its my birthday today im 19 now. i feel scared i dont like being old and i never feel the age they say i am. my ID testing said im 9-12 mentally and i feel more connected to that than i do to being 18 or now 19. but i get nice presents for my birthday so i guess that's fun. this is a present my peer support worker gave me its a pokemon sticker book where you color in the stickers and they feel fuzzy and soft and nice to touch. i like pokemon alot its one of my special interests (my other one is warrior cats). i hope my birthday goes ok because sometimes in the past they went bad for me.

My doctor said that I'm in decompensation and they're gonna convene a medical board to understand what treatment I need and correct my diagnosis if it's not full already. So sad 😢

How many of you had ever been admitted to a psychiatric hospital? Please tell me that I'm not alone in this 😭

Just some of my collection.

Hope it's okay to post here

had sooo fun at trunk or treat idd event today

sooo fun

make new freind

she nonverbal level 3 autism too

we stim together same stims same time

talk on aac both her carer and mine support worker help us

new freind love frozen

i hit head a bit but mine worker say safe hands and it helpef me calm down

best day ever

get bucket filled candy

get stim toys

had fun

mine worker had fun too!!!

our carer/workers talked about take us both too this fun place where we can go too have fun and they have a ball pit and lots of fun stuff its for ppl with IDD and high needs and stuff exited that too

Today I went to a cat lounge for my cousins birthday, it was so relaxing. Then we went for pizza and the pizza place actually had a nice vegan menu, I got a vegan margherita and mini dough balls. Thank you

Hi!! I have shoes with strings, but it takes me a long time to tie my shoes, sometimes 2-5 minutes. This is very frustrating, because all my friends tie theirs in 10 seconds and I just can't go as fast. So I am on the lookout for adult shoes that are velcro or zipper.

I was wondering if anybody have seen (or have) any accessible shoes that were comfortable. If you have, please share the link to the shoe or give the name of the shoe.

I'm looking for something that I don't have to tie, and something ideally wide (I don't like my toes squished.)

For last weekish

Struggling writing

No words in head 

Usually write lots lots lots ALWAYS

Nothing to say

Detached

Out of reach

Lonely

Want to text friends no words try write rewrite nothing give up 

Tired confused why words hard why?

Thank you

not sure why but my brain fog has gotten noticeably worse (from other people's perspectives too) and also might be going through some stress induced psychosis might be autism burnout but I am not 100% sure. and my family wants to take me somewhere overwhelming soon I don't think I will be able to handle it right now, but they won't listen

Reiterating (sorry this is long) on the super vague title lol, I’m 24 MSN, physically disabled (KAFOS, wheelchair etc) and cannot work. I am on the waitlist for waiver medicaid buttttt, in my state the wait is 8-10 years. I struggle to take care of myself and my space, but I keep it safely clean (not a hazard at least). My partner 25 works full time and makes all the money right now. He helps me with appointments, but constantly promises he can take me (up to the moment we need to leave) and then ends up making me miss them by not showing. This is a huge trigger for my issue with change. It’s a meltdown trigger. He promises to clean the dishes and his stuff (separate bedrooms and bathrooms because i’ve dealt with his biohazard’s for too long I wanted separate spaces). Tonight he didn’t properly clean a dish and made food taste rotten… Like I’ve been trying not to gag thinking about how bad it was rn. I cannot keep up with his chores and mine. He also won’t go to the doctor, therapist for his depression or adhd, psychiatrist etc. I’m pretty much having to be his mom when… I can’t take care of myself properly:/ It’s made my mental health and physical health so much worse, but I genuinely don’t have an out here. Orrrr one that my therapist and I can think of. I wanna move states so I can get more “independent” (faster waiver waits etc) but, he promises we will talk about it… and won’t… He also has huge money problems and won’t try to fix them. I struggle with understanding finances but he impulsively spends so much. He won’t go on walks/rolls with me, constantly complains about wanting to do nothing etc. He’s even injured himself a few times and IVE HAD TO THERAPY HIM THROUGH IT. I can’t keep going. I love him so much as he understands my ASD etc but OML

