Hi guys,
Its been a while since I posted here, but i really need it.
So lately i’ve been having lots of anxiety and thoughts about my relationship, but this time it’s different: my thoughts are “what if he cheats on me?”, “what if he doesn’t love me?”
Etc…
Along with these thoughts i’ve been checking his instagram, his follows list and his likes, I started checking on him almost every day and searched for reassurance like “do you love me?”. I’ve been diagnosed with classic rocd and i feel the same anxiety as i felt with it. But now that is passed i started having inverted thoughts. Today i’m very sad and even if my partner is the sweetest and i don’t have any reason to doubt him i still do it. My therapist (a different therapist who didn’t diagnosed me rocd) said to me that it’s not rocd but fear of abandonment. But i still doubt her words. I think i’m just having reversed rocd because i understood after months of struggling that i love him. does anyone fear this? For example now i have anxiety someone of you will reply saying me that it’s my sixth sense saying me these things. I’m freaking out.

Ps. I also check in his tone, how he sends me goodnights and a lot of things that have to do with texts. Also i have the thought that if something has happened in a certain way it has to end in a certain way too. For example if he asked me crying to get together, he will ask me crying to break up…etc and this cause me anxiety, a lot of anxiety. Please help people…

I’m really struggling right now and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

On Friday, I started thinking about emotional depth in a relationship and how important deep conversations actually are to me. Then I came across a Reddit feed about emotional depth, and so many of the posts sounded similar to what I’ve been worrying about. People were talking about breaking up because they felt their relationship lacked emotional depth, and I started panicking.

Since Friday, I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle. I keep switching between asking ChatGPT, asking my friends for their opinions, and scrolling through Reddit posts about emotional depth. I’m constantly looking for an answer, some kind of certainty that will make this fear go away, but nothing helps for long. I just keep coming back to the same question.

What if emotional depth is a fundamental need for me, and my partner simply can’t meet that need? What if this is something I’ll always miss in our relationship? What if I eventually have to break up with him because of it?

The thought of having to leave him absolutely terrifies me. I love him and I don’t want to lose him or the life we’re building together. But at the same time, I’m scared that I might be ignoring something important or that I’ll eventually realize we’re not compatible in this way.

I struggle with ROCD, and I genuinely don’t know how to distinguish a real relationship concern from an obsessive fear anymore. I don’t know how to explore what I actually need in a relationship without turning it into another test of whether my partner is the right person for me.

I’m also afraid to sit with the question and answer it honestly because I’m terrified of what the answer might mean. So instead, I keep asking other people what they think, hoping someone will finally give me an answer that makes me feel safe.

I know that constantly seeking reassurance probably isn’t helping my ROCD, but right now I feel so desperate to make this uncertainty stop. I can barely get out of my own head.

Has anyone with ROCD experienced this? How do you deal with a relationship concern that might be genuine but is also becoming an obsession? How do you stop analyzing everything and tolerate not knowing the answer?

I would really appreciate any advice on how to get out of this cycle. I’m not looking for someone to tell me whether I should stay or leave. I just need help figuring out how to cope with this uncertainty without feeling like I have to solve my entire relationship right now.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

so, I am going to be short because I am avoiding using this app or reading posts for my own well-being :) but i will share my story and my (still current struggles) in case anyone has any advice or maybe will find a peace of mind knowing they aren't alone. Anyways my rocd started last year when i met this amazing boy but after a month in i got anxious, i thought i could control it but I just was overthinking 'what if we don't click' 'what if he is a grea boy but not for me' 'what if i'm leading him on' and all sorts of stuff, really everything possible. I then ended things with him and immediately returned back to my struggle with harm ocd (into which i won't go to deep, but i struggled with that and other types of overthinking and ruminating even before meeting this boy). Safe to say it really sucked. After a month we reconnected again and i also god a new therapist and we worked out that the biggest issue behind my decision to part ways with him at the first place was anxiety and fear. Anyways I continued to date him and now we have been together for quite some time. I struggled with anxiety constantly, and i really mean constantly (usually for me it's like i am anxious and then a thought/some topic attaches to it). But I also attented therapy so I learnt a lot and kept pushing through. Then i went on medication for ocd and have been on them now for almost 4 months lol (zoloft 75mg). I thought they would help sooner but I went really gradually with upping the dose so could also be my fault (been on 75 for 2 months). I have only now started to see some effects of it really. During all of that i got to know my bf better and grew to really love him (at the beginning i was constantly overthinking if i like him or not and stuff like that likeeee really all the crazy thoughts). Anyways for the past few weeks it felt like I could breather air again and it just felt so calmer in my head (*note that doesn't mean that i suddenly had an epiphany and felt certain about everything in my life, it was just easy to be chill and see where life goes). But now i got my period (don't know if there is a connection between period and ocd and having worse anxiety) and the thing i always struggle is that it feels so FUCKING REAL. The thoughts feel real. I wake up and i guess i almost test myself by saying 'i know i need to break up' to see how i feel, and how my body feels. It is insane honestly. And then if i feel neutral or idk some body sensation i get anxious and panicked. Then i have to repeat the same sentence the whole day constantly checking what do i really feel etc. It is hell tbh. Good thing is I have a good support group. Anyways i guess the advice part would if you ever get so real real thoughts. It's not like i'm against being uncertain because i believe that is completely normal and everyone is (trust me everyone is), but my head almost makes me believe like sth. is missing in my relationship when it really isn't. I won't right everything i like about him but he means a lot and i really would like to keep him as I see this being good for me and just like idk why I wouldn't. But yet I have doubts and they are hell. I think that the only reason i would even think of a break up is because of the doubts and feelings and anxiety, and not cause I actually wouldnt want to hang out anymore. But even here my brain goes 'all those stories when someone is good on paper but you still don't fit' or 'well maybe a part of you wants to be with him but you know you have to break up or you know you are lying to yourself so go sit in front of the mirror and just tell yourself the truth. Usually at that point i'm already hysterically crying and really don't know what i feel anymore towards my bf and if that feeling in that moment is really me being over him or seeing that we don't fit. Even tho when a thought like that comes I immediately am like 'i dont think that's true?? i don't think i have to break up?? i like him so wtf' . Anyways this is my life rn. I'm going through it again and it sucks and everytime it feels like this time this is the truth and apparently sth about just isnt right or is missing. I don't know. Sorry for grammar mistakes, hope this helps anyone, if you have any advice I would appreciate. Sending loveeee

