I've posted here twice before about navigating a friendship where my best friend is unexpectedly pregnant, and I'm still struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss. My first post was asking whether anyone had successfully maintained a friendship under those circumstances, and my second was about a boundary I tried to establish around pregnancy conversations.

Unfortunately, things haven't really gotten better.

After we disagreed about boundaries-not that we couldn't have them, but what they meant- I saw some things she reposted on social media about toxic friendships, pregnancy showing you who your real friends are, people not being supportive, and people who are ugly inside destroying their own lives. I don't know whether they were directed at me, but I know she has a habit of sharing passive-aggressive posts when she's upset with someone, so it seems very likely some were at least somewhat related to me and our situation. I also noticed that some were reposted while I was beginning to experience a miscarriage, just after she shared her pregnancy with me, and the others were while I was still grieving my loss and trying to figure out how to save our friendship following our recent argument.

Seeing them was incredibly painful. They made me feel judged, criticized, and like my pain is an inconvenience to her and her happiness. It made me question how comfortable I would feel being vulnerable with her going forward, because any vulnerability I share could potentially be targeted this way in a future disagreement.

Since we last spoke, and especially after seeing those, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on our friendship, the ways we've historically handled conflict, and what we each need from each other right now. I won't get into the specific details of our friendship dynamics, but I realized that I can't always be the one taking all the responsibility, making the first move, and always letting her feelings dictate where our friendship stands, especially now. And I've come to the heartbreaking realization that I don't think either of us can be the friend the other needs during these particular chapters of our lives.

She deserves to enjoy her pregnancy and motherhood without feeling like she has to manage my grief. And I need to be able to express how angry, frightened, jealous, and devastated I sometimes feel without worrying that I'm being judged or that my feelings are hurting someone I love, or like I have to offer a three-paragraph-long disclaimer and reassurance every time I have a thought that she might take personally against her or her pregnancy.

So I've decided that I need to step away from the friendship for now.

And I'm completely devastated.

This is someone who's been my best friend, my 'soul sister' for twelve years. She's the person I could say the ugly, irrational things to without having to explain that I didn't genuinely believe them or wish anyone harm. She knew who I was beyond my worst moments and could sit with me when I was miserable without trying to fix everything or feel a need to make it positive before I was ready for it to be anything but awful. The past few months have shown me that she can't be that for me right now as she's going through her own pregnancy, and honestly, when I'm trying to enjoy my life, feel like a person again, and distract myself from infertility, her pregnancy was making that extremely difficult for me for a multitude of reasons. I know I can't avoid every pregnant woman in the world, and I don't hate pregnant women, but I also know that right now, I can't be best friends with someone stepping into the experience I've made countless sacrifices and expended so much energy into over the past few years to try to get to myself.

So, now I'm preparing for IVF, something I'm already absolutely terrified of. I hate pretty much everything about the process, aside from the hope of having a baby at the end, and I won't have the one person I always imagined helping me through it. Side note: I have my reasons for feeling so strongly about IVF, and I'm working through them in therapy, hoping to eventually reach a place where the thought of treatment doesn't fill me with quite so much dread.

I have a wonderful husband, family, two therapists (one specializing in infertility), other friends, and a support group, and I'm grateful for all of them. But none of those relationships replace twelve years of friendship or the specific kind of emotional safety I had with her.

The hardest part is that I genuinely feel some relief knowing I won't constantly be anticipating pregnancy conversations or constantly worrying about how my feelings might affect her, or reassuring her that her pregnancy doesn't hurt me even though it does. But that relief comes at the cost of losing my best friend when I need her most.

And I'm so fucking angry that infertility has taken this from me, too.

I obviously know that infertility isn't solely responsible for what happened to our friendship. We're both responsible for how we've navigated an incredibly difficult situation, and some of her actions, particularly the things she reposted, have genuinely hurt me and damaged my trust.

