You ask me if I’m okay 

and it bugs me you’re asking

just for its sake.

No, I am not okay.

Not at all.

And your question only reminds me of it.

Spare me of you pretending to care.

That’s curiosity disguised as a gentle act.

Don’t pretend you can’t see the castle crumbling right before thee.

What kind of “friend” does this?

What kind of friend is so blind to 

what’s so plain to see?

You can’t stand the answer.

In fact, you don’t mind. 

Just a curious cat—you don’t have to lie.

Can’t you tell by my patterns in speech?

Mood swings and the lines in between?

It’s exhausting to witness this.

You might be fascinated.

But a friend of mine?

You’ve never been.

— Crownless.

I knew I was in love with you

long before I found the courage to say your name.

It began with the way you walked,

as if the earth softened beneath your feet,

and your anklets whispered secrets

only my heart could understand.

I have seen beautiful eyes before,

but yours never simply looked at me.

They lingered,

like moonlight resting on still water,

leaving behind a silence

that spoke louder than words.

There were stars above us every night,

yet somehow they seemed smaller

than the tiny ones stitched upon your shoes.

Even the sky, I thought,

had begun to borrow its beauty from you.

Your hair wandered with the wind,

your braid swayed like it belonged to a song

that had been waiting years

for someone to listen.

I watched you enough

to memorize the pauses in your steps,

the smile you tried to hide,

the way you hurried through crowded streets

only to slow down

when there was nowhere left to be.

And still...

I wished for just one moment closer.

Not because I wanted the world,

but because standing beside you

felt like having all of it.

You never needed jewels

to become unforgettable.

You wore simplicity

the way dawn wears its first light.

Quietly.

Effortlessly.

Sometimes you lowered your eyes,

yet somehow they always found my soul.

You never finished every sentence,

but I carried every unfinished word

as though it were a promise.

If love had ever asked me

what beauty looked like,

I would not describe your face.

I would tell it about your shadow.

Because even the part of you

that never spoke,

never smiled,

never reached for me,

was enough to leave me breathless.

If I could,

I would gather stars in my hands

just to scatter them along your path,

so that for once

the heavens might know

what it feels like

to be beneath something more beautiful.

And if someday

you ask me why I came so close,

I will tell you the truth—

I wasn't chasing you.

I was following your shadow,

because even your shadow

felt like the safest place

my heart had ever found.

Foolish as i am childish,

Grinning as i brim in delusion.

Reality has ceased to exist,

But i live in an exit.

when shall i see a solution

And start to deny buying into,

my delusions.

I hate you for what you did to me.

I gave you my heart,

my soul,

my blood,

and somehow engraved your name

into places deeper than memory.

Into my bone.

And when it ended,

it felt like you stepped on the heart I gave you,

poured the blood into the gutter,

and broke every bone that had your name engraved to it.

I do not know why

the love survived that.

I tried to kill it with anger.

I gathered every cruel thing,

every wound,

every word,

every silence,

every reason I had

to walk away hating you.

I put them all on one side of the scale.

And somehow,

God, somehow,

the love was still heavier.

That is the part I hate most.

Not you.

Me.

For still missing you.

For still caring.

For still choosing tenderness

after everything in me learned

it would be safer not to.

Maybe from the outside

this looks like obsession.

Maybe attachment.

Maybe a man holding onto a memory

long after he should have buried it.

But I know the difference.

I do not want to own you.

I do not want to cage you.

I do not want to force your heart

to beat where mine still does.

I only know that mine does.

And I hate that.

I hate that even wounded,

even angry,

even exhausted,

even after counting every reason

I should stop loving you,

I still do.

Maybe too much.

Maybe more than I should.

Poison in your veins

Taints your head and takes the reins

At your body it eats away

Treatment causes pain every day

Cancer, the silent killer

Do you have a chance, or will it kill ya?

A roll of the dice

Will you win, or pay the price?

As your muscle wastes away

And your body dies more every day

In my heart thoughts of you will stay

I'll try my best to not just feel grey...

My little protector

Gives kisses sweet as nectar

With wet nose and wagging tail 

Her love will always prevail 

Fur soft as butter

She knows my heart flutter by flutter

Even with no words to speak

She knows when to lick my cheek 

When tears fall silent in the night

She never leaves, just snuggles me tight

No judgement found within her eyes

Just endless love that never dies

Hugs so healing

When I'm kneeling and reeling 

Her pawprints mark the path ahead

When loneliness fills me with dread.

