Need advice. Having problems coparenting with 5 yo child's father. He hasn't seen them in over 3 months. Last time I messaged him it was to reach out about our child and he said his mental health wasn't good and he had high blood pressure and would loop me in when he was ready. Never heard back from him so about a month later I messaged again saying that his child was asking about him, etc. and he said the reason he hasn't messaged me was because he felt I was mad at him. I've tried asking if he can do coparenting counseling because we argue over texts a lot and he said no and suggested instead we meet over coffee instead with his mom. I said no because this conversation should be between myself and him. He then suggested we meet up with his gf of 10 months and my current partner who I live with and have a baby on the way with and again I said no because I don't even know his gf and she doesn't need to be there for our parenting conversation. My partner also agreed and said he himself doesn't need to be there. My child's father then got mad and said that if his gf can't be there and can't have a say in our parenting then he wants out. I recently texted him telling him not to message me unless it's about counseling because I am done. He stressed me out during my first pregnancy and now he's doing it again with my second. Just not sure how to go about this anymore. Anyone with similar experiences or advice?

Also, I have full custody. He gave up all parenting rights at the beginning.

My STBX husband abused me during our marriage and I still have PTSD from his DV because of which it’s really hard for me to be around him without my defenses all the way up. His bullying, harassment and intimidation has never stopped, which is why EMDR doesn’t work on my trauma as the trauma is ongoing in different ways. I unfortunately listened to my mother’s horrible advice to not file a restraining order against him three years ago and now it’s too late as I moved out of the marital home. Separate note but she was the one who forced me to marry him and stay married to him even while he would abuse me. It took me years of therapy to finally stand up to her and him and cut them out of my life.

But cutting out the STBX is harder when we have a child together and split custody 50-50. The STBX never gives up a chance to party. And that includes children’s birthday parties. Tomorrow is a Halloween party thrown by our child’s classmate’s family. The STBX is insisting on attending it even when it’s my custodial day. I have conceded to invite him to school events on my custodial days but this is a private party. I told him that because of my PTSD that I don’t want our child to witness, I will leave with our child if he shows up. I also said that it would be good for our child to build friendships and he can socialize on his own time without impacting my custodial time. He doesn’t care and will be bringing his girlfriend there as well.

Should I go and then leave when the two show up? Or should I not bring up the party to my child at all and just not go? My kid would be very upset if we had to leave the party but won’t be if we just didn’t go and didn’t mention it. And I will definitely not stay around if the two show up on my custodial day.