please click on the post

I’m in absolute crisis mode. Panic attacks in my sleep. I have experienced ROCD from the start of just casually dating my now husband. Uncertainty over superficial things, breaking up, missing them and feeling guilty that I pushed them away, finally dating them “permanently” like I’m not going to run away. Then I was washed with fear of them cheating, retroactive jealousy, was he secretly a misogynist. Now, since he proposed, it’s all about if I like him enough. How do I know? Aren’t I just forcing every step? Why do I feel like pushing him away? I looked for constant incompatibilities suddenly. I got on medication and saw a therapist who only sort of helped, but we were also moving and I got distracted out of it. Then, leading up to the wedding was wonderful, as was the day and month after. I felt such peace and gratitude. Happiness, comfort.

Now two months in and “forever” seems like an impossible task. How can I do forever like this? I feel like I faked my entire relationship, and now I feel panicked that I didn’t make the choice for the right reasons.

As background, I went through a very traumatic and unexpected divorce at 29. I’m 35 now. Now I’m also having thoughts that I’m my ex. That this is what he went through (I don’t know what actually happened because he didn’t give me a reason other than he wasn’t happy anymore.) I’m not feeling happy now — it’s unbearable. How am I going to make this work?

I'm 22M, and I've been dating a girl for around two months. I've never been in an official relationship before, and I'm currently seeing a therapist.

A little background: Around six months ago, I had a really painful experience with a girl I was emotionally invested in. I was constantly chasing her affection, feeling butterflies, and worrying about whether she liked me. When things ended, I was devastated and started wondering whether I'd ever be able to love someone again. She broke me.

Then I met this girl through work.

We started as friends, spent hours together every day, and gradually became romantically involved. She's genuinely one of the sweetest, most emotionally mature and understanding people I've met. She's affectionate, communicates openly, respects my boundaries, and makes an effort to understand me.

Initially, I worried that things were moving too fast, especially because she'd recently left a long-term relationship. I wanted to take things slowly, and she respected that.

But as we got closer, I started developing increasingly intense anxiety.

At first, my thoughts revolved around commitment:

• What if I lose my freedom in a relationship?
• What if I get bored of her?
• What if I hurt her because I can't reciprocate her feelings?
• What if I commit and then realize I've made a mistake?

Despite this, I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. I wanted to see her, hold her hand, and kiss her.

We finally had our first kiss recently, and it was amazing. But almost immediately afterward, the anxiety started increasing. Whenever we discussed the future or becoming official, I'd get an awful tightness in my chest and stomach and feel an overwhelming urge to escape.

I discussed this with my therapist, who suggested that we stop having serious conversations about our future for 15 days and simply enjoy dating in the present.

I thought that would help.

But now my anxiety has shifted from worrying about commitment to obsessively questioning whether I even love or like her enough.

Yesterday, she came over to my house. We watched a movie together and kissed for about half an hour.

This was literally the kind of romantic experience I've dreamed about having for years.

But instead of feeling happy, I felt overwhelmed by anxiety and guilt.

Even while kissing her, I was mentally checking my emotions:

Am I enjoying this enough? Why don't I feel butterflies? Why don't I feel overwhelming attraction? Am I faking my feelings? Am I leading her on?

She told me she feels like she's known me for years and that she's incredibly happy with me.

At one point, knowing she does not open up to people easily, seeing she was so comfortable and happy, seeing her open up like that almost made me cry.

Not because I was happy, but because I felt guilty that I couldn't match her excitement.

She's such a sweet person, and the thought that I might be faking my feelings or eventually hurt her is destroying me.

After dropping her home, I spent around literally each hour constantly thinking about whether I actually love her.

Now, even thinking about her, yesterday's kisses, or relationships in general immediately triggers that horrible tight feeling in my chest and stomach.

I've started avoiding opening our chat because seeing her name brings up the anxiety.

I'm not even sure what my real feelings are anymore because I'm constantly analyzing them. And I can't help but compare how I couldn't stop smiling when I first had my first kiss with the girl who really hurt me.

What's especially confusing is that my fears seem to keep changing. Initially, I was afraid of getting too attached and being hurt again. Then I was afraid of commitment. Now I'm terrified that I don't love her enough.

I don't want to force myself into a relationship, but I also don't want anxiety to dictate my decisions or hurt someone I genuinely care about.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I can't even smile naturally anymore, and something that should be a beautiful experience has become associated with dread. I basically can't escape that emotion even when thinking about the most random thing with her. I feel like I should be dancing of joy because of how a dream of mine of watching a movie and making out has finally happened but I just can't and it's hurting me.

I'm already in therapy and I'm genuinely trying my best to not sabotage myself and end a potentially incredible relationship. But that feeling in my chest and gut is really taking a toll on my mental health and I'm really thinking if it's all worth it.

I'm just scared that if I end things and eventually when seeing new people I realize that I was the problem all along and I still keep having these emotions and thoughts. That would be really painful and a lifelong regret.