Sometimes, it's tough being a loner, I say,

Being a second choice in others' lives,

Being pushed away day by day.

When it's 1 a.m. and the world goes quiet,

When you lay in your bed,

But all there is mistakes in your sight.

When your mind wanders into the dark,

When you think of it all dull of any spark,

That day of your story, of that arc,

Of that one final jump ,

When you just couldn't,

Hehh A coward ,of even this mark.

And then, the next day, you're out and about,

Nobody being any wiser of the pain you shroud,

Of you being all but an inch ,

From being there along the dead of the crowd.

And with it all comes the winter days ,

Ohh so merry and bright as always arent they ??

But what about Walking down the road

Trembling , shivering along the way, looking ahead,

But it's just me and the empty tears I shed.

The times like these make me wonder,

Just where did I go wrong? Why is it me,

Always the available one, but alone in blunder?

The times like these make me wonder,

Am I the problem, or is the world asunder?

The times like these make me wonder,

Don't I also deserve someone to whom I can surrender?

nder?

I swallow my pride a thousand times a day,

I swallow it down and ask for more shame.

Keeping taking jabs at me, my skin is thick, my ego untouched.

You want to take me down? Kindness is where you can slip the blade.

It's where everyone hides their intentions and maybe even then you can't manifest pain.

I've seen too much, felt too much despair and clawed my way back from the depths, with skin beneath my nails, to reclaim my self worth.

I stew in the trenches of my mind, tear myself down before I build myself back up.

Not just once, it's a constant death and rebirth, a careful dismantle and meticulous recreation.

Everything i choose, I've calculated it's risk.

I walk through flames and choose when to burn all for the art of self reflection.

The drink I drink is from the wells of hell

The place I bathe is in the boiling water

I place my feet on the scorching ground

And I lay may head on the fire

Help!

I found myself in the graveyard of the world

I dwell within the city of the dead

I have made my place in the house of hell

I wander in search of a cure to the poison

If only you could see yourself
through these loving eyes of mine,
you'd know why I thank God for you
and will until the end of time.

I love the heart you carry,
the way you choose to live,
the sweetness in your very soul,
the love you have to give.

I love the way you face the world,
the strength you show each day,
the way you always find a smile
no matter what comes your way.

I want to give you all the love
your heart has yet to know,
to kiss away your hardest days
and never let you go.

And when you think I've given all,
I'll find a little more,
for loving you, mi amor, is a privilege
I'll forever be grateful for.

And if I had a thousand lives,
I'd choose you every time,
and pray that in each one of them,
your heart would still find mine.

​

One i count together,

Five i count asunder.

Webs of valleys put together,

Like waves framed in time.

Such beauty they behold

As life is what is told.

To some soft as clouds,

Yet for some rugged like a cliffside

I wish I had the OCD

That the world likes.

The cute OCD.

The colour-coordinated OCD.

The OCD that is praised.

Everybody likes cleaniness and order.

They say it's a skill

A gift, even.

The OCD I have

Is rules,

Rituals,

Commands and demands.

Don't touch that.

Don't say that.

Don't even think it.

Blink twice,

And twice again.

You gotta hurry,

Or else you're guilty.

I live in fear,

Of the make believe

Created in my mind.

Nobody in the world

Encourages this OCD.

To truly know what love is, open your heart, freely share your love unconditionally, without motive or benefit, with all others.

Only then may you know what love is and experience life as it was aways meant to be.

Sometimes I turn on some Marvin and Minnie
and I drift away in my mind.

I see you there, waiting for me.

Candles lit, rose petals scattered, red velvet sheets.

You lay there, naked and bare.

I lust for you deeply.
I long to suck your tender nipples.
I hope to kiss your soft lips.

I wonder how you taste between your legs.

Silent misfolded seeds awake,

Where stroke first set the brain to break.

The thalamus, a gate of light,

Now fades into a central night.

Distorted signals glitch and stall,

As proteins fold and pathways fall.

The relay station slows its tone,

A house of echoes, stone by stone.

Where pain and sleep were once aligned,

A shadowed quiet steals the mind.

No quick rebound, no sudden cure,

The steady drift is slow and sure.

