identifying with it is misguided. I believe sex/gender is a destructive institution, and that crafting an identity around something with LITERAL prehistoric roots to discrimination and oppression isn’t beneficial to building a better world.

It’s similar to why I’m an atheist. I know that religion brings comfort and community to a lot of people, and I know there are so many good people within those institutions. But, in a deeper conversation, I’m not going to act like I agree with its presence in society. I don’t think it’s right to identify with something that has been so destructive in the past and continues to be destructive into the present.

My stance on gender is like that but times a thousand. These are constrictions that go back to literally the dawn of comprehension. When I think about womanhood, I feel a sense of connection to people of the past and the communities of the present. But I also freely acknowledge the fact that that sense of connection is based on suffering, and oppression, and the perception of women as different.

Beautiful communities are built on collective suffering, but in the end I feel like those same communities end up perpetuating the things that caused them to suffer in the first place, or they risk collapsing when the things that once united them begins to disappear.

I respect the humanity within the individuals behind these ideas, and I respect their decisions to do as they please. I’m not going to be an asshole. That’s antisocial and not conducive to larger discussion. But when people get so down and dirty with the essence of gender as a whole like they do here, I find it hard not to get frustrated when I don’t see anyone actually talking about why they don’t like gender.

Is this crazy? Am I crazy? I feel crazy. Please help.

Hello! I have always gone by she/her and am a butch lesbian. I always really disliked when people called thought I was a boy my entire life and never thought of myself as a man at all. But I always felt a bit different from my peers and pinned it up to being lesbian. As I thought through my identity and wondered why I dressed masculine (I was a kid and not exposed to gay people much) I came to terms with my lesbian/masculine identity.
Now it got complicated in the past month. I have always felt really uncomfortable with my chest and once I realized I didn’t have to be and I could get surgery I began to focus on it and hate it even more. I researched and found other cis girls who got top surgery too and decided that’s me and I’m doing this. I began the process of reaching out to surgeons and that’s where it began. They ask for pronouns and I began putting she/they so I could have a better chance of them operating on me. Then I got to thinking would she/they really be so bad? I began thinking about how I have always hated being called anything traditionally female like mamn or young women ect… and realized I might not want to be called “girlfriend” either (still thinking on that one). I began to think of people calling me they and was comfortable with it in my head, and now when people refer to me as she it’s starting to feel a bit off.
Now, I am struggling with a few things: how do I tell my friends to use other they along with she without being super awkward about it and messing up to convo. They are all queer in some way so I’m not super worried by my communication skills are not good and I am also very nervous to bring it up confrontationally.
I have been thinking about the label agender but I just am not sure. I feel like 30% girl? If that even makes sense to other people. Maybe this will change later because I have just come to terms that I am genderqueer a few weeks ago and am still processing it all. I also feel I do expensive dysphoria which really enforces my belief. So my other questions are: do you guys (who identify as agender) feel 100% agender? Do you still feel connected to your gender at birth? Can I call myself agender if I feel 30% female? And do you identify as transgender?
My therapist asked me recently what transgender means to me and why I feel like it doesn’t fit, and I’m not sure about the term at all for me.
Lastly, thank you for reading this GIANT rant.