UPDATE: You don't have to invent an epitaph! Share the funniest one you've ever seen, heard, read, or found online. Originality is entirely optional. A good laugh is all we're after! 💀 Cheesecake will be provided to the Mayor and the winner.

With Halloween approaching, I thought Lower Duck Pond could use a little graveyard humor. Creativity and a wicked sense of humor are encouraged.

Post your epitaphs in the comments. May the best dearly departed win! 💀🎃

Hypothetically, if three people needed them in less than 24 hours, where would one find these boots?

Hypothetically of course.

The Nostrovia Care & Dispensary Group publicly clarifies that it DOES NOT engage in the cultivation and/or sale of narcotic or highly controlled substances, in strict compliance with Article 42-B of the Lower Duck Pond Municipal Health Surveillance Regulations.

We reiterate that all health products and therapeutic compounds offered by this clinic are carefully prescribed by qualified professionals, and distributed entirely free of charge, in full compliance with current legislation and the guidelines set forth in Article 115, Item IV, of the Lower Duck Pond Local Pharmaceutical Guidelines Law.

The administration remains available for any further clarification that may be needed.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lidiya Antonova Doctor in Charge Administrative Board Nostrovia Care & Dispensary

I know we are all still missing Margaret after she decided to shut down the bakery and retire on back to back Caribbean cruises. I know she's having a great time (she must be since she doesn't ever check her socials!)

Does anyone know what her secret ingredient for the brownies was? I keep trying to recreate them but they're just missing that magic Margie touch.

So far I've tried walnuts, butter, and an extra egg.

We had him over for the long weekend. It was quite enjoyable but as always he hates to leave. I think he took off towards the pie shop? If you see him please be aware that he’s off his medication and he’s probably hostile. Do not make eye contact and call the LDP police. Thanks y’all ❤️

There's a bear in my neighbor's yard, again. I told him to pick his fruit and I even offered to do it for him. I wish we could make a bylaw to force people to pick the fruit or cut the tree down. Last year a bear had to be killed by the conservation officer because it was too bold.

Well, almost free.

Ever wanted to learn how to play the baggiest of instruments? I'm starting a course on the basics of bagpipes for anyone interested! This is a beginner-friendly course, since I've basically just started learning how to play it myself.

I charge $15 for a 45 minute lesson. You have to provide your own bagpipes. I've unfortunately had some complaints from neighbors (especially Bob) who doesn't seem to be able to appreciate the beautiful screeching noise of bagpipes, so we have to be at your place. If you would also be able to provide some light snacks and drinks, that would be great! I usually sleep all day, so the lessons will take place at night.

So let me know if and when you want to start your bagpiping journey! Only serious replies, please.

- Jerry

PS. If anyone here knows more than just the basics of bagpipe playing, I'd love for you to teach me! I can't pay you, but I'm a fast learner and great company. We have to be at your place and if you could provide some snacks and drinks, that would be awesome! Thanks in advance!

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

Hi everyone!

We're starting at Turkey creek in the morning! First person to reach the end of the hunt gets free tickets on the ferris wheel at the fall Festival next weekend!

HONK HONK QUACK QUACK HONK HONK HONK MILLER'S PARK HONK HONK QUACK HONK QUACK QUACK HONK

It’s the best small talk I’ve got for right now, you’ll have to forgive me. My brains been fried since I went cold-turkey on caffeine for the last month.

Anyways, I don’t have much to fill you in on. I’ve mostly just been a zombie going to and from work, forgetting to properly fill out my calendar so I don’t even know what day it is. At least I remember when the wedding is. Don’t forget to ask if I’ve gotten my haircut yet if we talk again before the end of the month. The groom’s gunna strangle me if I look this rough for the actual event haha.

Anyways, how have you been?

I was thinking of taping up flyers for a political event ("No Kings When the Dealer Has an 8, 9, or 10") in LDP. I know that in some states, police will hassle you for doing so, but in others no one cares. Is there an actual ordinance in LDP that you can or cannot tape up posters on telephone poles? Would there be local ordinances regulating that that people know of? I looked it up online but couldn't find anything.

I need a leaf blower. Not too big and not too small. Candy blue or green apple are my preferred colors. I have safety goggles.

