I’m 20, and she is 20. We’ve been together since we were 17 and are both guardsmen. She is getting out early this year due to medical reasons but my contract isnt over until October 2028.

We recently broke up for our own reasons and I noved out but have been back together, slowly, for a bit now. I’m currently at her family’s apartment for the weekend and trying to rent out an apartment for myself where she can stay with me if/when she pleases.

What makes me uncomfortable is that she wants me to not re-enlist or go on any deployments which were my dream and career goals. But she says she cannot sacrifice living like we are 20 going to clubs or bars here and there because that’s “absurd”. But that’s what I want. I feel as though that’s the equal sacrifice so we can work towards our goal of owning a home and some dogs, and maybe starting a family.

I don’t think I’m fully comfortable with it if she weren’t to sacrifice it, I really don’t like clubs or bars and she gets so much attention everywhere she goes. She also does not work or go to school, and part of the reason we broke up was because I was promised she would but then told me she wasn’t able to due to mental health. It doesn’t make any sense to me how one can’t sustain a career or education but can go out with their friends at the drop of a hat.

But my mind keeps telling me, what if it’s just a phase I have to stay strong through and then she’ll be the woman of your dreams as she promises?

I feel so comfortable and light when I’m around her or at her apartment but I have no idea what to do.

This is going to sound bad… I already know it… but my bf and I have a 13 year age gap.. honestly I don’t know how this happen.. from the second I met him and he started flirting with me I always said I would never hang out with him outside of where we met ( my work, a casual public setting ) and he kept showing up and flirting and eventually he found me on social media and I ended up giving him my phone number, but still did not want to hang out with him or meet up alone because of the age gap… welp somehow he convinced me to go see a movie with him and it was over from there… i’ve always had such a carefree personality.. not too serious, love to laugh… so I feel like that’s why things were just so easy… he ended up telling me that he was joining the AF and that really made me want to step back because he was about to leave.. so again I tried to stay away from him but he was persistent .. so age gap and leaving for the military were honestly my only reasons to stay away… other than that when we were together, we just had so much fun. We would talk on the phone all the time and FaceTime all the time. It was a short time after meeting him that the recruiter called and told him that a job opened up and if he wanted to take it now, he would leave in two weeks … I told him that it was nice to meet him and that he’s gonna do great things, but I did not want to be a part of the military life because I knew it would be too hard.. again he didn’t want to take that answer from me and he said I better write him while he’s gone… He’s currently still at Boot Camp and I’ve been writing him and he’s been writing back! His bootcamp is almost over and I just feel like I need to cut it off for so many reasons but of course I would wait until he graduates and all that. He’s going off to tech school and I hear so much about it… I don’t want to hold him back from all of lives experiences. I want him to be able to go have fun and live his life without me in the back of his mind and having to think twice before he does something. He should be free and free to make his own mistakes in life so he can learn from them… I have explained this to him so many times but he just has had something to say about why I should leave and how it will all work out… I know age gaps aren’t too crazy but they can be in a certain time frame… he is only 20 years old … do the math… I sure hope no one is rude but I’m expecting it so whatever… but just tell me I’m right… tell me I need to just let him go once he’s done with BMT… I’ve thought about just not writing anymore but I feel like that’s abandoning him and obviously a terrible thing to do while he’s going through bootcamp. Plz be kind.

This is my first post in here, hi everyone :) I hope everyone’s doing well.

The hardest thing I’ve ever done to date hasn’t been getting a PhD or making it in a sector of work that’s predominantly male… it’s actually dating a man on deployment😂.

I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for 8 months so far and it has been beautiful seeing him do the amazing things he does, not just in his line of work, but as a person too. I couldn’t be more proud of this man.

This being said— sometimes I worry about communication and though I do understand that it can get a little thin, sometimes I just get nervous when it’s thin— not because I’m worried about our relationship, but I’m worried about his safety. I pray for him, I send him motivation how I can, and I try to keep moving and working to take my mind off of it in a sense, but that never really works because I still worry for him. Our communication has been great up to this point but as of like yesterday it’s kinda silent on his end, he opens and like saves the messages but doesn’t respond. It doesn’t sting or anything but I’m just curious if anyone else has this shared experience and what typically helps you get by?

