I don’t know how to properly explain it at all, i lost my best friend, the friend i had a crush on. He was one of the most important people in my life, funniest, intelligent, he loved sharks, DND and the color yellow. He helped me to block my abusive relatives, find confidence in myself, to accept my mental illness. He also was my first crush.
When i found a news article about his death i also found out he was trans. I wish I could’ve known, to support him better, i wish he could’ve trusted me.
At least I know he would appreciate the memes about this situation.

English is not my first language and i’m a little zoned out, so I’m sorry if this post is hard to read

Edit: Thank you for all of your support, I’m currently being bombarded with notifications but i try to answer every single comment. You don’t know how much it means to me, it was very scary and honestly very hard emotionally to write about this situation, but every single one of you makes my life more bearable, no joke

I keep going back to look at it. Even though I muted it

There was no comfort, no care

I just wanted to vent.

But it got so much attention, so much discourse.

Someone called me an AGP.

What does that mean.

I look it up and it's something horrible.

I wanna hide myself forever.

Image belongs to ‎Employeepractical514

This is obviously a strawman but, I just wish there were an equal amount of fanservice for both men and woman

Edit: yes people, I'm aware of Captain America in a swimsuit and Free! the anime that's also just guys in swimsuits. Thanks for mentioning those two for the 100th time. I was clearly wrong for complaining there's far less fanservice for women than for men out there. /s

I feel so stupid for waiting so long to go in. and I feel so stupid for basically destroying all the evidence. Now it's just my word versus his. and who's going to believe the crazy mentally ill trans man?

I'm really going through a rough patch, and lately I've been fixating a lot in this game quite a bit, and I love it a lot, I really like it a lot and it's the only thing that keeps me sane; but when I started rambling about this to my two friends, they don't pay attention to me when we're on calls or they don't answer my messages

and today one of them told me that, those were his exact words, I didn't know what to say, It really made me very sad and I don't know what to do; I don't want to stop being friends with them because I enjoy playing with them, but whenever I talk about my interests or offer to play just to pass the time instead of hunting for achievements, they ignore me

i can't imagine wanting to actually date someone without knowing them for like, years maybe (2-3 i think) i don't even think i wanna date someone until my college years are over

i can't imagine wanting to have sex without being in a relationship for years, and probably not before being engaged. i can't explain it, i just can't imagine myself doing that like, ever.

but i also have sexual/romantic thoughts and desires; i want to marry someone, i want to grow old with a lovely man or enby or whatever, and i wanna have my first time with someone i truly love.

i feel so confused and weird, fuck my chud life man. :(

And if you ask, it was because I made a quick research since, after drinking the milkshake, I get more aggressive, more tired, and in the state that I would only be past 9pm, and I found that, whether I wanted to admit it or not, it was doing bad things to my hormones and myself, so yeah.. ☹️

Fortunately, I will try and stop drinking that everyday because oml in it not being good for one, more when it was like, everyday. So, just know I am trying to be safe

i started hormones at 15. i knew sense i was 12, but i didn’t come out to family until 15, and i think thats gonna be the death of me.

i’m 5’11 (180 cm), i have a defined butt chin, i’m over weight, i have massive hands and feet, a bellowing deep voice, and the roughest most freckled covered skin you could imagine.

up until around age 13-14 i wasn’t over weight, i was less 5’8 (172 cm) with a smooth face, and small hands, with a “minion” esk voice

i do not pass. not even in the slightest. half of my friends are cisF, and all of them leave me out of EVERYTHING, the other half is cisM and they also leave me out of everything. i have very few friends, and even fewer that would notice if i never texted them again

i am objectively ugly by every metric, the kindest someone has ever described me was “huggable” second to that was “5/10”. i haven’t been in a relationship in 4+ years, with the person i dated refusing to kiss me or meet my family, because they didn’t like me (it was 5 treacherous months)

i’ve tried voice training by my voice just dose not adapt, and i’d rather not be bullied for sounding like a beginner drag queen.

my two best friends have misgendered me multiple times this year, and they are still the ones who have gotten it right the most.

at best i am a nice smelling obese gay man with long hair to people i meet. at worst i am an ugly fat tranny, that should be avoided.

i will never be happy, and i haven’t been happy in the past.

the only thing hrt has done is kept me out of a mental hospital, as before i started i was a frequent visitor.

and the worst thing is, is when i got sad a month ago, i plan out a suicide in detail. and unironically it has been the only thing that has given me any comfort besides the single hug i got from a man that groped me. which was the only hug i received in 3 months

i probably won’t go threw with this suicide, because there is no purpose not ending things on a high note.

next time i’m happy, the next time i’m invited to a hang out (it’s been months), i’m committing, i need to end things on a high note.

knowing my life tho id die of old age before then.