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially what actually helped you recover your ability to be present.

Forgive me if I am a bit scatter brained on this but a different perspective would be appreciated. Context: Looking back to my childhood I had minor OCD habits. Nothing crazy, just if I were writing "I love my family" I had to write every person's name in my family or else something would happen, even the dog's name. Now, my OCD looks like replaying conversations I had earlier in the day (makes me feel like I am improving for the next social interaction, what I did right or wrong) or If I am upset with my mom or dad, I can't leave the house upset, I have to tell them I love them out of fear of something happening to them and I didn't tell them I love them/ my last memory with them was me upset with them. I know this is because I lost my sister suddenly a few years ago and have been upset with the last moment I had with her. I guess this OCD isn't terrible to make sure you tell your loved ones you love them but it feels like I'm checking a box to relieve my OCD and it's controlling.

Now to my biggest debilitating OCD issue lol. I have an amazing boyfriend of almost 6 years. We have done long distance the entire time (5 hour drive) because we met when we were both in school at different colleges, it's been great and our long distance is coming to an end soon. My OCD didn't really become a thing for me until 2 years ago, when he started grad school. He knows about my OCD and has always been understanding but my big fear (ROCD) is that my OCD will push him away with each time I have a flare up which is maybe once or twice a year. But after each flare up, I feel something is off for a day or so, like I'm taking away the whimsy flow of our always sweet relationship. Because my flare ups in my relationship come as momentary insecurity that feels debilitating, makes me feel vomit-sick. My ROCD in my relationship looks like fear of my boyfriend falling out of love with me, taking something I said the wrong way, me coming off as selfish or not thinking about him enough to notice when he needs support. I am so hyper aware of what is on his plate that I try to let this check my mental box that I do support him and am aware of what he needs from me emotionally, physically, and mentally. But then my ROCD says what if he finds someone in grad school who understands him academically in a way I don't because I never studied that? What if I'm too needy? I know my OCD fear of this comes from a past relationship of him leaving me for his friend but I have been over that relationship/ experience for years but I guess that part stuck to me lol.

When I have a flare up, I try my best to mediate it myself and get a grip so to speak, before I go to him because it shouldn't be his job to reassure me every time my mind is mean to me lol. One time I had a flare up that lasted for weeks that I was trying to mediate myself, he eventually gave me the solid evidence I needed to check my mental ODC box (ugh) and I cried because of how debilitating my mind was the entire time and making things up that caused me unnecessary stress and worry. The best way to describe my ROCD is like Star Wars. When Anakin has the horrible dreams of Padme dying, he would do anything to save her which was go to the dark side to learn to save her. Little did he know that dream was a glimpse of her dying because he made the choice to go to the dark side period. If he just hadn't spiraled so much over it, she wouldn't had died. I hope that made sense. I know it did for my boyfriend who is a big star wars fan, because he cried too.

I know this was a lot to read, and honestly just the tip of the iceberg without going into specific examples of my ROCD flare ups which have gotten so bad that at my worst I had considered ways to end it if you know what I mean, but haven't had this thought since. I have done a lot of research into it and have noticed my self esteem is effected hence my fear of losing him is so debilitating (I have horrible dreams of it as well) I guess I'd like to know if anyone else has any helpful experiences to reconnecting to themselves and their confidence so that their words are louder than their intrusive thoughts? I'm truly exhausted of having my OCD manage my emotions/moods. I want to be confident and present.

hey everyone! i’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. i find myself struggling really bad. for context i was in a toxic relationship for 5 years prior and my current boyfriends and i relationship is a complete 180 and healthy.

what’s been bothering me is the repetitive thoughts of thinking he’s going to leave me and walk away although no signs show that, it’s quite the opposite.

lately we haven’t had that much sex and i brought it to his attention and he said he’s just been tired and low energy, he works a lot and naturally it’s normal for him to be tired, but in my head it’s triggered a downward spiral of me thinking he’s plotting to break up with me. i understand him and expressed to him i’m struggling, im deeply afraid my thoughts are going to ruin without a doubt one of the most beautiful things in my life right now.

my boyfriend is amazing and always talks engagement and the future with us, i have NO IDEA why i am so in my own head about him leaving me when he’s never said anything about leaving me. i feel like im genuinely fucking everything up because i find myself asking for so much reassurance and i don’t want to become a needy clingy partner to him.

i see the endgame with him so much and i really don’t want to ruin this because i admire every second with him. i think the whole sex aspect has thrown me off because we used to do it frequently and now it’s been sparse. i have fully convinced myself he’s with other people too although i have his location and he’s either at my place, work, or the gym. it doesn’t help i have dreams of him breaking up with me and it’s consuming me.

i am diagnosed with OCD and have been in and out of therapy but i’m considering going back into it as this is really affecting me. if anyone has any advice on how to navigate these thoughts or what therapy has worked for them in the meantime that would be greatly appreciated.

Hey everyone,

I'm not even sure where to start, but I've been reading through this subreddit (English is not my mother tongue, so I used AI to translate the text to express my feelings on the point) and some of the posts here really resonated with me. I thought I'd share my own experience because I'm honestly struggling to make sense of it.

I'm a woman in my early 30s and I've been dating someone for a few months now. He's a genuinely caring person, he's very affectionate, and I know he has strong feelings for me. We connected pretty quickly in the beginning, and there was a lot of excitement about getting to know each other and potentially building a future together.

But there's something I've been struggling with, and I feel quite guilty even writing about it.

I seem to have a thing about teeth. And smells. Especially when it comes to romantic partners.

My boyfriend has quite a few visibly repaired teeth due to accidents and injuries in the past. He also smokes, and sometimes his breath isn't great. I noticed his teeth pretty much from the first time we met, and while I still felt attracted to him in other ways, they bothered me.

