I have been doing opiates on a consistent basis since I was 18. I am now about to turn 31 next month. Started with real blues, moved to ECP, and then moved back to the west coast where I started doing fent. I’m what you might consider a high functioning addict as I have maintained a full time job on top of living on my own things like that. My girl was suspecting something for a while and during an argument last night I finally just told her. No one in my life knows I’m still doing this stuff. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. She wants to keep being with me and help me get clean but I feel like she deserves so much better. She deserves someone who isn’t so fucked up. I feel like all I do is bring her down and make her life harder with my own personal problems. I’m so tired of lying constantly especially to her. Part of me wants her to forget about me forever but another part wants me to let her help me. I feel so lost this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with.

97 hours - Ive Just hit the start of day 5

history for ref, 60mg daily of cocodamol ( codeine/paracetamol) for around 4 years, I've tapered off quite a few impacting nervous system meds this year and my nervous system is highly kindled

Its way worse than yesterday, i read by most accounts day 5 is usually the turning point ?

The lipo vit c isn't really helping anymore, I've been up most of the night , i did dose the vit c through the night

I got out of bed with high heart rate this morning and i feel really sick, my skin is burning and I feel really unwell :(

This is just hell

Today was a good day. Or yesterday rather. It was quite a busy one and I was wiped and to tired to post an update last evening.

The day started as usual. Got a pretty good night's sleep. Woke up at 8am. Much earlier than I usually do. It felt good though. Got some sun. Ate some breakfast. Then I remembered. My daughter is having a party Saturday/tomorrow and we have company coming in and my wife wanted the house straightened up. So, I got to it. Broke out the spin mop, mopped the house. Then vacuumed. Wiped down all the furniture and just did other odds and ends. I'll tell ya. That spin mop is great. Lol.

(Repair rant incoming so it might be boring to some but if you're a DIYer you might appreciate it.)

So after that I decided to tackle the ongoing saga of the leaking toilet. What a freakin nightmare that turned out to be. I found the leak and it was one of the bolts that attach the tank to the bowl. No big deal and I already had all the hardware to fix it. So I do everything, turn off the water, drain the tank and get to work. For those who don't know there's 2 bolts. One on each side. One came off fine. Now the fun part. The one that was leaking was rust so bad is seized up and I couldn't get the nut off. After struggling with it for a bit out came the sawzall. So once that was over, put everything back together and realized the bowl was loose where it bolts to the floor. OK. No biggie. Just snug up the bolts on the bottom. Wrong! As I tried to tighten one it just kept spinning. Then I realized it was broken or that's what I thought. So took the other bolts out pulled the bowl off the floor and saw that the flange was broken. Great. Couldn't remove the flange so off to home depot for a flange repair kit and a wax ring. But before I put the new parts on I had to clean all the old wax from the flange and bottom of toilet. Anyone ever have to do that? It's brutal. Took about 45 minutes to get it clean enough to reinstall everything. So once clean, repair flange on new wax ring on, toilet on. Snug everything up and done. What a pita. Anyway it's done and shouldn't have to be done again for a long, long time.

(Rant over.)

So yeah. Finished about 11pm. Hadn't had supper yet and I was starving. Had something to eat. Hit the couch and had my tea while watching some TV. Got to bed around 1am. I was pooped.

So that was my day. Ya know, I realized something. My days have been great but I get this overwhelming feeling of depression at night when I'm watching TV. I know what it is but not sure if there's a way to make it better or it'll just get better over time. See, I never took anything during the day. It was at night is when I'd take my "medication" and enjoy it until I went to bed. That's gone now and I miss it a lot. Par for the course I guess. Things aren't just going to fall back into place after feeling great at that specific time every night for over 2 years. Funny how your body knows exactly what time to expect it's treat. Oh well, I'll have to deal with it for now. But, like I said, eat, TV and tea and bed at about 1am. That was about it.

Today is day 5. Got a horrible night's sleep and I don't know why. I've been sleeping great the last few days. I was tossing and turning all night. Felt hot then cold. Just couldn't get comfortable. Maybe it was because I ate so late. I have no clue what time I finally fell asleep but I feel quite tired today. Maybe I can sneak in a nap in a bit but with company coming in and more prep for my daughter's party tomorrow I'm not sure. I guess we'll see how the day goes.

Hope you all are having a great Friday and thanks for listening.

I'll preface by saying my experience with addiction is limited to alcohol and nicotine (broke alcohol addition 6 years ago after son was born, still working on kicking nicotine). My goal is to get opinions from those of you with better experience as to the best way to support my wife in her recovery.

I'm concerned that her recovery may not actually be recovery anymore. She was using Heroin and Meth for years and was newly into recovery when we met. Fast forward a year she was pregnant with our son and around the same time she moved with me out of state for a year and there were no issues with her recovery. After another year we moved back to be around family which put us at the 2 year mark of her recovery. This is when she said she needed to get on the suboxone program to stay clean, which I was supportive of knowing we were potentially around acquaintances that had access to opiates. The program seemed to work well for her for the past 4 years with the caveat of her snorting her subs. She claims it doesn't get her high but stops her from releasping. (I guess that makes sense as early on she had crushed a few Tylenols to try and trick her cravings). Only recently have my concerns raised when her dr gave her an Adderall prescription. (Same story with snorting them). Over the past few months I see her nodding out (maybe the wrong term idk), like she's tired and she'll drop her phone ect. She got fired from 2 jobs in this time for falling asleep at work. And has had 3 car accidents, thankfully not serious.

It's clear something is wrong here but I don't know what. Is it relaspe, the combo of suboxone and Adderall, something else? And more importantly how do you support someone in this situation when they say everything is fine and the medication is working great?

https://healthsciencehub.net/research/research-notes/tirzepatide-cocaine-opioid-addiction-research