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This are concerns of course Joe hello why Haven you come to me with factors and the last fight in you to make it's best ever to leave your LEGACY IN HISTORY

Hi everyone.

Rationality is the art of winning, and I (23M) try to apply it to everyday life as much as academic pursuits. Facing a highly difficult scenario, I want to consult the collective intelligence of this community regarding potential faults in my current reasoning.

My partner and best friend left me due to a complicated set of reasons. He was my "other half"—the person who inspired me to work harder toward our shared career goals in medicine and life-extension research. He was also my only close friend and the closest entity I had to a family. I am poorly calibrated for general socializing; I think I have the social skills, but I derive very little utility or enjoyment from interactions with most people, even though I keep an open mind. I am generally friendly, on good terms with everyone, and well-liked by people around me, but I don't have any close connections. Not anyone whose mind I would be excited to explore and model.

This is compounded by the fact that I have cancer. The disease itself is not an emotional issue for me - I never had any delusions about the infallibility of cellular division. However, it significantly compresses my time horizon. I likely have years, but not decades, to operate. This drastically cuts down the search space where probabilities of meeting a compatible peer can unfold.

I initially tried a brute-force approach by frantically socializing, but quickly abandoned it due to severe burnout and low yield. I also attempted a probability calculation to estimate the likelihood of finding a similarly compatible person, but abandoned the exercise because separating dependent and independent variables under these constraints proved highly complex.

Currently, I am running standard interventions (therapy, volunteering, secular Buddhist practice). While they mitigate the baseline, they do not resolve the core problem.

Perhaps I feel like having someone to share in the exploration of the universe and being deeply known mitigates the inherent, excruciating loneliness of facing mortality. I feel like that is what gives life meaning?

I feel trapped in a state of misery, which suggests to me that my predictive model of the future or my strategy has a fundamental bug. Or to put it plainly, I am probably being stupid.

My questions for the community:

1. Where are the blind spots or cognitive distortions in how I am framing this problem? What should I investigate?

2. Given a limited time horizon and low baseline social energy, what is the most rational search strategy for finding high-compatibility peers? Or should I reframe the problem entirely?