But it's really hard not to feel like infertility has become one long marathon of taking things away from me.

It's not enough that I've spent years trying to have a baby, experienced a miscarriage, and am now facing treatment I'm terrified of. Somehow, infertility has managed to reach into nearly every other part of my life, too. My relationship with my body, my sense of security, my ability to enjoy certain milestones, my confidence, the list goes on... and now one of the most important friendships I've ever had.

I know it's more complicated than simply saying infertility took my best friend. But I can't help feeling furious that, if I weren't going through this, we probably wouldn't even be in this situation.

I just want to be a mom. I never thought that I'd have to keep losing other parts of myself and my life along the way.

I've written out what is basically a "goodbye for now" message explaining my hurt, why I'm making this decision, and how, while I need to do this for my own emotional well-being, I'm also trying to give her the space to enjoy the rest of her pregnancy and enter motherhood without feeling guilty or having to worry about making space for my grief.

I don't know whether this is goodbye forever, and part of me really hopes it isn't. But I know I need some peace before IVF, and right now, I genuinely don't know how to find that peace while maintaining the friendship.

And I hate that I'm going into IVF knowing I won't have her. I hate that I have to figure out how to navigate something so completely terrifying to me while simultaneously grieving the friendship I thought would help me through it, because I don't have anyone else like her, and the thought of doing this without her particular brand of support makes me angrier than ever.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice or for anyone to tell me whether I'm making the right decision. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I know what I need to do right now (but still plan to talk to my therapist before sending anything to her).

I guess I just thought it might be helpful to hear from people who understand how much infertility can take from you beyond the obvious, and maybe from anyone who's had to face treatment after losing someone they thought would be there to support them.

I'm terrified of IVF, I'm heartbroken about my friendship, and I'm exhausted from feeling like every time I find my footing, something else gets taken away.

And I'm just really, really sad. I've cried almost every day thinking about this and how much I miss her, and I'm so angry that something I've already sacrificed so much for is costing me yet another part of my life.

I guess I could really use some reassurance that I can get through this, even without her. ❤️

Trigger warning ED

Title says it, I just don’t have it in me right now. I’m 32, I had an ED when I was younger, at my lowest I was 85 pounds I’m 5 4 (barely lol). My weight was stable but low most of my adult life. Mid 20s I developed hypothyroidism so I gained some weight but evened out, was 140- 150 ish for a long time. Exercised ate decent etc, slightly overweight but happy.

The last two years have been rough, I’ve been doing IVF (three egg retrievals), had two failed transfers than an ectopic pregnancy. Excision surgery for endometriosis that led to a post opp infection which fried my thyroid again. Then a spontaneous pregnancy and miscarriage in July. My body is exhausted, I was very depressed at times and ate for comfort. Everytime I take estrogen I get so puffy and bloated, just constantly throwing the same weight back and forth.

I just did a mock cycle on estrogen and am on it again; weighed 180s last I checked. I know it’s bad to be overweight but I just don’t have it in me right now to make this my focus. I have been on so much medication, antibiotics, metformin, I’m nauseous a lot and often so bloated and constipated. I try to eat healthy, I go to the gym and exercise, but idk I just don’t want to eat 1200 calories a day and measure everything.

My dad and husband keep bringing it up, I get it! But it’s just so hard. I work full time and a part time job, IVF is so much running around, some days I’m driving a couple hours on top of everything just for appointments. Has anyone been in this situation? I feel such guilt that I’m not trying harder.

I need to be happier bc my sadness has lingered for nearly 5 years now and I’m starting to feel embarrassed by it.

I feel like I need to have a happier outward appearance bc we’ve talked about this for years now… People have dealt with me in this phase of my life, for years… Can’t I give them a break from me? Can’t I be genuinely happy for once?

For their sake, I should have a bigger, better, happier reaction to their news of conceiving, the gender reveal, receiving photos of their ultrasound and updates.

