r/LyricalWriting • u/harmonicminor26 • 6h ago
Feedback Request New song I wrote as a beginner songwriter
Verse 1
It's looking kinda blue
Take my place at the desk
I don't like this
It's the only thing I want to do
Verse 2
Ripped the first, too obscure
Ripped the second, too literal
Ripped the third, too stupid, too weird
Ripped the fourth, ugh, it's way too real
Pre-chorus
Another hour, nothing there
It'll get better, they say
If I tried harder, I'd get it, for sure
Still remains bare
Chorus
In their blood
But then, why not mine?
They put in the work,
So did I...
Verse 3
It's looking kinda blue
Tried a thing or two
Once more, I'll open up the door
With any luck, it won't be the same as before
(fade out)
Bridge
Eyes ahead, it's up and coming
I guess something's better than nothing
I...
Look back, stop tracks
Watch the mirror warp facts
Diamonds turn lead
Watch the unravelling thread
Maybe my light just goes a different way
Maybe this just isn't meant to be
Final chorus
They put in the work
And so did I
In their blood
But then, why not mine?
This one joins the rest
Number 5, same as everything else
I did what they did
Or at least I tried
I would love some feedback and criticism on how to improve this. š It's in the genre of indie rock, Dm and maybe a tempo of 150 BPM.