r/Psoriasis • u/carpediem-r • 2h ago
mental health Being mentally exhausted & psoriasis
(Feel free to tell me if you relate or don't relate to what I'm feeling, and why)
I don't even know how to explain what I've been feeling lately. I think I'm just tired, emotionally more than anything.
Psoriasis has been weighing on me so much recently. It's not just about having patches on my skin or dealing with the physical discomfort. It's the way it makes me feel about myself, the way it affects my thoughts, and how easily something as simple as looking at my skin can ruin my entire mood.
I'm tired of having to think about my skin all the time. I'm tired of worrying about whether it's going to get worse, where the next flare might appear, and how much of my life it's going to affect. I hate how something I have no control over can take up so much space in my mind.
But honestly, the hardest part is what it makes me feel about my future.
Sometimes I think about love and relationships, and I get this horrible feeling in my chest. I wonder if someone could genuinely love me and still accept my psoriasis. (Keep in mind that I live in a society where psoriasis is being looked at in a very negative point of view, and this is scientifically proved unfortunately) I wonder if someone would hesitate to touch me, feel uncomfortable seeing my skin, or look at me differently after finding out I have this condition.
Living in a society where appearance and marriage can carry so much weight makes these thoughts even harder to ignore. I worry that something I never chose and cannot simply get rid of could make it harder for someone to accept me.
And I hate that psoriasis has made me question things that shouldn't even be questions. Whether I'll be desirable. Whether someone will find me beautiful. Whether I'll be able to feel completely comfortable in my own skin around another person without worrying about what they might think.
I know psoriasis isn't contagious. I know it's a medical condition, not something shameful. I know all the logical things I'm supposed to remind myself of. But knowing these things doesn't automatically stop me from feeling insecure or being afraid of how other people might react.
Lately, I've been feeling this emptiness that I can't really explain. It's like I'm grieving something, even though I don't know exactly what. Maybe it's the feeling of not being able to live in my body without constantly thinking about it. Maybe it's the fear of what the future holds. Maybe I'm just exhausted from carrying all these thoughts around.
And sometimes I feel guilty for being this upset about a skin condition. I tell myself that there are worse things people go through, and that I should be grateful for what I have. But I don't think gratitude and sadness are mutually exclusive. I can appreciate my life and still struggle with something that genuinely hurts me.
I don't want psoriasis to define me, but sometimes it feels like it's affecting the way I see myself more than I want to admit. I wish I could just exist without thinking about my skin, without worrying about someone noticing it, and without wondering whether it will affect my chances of being loved.
I don't really know what I need to hear. I guess I just want to talk to people who understand what it's like to deal with the emotional side of this condition, especially the loneliness, the insecurity, and the fear that it might affect your relationships.
I'm tired of constantly thinking about my skin. I'm tired of worrying about whether it's going to get worse, whether new areas will be affected, and how much more of my life this condition will take over. Even when I'm trying to focus on something else, it's always somewhere in the back of my mind. A flare up isn't just a change in your skin. It can affect your entire mood, your confidence, your daily routine, and your ability to feel at peace with yourself.