This is an embarrassing one, as the older brother by a few years but, since my brother started working out, he's become this arrogant and threatening piece of shit. He terrorizes the fuck out of me and my mother, for literally no reason. He assaults us both, he's harassing her for something all the time, insulting her relentlessly. He's clearly let the strength amplify his insecurities. We've essentially been reduced to an outlet for him to cope with being a loser. My dad, who is a distant cunt, doesn't care, never punishes this. Despite the abuse, my mother also enables the mistreatment. She forgets easily, she never sets boundaries. I'm on my own.
It's most embarrassing because he's younger than me, and that hurts to admit, but it's just the situation. He's always been more a traditional son to my father; he's been seen to far more, despite arriving later. He dodged a lot of misfortune, and I haven't. I'm neurodivergent and have spent most of my life suffering severe mental health issues; too defeated to have ever been capable of eating properly, let alone commit to a fitness routine. I'm very weak. I let neglect become a habit. I'm trying to do better for myself in several ways, but right now I just can't find room for a whole new discipline.
He's capable of hurting me badly. I know, if I ever pushed him too far, he'd be too much of an idiot to hold back ; he would hurt me in ways I'm not prepared for. I think he could easily destroy my life.
I should move, but I just can't afford to. I've been trying to settle down and build a portfolio to someday qualify for art commissions. I'm working on some exciting and meaningful projects outside of that both alone, and with friends. Living under such constant stress isn't helping. I think someday I could overcome this and do really well for myself, but that's simply not how things currently are, and won't be for years.
I want to nudge him out somehow. I want him to genuinely settle on the conclusion that living elsewhere would be more desirable. I don't want him to know that I've created this perspective for him. I'd want him to be miserable, but not such that he's able to discern it as a mission to drive him out. I just want him gone. I try to ignore him but he responds to this in ways I can't tolerate; lately it's been messing with my dinner plate. I've been really fucked up over all this. I don't feel at home anywhere now.