Thank you for reading this, I hope everyone is doing well and has a great day❤️.

hi guys! my husband ended up getting orders to aviano! we are insanely excited but also slightly more horrified at the idea of moving now lol. if anybody’s done an oconus pcs , especially to italy and has any advice or tips they wish they knew please lmk!

My husband has orders to Germany. 3 years. I work for a defense contractor, they have a office in that area, and I have the option to telework in my current role. We will be living on base. I’ll be maintaining a US home of record and maintain a US bank account.

The reason for this post is to answer all the questions:

1. Any tax requirements I need to check out for living in Germany/working in US?
   
2. Would SOFA protect this type of work?
   
3. Anything else I need to consider?

Thanks in advance

I am really confused about whether this is normal. He claims he is working 12-hour shifts five days a week, but just last week, he had several days where he wasn't working and only had to muster. I've caught him in so many lies since he graduated from boot camp. He has gotten mad at me on several occasions just for wanting a 20- to 30-minute phone call a day. I have also seen many strange things on his phone when I ask him to scroll through his apps while we are on FaceTime.

I don't think I am being dramatic for wanting to speak to my husband at least once a day. He doesn't send me a good morning text, he doesn't check on me, and he doesn't seem to care about me, even though he keeps telling me he loves me and is just busy. He says he is busy, yet he makes time to hang out with his friends and play soccer. I didn't know at first, but I recently found out they get a one-hour break, and he doesn't use that time to call or text me either.

My anxiety has skyrocketed since he left boot camp because of his poor communication. Whenever I explain what this is doing to me and how much pain it causes, it feels like he does it even more. I finally started feeling numb when he got mad at me for wanting to talk about how he treats me. Because I refused to drop the situation, he started ignoring me. He cut me off completely—no good morning or good night texts, and no phone calls. I decided to stop chasing him and just let myself go numb.

Then, all of a sudden, he called me and finally expressed his emotions, repeating that he has to work 12-hour shifts five days a week. Part of my brain wants to justify his behavior, but I know it doesn't add up because he has told me the exact opposite on other days. He won't even inconvenience himself to take an Uber to volunteer so that we can see each other on weekends; instead, he waits around for someone else to drive him. He also told me he doesn't want me to drive down to see him. I feel completely lost and stressed.

Hi, I have a question and I’m wondering if one of you would know. I started dating a guy last September and we clicked right away. We had gone to high school together but reconnected over Facebook in our 30’d. He’s part of the National Guard here in the US, and three months into dating, he told me he would be getting deployed for a year at the beginning of March. I was devasted, since we saw each other all the time and had already said I love you, all that. We even made plans to move in together upon his return. He assured me that we would video chat all the time and that I could send him mail and packages. At this point I had never me his friends or family, since he told me he rented part of his house to his sister and her kids so my place was more convenient. I sobbed the day I said goodbye because I didn’t know if things would ever be the same.

After he was deployed, it was radio silence for about two months, even though I did use FB Messenger or WhatsApp to see how he was doing. No response. I started to get really worried, so I found his sister on FB and messaged her, asking if she had heard from him. Instead of getting back to me, she told my boyfriend I had contacted her. The first time he called me in over three months was to yell at me about not contacting his family. That was probably the wrong choice on my part, but I was worried! After that we had minimal communication, but he keeps it very short, no humor (which was very strange because he had a way of eliciting laughter from me at all times. I feel like he has turned into someone else. It’s been another two weeks since I heard from him and I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’ve stopped messaging him and just wait for him to message me, which never happens. Is this strange behavior? Another thing I should mention is that he is Pakistani but born in the US. I’ve considered the fact that fighting against people who look like him and also practice Islam is kind of a mindf*ck and may do some emotional damage. Any advice appreciated!

It has only been a few days since my SO went to BC, I haven't been sleeping well and got sick right after he left and got my period and all that.

How do you guys cope? Im just feeling alone and just want other stories on how you have been or what you've done as the recruit's partner?

Hi guys my bf is in med hold and I’m looking to see how long this actually takes. He graduated bmt last week but was placed on med hold as he had a neurology appt during bmt that was missed due to his MTI. They got him another one after grad and the results came back normal from the EEG but now they are waiting on a waiver as his job is airborne. They said it could take 4 weeks-6months. He wants to just forfeit his waiver and reclass but they said no. I don’t understand why he even needs the waiver if it came back normal? For reference they do know that he had two seizures when he was 12. That was 14 years ago lol everything they do takes forever. So I guess just any experience with this and how long it actually does take I know it’s case dependent. I’m just kinda going crazy as I miss him and he was supposed to be in tech school near me by now :/

Need help! I was just told at work that my firm has a table at the blue star family gala next week and I’m expected to go. I’ve been to military balls before as a spouse and I generally know what to wear to those events. I’m a bit stuck on what to wear for this though given that it’s coming straight from work on Wednesday night!