Yet in the quiet deep within,

Beyond where physical ends begin,

A gentle stillness holds the trace

Of memories time cannot erase.

Through fading fire and muted spark,

Love guides the spirit through the dark.

love, it comes first

then hate is an extension

if you're jealous for too long

you might lose your self-possession

devil's only on your shoulder 'cause he lost his way to heaven

if you skip the present moment

you'll be deep down in depression

splash your face with water, practice being independent

go prioritize your soul, then roll a lucky number seven

when the crescent moon is high, all the signs align and beckon

if you're too afraid to live

you're just giving what you're getting

all the rich are broken like their senses of direction

i wouldn't give a red cent to another new invention

we already have it all, mother nature is your best friend

she will give it to you straight

she'll be tougher than lieutenants

your strategy of winning's short-sighted and pretentious

if you sit and listen long enough, you might forget your question

i only smack 'em in the face

'cause their violence, i'm reflecting

repent while you're ahead

death's door is not an exit

i'm falling on my sword, a stable life will leave me bored

keep coming back here with a vengeance

wearing weights around my ankles and a noose like it's a necklace

painting all my foes in gold

while the peasants grab their weapons

my picket sign is black with a skeleton suspended

there's no time to be correct

politics are full of glaring imperfections

didn't want you to be free, never dreamt that you'd be happy

they just need you in contention

god was first upon the chopping block

'cause he's the thing that can connect us

our differences are real

but they never really matter

throw a dagger at the mirror

and watch your spitting image shatter

pick up the little pieces and magnify them in the sun

as the ants begin to scatter

realizing that we're one

How to mend a broken heart
alternatively, how to fix yourself:

Grow a wonderful garden! Befriend the birds! It will be a miracle!
Watch the garden die in the cold from your window sill
Watch the birds abandon you, one by one
Remember death is a thing that chases
Do not worry! Never worry! The pair of mourning doves will not go!
They do not mind the cold! They do not detest your filth!
You can live forever! It is a promise! As long as you can die!

When my head
Is tearing me apart
In infinite directions
I trace them all back

To my one heart

Follow your heart
The universe will
Figure the rest out

Il try again with all of my might

Il stay awake and think all night

Of what I can do to be better

To sit with you and all the weather

To change my ways and what I say

So you only know that I will stay

It won't be easy and it will be hard

But I promise it's only because it's the start

For I only see the good we have

And that's worth more then any bad.

I may make a wrong move or two

But I never stop loving on you

If there ever feels like hate

Its only ever at my mistakes

I know things can be be wrong

But it's not allways going to be the song

Doors are closed that we haven't opened

There's allways love in between what's spoken

I'm just waiting for the day

Where you believe what I say

Then I won't ever have to fear

That you will never let my love come near

You won't ever have to say goodbye

I'm here loving you and willing to try

This love for you is ever so true

Its burns so bright for me and you

Its not something you will ever lose

Your the one I Allways choose

u/Other_Travel_4388

Sting in my worded verse

i confess today was tougher than i imagined but first

sing sing some ding ding

win win my sound and ting ting

took me some asshole to wake up and king

stop it with the tease

put ur aggressive nature at ease

lets play homie

mind chilled spray show me

I have never written anything before and im not into poetry but, i wanted to explain this feeling i had all my life and this is what i ended up with and wanted to share, not sure if this is the right place.

The Boat

I think I missed it

Not to a place,
not to a time,
but to something
to belong to.

Everyone else seems to be there.
And I am here,

Technically.

a stranger in my own country,
a stranger to my own family,
a stranger to the person
everyone calls me.

B

As if a name
could make someone exist.

I don’t remember belonging
and then losing it.

There was no before.
No place I came from.
No moment I can point to
and say: there I was.

There has only ever been now,
and now is empty.

I did what people do.
I tried,
to make a life of my own.

But nothing brought me closer.
Every road led back
to that same place.

Outside of everything.

I don’t know what I missed,
or when I missed it.
I only know that everyone
seems to have arrived
somewhere I cannot find.

Maybe the boat has sailed.

Maybe it was never there.

Maybe B was forgotten
before there was anyone
to remember him.

And still, I am here,
living a life
I cannot quite call mine.

A person
I cannot quite feel.

Present enough to exist,
absent enough to wonder
if I ever really arrived.
Or am I still waiting,

On the boat