In light of the recent Trek/LOTR crossover hype 👍

It's a little unconventional, but I'm proud to say it works.

You have to get one of your crew members to dress up like Kahless the Unforgettable. Then when the Klingons show up, you hail them while holding a knife to Kahless' throat. You say "Hey Turtleheads, lookie here. We brought Kahless back to life. Yeah, that's right, baby. We're Starfleet. We bring the dead back all the time. Now, you let us go save these idiots and we'll let Kahless live. If not, it's 'hasta la vista' to Klingon Jesus, get me?"

Then, if they seem uncertain, tell them that if they let you rescue the ship, in return you'll not only let Kahless live, you'll beam them over two metric tons of the best goddamn blood pie they've ever crammed into their gaghholes, like it's straight from Grandma's dungeon. You can replicate some blood pie if you want to show it to them as an example. You don't need to make the whole two tons; just a tableful will do.

They can't resist. I mean, who could?

Why couldn't this have happened for real? It would have been a game changer!

Chrysler Voyager

A few weeks ago we were conducting some experiments on the warp engines, something went wrong and I somehow ended up in a parallel universe. So far, the only difference I've noticed is that the replicator in my quarters is on the opposite wall. Otherwise, everything is the same. Frankly, it's a living hell. Having the replicator in that spot completely throws off the whole vibe of my quarters. It happened a few times that I got up in the middle of the night and I ended up trying to order a glass of water from an empty wall because I'm just so used to having the replicator there.

Now, I've done quite a bit of research and I think I've found a way to return to my original universe but it's quite risky and has a high chance of not only destroying this universe, but all universes throughout reality. I don't care, it's worth the risk. I'd rather not exist than live like this.

It's been my dream to be in Starfleet since I was just a little Kirk. I've finally been promoted to Commander. I was on an away mission when I hit it off with a Gorn. He was charming, and I kinda developed a man-crush on him.

One thing led to another, and when I returned to my ship, I discovered that I had a bunch of Gorn babies in me. I wasn't planning to be a father this soon in my career. Plus, I've tried everything to get in touch with my baby daddy, but he won't return my calls. This is tearing me apart.

What should I do?