Any recs or ideas are helpful.

Do we think it needs to be long? Is a blazer a good idea?

The male partner that told me I’m going said he’s in a dark suit and tie which isn’t super helpful

I have seen many communities on FB and here be inundated with the parents of mil members and respectfully, Imma need y'all to step back.

As a spouse of over 18 years, with my person for over 21 years...we do not have the same experiences. If you were/are a spouse of a mil member, please, give THAT advice.

But. For the parents trying to speak on behalf of their children's experience, just please stop. Recognize your children are separate humans AND ADULTS AT THIS POINT and you likely get a VERY different POV than a spouse or significant other.

Also, y'all are not USMilitarySO .... So.

Delete if not allowed but I was wondering if anyone had some advice. We’re wanting to move to base, we initially were going to wait until about January because I’m pregnant and due in December & have a 2 year old. But now my husband is wanting us to move out now before the ship gets back and there’s so many things that are making it feel impossible.

1) I have epilepsy and just recently got cleared by my neurologist to drive, so now I’m dealing with being able to get into the dmv and get my permit done, then I’ll need to worry about getting a car and my actual drivers license. We have no family in Virginia. So no way to realistically get around with a newborn/toddler by myself or even just a toddler/myself pregnant by myself.

2) I’m concerned about which obgyns will take me this late into my pregnancy, I’m high risk and 31+4 weeks. Also will have to find a new pediatrician for our daughter and make sure we can make it to appointments. And I’m especially concerned about going into labor. I don’t have anyone there to help with my daughter. He wants to do off base housing.

Any advice is appreciated. He’s only been in for about a year and this is his first deployment.

Hello, I’m looking for advice from women/spouses who may have experienced something similar or who are knowledgeable about this type of situation.

My ex-husband and I were both active-duty military. I eventually deployed while he moved to his next duty station. While he was there, he hooked up with another woman that he already knew and began a relationship with her. This woman also knew about me And I believe she was an instructor along with him also. He eventually moved in with her and told me he no longer wanted to be married because we had been separated for so long and had already been experiencing difficulties in our marriage before he received his next assignment.

Long story short, we both agreed that I would leave the military in hopes that we could work on our marriage and make things better. However, he never told me about the other woman. I only discovered their relationship online. When I confronted him about it, he filed for divorce stating that I was “making things up and acting crazy” without my knowledge or involvement. I was never given the opportunity to sign the paperwork or respond before the divorce was finalized. I found all of this out a week after I got out of the military and now I feel completely lost.

In the divorce decree, he claimed that we had not communicated or attempted to reconcile in the previous two years, which is completely false. He also allegedly withheld the divorce paperwork from me until the 60-day period to object had passed, leaving me feeling as though I had no opportunity to defend myself or challenge the information he provided.

Now, I feel like I have no options. On top of everything else, he has kept all of my military awards and plaques, along with the furniture and decorations I purchased and contributed to our home. He is refusing to return any of my belongings.

I’m trying to figure out what, if anything, I can do at this point. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation, particularly in Virginia? Is there a way to challenge a divorce decree if the paperwork contained false statements or was withheld from one spouse? And is there any legal avenue for recovering my personal belongings?

I would genuinely appreciate any advice, resources, or recommendations for an attorney who handles these types of cases. Thank you in advance.

its been almost a month since my husband left. i need some words of encouragement if anyone has. i seen some pics of him posted to the website and he was talking to another sit but shes a woman and i cant help but feel jealous. i wish it were me. this milso life is so hard man i wouldn’t wish this on anyone

My man and I are moving to Guam. I have a small home-based business as a travel agent and virtual assistant. My business is licensed in two states. Have any of you done this? What was your experience? I've read that you can keep your US-based business license but I'm worried about not receiving important notices by mail. Also the time difference might make it difficult to talk to clients in real time.

hey guys, im a bit stressed out with everything me and my fiancé are going through and im seeking advice from fellow spouses. my fiancé recently graduated basic training USMC and is going to to his MOS school which is 6 weeks, we plan to officiate at the courthouse after he finishes school. im worried how long we wont be living together because he has to join his fleet and file all the paperwork for BAH and put me as a dependent, i am thinking about a couple of weeks to 2 months? idk but id love some advice from anyone willing.