Sorry this is very long but iM at a loss. Any advice is needed. I know I need to leave but 1) idk how 2) i’m scared too.

hi (18f, england) i don’t know where to go for support, i am selective mute and struggle socially a lot but i can manage being independent when alone in my room. people don’t usually think i am autistic until they try interacting with me, and it makes getting support or fitting in very difficult for me.

i don’t have any friends and i thought that maybe if i was brave and attended a group for autistic people it would be beneficial and i would fit in, but it seems like it’s for people with level 3 autism only. i am struggling a lot recently with everything and i just don’t know where i can go to meet people or see support workers when no one really seems to understand me at all.

if anyone relates, where do you find support? how do you communicate your needs? how do you make friends or connect with anyone? thank u

Hi! I haven't posted much in a while, things have been complicated since my dad left me to CPS(TUSLA) and I moved residential a little after my 17th birthday.

I love me residential, they are so kind to me and they are still so supportive even when they have to get the Garda involved or bring me to A&E for meltdowns or mental health episodes.

I was left in a mental hospital for 5/6 months while a residential was found for me. When my key social care worker from the residential came to the hospital to meet me for the first time back in June, she told me that the hospital told her about my interest in musicals and she said that we could see Matilda.

Well the day finally came! it was so absolutely special, It was so hard to not belt the lyrics of my favourite songs, I'd watched the musical movie the day before and been listening to the sound tracks for months since watching the slime tutorial on YouTube.

I was sad because my favourite song is in the first song of act 2 and because I couldn't stand the big crowds we waited to go to the bathroom during the intermittion until towards the end and we got back towards the end of the song I'd been most excited for.

The day before I had begged the staff who where on to get me ingredients so I could back a copycat of the chocolate cake from the iconic Matilda scene, the picture shows the result! I made it the night prior so I could surprise my key social worker! she was really surprised but recognised it immediately and appreciated it!

It was definitely overstimulating in the lobby but the musical was so worth it! I got 2 t-shirts which I'm so excited about because I only wear t-shirts relevant to my special interests with cam make it hard to find things I'll tolerate.

Altogether the experience was absolutely incredible and I'm so grateful I got to go! they said we can go to more since things went so well so I'm begging to see heather's and the Addams Family which are both on in November. It was so incredible seeing something I'm so passionate about in person!!!

[spoilers for Matilda and discussion of neglect] I love Matilda particularly the scene towards the end when miss honey asks to take her in and the dad, who until then was so neglectful and horrible to her, always calling her a boy, finally sees her, it's shown through calling her daughter finally, and he doesn't impulsively refused, he's just surprised and he genuinely asks Matilda what she wants. This didn't suddenly make him a good person or dad but it did show something so sincere about neglect. A parent can be awful to a child without fully understanding the implications, he was a dad too in his old world to see Matilda as more then a pain, he mistreated her but when given the opportunity to make a good choice he does, when she says she wants to go with miss honey he accepts it. I went through that with my dad, so this scene made me feel seen, when I talk about my dad people jump to the conclusion he must be all bad. That's not fair, He's flawed but sometimes can do the right thing, he, like Matilda's dad asked me if I wanted to go, when TUSLA started threatening that I'd be put in a residential and courts would be involved, my dad could have tried to take me back so he wouldn't feel he failed but the fact he bothered to ask means the world. Watching Matilda then defend her dad from the mafia further strikes a cord with me because she didn't have to defend him, she was going to get her way and go with miss honey, but she gets him out of trouble, I'm sure some would be annoyed that she'd do this but it made me feel so scene, revenge on a neglectful parent honestly isn't that satisfying. In that moment Matilda already got what she wanted, I believe she didn't want her family to suffer, she wanted others to recognise there mistakes and she wanted support. She got that from the mafia agree he was daft and she was bright. She got that when Ms honey volunteered to take her. During the court proceedings and CPS involvement people sometimes expect me to want the worst for my dad, I don't. He made mistakes but his life is his, my only issue was with his bad decisions heavily affecting my life, I didn't want him to crash and burn, I wanted distance and independence from his mistakes. I feel seen by how Matilda was satisfied with this conclusion, with an overall sparing attitude towards her dad.

