Hey everyone ❤️
I’m 32F, and I honestly never thought I’d be writing something like this, but I feel like I need to talk to people who might actually understand what I’m going through.
I’ve been struggling with cocaine addiction for 2 years now, and it’s been such a rollercoaster.
It started with occasional use, like it does for so many people. I never imagined it would become something that would take over such a big part of my life.
At my worst, I was using pretty much every day, sometimes around 1 gram a day. There were times when I genuinely wanted to stop, and times when I convinced myself I had everything under control.
But obviously, I didn’t.
One of the biggest consequences has been the damage to my nose.
I developed a very large septal perforatio (basically a hole in the wall between my nostrils). I had constant dryness, crusting, pain, breathing problems, and sometimes even problems with my sense of smell and taste.
It was horrible, physically and mentally.
Last year I undergo a pretty complicated surgery to close the perforation. My surgeon used tissue grafts and flaps to reconstruct the damaged area.
And somehow, against the odds, the surgery was successful. The hole was completely closed.
I can’t even explain how relieved I was.
But here’s the part I’m really ashamed to admit.
Even after going through all of that, I relapsed.
Imagine spending so much money, going through a major operation, being terrified of permanently damaging your nose, and then STILL finding yourself using again.
Sometimes I ask myself, what the hell is wrong with me?
I know exactly what the consequences can be. I know that if I damage my septum again, another reconstruction could be much more difficult, and there might not be many options left.
My surgeon has already warned me about this.
And yet addiction doesn’t seem to care how much you know or how scared you are.
I’ve tried stopping on my own, I’ve had periods where I managed to reduce my use, and I’ve also reached out for professional help. I’ve attended addiction treatment and discussed the possibility of a short inpatient admission.
I genuinely want to get better.
I have a home, people who love me and a little dog who means the world to me. There are so many things in my life worth protecting.
I’m not using because I don’t care about my life. I do care. A lot.
And that’s probably what makes this so frustrating.
I’m also terrified about my nose. Every little change, every bit of dryness, every strange sensation makes me worry that I’ve damaged the reconstruction. I sometimes feel like I’m constantly checking whether everything is still okay.
I know that if I continue, I could undo everything my surgeon worked so hard to repair.
I’m not posting this for sympathy, and I’m definitely not proud of what I’ve done to myself.
I just want to hear from people who have been in a similar situation.
Has anyone here continued using even after experiencing serious physical consequences?
How did you finally manage to stop?
Did you have to completely change your environment, your friends, or even your job?
And for anyone who has experienced nasal damage or septal perforation from cocaine, how are you doing now?
I would especially love to hear from people who struggled with repeated relapses but eventually managed to get clean.
I’m tired of constantly promising myself that this will be the last time.
I really want to reach a point where I don’t have to fight this battle every single day.
Thank you for reading if you made it this far. ❤️
Please be kind. It wasn’t easy admitting all of this.

Hello fellow addicts,

Man I’m ready to be done. The circle never stops and I never stop creating the circles to run around in. I’m insane. I’m completely broken and ready to be done.
Try to make this quick but I have a question if anyone can help.
I was on suboxone for 11years. Steady life and sobriety. But multiple attempts to jump off it proved to be difficult. I took the shot and my life spun out of control. I didn’t go back to H or fet but I got addicted to this 7oh crap.
The silver lining in this whole relapse is how humbled I am. Meetings where never my thing and I find myself crying everytime I go to them now because I see people that have beat this sickness. I see hope and happiness in there eyes. I want what they have so bad. I want 24hrs. I want it bad
This time it will be different for me. But I’m physically reliant on this.

I detoxed for 5days went through withdrawals comparable to Heroine. I think I was taking mgm with the 7oh. Horrible withdrawal. Was hell.

I’m done paying for this so here I am yet again Turing to suboxone.
I just got a 14 day script called in. The doctor asked me what I meant when I said can you give me a taper program. She said people don’t do that..
So here I am asking the internet for help. Anyone recommend an actual schedule for me to not have bad withdrawal?
I was on 500mg of 7oh. Now down to 70mg a day.
I want to take subs for maybe 3-5days.
I know I’m a punk for not being able to go through the whole withdrawal process but I know I’m done with drugs for good. This is the last time God willing and I want to do this right. Anyone who sat through this whole paragraph of complaining I commend you.