I just happened to be plein air painting near the church and saw 24 cases of non-sacramental wine—the expensive kind—being delivered. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. I'm just curious if anyone knows what it is. Halloween party perhaps?

If you leave bowls out for trick or treaters, make sure it’s not filled with eggs!!

This is your reminder. Absolutely, no excuses this year!!!!

Was stuck in traffic for over an hour over on the 24 approaching the bridge. After we finally rolled through Janine and I saw a cop there just camping out. I guess he caused a huge traffic jam. Nobody's speeding now lol. Anyways if you are heading that way I would take the crossover on Fifteenth Ave up to Grover's and once you hit the pawn shop take a left up to 46. Once you're on 46 I would take the U turn by the IHop and get back on the 46 until it hooks up with Luther. Even if you come back a little later in the day you're either gonna sit in traffic or get a ticket. Its faster anyway to go the aforementioned route because you would have to speed to cover the extra distance. Although if you are coming from the left side of the 24 where the Chuck E Cheese is you could always take the next light after the entrance, get on Jefferson and then try and merge once you get off the overpass before the big separation. He may still see you merging, but you may be too far he might not even bother. Be safe

Hi everyone
Just wanted to organise a movie night next Saturday. Let me know if you are interested, so I can plan it.
(Also if you’re interested in helping with organizing let me know) ;)

Hi all, a few years ago I misplaced my alembic on campus, but now I’m thinking possibly around town. I’m still looking for it, in case one of you has spotted it.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

I was down at the pond birdwatching and feeding our rather insistent ducks grapes when a goose came at me like he wanted revenge. I think Canadian? But I don't mean to profile. At any rate, I scattered, and left my binoculars behind. When I realized my mistake and returned, they were missing. There was a goose feather. I'm not saying the goose stole my binoculars, but if you know where to find them... I have questions. Never trust a goose.

It's also entirely possible someone picked them up. I don't consider this theft, as I DID run off and leave them until I saw a flock of geese in the sky looking shifty. I would love to have them back, or at least know I'm not getting them back if that's the case...

But truly, I just want to know where to find the geese. I just want to talk. In my heart, I know who has my trusty binoculars.

You know him, you love him. Lower Duck Pond's handsomest and cutest resident, my little boy Togo the Rhesus Monkey, will be at the Frenselhaut Gazebo all day on October 9th to lend his adorable mug to a photo with you, for only $58!

After 2024's wildly successful "Ice Cream Social with Togo" where NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY HARMED DESPITE THE ACCUSATIONS, we'll be doing another event and this time raising money for charity! Saint Edrum's is a haven for blind dancers and they need a new boiler, so what better way to help out than a little fundraiser??

Don't you want a picture with Togo sitting on your shoulder or cradled in your arms adorably? Can't you just imagine framing it and putting it on your mantle to look at with your family? Swing by on October 9th and your dream can become reality!

DISCLAIMER: if you do come on October 9th DO NOT WEAR ANY HATS WITH THE COLOR BLUE and DO NOT WEAR CROCS. As demonstrated at the Ice Cream Social, Togo is a monkey who gets VERY frustrated when these clothings items are present. This is NOT to prevent a possible bite, scratch, ripping out of hair, or permanent loss of toenail in a monkey attack -- those accusations were NEVER substantiated. INSTEAD, this is to keep our special boy Togo HAPPY and feeling SAFE in his environment.

Togo and I hope to see you on October 9th at the Frenselhaut Gazebo! Bonus points if you bring papaya slices -- he goes CRAZY for them!

(DISCLAIMER: My husband did the title for me)

Hey y’all! I’m Patricia, I’m from Utah and I have 7 kids. My husband works at the local Target and I live at the local target too! This town means a great deal to me because my grandma died here very recently and gave us her property. Not only am I very upset she l made us leave Utah but she also had the audacity to not come to my birthday? 

Now enough about me, let’s hear about you! I’m new to Reddit so I’m very glad there’s a whole subreddit on this app for us to hang out on! Personally I love Christmas and I already have my decor up, my kids love Halloween because of course, kids being kids.

-Patricia (Did I sign off right? As I said I’m new to b Reddit and my husband had to do all the work for me.)