I see lots of contentious topics on open relationships today. If you’re curious about how open relationships work, or if you’re against it because of what society decided was “normal” rather than your own personal insecurities like the need to be chosen or important, this post is for you.

As someone who grew up wanting to be monogamous, experienced a monogamous relationship, and then decided to try experiencing an open relationship after reading about them and discussing with friends extensively, I feel I have a good perspective to speak on it. We’ve been open for about 6 months now, together for 1.5 years, known each other for 2 years. I’ll share my personal notes at the end.

First off, open relationships are not for everyone. However, if you find yourself constantly wanting more sexually, yet feel emotionally secure with your bf, you might be a candidate. If your bf has these feelings of emotional safety with sexual curiosity, you might also be a candidate. It’s all about trust. Which leads me to my main point.

Open relationships only expose insecurities that are already present in the relationship.

This is the reason lots of people in successful open relationships appear happier than their monogamous counterparts. These people have decided to bare all of their insecurities for their partner to see, and have come out the other side with even more trust in each other. Which leads me to my next point.

Any successful open relationships involve regular check-ins and documented rules on what’s allowed and prohibited.

There’s an assumption from those on the outside that you just start hooking up, and then figure it out. No. You need clear, intentional check-ins where you create a safe space for each other to be vulnerable about how they feel about it. This is where the magic happens. At first, it’ll feel intense and scary. Over time, it should feel less intense, and your rules should be getting refined based on the feedback. Rules are the cornerstone of your own unique open relationship. Take them seriously. For a monogamous couple, the rules are prewritten. For open relationships, there’s no one rulebook, and so it’s up to you two to write it and uphold it. Which leads me to my final point.

Everyone must be on board with every rule. Only allow actions both partners are comfortable with.

If one partner wants kissing to be allowed, and the other doesn’t, kissing is NOT allowed. This is one that people mess up a lot. Don’t try to be agreeable. Don’t try to negotiate. Be honest. Remember, you can review and modify these guidelines over time. Start small, then expand. If a rule is broken, treat it as a breach of trust. Treat it as you would if you got cheated on while being monogamous. It’s not about the action, it’s about loyalty and respect. If a rule isn’t broken but you feel a certain kind of way about something that happened, talk about it in the next check-in. Make it a new rule to prevent it happening again. It’s an iterative process.

About me. I was in a monogamous relationship for 3 years, soon after being fully out. I learned after the relationship ended, that I was cheated on multiple times. While processing the betrayal, I realized that I had also held fleeting thoughts of what it would be like to experience more sex with others since I was newer to the game, but obviously I never acted on them and never would do it secretly. I learned that I value honesty and openness in a relationship over monogamy, and decided to be open to the idea of ethical non-monogamy if it ever came around.

In my current relationship, my bf was always clear he wanted to be open. He has a high sex drive. I was open to it, obviously, so no issue there. Neither of us had experienced an open relationship before. We tried opening it early in our relationship, it wasn’t built on enough trust and research, and so we closed it up. A year later, after many happy months and one or two bumps along the way, we decided it was time.

First few months were rougher, we tweaked our rules a lot, had weekly check-ins, some were more emotionally draining than others. We agreed if it got too much, we could close it for a bit to reconnect. I realized through all of it, I wanted to know when he was active, but didn’t want to know the details. It got better when I also played for the first time, and seeing him feel jealousy as well was when it came full circle. We were more in tune with each other, more sensitive to each other’s reactions, and refined our rules for the other person’s comfort. This was teamwork at its finest. Before we knew it, one day, we looked at each other and went, “Feels like we’re coasting now”. We never did close it back up. Now, I can go without playing even if he has a wild week. I also feel less pressure to perform, which anyone with a lower sex drive will understand fully. It’s not for everyone, but I’m learning that it might be for me.

Hope this helps someone! :)

It’s happened to me multiple times that guys rejected me and then complained (to me nonetheless) that no one wants them

my partner of forever calls me “a chatterbox”. he claims to love conversation, yet lately zones out when I speak. it’s his video games and old coleco system that’s ringing his bell these days! anyone else?

So hi I'm 15 and I have a problem my family is muslim and I am Muslim and sometimes weird gay ideas comes to to my head like you know being like a woman and all but I'm still convinced that I'm straight and I want to be straight pls help me it's a big problem for me ....

So, in my country’s gay community the norm is usually that the top pays on dates so I’m curious how you guys do it

I’m asking because I’m the opposite, I’m a natural blonde and I dye my hair near black so why do so many gay men do the opposite?

Being gay is the loneliest experience of all because you know I don't have anyone here. If I want to meet someone that might be you want to be in a relationship or like hook up rather than that nobody wants to be having gay people have to be in a mutual relationship. I want that because I want to share my feelings with someone who I gets me. Talking to these other heterosexual people it's it's a headache for me because if I talk to some time and they will bring up you know bring up any homophobic comments so I don't want to be there so I just being gay is a fucking lonely experience. I don't know how to cope up with this it's very seriously depressing.

