I’ve been a career nanny for going on 10 years, and I’ve been with my current family for a significant portion of that time, although there was a period when I left and later returned. I care deeply about this family and their child, so this is difficult for me. I’m looking for honest feedback, not just validation.
Background with this family
I originally left the position during a difficult period in my personal life when I needed to attend an intensive outpatient mental health program three days a week, which the family couldn’t accommodate. I resigned, but I continued helping them informally for a few weeks afterward. Even though I was no longer formally employed by them, I was still showing up and supporting the family.
They helped me with references, and a couple of months later, before I formally returned, I covered for the replacement nanny full-time for three weeks while she was on vacation. I then returned to the position formally in October, shortly after my divorce was finalized, after the family let the replacement nanny go due to safety and neglect concerns.
I was grateful to return and wanted to make the arrangement work. I’ve consistently been invested in this household and their child, even during periods when I wasn’t technically employed by them. I’ve always taken pride in being dependable and someone they can trust.
My current rate is $27/hour, plus a $200 monthly healthcare stipend. It’s the highest hourly rate I’ve earned, but because my hours have been reduced to three days per week, my total income is lower than it’s ever been.
Changes in workload, expectations, and compensation
My responsibilities have stayed the same or increased despite having fewer hours to complete everything. The child no longer has rest time, which previously gave me time to reset the house and catch up on household tasks. Expectations around organization have also become more detailed, and I increasingly feel scrutinized and less trusted in my judgment.
For example, I had already communicated my plan to reorganize the child’s art station during the family’s vacation to reduce visual clutter and make supplies easier for the child to access and put away. The mother subsequently sent detailed instructions about specific baskets, trays, supplies, and what should be stored elsewhere. I understand that it’s their home and they get to make those decisions, but I felt like my initiative and judgment were being overridden.
There’s also a new emphasis on a 5:30 p.m. cutoff. I need clarity about whether I’m expected to leave by then or finish every task before leaving, because both may not be realistic with the current schedule and no rest period.
My annual bonus has also been reduced. In previous years, I received a $1,000 anniversary bonus. This year, I received $500, with no explanation for the reduction. Even the previous $1,000 bonus didn’t quite equal two weeks of my pay, which is what I understand many nannies receive. I recognize that bonuses aren’t universally standardized and that my hours have decreased, but even if the bonus were reduced proportionally, $500 is still less than one week’s pay at my current rate and schedule.
It’s not just about the money. It’s the lack of communication about a significant change, especially when my responsibilities and expectations haven’t necessarily decreased along with my hours.
Vacation scheduling and guaranteed hours
For multiple years, when the family went on vacation, they never asked me to come in. I was paid under guaranteed hours, and nothing was expected of me while they were away. I felt that was generous and genuinely appreciated it.
More recently, they’ve started asking me to do things during vacations, and now they ask me essentially every time. These tasks include grocery shopping, organizing, toy rotations, and preparing the house for their return.
I’m not opposed to working during vacations. I understand guaranteed hours and that the family can generally assign appropriate job-related duties during those hours. I’m not arguing that they shouldn’t be able to use the hours they’re guaranteeing me.
The problem is that I used to receive months of advance notice about their vacations, allowing me to plan school, appointments, and personal commitments. Now the notice has gotten progressively shorter. Sometimes I’ll be told on a day I’m working that the family will be gone the following week, while also being asked to come in and complete tasks before they return.
Because I only work three days per week, a week-long family vacation doesn’t necessarily mean I have a week off. I might only have two days when I’m not normally scheduled, and if they ask me to come in on one of those days, I may effectively have only one day away from work that week.
I understand the guaranteed-hours arrangement, but the combination of shorter notice, increasingly frequent requests, reduced hours, and limited time off has made it difficult to plan my life.
The missed visit and sick-time dispute
During the family’s most recent vacation, they asked me to come in for grocery shopping and household organizing. I had flexibility in choosing the day and planned to go Friday, shop at the Meijer and Costco near my home, bring the groceries to their house, and organize the art station.
I had every intention of going. I’ve never previously failed to show up when they’ve asked me to do something like this. However, I was dealing with an exceptionally difficult weekend personally and emotionally, and I ultimately couldn’t make it.
My boyfriend has cancer that has spread to his lungs and was recently hospitalized with a serious lung infection. After being discharged, he received frightening information about his condition that left him feeling as though his lungs were falling apart and that he might be dying without options. I don’t know how medically accurate his interpretation was, but I know how frightened he was, and I was frightened too.
At the same time, I’ve been extremely worried about my sister and concerning decisions she’s been making that have put her safety at risk. I was trying to support the people I love while also managing school, work, financial responsibilities, and weeks of poor sleep and exhaustion.
I offered to bring the groceries on Monday instead, but they declined and did the shopping themselves. I understand that my absence inconvenienced them, but I hadn’t intentionally left them in a difficult position, and I offered an alternative.