It feels almost silly to still be sad about our infertility and loss. It’s been almost 5 years and I think that’s the part that really gets me.. It’s been almost 5 years and nothing has changed for us.

I’m forcing myself to be happier but nothing. has. changed. We are still stuck in the same situation we were in years ago while others have gone onto have multiple successful pregnancies and I have nothing.

Realistically, I don’t imagine anyone is feeling like I need to put on a show for them and act like everything is okay when it isn’t. And yet this shit is still eating me alive and I’ve never felt lonelier.

🫠 I just needed to get that off my chest 🫩

I'm just so fed up with unsupportive friends.

Myself and my husband have been trying to have a baby since 2023. We are both healthy, everything looks good on paper, yet I still haven't gotten pregnant. I'm on my third IUI cycle. The medication, the multiple appointments per cycle and the stress has me absolutely exhausted. We are doing our best with the situation we have.

Meanwhile, I have a friend who I've known for over 10 years. We were really close. Then in 2024 she got pregnant around the same time I needed surgery to remove a large ovarian cyst. She barely checked in, called it my "little procedure" and only spoke about her pregnancy/baby. She even said to me once "You'll never understand unless you're a mother" as she stroked her pregnant belly. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about it. After my surgery, I had complications, haemorrhaged, and nearly died. To this day she still refers to it as a "little procedure".

Then she gave birth. I was supportive and did all things friends do for new mothers. I cooked for her and dropped it off. Every time we visited I brought flowers and food, helped her clean up, listened to her struggles as a new mom. Like sure, she never checked in on me, but she was in the trenches of new motherhood. I thought it would surely turn around. Nope, the opposite.

When I told her that we finally saw a fertility specialist after waiting for so long she said "Well, now you can get IVF". Like it is so simple, like it's picking up a carton of milk from the store and not a massive ordeal that doesn't guarantee a baby.

I've told her how hard I am finding the IUIs mentally, physically and emotionally. She doesn't check in with me and when she does it's about her life with her baby.

Last week she texted me that she was pregnant again and she didn't want to spring it on me next time she saw me. It was so obviously written with Chat GPT. I responded kindly, congratulated her and asked her how she was doing. Then I didn't hear from her for a week, when she texted me about butternut squash..... nothing else.

Tonight we were supposed to meet a friend for dinner. I'm having Letrozole migraines and said I couldn't make it but I hope they have fun. Her response? "Oh no, I was also going to cancel sadly. Let's reschedule."

I'm so tired. As if this whole ordeal isn't hard enough, grieving this friendship is really taking its toll. Like is it so hard to text someone "How are you?" or "I'm thinking of you"? I know if I bring it up she's going to make it that I'm jealous of her pregnancy and not that I'm hurt that this friendship has become a big source of pain.

Has this ever happened to anyone? What did you do about it?

TL;DR: Friend has become very absent since she became a mother. I need support and she isn't there.

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

Feeling lost. Feeling like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. How do you push through not knowing the end result?

29 female - 2 failed FET. Currently doing lupron suppression for the next two months.

Stage 4 endo had two laparoscopic.

I feel like if this third transfer doesn’t work I won’t be able to take it

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

The other day, I went to the dentist to have a tooth ripped out of my skull while simultaneously wondering whether I was pregnant, miscarrying, or having an ectopic pregnancy.

Spoiler alert: I’m miscarrying.

Because apparently my body and the universe have a joint loyalty program, and every fucking purchase comes with complimentary trauma.

Eight years of infertility. Four losses. No living children. Two failed embryo transfers. And now another pregnancy I desperately wanted but was too terrified to believe in.

Because I had to be treated as pregnant, I could only have lidocaine. What nobody mentioned was that infected tissue can be notoriously difficult to numb.

So I felt. Fucking. Everything.

I’m sobbing while they’re wrenching a piece of my skull out of my face, and the doctor says, “This is why I always recommend being put out for this kind of removal.”

