I’m a 28-year-old woman from Brazil with a degree in IT, and I desperately need advice.
My life basically fell apart after I moved to Finland in 2023. I met a guy with serious drug addiction problems, and stupidly, I fell in love with him and considered him family before I even knew he was an addict.
I gave up everything to take care of him because he told me that if we lived together, he would stop using drugs. Instead, everything got worse, and I went through some horrible, traumatic things that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Eventually, he kicked me out of our apartment. I had spent all my savings helping him and had even quit my job for him, so I was basically left homeless. I had to return to Brazil, stopped going to therapy, and fell into a horrible depression.
I ended up doing adult content work to survive while I was with him, which I absolutely hated. It also destroyed my confidence and made me feel incredibly insecure about returning to my career in IT.
I’ve been back in Brazil for two years now. I have no friends, no job in my field, and barely leave the house. I literally haven’t gone out for anything in two years, not even to see a doctor. I’m also terrified of people now.
People who have known me for years tell me I threw my life away for this guy, and honestly, I don’t even know how to fix any of this.
I’ve always been intelligent, studied hard, worked hard, and had good jobs. Now I have absolutely nothing.
Recently, I started making money online again, but instead of rebuilding my life, I developed a gambling addiction. I’ve always been against gambling, but somehow I got hooked.
I’ve maxed out my credit cards and ruined my credit, but the worst part is that I’ve started secretly using my mother’s credit card without her knowledge. Basically, I’ve started stealing from my own mother, and the guilt makes my depression even worse.
I’ve needed help for years. While I was still in Finland, I attempted suicide because I couldn’t take it anymore. I still love that Finnish idiot, even after everything that happened, and he hasn’t spoken to me in a year. Somehow, I feel like I’m the villain in this story.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve thought about checking myself into a psychiatric hospital, and sometimes I just want to end my life. I know I need help, but I have no idea where to start.
I need to repay the debt I’ve put in my mother’s name, but I can barely function, let alone study and get back into IT. I feel trapped between gambling to get money quickly and going back to adult content work, which I genuinely hate.
I don’t want to keep living like this. I want my life back, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you start getting your life together again? I really need advice because I feel completely lost.