My employer then told me they wanted to deduct four hours from my sick time, explaining that they were trying to make things fair and comparing it to calling off a regular workday.
I don’t feel those situations are equivalent. This was an additional visit during their vacation week, outside my normal scheduled days. I had intended to go and offered an alternative.
I also receive only six paid days off per year, and the amount of sick time available was already something I planned to address during my upcoming performance review. I’m concerned about having so little time available when I genuinely need it. Being asked to use four hours for this particular situation feels especially unfair.
I’m also unclear about how the four hours were calculated and whether the estimate includes driving time that wouldn’t ordinarily count as paid working time, since I planned to shop near my own home.
I recognize that my absence inconvenienced them, and I understand they may see the situation differently. But I don’t believe one missed additional visit should erase years of reliability and commitment. I’m also trying to understand whether there are contractual or legal considerations I should look into.
My finances, exhaustion, and personal time
I’m struggling financially more than I ever have. Despite my hourly rate, my reduced hours mean I can’t comfortably support myself. I’m working my nanny job, attending college, doing DoorDash, and donating plasma to make ends meet. I’ve also had to borrow money from my mom.
I’m fitting DoorDash deliveries and plasma appointments around my work and school schedule, and it’s taking a real physical toll on me. I’ve been sleeping poorly for weeks, rarely feel rested, and feel physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m doing what I can to survive financially, but the schedule I’m maintaining to make enough money is becoming difficult on my body.
I’m also struggling to find meaningful personal time. I need time to rest, keep up with school, take care of myself, and be present for the people I love. My boyfriend is seriously ill, and I’m deeply worried about my sister. When vacation requests come with little notice and I lose days I thought I had available, it affects my ability to plan my life around everything I’m already managing.
I’m not asking my employers to solve my personal problems or excuse every work-related issue. But my current income requires me to take on additional work, and that comes at a cost to my physical health, rest, and personal life. That’s a significant part of why I’m questioning whether this employment arrangement is sustainable long-term.
The relationship and upcoming review
The family has historically been kind to me. They’ve expressed how lucky they feel to have me in their lives and praised my patience, creativity, trustworthiness, and care for their child. I believe those things were sincere.
That’s why these changes hurt. I feel increasingly scrutinized and less trusted, while the practical expectations of the job have become harder to meet within my reduced hours.
When I was upset about the sick-time situation, they could tell. I told my employer I heard him and understood what he was saying, but I needed time to process everything. The mother checked in, hugged me, and said they were there to help. My employer later texted to apologize for adding to my stress and said they care about me and were trying to handle payroll.
I appreciated that. I don’t want to portray them as uncaring people. But the practical issue remains unresolved, and I feel there’s a growing disconnect between the warmth of our personal relationship and the realities of my employment.
I have a performance review coming up, and I had already planned to discuss:
My reduced hours and financial sustainability.
My workload compared with the time available, especially without the child’s rest period.
The 5:30 cutoff and clear priorities for household tasks.
Vacation scheduling and receiving more advance notice.
My limited paid time off and how sick time is used.
The unexplained reduction in my annual bonus.
These concerns existed before the missed Friday visit. I’m trying to approach the review professionally, but I’m exhausted and struggling to find the energy to address everything.
Where I’m at now
Part of me feels I may need to find another position, not because I don’t love this family or their child, but because I don’t know whether this arrangement is still working for me. I want to preserve the personal relationship before resentment damages it, but finding a new position with good pay, guaranteed hours, benefits, and a manageable schedule is difficult while I’m in college.
I don’t want to make a decision based on one incident. I want to look at the bigger picture and determine whether these changes can be addressed or whether it’s time to move on.
I’d really appreciate honest feedback from other career nannies:
Does the request to deduct four hours of sick time seem reasonable when this was an additional vacation-week visit rather than a regularly scheduled shift?
How would you approach negotiating more paid time off when you currently have only six paid days per year?
How do you handle guaranteed hours when vacation requests and scheduling changes come with increasingly short notice?
Is it reasonable to be concerned about a bonus dropping from $1,000 to $500 without an explanation, particularly when the new amount is less than one week’s pay?
How would you approach a performance review where workload, scheduling, compensation, and trust all seem to be changing at once?
Would you try to resolve these concerns and give the arrangement a chance to improve, or would you start looking for another position?
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m automatically right or that the family is automatically wrong. I genuinely want perspective from people who understand this profession.
I’ve spent years showing up for this family, including during periods when I wasn’t even formally employed by them. I care about them, and I want to continue being a good nanny, but I also need to support myself, attend school, care for my own health, and be present for the people I love.
At this point, I’m trying to figure out whether this is a difficult period we can work through or whether the arrangement has become unsustainable for me long-term.