At first, I thought it was just a physical preference. Everyone has things they find attractive or unattractive, right?

But I've noticed that my mind keeps coming back to it. Even when we're not together, I find myself thinking about his teeth. Sometimes several times a day.

I catch myself mentally checking whether I still find him attractive. I imagine kissing him, think about his teeth, remember moments when I noticed his breath, and then start questioning everything.

Can I really be with someone if this bothers me so much? Would I feel differently if his teeth looked better? Am I actually attracted to him, or am I just trying to convince myself that I am?

Sometimes I feel reassured and think, "Of course I like him, why am I making such a big deal out of this?" But that feeling never seems to last. Eventually, the thoughts come back.

What's interesting is that this isn't the first time I've experienced something like this :-//

Looking back at previous relationships and people I've dated, I've often been particularly sensitive to teeth and smells. If something bothered me, I could get quite fixated on it.

However, I also remember being deeply in love with certain people in the past and feeling much more accepting of their physical imperfections. Their flaws didn't seem to occupy nearly as much space in my mind.

And that's another thing I keep questioning. Does this mean I'm simply not attracted enough to my current partner? Or is my brain turning a relatively small issue into something much bigger because I'm already uncertain?
I also don't know to tell him about my thoughts exactly.

There's also another layer to all of this.

I'm currently going through a pretty significant life transition. I've moved, changed jobs, and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do professionally. My everyday life has been stressful and exhausting, and I often feel like I barely have enough emotional energy for myself.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, seems to need quite a lot of reassurance about our relationship. He wants to feel that we're building something together, while I sometimes just want to have a normal day without having another serious conversation about us.

When I'm out with friends or doing something on my own, relationship discussions sometimes come up, and I end up feeling overwhelmed. I know he has his own insecurities, and I don't want to dismiss them, but lately I've been craving more space.

And the more pressure I feel, the more I seem to withdraw.

Now I'm wondering whether all of this is connected.

Maybe I'm genuinely losing attraction. Maybe I'm emotionally exhausted. Maybe I have some avoidant tendencies. Or maybe the constant checking and analysing is making everything worse.

The hardest part is that I can't seem to distinguish between a genuine feeling of physical aversion and obsessive thoughts about what that feeling means.

Sometimes a smell or the appearance of his teeth can genuinely turn me off in the moment. That's a real physical reaction. But instead of just acknowledging it and moving on, I start analysing it over and over again.

I also notice that I'm constantly trying to figure out whether he's the right person for me, whether my feelings are strong enough, and whether I'm making a mistake by staying in the relationship.

It's exhausting.

I recently came across the term partner-focused ROCD via Chatty, and some of the descriptions felt uncomfortably familiar, especially the mental checking and the temporary relief after analysing my feelings.

I'm not diagnosed with OCD, though, and I don't want to label every relationship doubt as a symptom. I know that sometimes people simply aren't compatible or physically attracted to each other.

I guess that's what makes this so confusing.

How do you tell the difference between genuine incompatibility or lack of attraction and an obsessive pattern that keeps magnifying your doubts?

Has anyone here experienced a fixation on their partner's teeth, smell, or other specific physical features?

And did you notice that these thoughts became stronger when you were stressed, emotionally overwhelmed, or feeling pressured in the relationship?

I'm not necessarily looking for someone to tell me that my relationship is right or wrong. I'd just really appreciate hearing from people who recognise this pattern and how they've dealt with the constant mental checking.

Thanks for reading. I know this was long, but it feels good to finally put it into words.

Hello! I know that many people here struggle with ROCD... I truly empathize with your pain! I’ve been dealing with ROCD for a year now (I haven’t been formally diagnosed, though I have seen a general psychologist). I’ve been through some very difficult months, and often, I feel completely down. I cry a lot—especially since I moved out of my family home and started living with my boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for two years. I have (or have had) an anxious attachment style, while he tends to be more avoidant—though I’ve seen him make a lot of changes for my sake recently. It’s reached a point where it’s starting to take a toll on my daily life (I’d love to see an OCD specialist, but it’s very expensive). My thoughts are racing 24/7; I cry, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep going like this... I feel all alone in this, and I’m terrified that things just won’t work out.

On one hand, I am grieving what we once had—the "rose-colored glasses" phase, the honeymoon period, the way I used to adore him, how I’d constantly miss him and always want to be by his side, and so on. I know that phase eventually fades, but I long to experience it with him again so intensely that I’d pay anything to get it back—haha. I’m also deeply afraid that, since I haven’t felt that "in love" sensation for quite some time, perhaps I’m just attached to him—he provides a sense of security, and maybe that’s why I can’t imagine my life without him. I’ve read many books on OCD and talked to so many people, but honestly, I no longer know where or to whom I can turn. I am so tired... just utterly exhausted. The move was also a sudden decision—everything happened within a month or two—and now I’m afraid it was the wrong choice, because I feel absolutely terrible. I’m not asking for reassurance, nor am I asking for anything in particular; but if anyone has a kind word to share, or would like to talk about this—or perhaps even something else entirely—please, reach out to me.

