A couple of months ago I (38F) and my husband (40M) found out at our first appointment at the IVF clinic (MFI) that my AMH was 0.035 and AFC was 0. We were absolutely shocked with the diagnosis and our prognosis, and it took me weeks to start feeling even slightly better.

Another doctor insisted that we keep monitoring my cycles and it turned out that in every subsequent cycle my AFC was between 2 and 7. I slowly became more hopeful. We couldn't start sims for months because of financing issues (a government funded program), but we finally did almost three weeks ago (AFC 3-4, AMH 0.1). It was a long stimulation, but I got three eggs and two were mature.

I didn’t even get one day to recover from the stress of all those monitoring appointments, the constant fear that my follicles had stopped growing or that I’d stopped responding, and the stress of the retrieval itself.

Not. one. goddamn. day.

The lab called before noon today to tell us one egg hadn't fertilized at all and the other one had fertilized abnormally.

I knew this could happen, and I was bracing myself for bad news, but I'm floored. Honestly, I thought I'd take it better, but I'm absolutely devastated. It's fucking unbelievable how much pain and fear we have to endure. I've lost all hope. For some reason, the term "total fertilization failure" is so frightening to me. Seriously, f--- infertility.

So my husband and I have been trying for our first for about 3 years now, assisted for the last two. I have DOR and lower progesterone, but other than that we mostly have just unexplained infertility; all of our testing has checked out for both of us. After a successful first IUI that ended in a MC, and then multiple unsuccessful IUIs, an egg retrieval (where we got 4 high graded, untested embryos) and then two failed FETs, we decided to take a break from assistance and just focus on ourselves and our health.

We aren’t actively “trying” (not taking/timing anything specific, etc), and we also aren’t doing anything to prevent it, yet every month I remain hopeful that this’ll be the month it spontaneously happens for us. My cycles are pretty regular, maybe a day plus or minus, and I have some pretty normal pre-cycle symptoms that I’m accustomed to so when there’s even the slightest variation I get my hopes up, and it’s exhausting but I can’t help it.

Like this month: I should have started around yesterday. I haven’t had any of my normal cycle symptoms… I remain an eternal realistic optimist: I know the chances are low, but they aren’t zero so I’ll forever keep on believing it can happen.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent. You’re all wonderful.

I’ve lost both fallopian tubes due to ectopic pregnancies with the most recent surgery being two weeks ago. My best friend is pregnant with her 2nd baby and another close friend just announced her pregnancy on social media. I knew before this but the announcement just made me feel so much more alone. We’ve been trying to have a baby for over 3 years. Now with another loss and having to do IVF it feels like everyone around me is moving on with their life and getting everything they want while I’m stuck here. I feel like I have no one to talk to about my grief. My family and friends are trying their best to be supportive but no one understands the pain of losing your pregnancy and the hope to be able to get pregnant again all in one swoop. None of them have experienced infertility or pregnancy loss. They don’t understand the guilt I carry for being the reason we can’t have a baby like everyone else. They don’t understand the suicidal thoughts when I’m thinking that it would be better if my husband could find someone else who doesn’t have these issues. They don’t get what it feels like for your body to utterly fail you. I just feel so alone and lost right now. My heart feels like it’s breaking every day and I’ve started having panic attacks when I think of seeing my pregnant friends. I’m so emotionally drained. Do you feel this way too? How do you cope?

I did clomid with trigger shot this month. My body was “responding well” to everything and I even had two mature follicles . My dumb ass really thought it was gonna happen. I just got my period today. Why tf did I get excited

I’m friends with the dad in this case, but their baby shower is this Saturday and I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together. He’s honestly one of my best friends and is very understanding. I want so badly to be there for them, but I just don’t know if I can handle it. How have y’all done this for friends you love dearly? Any tips for helping remind yourself it’s not their fault and they absolutely deserve to be happy? Or for being “normal” for this situation at least for a few hours?

I keep on and keep on seeing the dumbest stuff. One lady said her husband didn’t want her to donate her eggs because it’s “giving OUR CHILD away”. Like, someone else paid a fuck ton of money, subjected themselves to a painful procedure, got pregnant and dealt with 9 months of pregnancy, GAVE BIRTH, and yet there’s still this other person saying it’s “our child”. What do you mean??? Then there’s kids conceived through embryo adoption wanting to meet their “real parents” (the biological ones). I’m sorry, and maybe it’s selfish, but if I got pregnant and gave birth and then STILL couldn’t consider the baby 100% my own…at that point there’s no reason to not just adopt a kid. At least then there’d be a justifiable reason for the kid and everyone else to feel like they aren’t actually yours.