I went to a sub known for being supportive that I've participated in looking for some support and should've known better. I guess I'm too autistic to realize the internet is not the place for nuance. Someone who wrongfully accused me of SA years ago has popped up in a local election as a candidate and it makes me want to move (which I can't). She made my life difficult and lied because she didn't want to come out as queer to her parents and used this to minimize the blow and she was mad I was getting attention for finally opening up about sexual abuse I'd experienced. I shouldn't have bothered posting because I get the whole believe survivors thing and I strongly feel that way as a survivor. She just really fucked up my life for a while and I lost friends and I thought it was all behind me. I don't need her making decisions in local government if she gets in. The worst is the only reply I got on my post was basically just to avoid her and that maybe she's learned? If I posted about my abuser, support would flood in. She's damaged me as much as people who've actually abused me. Now I feel like I don't ever want to be on the internet anymore. It's just lots of bullshit and any sense of community I feel if false.

time to yeet. or just take all my medicine and stop thinking

I won't get into detail because anticringe culture and to not make this problem even bigger, but all I will say is that it was him saying a racial slur so his IP won't get leaked, it ending in having a server where well, he got the scapegoat treatment even though the guy who blackmailed him is way worst than him.

And you know something? It hurts me because people prefer to blame the person who was manipulated instead of the real manipulators, which makes me remember how my parents used to blame me for not fighting back the manipulation of my sister even though she was manipulating me into doing this so I couldn't risk myself into them, even if that means my own things like my favorite interests that they find childish or "part of the devil". In any case, I just hope that, now with the proofs, he is getting better and that other guy who started all can bear the consequences of his own actions, because I hate this deeply.

I'm glad to finally have a psychiatrist who does her fucking job and doesn't just sit and gaslight and laugh at me for thirty minutes to an hour, but I also want my ADHD under control so I can actually be focused and able to remember things and to be able to sit down and do something productive with my time without needing a million breaks. I also find it incredibly annoying how she acts like it's impossible for someone to have ADHD if they have depression and anxiety.

I'm willing to try the medications she's prescribing me with, but it feels like a waste of time when I already know what's safe and effective for me.

For why I told her about my diagnoses to begin with, she asked me for some background information, including pre-existing conditions, when we first met which was over a year ago. I'm getting really sick of the psychiatric system but I genuinely need to be medicated. I'm thinking about getting a new psychiatrist if I can't convince her to take my ADHD seriously.

Too mentally tired to even add anything about it in the caption, I just feel exhausted and empty

He tried to violently drown me :( a adult was there but she didn't care. He only let me go because my mom was coming back.

I've already gotten into a spiral because of this whole thing along with my OCD making things worse for me.

Not only will it result in me no longer being able to access the internet (which means I'll no longer be able to talk to my friends or share my work) but I'm also worried about what will happen to me if I submit my ID and it results in me ending up in a situation I don't want to be in.

I'm not sure if this post might also be used against me as well but I'm genuinely concerned about the ID Verification laws and how it will lead to you needing an ID just to use it and who knows what they'll do with your information.

So for context, my country recently passed this ID Verification law to improve children's safety which makes the internet practically unusable for people who can't submit an ID to prove their adulthood. But I feel as though the whole practice is inherently invasive and knowing how it all works elsewhere and from hearing about the reality of such measures being implemented elsewhere. I have a rather bad feeling about this.

It doesn't help that opposition against it is pretty weak and I don't have the means to organize against it either. I feel like my days on the internet are rather numbered and I have so many plans with others yet those plans would have to be cut short because of this.