i’ve had this super intense fear of getting cheated on / replaced by somebody else ever since my first “online relationship” in 2019 with this guy who used to follow lots of “models” who posted soft p*rn and it’s been ruining my relationships ever since because it usually gets to the point of insulting and threatening every girl my current boyfriend talks to which has lead to a lot of fights with my bf and lots of problems in our relationship. i don’t know what this is but i find it so very hard to stop it since 2019 because i know it’s not normal behaviour at all and it’s super toxic and controlling, but i don’t know how. every time the fear kicks in or i’m triggered i start insulting my partner and calling them names and then if he would talk about a girl i start feeling super jealous and insecure because i see her as a threat (or sometimes when they wear revealing clothes it triggers me too bc i’m scared he’s thinking of them sexually) and every damn time i’m triggered it feels like this consumes me and it’s bigger than me so once i start insulting them it’s very hard to stop and i feel like i can not not do it because i get an instant relief every time i do that and i feel like it also gives me a dopamine kick and it’s like kind of addicting? but i do not want to have this behaviour at all i don’t know what’s wrong with me and i’ve been having this ever since 2019 and unable to stop it and this only happens when i’m in a relationship with somebody, especially with men.

is this rocd or borderline? i really want a label for it because i don’t know where to start honestly, i wanna stop this i really don’t want to keep doing it but every time it just consumes me and i have to do it because the anger keeps coming back and i don’t get any relief if i don’t do it because my feelings about it are so incredibly strong and overwhelming. if i don’t do it it won’t stop. it always comes back after a while though where i have to insult a girl again thar hes mentioned or whenever he triggers me. i also have a huge fear of abandonment.

i don’t know if this has anything to do with it, but when i was young my mom and grandma used to tell me horror stories about my dad cheating on my mom with her best friend and other women when i was only a 6 month old baby. they also used to tell me horror stories about men in general and that they only want sex and stuff. i don’t know if this has anything to do with it but i feel like it does.

i really wanna know if this is rocd, borderline or something else because my head won’t shut up about getting a label as well, ever since 2019. i also have gad, social anxiety, agoraphobia, health anxiety and suspecting autism. i take 150 mg sertraline and 150 mg wellbutrin and they do help with my gad, sad and health anxiety but not with this symptom that i have or whatever it is. i used to take 50 mg of solian and it actually helped me with this but i gained 40 kg from it and ever since i’m terrified of taking an antipsychotic so idk what to do really. i go to therapy ever since 2023 but it’s just talk therapy. it helps me feel relief for a short amount of time and then the symptoms come back. i used to do schema therapy with my psychologist but we stopped doing that all of a sudden, no idea why (she thinks i might have a personality disorder, i thought i had bpd at first and mentioned it to her but now i’m not so sure). i’m in my early to mid twenties and this has ruined/caused a lot of trouble in all of the ‘relationships’ and even situationships i’ve been in, which aren’t a lot and most often leads to me getting blocked by my partner. i don’t know what to do.

what do u think?

TL;DR: Girl is amazing but it’s me who’s getting anxiety in a relationship every time with no specific reason.

Been seeing this girl for months, till 2.5months everything was perfect and going very smoothly, until things began real and felt this is something which can actually lead to something long-term.

In my life till now I haven’t dated anybody very properly except few casuals with no real commitment, with this one since last week I’ve started to have severe anxiety and pain in my stomach by constantly thinking about her.

There’s nothing wrong with her neither she’s anything wrong, but even thinking about her is giving me an anxiety, when she messages or calls I get anxious, when she makes plans I get anxious. Plus now I’ve started to question the compatibility, the patterns, behaviours everything. I even relate to movies or negative stuff that I see on internet and get anxious about it.

I do not want to lose her because that also gives me severe anxiety of fear of losing but I also do not want to stay in a zone where I’m just anxious with everything in my life. Not sure if it’s fear of commitment or something, pls help.

Hi, this is my first ever post on reddit, please be kind :). I first realized that I have rocd when I was dating my ex last year, and my mom brought the term to my attention. Reading about rocd made everything make sense; it explained my runimations, my sleepless nights, and why I couldn't stop chekcing and doubting myself. I had obsessive thoughts about ending the relationship due to looming long distance (we were about to leave for college) and fearing that we wouldn't make it so I should end the relationship now to save myself the heartache, and I spent a long time fighting those thoughts, writing them off as baseless doubts. I ended up breaking up with my ex because the fears I had turned out to be valid, and it wasn't until I was in an unsafe situation with this person that I realized that to be true.

In the thick of the break up, when so many events/comments/memories started resurfacing and I began looking at them in a new light, I realized how toxic my relationship actually was and how much my love for this person and fear of being alone blocked me from seeing how bad he was for me. It got to a point where I was really scared that I let my guard down like that, and I couldn't believe I let someone mess with my mind and my discernment like that. I began to believe that I should never enter another relationship, for fear that it will end up like the previous one.

Fast forward to now, I am in a 5 month relationship with a man that is everything I could want and more in a partner. He is kind, attentive, funny, intelligent, and most importantly, he isn't scared of my mind. Even though he doesn't know about my rocd, the parts of myself that I did share he handled with care. I feel as though I met my perfect match, and sometimes I look at him and see the father of my children (which is insane considering we are both in our early 20s lol). When I have thoughts about breaking up with him (which, as someone with rocd, I often do), I go back to that truth, and I think that if I want to break up with him, it must be because I want a partner with different qualities. But when I try to imagine myself dating someone who is not him, my imagination falls short; because I think, in the back of my mind, I know that nothing is truly wrong (that doesn't mean we'll never break up but I think it means, as the title of this post suggests, that I have something really freaking good and that I'm really scared of messing it up).

Some more important context for my recent flare up is that I've been going through a friend break up, and it was someone who on the surface was very close and I felt like I met a genuine friend, but she turned out to be exactly the kind of person she said she wasn't and stabbed me in the back. This caused me to lose my larger friend group and spend most of my days alone, with the exception of my boyfriend. Another important piece of information is that we live in the same building, and it is very easy for us to hang out, but it also means we spend a lot of time together and this pseudo living together situation places a lot of pressure on the relationship (at least for me).

