I think what I need is better control of my mind. The ability to not overreact, or even stay calm when i should. The ability to control my anxiety. The ability to somehow shed suffering when I'm in pain- that's a huge one.
Everything I know about meditation comes to mindfulness, which I can't remedy cuz what if it's not focus you need but distance? If I'm in pain, focusing on the pain isn't what they teach the SEALs, yknow what I mean? I'm sure there's an element of exposure therapy that works to some extent, but also it seems when you're in distress it's sometimes the worst time to learn how to deal with distress... similar to why they say you must learn yoga for when you need yoga. Thus some mind control could come in handy, I figure. But not sure if meditation actually helps do this.
I dunno what meditation really is. I know you seek to boost awareness; I know you aim to stop intrusive thoughts; And I know monks set themselves on fire and somehow sit there. But I don't know how to get there or if its really meditation that does it (I'm sure pure conviction plays a role). But still- seems impressive to aspire to even 1/10th of that.
Anyone know which direction I'm looking to walk here?
Much obliged.