Also THANK YOU for any addict that has had the guts to go before me and do this right. To give us who are fucked still hope. Hope that I won’t live in this insanity forever

so i've been smoking pretty much nightly for the past 3 years. i just started my masters degree at a pretty good school, decided i should maybe finally man up and do something about my life. for context im pretty miserable lol

im on day 6 and, well as i said, its both better and worse than i thought.

better because: the only cravings i get are whenever i drive past some dudes smoking on the street and i get a whiff. one of the most enabling parts of the addiction is how accessible weed is in my area, i can go on a 10 minute walk and buy some mid bud. whenever im going back home in the evening im still in the mindset of "oh i dont have any bud, what am i gonna roll up the moment i take my shoes off?" but then i remember that i'm this far already and that the longest voluntary weed break since i turned 18 lasted a week so i might beat my high score.

worse because: i deadass cannot sleep at night. i was basically smoking myself retarded every night to pass out in bed for the past 3 years, and im just now realizing how bad it really was. first couple days i was helping myself with some beers as a temporary supplement substance before sleep, now im trynna cut down on that too. also im trynna not doomscroll so much, also in bed, but i realize that this is wayy harder than i thought it would be.

2 days ago i fell asleep at 5, yesterday i just put down my phone and was lying down alone with my thoughts for an hour plus but i still managed to fall asleep so that's something. i either have very out of pocket dreams or no dreams at all, no telling. still i'm not as irritable as i thought i'd be, but maybe that's because im not quitting nicotine yet.

also i have my first set of exams coming up in my master's degree and im actually fucked. three difficult exams + i took on myself an extra set of responsibilities i have to manage, which im not doing very good job at. maybe if i was studying daily then i wouldnt be in this predicament, but im gonna blame my weed addiction on that too. sure i've been in this similar situations countless times before and i was still passing exams while smoking myself retarded every night, but this is just too much right now. found out my dad has cancer too, 99% sure he's gonna be fine tho but it still fucks you up yk

idk i just had to vent, im having a bit of a hard time but im gaslighting myself into thinking theres gonna be an upside to this. maybe i was just expecting my life to magically fall into place the moment i put away the devils lettuce, fuck maybe even a big-assed latina down bad for drug addicts with deltarune humor would knock on my front door, but its just not happening yet.

used coke IV. my chest still hurts and even still I'm going to keep using for a little while. I don't know why. I posted here and everybody was so supportive. I feel ashamed for getting back here. I'm scared this shit is gonna kill me but at the same time I can't seem to stop myself. I know what to do, I'm just not doing it. I don't want to deal with withdrawals again. the last time I used like this it gave me seizures.

my veins were just healing from me collapsing them. my arm hurts to bend and I was so nervous I missed the shot the first time. I'm turning 19 next month and I would like to be doing a little better by then.

I feel so bad rn, I can't even cry, and idk how to say goodbye.
I’m about to go through some pretty rough opioid withdrawal, and honestly, I’m scared. I don’t feel ready.
I’ve also been off meth for a week, but today I was going to buy again and ended up getting my money stolen. I was already feeling low, and that just made everything feel worse.
So I’m trying to put together a playlist to get me through this. I’d love some sad songs I can cry to, or comforting ones that feel like someone understands. And songs that make you feel a little stronger, like maybe you really can get through this and feel okay again.
What did you listen to during withdrawal or early recovery? If there’s a song you kept replaying because it helped you keep going, please share it. I could really use that right now.
If you have non-music resources or supportive suggestions for getting through withdrawal safely, please share those too.

This is research. Are you a long term cocaine user (years of use)? Of course we become paranoid while high, but have you noticed paranoia increased, even in moments of sobriety, compared to when you weren't a user?

I'm two weeks out from being a year clean from coke, which is by far the longest I have ever been in the last seven years. I haven't had any urges or noticeable triggers for months, up until I realized how close I was to a year and now it is all I can think about. I've already had a lapse with alcohol over it and I'm a little scared at how strong the urge to get high is again. I feel this thread trying to pull me back even though I don't want anything to do with drugs anymore, and yet theres a part of me that wants nothing more than to be back on a club dancefloor.

It doesn't help at all that my sobriety date is also the exact date of my best friends overdose. It'll be eight months that he's been gone when I hit a year, if I manage to get past these triggers and grief.

I'm sure I can wager a guess at why its so hard so suddenly, but its still frustrating and super concerning.

Today I consumed methamphetamine hydroxyzine and dextromethorphan in a span of an hour

Although I'm hallucinating and I'm confused asf I feel normal yk, but google keeps saying that I'm going to die and that's kinda ruining my trip

im sorry but i think that addiction isnt a real thing and people just use it as an excuse and a label for being lazy and not being able to just flip the switch.

i used to drink 6-8 cans of busch light every day when i was in a 3 month vacation with my brother. and dont get me wrong its fun to be drunk and all but i just didnt drink at all after that again and i havent since

i used to smoke weed and cigarettes 3-4 days a week spending about 200 a month on packs and carts and i did this for about 1 year until i had to run a mile and my mile time was 12:30. again, i just decided to completely stop it and i had no withdrawals, didnt have the urge to start it again and ive been going the rest of my life without it.

i genuinely believe with all of my heart that with the right mindset, pma, and a little bit of hope any addiction can be overcome. not being able to quit because you can just quit any time or not having anything else to do or to cope with trauma, ptsd arent valid excuses to continue killing yourself doing harmful shit. people need to wake up and get it over with