I dont want other food i want pasta
Feel sick ehen other

i love being in intimate relationships and deeply miss having even the prospect of a partner. my physical and cognitive disabilities have become so bad i am fully bedbound rn. i think i am level 2 or even 3 autistic but i find it hard to land any particular categorical place. i’m in autistic burnout for 10 years. i am so tired. and i feel so hopeless that i will ever find a partner who wants to be with someone like me. i have such high needs. i always wonder why wasn’t i one of the lucky ones who find a supportive partner who cares and can truly support and accommodate them. i can’t live alone anymore. i need so much help and i am drown in trying to find enough help for myself. i am trying to save my life. but my heart also misses love and feeling loved. i’ve never had the love i crave or the love i give to others. i just want to be known in any long term stable relationship even a friendship. but my friends are long distance and also severely disabled and trying to save their own lives too or barely alive. i am so sad. and i’m tired of living in oblivion.

🫩 8 lessons at school were yesterday. Today I almost had a meltdown at school again and came back home. Now I'm in shutdown and stressed.

Okay, yesterday after school I got my new glasses and I had a meltdown and I almost threw them onto floor. Why? Because of this "doctor", who says an unscientific absurd that ortho-k lenses are harmful (my other doctor is orthokeratologist and he's good, but my mom went to this bad doc with me because the other one hadn't any time). So she prescribed glasses with undercorrection by 0,25D. She does so for all neurotypical patients and they're okay with it 🗿. But I had a meltdown because those glasses give me blurry vision. Mom says: "0,25D is a tiny undercorrection! Why are you reacting this way?!" For me it's not tiny. It's horrible. I have autism and every single small flaw becomes a catastrophe. I have myopia -2,0/-1,25 with small astigmatism. I got glasses -1,75/-1,0 and it's horrible! I'm gonna change them by guarantee. My meltdown almost led to broken glasses but I suppressed this impulse just because the glasses are expensive and I just cried in pain without breaking them. So, I'm exhausted. They are bad even for the flat, and more bad for the street. I can't use ortho-k lenses anymore because of medical sedation from my medicines. So glasses are the only way, but they made them not by real prescription but as they want. They think that I would get a headache if I get glasses with my real prescription so they made them with undercorrection. And now I can't use these glasses at all.

Now I'm in shutdown and stressed. I feel so much pain. 😓

i talk about abuse of various kinds, fears for my safety, bad stuff, dont know what to say, be warned

i moved states this year last year i was denied services 3 times for autism despite level 2 autism requiring substantial support because they said i had too many things wrong with me because im also schizoaffective have DID physically disabled etc

i waited 5 months this year in a new state for autism supports 5 months with no word then silently no letter no reason no notification at all they changed my status to not eligible

every doctor i see every case worker every psychologist every therapist my family all agree i need support i need services i should qualify for services they say they have people just like me who qualify they dont understand why i dont qualify then random people whove never meet me read one paper on me say i dont need any help and decide to take away my chance at functioning and a future

i have no future no life never leave my house my mom every day makes food for me she does all my appointments phone calls gets my meds and organises them my laundry shops for me i cant do it myself i wont eat i cant talk to strangers i cant talk if there are more than 2 people present i have no friends i dont go to school i dont have a job and cant work i was in special education and i lack a lot of knowledge life experience because of it. i cant do any iADLs and struggle with some bADLs.

i had autism services from the state as a teenager i dont know why now they decide i dont deserve them anymore now im an adult i need even more support than before i dont get it

if no one helps me when my mom dies i am not going to be able to survive i wont make food ill hurt myself trying to i wont eat i cant go outside on my own i cant do housework properly i cant talk to people when i need help i cant get medical attention or manage emergencies i cant manage finances or buy things online or go to the store i get taken advantage of and abused constantly because i dont understand social situations so people will beat me and abuse me and i think its okay because they tell me it is and i keep talking to them it took me until my late teens to realise being beat up was not ok i dont realise when im in danger at all

im so scared and miserable i just want help i want someone to help me and they just want me to suffer until i die i try so hard to be good get better but theres no point because theyre taking my future away from me i have no future no matter what i do