I’m active duty Army and have a projected PCS to Germany. I’m a little confused about how command sponsorship works with the new IPPS-A/E-EFMP process.
During my IPPS-A Member Elections, I selected that my spouse would be traveling with me and completed the Command Sponsorship Acknowledgement. I was then directed to E-EFMP/FMTS for my spouse’s overseas medical screening.
My spouse completed the medical screening, EFMP determined she had no medical needs, and the package went through the Family Travel Office. I have now received an **“Approved Concurrent Family Travel Request”** for my spouse to my gaining location in Germany.
My PCS orders have **not been published yet**.
My question is: **Does the approved concurrent family travel mean the command sponsorship request has already been approved through this process, or is there still a separate command sponsorship action that MPD/Reassignments has to complete before my orders are published?**
Also, my spouse will actually join me later because she is finishing college overseas. Would changing from concurrent to deferred travel affect the command sponsorship, or is that only changing when she travels?
I’ve already contacted Reassignments for clarification, but I’m curious if anyone who recently PCS’d Army to Germany has gone through the same IPPS-A/E-EFMP process.

hi everyone!
my husband is currently in tech school (air force) and is graduating in 3 months, i’m really anxious for our first move considering all of his possible stations are insane distances from us lol. we’re both 19 and i have zero coordination or idea of what to expect for this, if anybody has advice please let me know!

hi guys! my bf is currently deployed right now and receive been feeling a bit isolated. my friends are amazing, don’t get me wrong. but none of them are in military relationships and just can’t relate when i’m talking about things (esp regarding this deployment). so! if your bf is deployed, let’s be besties !!
some info abt me: 21F, socal girlie, english major at csusm, take ballet classes, love to hike, embroider, cross stitch and read! if you want to talk, pm me PLEASEEEE and let’s be besties !!

Hello, so my bf just started in the military (3 weeks ago) and he’s so damn busy all the time. He barely has time to squeeze in a couple of minutes to text me. We’ve never been LDR before and pretty much have lived together for 2 years.

The hardest part honestly is that I feel like I am constantly bothering him and asking him to call me, when he has time etc.

Reading you other girls posts, you’re talking about not telling your partner you miss him, as you don’t want to add to his stresses. Or make him sad. I feel like I’m the only one who feels that way and I’m constantly telling him about it. And he just accepts it and lives with it. If I didn’t, I don’t think he’d even bat an eye more than usual.

I just feel like it’s so one sided and I’m a pain in the ass. That my need for communication is much larger than his.

Does this get better? I know it does but… I think my real question is: will he ever miss me? Or will it always be this one sided thing where he is too busy and distracted to even care to think about me.

Hi everyone,

I need some advice because this is my first military boyfriend and I’m still learning about deployment and long distance relationships.
My bf recently deployed on a ship, and I think I might be his first serious relationship too. Before he left, we had an argument about communication because I felt like we weren’t really connecting that deeply even before his deployment. had some concerns even before deployment that he wasnt trying to get to know me deeply, isn’t curious about my life and the talk is always about updates of what he’s doing or he would disappear for hours too which made me upset. He explained that he had a lot going on with work and getting everything ready before deployment.
During our conversation, he got really overwhelmed and started crying. I’ve never seen him cry before, and he told me he doesn’t usually cry or get emotional. He kept saying he didn’t want to lose me and didn’t want me to leave him because he loves me. He also said he was really stressed trying to balance everything before leaving. Afterward, he apologized for freaking out and screaming, and we talked things through. We still told each other we loved each other before he went to work.
Now that he’s deployed, I keep worrying that the argument might have changed how he feels about me or made him reconsider our relationship. I feel bad because I keep thinking I added more stress when he already had so much going on.
For anyone who has been in a military relationship, am I overthinking this? Is it normal for emotions to get this intense before deployment, especially when it’s both of our first serious relationships? Because I can’t stop beating myself up for making him cry. I’d really appreciate a second opinion. 💗