Oh, fantastic. Would’ve been useful information BEFORE THE MEDIEVAL TORTURE BEGAN.

At this point, I’ve survived enough physical and psychological torment to qualify for a documentary. Here we observe the infertile woman in her natural habitat: exhausted, traumatized, and once again being hunted for sport by the universe.

Then I notice the assistant is pregnant. They literally have “FIRST TRIMESTER” written on the whiteboard. I guess for me. I was tempted to add a question mark to the end of it.

While I’m actively sobbing, she tries to distract me by telling me labor will be worse, asking when I’m due, if I’m doing a gender reveal, and what gender I want.

Ma’am.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THIS BABY IS GOING TO FUCKING LIVE.

And now I know.

I’m miscarrying.
Again.

There’s a special kind of hell reserved for people who spend years trying to become parents. You learn to fear hope, grieve pregnancies nobody knew existed, and keep functioning while your world quietly falls apart.

And apparently, you learn to have a tooth extracted while strangers discuss your imaginary baby shower.

I’m tired of being resilient. I never fucking auditioned for this role.

I left the dentist with one less tooth and another pregnancy to grieve.

The tooth had an exit strategy.
Apparently, I’m still waiting for mine from this fucking nightmare.

I’ve been getting annoyed with people that refer to me as “Mami”. I don’t have the balls to say please don’t call me that… just another added reminder. I know they don’t mean it anyway- their Spanish way of calling me ma’am I guess? I don’t speak Spanish. Just ughhh

Hey, 34m here. I have been struggling with infertility for the better part of 7 years now. I began the journey with my ex-wife, who would go on to being diagnosed with PCOS. She, of course, is no longer in the picture.

I've wanted to be a dad ever since the passing of mine. He wasn't great to me and was a negative example at best. I guess it's part of my hope not to break the cycle by refusing to have kids. But I want to hold that piece of the rest of my family I've lost and cherish them. I just want my world to stop getting smaller.

Ever since my divorce, I felt as though I lost a baby after moving on from it, never happening with my former wife. I've dated, and I hold onto hope it may one day happen. I've thought a lot about it, and I've decided I still want that one of my own. I dont want to adopt or assume that im a position where someone wants me to only be a stepdad. I just want to not care for a child to not be in their life sometime later.

Recently, I have lost contact (for now) with a woman who understood how I feel about children. we dated for a short while, but it was fulfilling and healing, although the heartbreak is still fresh. But I feel as though maybe I am open to relationships because of the potential of children.

I have freinds with multiple abortions, exes that got pregnant after me, exes that would tell me how easy they got pregnant. And it makes me feel like im less than. I've been struggling with SI. And with an elderly dog, I feel so powerless against the world to keep turning faster than im ready to lose someone else.

Im finally trying to get tested, and I'm scared of the results. I have to know. My mom is 70 already, my siblings never had kids, and my twin and his wife have been trying with no success.

Any words of wisdom would help.

Went for my 5th scan in 2 weeks for my first frozen transfer today. Fully medicated cycle, my lining went from 6mm 3 days ago to 4.5mm today so....cool. I am still waiting to hear from my clinic but the writing is on the wall, its going to be canceled. I am going to push for a modified natural and I feel pretty confident my lining will respond better to that but today I am just pissed. At this point it will be almost 8 months from when we started prepping for IVF until our first transfer. This is just the longest, saddest, most frustrating season of my life.

Most of the time I feel like shit physically from the meds. We are either pumping me full of hormones or completely shutting them off. I hardly recognize my life anymore and just f-ing over my body not cooperating. We are coming up on our second wedding anniversary and while I love my husband deeply I just don't feel like celebrating. Everything feels so dark and heavy. Looking back on life before infertility, it seems so blissful (though I didnt appreciate it at the time). The burnout is real, but taking a break seems like a worse option. I am hoping once I am off all this estrogen I will feel better and have a better outlook, it almost makes me feel like I have the flu, and having to function and work and manage a million appointments is just too much. Mainly just venting, this is all straight up traumatic.