Hi! I am trying to grow a server for people with MSN and HSN autism and other disabilities. The server isnt active rn, thats why im trying to get more people to join and chat in it ^-^ if this post isnt allowed, im really sorry !! /gen /pos

For context I have MSN autism and other disabilities, so I built the server with other conditions in mind too :000

I am in the process of getting a referral into pallative care for my physical health issues. I'm very sick and physical therapy just isn't working for me. I'm feeling so nervous and terrified about the person coming to my house and seeing my room. Im scared they'll look at all my plushies and think about what a loser I must be. I'm worried about possible biases towards me. I have alot of plushies and they bring me joy. I only let my therapist see my plushies and even then, it took me months before I felt safe to do so.

It feels like my mask will slip by them seeing my room. Seeing how truly level 2 autistic I really am, things I can't hide. It scares me so badly. I want to hide and curl up. I can't seem to find any videos on YouTube as to how these appointments will be. I dont know what to expect. It's not like hospice but I dont know what they'll do. I want to hide very badly.

I really need help from pallative care but I am afraid.

A staff couple days ago told me she woudnt help me make a cake becase she’d be doing all the work but today diffrent staff was here and let me do it and I did the measure and mix and decorate with only a bit of help (they do the oven for me all the way thogh) and I feel so proud becase my cake timed out awesome it has TWO LAYERS!!

What do you think? It was a practise cake for next month when it will be my birthday! The birthday cake it’s going to be Funfetti!

I noticed this feeling and I don’t know how to handle it or feel about it. I’m not feeling sad or don’t think so at least, but this feeling is confusing and I hate the fact that idk what it is or how to calm myself down. A common reaction when I see my special interests (cats or my music, even writing this I’m getting very emotional ☹️) is to cry and sob and sometimes meltdown, but I’m not sad because my interests make me happy. I also feel this all over my body but I can’t name this feeling. I feel tingly and stim a lot, I’m very emotional and cry yet can’t name my feelings. It feels awful 😿😔

hi. I've lurked here for a while because I think this is a place I'll fit in, I've been too hesitant to post until now, and I want to know if this is something I can get better at.

I've been trying to find autism/generally ND-centred online groups on different platforms to talk about interests and make friends and just generally chat to people but it's hard. Most groups are generally nice but I don't always feel like I fit, sometimes I'm told my interests are boring or shouldn't be allowed if other people don't like it (I understand this), I experience misogyny and ableism, stuff like that. I'm sort of used to that on the internet and can mostly just brush it off but more recently I've been getting a lot of invalidation and (I think fakeclaiming is the word?) people telling me I must be faking my autism or that I must have paid for my diagnosis and so it's not real (I didn't it was free, I was diagnosed a long time ago).

I can't live independently and my partner is my carer and has to do a lot of things for me, but people tell me that because we live together and because we got married it's not possible for me to be MSN. it hurts a lot because I try so hard to not need support but that's not how it works, I will always need this level of support in a lot of areas and trying to push back on that just burns me out so fast. I've had to leave groups that do this and it makes me so hesitant to join new groups in case it's the same. it's also making me doubt my diagnosis and i worry they got it wrong because of what people say and maybe I don't need or deserve any support at all, but I have a lot of irrational thoughts and that might be one of them, I don't know, I can't always tell.

I think my question is has anyone experienced this, being told they're faking or that it's not possible to need their level of support, and is there a way to get better at dealing with it? I try to ignore it but it stays in my head and hurts a lot and sometimes it makes me melt down. I try to argue back but that makes it worse. is it just better to try to do nothing? I want to get better at stuff.

also please tell me if it's okay I post here, I know this place says it's for higher support needs and I have moderate support needs so if it's only okay for people with high support needs to post and be here I understand and will delete everything and I'm sorry for invading/speaking over

To all the Canadians on Spicy Autism, I hope you've had a great holiday long weekend!

Bluey is the best show ever and it's one of my special interests. I was so excited that they're making a movie but they changed it to dumb 3D animation! I love the 2D animation of the show and the new one looks so bad!!!!