This is where the part that is hard to write comes in. The friend group situation along with an existential crisis, put me in a funk where I believe nothing I do matters because I'm gonna be dead in 100 years anyway, so why bother feel connected to anything or anyone. I feel very disoriented, and like institutions that meant a lot to me in the past, feel very arbitrary now. Unfortunately, I have began to feel the same way about my boyfriend, that whatever we have is meaningless because all relationships feel meaningless and I am fed up with the vulnerability that comes with being human, therefore, the best solution is to just disengage altogether. I have felt that if this is my husband than I am shutting myself out from getting validation from other men, and have often imagined myself not having relationships with men in my life but receiving validaition, specifically that I am good in bed (this last point could be about a number of things; 1) the fact that i am very insecure about my appearance and don't believe my boyfriend actually finds me attractive, so I want more approval and 2) (and this may be a reach) but that the only consistent relationship in my life currently is a romantic one, so if I can't have friends, might as well imagine getting romantic validation from as many people as possible).

Worst of all, I have doubted whether or not I love him. Which is incredibly distressing because when I remember the day I told him I loved him for the first time, I felt as though I literally couldn't contain it because it was pouring out of me, I was so excited to share my love with him and I felt it really deeply. And now, we could spend the most amazing day together, or have good sex, or have him comfort me when one of the many things on this list make me sad, and still look at him and doubt whether or not I love him. I fear I may have gotten too comfortable and startede taking him for granted. Last year in school I never really cooked, and now that we live in the same building, it is so easy for us to cook together (he loves to cook and our building has a communal kitchen). Sometimes I wonder if I would cook and take care of myself if it weren't for my proximity to him. I wonder if the reason I feel this way about him is because everything else in my life feels meaningless right now. Just now for example, we were talking after a nice evening out together, and the thought started to creep in again and it ruined it.

I consistently ask myself whether I love him, check how saying I don't love him feels inside, wait for the pull that says that I do, and get nervous and scared when it doesn't come. This anxiety has become so debilitating that I find myself wanting to spend time away from him so I wouldn't feel this way. I don't want to be this way, and I wish I had an ocd diagnosis and medication for either that or anxiety that would make it all go away. This man is incredible, and I adore him, and I want to be the best girlfriend I can be for him. But I can't do that when my mind is my worst enemy and I don't know how to make it stop

I am struggling so badly with retroactive jealousy regarding my boyfriend's past single life and I genuinely don't know how to break out of this nightmare. Years ago after a traumatic breakup, my boyfriend built this fake online "playboy" persona where he bought followers, followed and commented on IG models, and liked thirst traps and other photos of women, and stuff from like Playboy. He says it was a defensive shield because his ego was shattered, and that the likes were completely mindless visual noise with zero emotional or sexual intention to pursue anyone. He wanted to maintain that kind of playboy image online to keep a wall up and not get hurt even when he tries to put his heart out.

Recently I found out he also liked some suggestive posts of women on IG years ago while in a situationship with someone he claimed to love before me. As far as I know he believed they were exclusive but didn’t have a label. Learning that completely sent me over the edge because my brain immediately told me that if he could do that while loving someone, he can’t commit or that I'm not enough. It triggered my past relationship trauma so severely with men who cheated on me and compared me to women on IG that I have been endlessly interrogating him, auditing his entire past, and spiraling for hours. Our fights have gotten extremely volatile and painful, and my anxiety has made me lash out in ways I am deeply ashamed of.

He has been completely patient, put down his pride, taken accountability, and even offered to deactivate his social media entirely because he says my peace of mind matters more than anything. Deep down I can see how devoted he is to me in the real world, but my brain keeps treating his past like a threat. I keep comparing my own digital habits like saving thousands of photos of male idols and some dudes to his past, but I still can't stop the compulsion to pick at his history. How do I stop auditing his past before I completely destroy a partner who actually loves me? I understand that I’m insecure and illogical but I cannot break out of this and need help.

i used to have insanely bad ocd around this time last year, maybe my body remembers the score

me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago and I miss him a lot.

however we recently saw each other and now the thoughts are spiraling

i missed him so much and it was like heaven to see him, but now I just feel insane fear.

I want to get back together with him some day. Not waiting but just a smidge of hope (because we were so good together). but my ocd keeps centering around “what if he doesnt want to?” “do you really want to get back together?” “what if he forgets about you?” “what if you dont mean anything to him anymore?” “what if you don’t love him anymore?”

he does think of me fondly and we’re still on good terms, I’m just afraid of losing him forever because I loved him so much and I still do.

my ocd hasnt been this bad in a WHILE like seriously since i first got diagnosed. I have nausea throughout the ENTIRE day, from morning to night. Theres a pit in my stomach, and I feel like the epitome of “what’s wrong with me” by olivia rodrigo. I KNOW its bad because everything feels like a trigger and doing ERP is feels so scary to me again.

I’m on 40 mg of prozac and 50 mg lamotrigine, but it’s not curbing this anxiety completely and im just sad.

i just need to spit this out before I ruminate my entire shift. I’ve been through ERP so I’m gonna practice it as much as I can

Hi I’m 20 and about 3 months ago I started dating the love of my life,Suffering from severe OCD, my whole life I always struggled when it came to talking with the opposite sex, I’d always think of the worst possible outcomes and always lets my intrusive thoughts make my decisions for me, so as you can guess this is my first relationship lol, I Love this girl to death, I can be the real me around her and she’s so understanding when My ocd gets bad theyres just one problem, basically we started off as friends and she told me many of her past relationship experiences (including sexual) at the time they didn’t bother me because I didn’t know we’d actually end up dating given my history …. But now that we’re dating I get these disturbing horrific intrusive thoughts of her with her past partners etc,daily and to make matters worse I ask stupid questions I know I don’t want the answers to and it makes everything even worse and I’m just really scared I might fuck things up in the long run if I keep getting upset around her because of these stupid thoughts and I just want to eventually ignore these thoughts and look for ways I can overcome this. ANYTHING WOULD BE APPRECIATED :)