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

Waiting for my period to appear, waiting for more tests, waiting for referrals, waiting to find out someone else is pregnant, waiting to explain my situation again, waiting for people to ask if I had kids, waiting for a new stage of life that I desperately want to begin.

Tedious.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

I get that people are trying to be positive but I keep hearing it, I've been hearing it for 4 years and in the beginning I believed it. Now I'm just like "Will it? How do you know? Are you psychic? Are you a medical professional? Unless you have secretly taken my blood and have 100% clear proof that I am unknowingly pregnant, don't keep saying this shit"

Last week I had to get a Mirena inserted to treat my endometrial hyperplasia, I have to keep it in for 6 months.

My specialist gave me this plan back in 2023 but didn't want to insert the Mirena then because I was about to move interstate. After the move I went to my GP and he didn't want to do the Mirena because it was the opposite of getting pregnant. He referred me to a new specialist. After a year of more invasive tests, she told me I needed the Mirena for 6 months, I had it inserted and 3 weeks later she told me that I didn't actually need it and removed it. She told me to go lose weight and come back to start ovulation induction. I went away for a year, came back 20kg lighter, more scans and tests and it came back to "You need the Mirena for 6 months"

If they had just gone ahead and done it the first time or left it in the second time then the 6 months would already be over and I might have had a baby by now. Instead, I'm sitting here counting down the days and if someone tries to interrupt this 6 months I may actually strange them with my IUD strings

Also my sister just announced she's pregnant again and I love her but I really fucking hate her

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a little more that a year and a half, and so far, all of our test results have been normal.

Here’s what we’ve done so far:

1. My vaginal/cervical swabs (Mycoplasma, Ureaplasma, Chlamydia) – negative
2. Semen analysis and sperm culture – normal
3. Pap smear and colposcopy – normal
4. Ovulation confirmed for the past 7–8+ months
5. HSG – normal, tubes are open
6. I also tried ovulation stimulation with Clomid
7. Hormone levels – normal
8. Regular 28-day cycles, no PCOS
9. AMH – normal
10. Antisperm antibodies – normal
11. I was also tested for both inherited and acquired thrombophilias. The only findings were PAI-1 5G/5G, Factor XIII, and MTHFR C677T.

The only thing that might be a minor issue is mild hyperinsulinemia. However, my endocrinologist didn’t consider it significant enough to require treatment, while my gynecologist prescribed Glucophage XR 1000 mg anyway, just to rule out insulin resistance as a contributing factor. I’ve been taking it for several months now.

At this point, we have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

We also recently had our first IUI (intrauterine insemination). I’m currently 14 DPO, and I’m supposed to have my beta hCG blood test in the next few days, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed.

However, regardless of the outcome of this cycle, I’m wondering what else we should investigate. I feel like we’ve already done so many tests, but I’m still not sure if there’s something important we might be missing.

For those of you who have been through something similar, what additional tests did you have done? Did you ever find a cause for your infertility?

I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences and what you would recommend looking into next.
Thank you in advance! ❤️

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

Has anyone not gotten a period 9wks after a d&c for an early pregnancy loss? I still haven’t gotten mine and I’m starting to stress. I’ve reached out to my doctor but just curious what others have experienced

I posted in here a handful of weeks ago about finding out that my best friend in the world is pregnant the same weekend where I found out that I was about to begin miscarrying following an unexpected pregnancy of unknown location the month I planned to start IVF. She’s known about the difficulty of infertility over the past 3 years, the 3 failed IUIs I completed earlier this year, that I was pregnant but it didn’t seem viable, and then I found out that she was pregnant (she wasn’t even trying seriously) at like the worst possible time. I posted in here looking for advice and asking if people in similar situations have had their friendships survive and everyone was really helpful.