Current medication
50mg chlomipramine daily

I feel empty; I can’t seem to feel either love or sadness. There is only one thing I am certain of: I do not love my husband. While some people are able to feel good or experience love—at least occasionally—I truly cannot. I don’t even want him to hug me or show me any affection. I feel so sorry for myself, wondering why I have to go through this, and I feel sorry for my husband, wondering why I am putting him through this. I don’t know what to do. Whenever he shows me any affection, I feel strange—almost guilty, though not intensely so—and I feel as if I don’t deserve his displays of love. I suspect that the only reason I stay with him is out of guilt. People say that OCD tends to fluctuate, but my experience isn’t really characterized by ups and downs; it’s more of a flat, constant state. I’ve even started to feel repulsed by things about him that never used to bother me—that alone gives me pause. I don’t have any particular anxieties or fears, nor am I caught in an obsessive cycle; in fact, I haven’t felt anxious for a very long time—to the point where I don’t even worry about the fact that I’m not anxious. I don’t seek reassurance, either. I wonder if there is anyone else who feels the way I do, though I’m not even sure if knowing that would bring me any relief. (I’m diagnosed.)

My gf and I have been together for almost 5 months.

Recently, we have been working through our attachment issues one hand and that’s one stress for me as I want to become more secure and also help her avoidant style.

Yesterday also she hurt my feelings when I tried to talk to her when studying. It’s really not that serious but I don’t want to be too detailed here.

Basically, she has been this independent girl from young in terms of having to do her stuff and really has not had anyone in her personal space if u get what I mean.

She immediately regretted saying anything hurtful to me and we both just cry it off. I just cannot handle too much emotions in the long run.

As a guy, I haven’t even cried like this in years and not even when I was deep in panic attacks and stuff last year. I love her so much and so does she but we really are lost on how to navigate this compatibility issue I suppose. Both of us are willing to fight for this and work things out.

My husband (34M) and I (31F) have been together for 12 years and married for just over a year.

For the past six months, he’s been experiencing a significant change in how he feels about our relationship. He’s become emotionally distant, increasingly uncertain about our marriage, and has expressed doubts about whether he wants to stay.

However, my suspicions about relationship OCD (ROCD) go back much further than these past six months. Looking back over our 12 years together, I’ve noticed patterns of relationship doubts and behaviours that made me wonder whether ROCD could have been present long before our current marital crisis.

We recently arranged a consultation with a therapist who reportedly specializes in ROCD. She met with my husband individually, and after speaking with him, apparently concluded that he doesn’t have ROCD.

What confuses me is the reasoning she reportedly gave: If he had ROCD, he would want to make the relationship work. Because he currently seems not to want to, she doesn’t believe he has it.

I’m struggling with that conclusion for several reasons.

First, his current desire to leave the marriage is relatively new. For most of our 12-year relationship, he wasn’t expressing this kind of desire to leave. My concerns about possible ROCD relate primarily to patterns that existed before this recent change.

Second, I’m wondering whether someone with longstanding ROCD symptoms could reinterpret our history in light of his compulsions that have never been treated.

Third, I’m not sure how thoroughly his earlier relationship history was explored during the assessment, or whether the focus was primarily on his current feelings about the marriage.

I understand that ROCD cannot be diagnosed simply because someone has relationship doubts, and I’m not trying to insist that my husband has it. I’m also aware that I wasn’t present for the consultation and may not have the full picture of the therapist’s reasoning.

But I’m genuinely wondering whether not currently wanting to save a relationship is, by itself, a clinically valid reason to rule out ROCD, particularly when the suspected symptoms predate the current relationship crisis by years.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Can ROCD coexist with genuine ambivalence about staying, or even a desire to leave? And for those who have undergone an ROCD assessment, how much attention was given to your longer-term history rather than just your current feelings?

I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people familiar with OCD assessment or who have experienced ROCD themselves.

I’ve been dealing with lots of doubt and overthinking since about three months into my relationship (we’ve now been together for 1 year and 2 months). In the beginning I was nothing but happy 24/7. That’s probably the happiest I’d been in years. I was scared he might be losing interest but he reassured me that wasn’t the case but ever since then the thoughts only got worse and worse and I had no idea about ROCD, so I thought that everything I was experiencing was a “sign” that we should break up. The days before he asked me to be his gf I suspected it and was so excited, but when it was actually happening I was thinking “should I be more excited?” “Why do I feel like this?” “Are these thoughts because I know deep down he’s not the one?” And it seemed like they just kept getting more and more intense after we became official. It got to the point that I would just cry for hours bc I genuinely was convinced I needed to break up with him, but every time I had the thought of breaking up I would cry.

Once I discovered ROCD, I thought this is exactly what I experience, but now, with everything I think I’m trying to decipher if it’s my real thoughts or OCD. Sometimes it genuinely feels so real that I still don’t know if I’m just telling myself it’s ROCD because I don’t want to accept the truth. I’m also not diagnosed, but I strongly suspect that I have contamination OCD and other subtypes, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I have ROCD as well. Anyway, I’ve had really really bad days where I think I just need to breakup with him, even though I know I would be absolutely heartbroken and completely unsure if I made the right decision. And I have days where I feel so certain that I want to stay with him, but I’m just at a breaking point where I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s gotten to the point where the entire time we are together, and I mean like every minute, I am overthinking about everything he does and everything I feel. We could be just driving somewhere and I am analyzing everything trying to decide if things mean we are incompatible, if we need to break up, if I’m just stringing him along. The worst part is I feel horrible guilt all the time for having these thoughts. This is also my first relationship so I really struggle with knowing what is a big deal and what isn’t.

I’ve had a LOT of thoughts where if if he does something nice for me I think “this means I should stay with him” and if he does something that I don’t like, even if it’s very small, I will think “this means I need to break up with him”. I recently opened up to him about suspecting that I have OCD, and he knows some things are related to him but he doesn’t know that I have all these doubts about breaking up with him or obsessing over if he is the one. I don’t think it would be helpful to tell him everything, and I’ve tried to hide it for so long bc I didn’t want to hurt him.

Recently, it’s also started to affect our intimacy, and he has no idea, which is making me scared to do anything again. Last time we had sex I started crying because I was just so exhausted from having all these thoughts like “do I feel how you should feel, am I turned on enough, does this mean we’re not compatible?”. He didn’t know that I was crying and I feel like it would make him think he’s doing something wrong. I’m anxious at the thought of doing anything again, but I also don’t want to tell him about this. I’m just trying to figure out how to fix all of this (while still wondering if all of these thoughts aren’t OCD and just mean I should break up with him). If you’ve experienced similar thoughts or feelings please let me know what you did and how you are now. I genuinely feel as if I can’t continue my life this way. (Sorry this post is so long)

Hi - for context, I have depression, anxiety and OCD.

I have been with my fiance for four years. In a lot of ways, he is perfect. He’s kind, gentle, caring, smart, and so heartbreakingly loyal to me. He looks at me like I hung the moon and I know a person like him is one in a million. I don’t have a negative thing to say about his character and he truly is one of the best people I’ve met and the best thing that’s happened to me.

But lately, I’ve been feeling so unhappy and sad. I don’t feel excitement when I see him (of course I’m happy to see him but I don’t feel excited? Elated?) and I don’t feel devastated to say goodbye to him (we are long distance and he visits me every two weeks. I used to sob when he left because I miss him so much and now I’m perfectly fine. I’m not happy to see him go I just feel very neutral).

I think a part of me is also tired by the little things. We had to do a lot of work in the beginning for him to be a good boyfriend (getting gifts, planning dates, etc.) I had to tell him to do those things and he’s been doing it so well for the past few years but I still don’t feel this elated feeling when he does… maybe it’s because I feel like I coached him into doing it. And he can be forgetful sometimes, saying he’ll get me something and not doing it, etc.

And the kicker … he really tries during sex but it always hurts. He goes down on me and really tries to give me pleasure and it feels nice but I never cum. I don’t know if there is something wrong with my body but yeah.

I’ve also just been hyperfixated on his health to the point that I’m so stressed (I think this is where the OCD is really going crazy). He’s gained a good amount of weight in the relationship and has a beer gut now, and while he is handsome, I just don’t feel super attracted to him the way I used to. But more than the body stuff, it’s a lifestyle issue. I had to encourage him to workout, to eat healthy, and he is trying to do those things and get more lean, but I feel like I’m constantly coaching him and encouraging him and I’m just tired. I want him to just do it on his own.

He’s my best friend and I know I will always love him. I just don’t know if I’m in love with him. My mom says that I’m being crazy and that I will regret letting a good person like that go, and maybe she’s right. I’ve also been getting crazy urges to break up and solve this immediately, which makes me think this is the ROCD talking and not my gut? But I don’t know. I’m so confused and scared. Without him, I’m truly alone. My family lives in another country and I only have a couple of friends. He really is my everything and the best person, and I don’t want to let him go but I’m just not happy right now.

This past weekend, we took a 48 hour break from the relationship because I just needed some space. That broke him. He sobbed and said he would never love again and that I’m his everything. I feel like a villiain and I know if we break up, I would cause him so much pain. I’m sorry this is so long. I just don’t know what to do.

Hi all,
My ex and I broke up 5 months ago and the ruminations about the relationship have been ongoing since. I wake up in the middle of the night to think. My anxiety is at an all time high. I replay conversations, replay memories, reread messages, etc. It is affecting my life drastically. Aside from the grief that comes with a breakup, OCD has made this 10 times more difficult to deal with.
I have been in therapy but I never did ERP. I finally decided that it’s time to start ERP and I will be beginning my first session tomorrow.
I really hope that it helps because I honestly can’t keep going like this. It feels like i’m going crazy. I think about the relationship 24/7 and everything triggers a thought about something I did or said or he did or said when we were together.

I’ve been for almost three year w the best partner I could ever ask for, the love of my life and the safest person made for me. I started to have anxiety our fist year together because I had a terrible fear of ever hurting him loke cheating, when I’d never do that. And now this year I’ve had the longest anxiety wave. It started w me suddenly thinking what if he cheated on me? When that’d be impossible cuz he adores me in the purest way. And it started evolving every time I overcame any anxiety thought into turning everything I love about him all the way around. For example, what if he hurt a woman? When he is the most feminist person I know, or what if he molested a child? When he is the most respectful, caring, pure hearted person I’ve ever met and I’ve always dreamt of us having children and how hell be the best that ever. Im overwhelmed cuz I want to have my life w him and I’m going to do so, but I don’t want this thoughts to be in my head. Any words of support or hope?

My relationship is the worst it has ever been right now. We've both been committed to each other but right now things feel rocky. Lately I've been feeling really scared that at any moment I'll suddenly come to a permanent understanding that I am firmly done with this relationship. I don't want to lose hope. I want to keep working to fix things. But I have this deep fear that I'll wake up and be done with finality. Like my body or nervous system will decide for me. It's causing me panic and anxiety and making it hard for me to relax. Can anyone offer exercises I could do? I feel like I can't relax because I can't let this happen.