After taking some space and having a serious conversation about boundaries and how we both felt, we agreed that neither of us wanted the other to feel like we had to censor ourselves and that we care about each other and didn’t want this to change things for us.

Unfortunately, that’s not really seemed to be the case. I’ve noticed a difference in how she reacts to things I say. Before, if I said, “this is so unfair that I have to do this (IVF),” I’d get “it is unfair, I’m so sorry, it sucks and you shouldn’t have to.” Now I get, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The biggest thing, though, is that she complains about pregnancy symptoms CONSTANTLY and I feel like this is just highly insensitive. Historically I’ve been the person she complains to about her various health issues/pains/life, but this just feels like, read the room! I’d do anything to be pregnant. I can handle the good news - it’s hard but it doesn’t ruin my whole day because I am genuinely happy for her. But, when it’s endless “pregnancy sucks today” types of complaints, it makes me spiral. Like, she doesn’t even appreciate this, why did she get it and I didn’t? Or then I get angry at her and resent her, then I feel guilty for resenting her. Sometimes when I’m already having a hard day, I feel like, “is she just rubbing it in that she’s pregnant and I’m not?” and then I feel awful for feeling that way. It ends up with me spiraling about my body, my self-worth, sadness, anger, etc and puts a major downer on my day.

I don’t expect her to enjoy every second of pregnancy for my sake, and if she isn’t fully enjoying it, I am sorry. Obviously if something serious were going on, I’d want to know, but I just feel like it should be pretty obvious and requires only a very basic level of self-awareness to realize that I’m not the best person to complain about heartburn and bloating and headaches to.

I plan on speaking to my therapist today about to not spiral when she does this, and to maybe help me communicate this boundary in a way that doesn’t make her defensive or lead to more drama. I am also scheduling consultations with therapists that specialize in infertility. But I’m just curious if anyone else has had a friend do this as well and if you said anything or just sucked it up.

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

Just overwhelmed and wanted to rant to those I know understand. My older brother and his wife are due to deliver their first in about a month, they had some fertility issues and I felt solidarity and joy when they got pregnant. My younger brother just announced they are also having a baby, I just feel so sad. Everyone I am close to or know about who wants kids, is having them. We’ve struggled with unexplained infertility for almost 8 years at this point like wtf. We are starting back up with a fertility clinic soon so there is a path forward, I’m just so sad that my journey isn’t what I expected, and even if I do manage to get pregnant, I’ll be terrified. I don’t doubt there is fear for those who didn’t struggle, but just knowing what had to go into it,
My god I won’t be able to breathe. Idk there isn’t really any right answer. I’m SO thankful my little brother doesn’t have to struggle with it, I don’t wish infertility on anyone, but goddamn. Just all the feels in this moment and I know yall get it. Oh well

I’ve recently been restarting therapy to help get through this ongoing difficult season of life. My therapist is lovely and has a certification in infertility care. I’ve recently been struggling with triggers around my family (my sister got pregnant on her first try and I’m over 2 years TTC). She’s due very soon. Being around my family makes me anxious and upset lately. My therapist told me to color code family functions (green is easy to attend like a brief lunch, yellow is I can go but with boundaries, like my husband also needs to attend as support or I need an end time, and red is that I cannot emotionally ally handle going). I think this has really helped me set my own boundaries around my triggers. Something else she’s told me is to envision a bookshelves, and I decide who to put on each shelf, the higher someone is, the more I let them in. It’s helpful to think about this about weekly and rearrange people’s shelves in my head over time.

I feel like I’m in a sad but ok place personally when it comes to my journey, but when I think about my sister giving birth I lose all emotional control.

Has anyone received extra special advice or ways of thinking when it comes to infertility? TIA! ❤️

I need a place to complain … I cannot stand when sharing poor news and a friend saying “I can be your surrogate!” It feels so insulting. I know people just don’t know what to say but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.