I’m curious because I’m seriously considering taking my mother’s maiden name because she’s an ally and my fathers a homophobe

I want to date a guy in a wheelchair. Is that bad?

I don’t know if it’s just dating in your 30s or dating in general but it is genuinely an excruciating humiliation ritual these days. The actual level of arrested emotional development of adult men is actually insane.

I went out with this 42 year old guy. Initially he was sweet, kind and handsome and had a gentle curious energy about him. The conversation before we met was engaging. He seemed like he could be a good guy.

We went out twice and twice was more than enough. I can’t imagine what hell would be like but I’d expect that it would be substantially more pleasant than the psychological warfare I encountered dealing with this man.

He wasted almost no time before starting the process of constantly assessing and evaluating me. He’d ask me about hypothetical scenarios, I guess to try to gauge my intentions or how secure I was through my reactions. He also asked on three separate occasions how I felt about him. The day after we met, the day following that and during the second time we met.

It’s like he was trying to measure my emotional maturity, psychological stability, self awareness and relationship compatibility, all at once against some unreasonable set of expectations, I can only assume he invented. Despite not demonstrating anything close to any of those qualities himself.

He was very preoccupied by his ex relationships and negative experiences in the gay community, that he had very obviously not processed. To the point that they completely dominated almost every conversation we had.

He’d become really emotional, hypersensitive and spiral into this defensive state where he’d feel this excessive need to justify himself. For someone who’s receptive and has only just met you, it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable and start to disengage.

He would then interpret that response as a judgement or criticism of him, without any awareness that it was his behaviour creating the frustrating dynamic.

When you’re relentlessly subjected to an endless catalogue of relationship grievances and personal hang ups, it is challenging to stay engaged. And with all due respect, you’ve lost complete perspective of the conversation and reality itself.

I try to be patient and give people the benefit of the doubt. I know a lot of us have had difficult upbringings and experiences that stay with us well into adulthood and try to consider what they might have been through before writing them off.

But despite my better judgement, we did have a second date. He suggested something spontaneous, which I thought was refreshing and romantic. Until he explained to me partway through, that’s exactly why he suggested it because it was a test of how spontaneous I was.

But in all honesty, this is the second time I’ve met you. What are you doing? I don’t know what’s more insane, doing that to someone the second time you’ve met or admitting to that same person that that’s what you did.

But what really did it for me was him deliberately going silent the very next day. I also particularly appreciated that he couldn’t even be bothered to open my last message. What made this so frustrating and exhausting is the fact that I rarely meet anyone I’m genuinely interested in. Let alone someone who I thought had potential.

Only to find myself dealing with the most genuinely unhinged behaviour and unnecessarily intense dynamic, while watching this adult man somehow completely sabotage something that had genuine potential in real time.

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So basically, for some reason i started out wanking to tgirls/femboys and also cis women at 13 or 14 on tiktok, not long after moved to porn and wanked to tgirls/femboys along with some straight porn and girls i knew on tiktok. Now im only on straight porn but im confused about my sexual orientation, i have to physically stimulate myself to get hard due to anxiety and being so focused on arousal and attraction, but once I get hard i maintain my erection well while imagining fucking the girl and watching the video, i can even get off up to like 6 times at once in like 20 mins, although i am usually much less hard by the 3rd or 4th time finishing. I guess the question is would you be able to wank to porn you werent attracted to and do that? Im not sure whether everyone can do this to any porn type or whether youd have to be visually stimulated as well.

I seem like i have a bad porn addiction but it all spirals from this cycle im stuck in checking errections and constantly reassuring myself. An answer to my question or overall advice would be greatly appreciated cos im not happy. If people my age could respond due to libido being higher when younger (or people who remember what it was like when they were younger) that would be awesome.

I’m 25, and honestly feeling pretty discouraged when it comes to dating.
It feels like I keep running into the same situation over and over again. I’ll meet a guy I’m genuinely attracted to, we’ll talk, and I’ll start getting excited about the possibility that something might actually work out. Then eventually, it comes down to one of the same things: distance, my work schedule, or him telling me he isn’t ready for a relationship right now.
And then there’s the classic, “You seem like such a sweet guy, but…” followed by a reason why it won’t work.
I know these guys aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong. Nobody owes me a relationship, and I understand that timing and compatibility matter. But hearing variations of the same rejection repeatedly starts to mess with your head. After a while, you start wondering if there’s something about you that makes people not want to stick around.
For context, I work as a 911 dispatcher from 5 PM to 3 AM, Saturday through Tuesday. I love what I do, but the schedule definitely makes dating and maintaining a social life harder. My days off don’t always line up with other people’s, and I know that can be a dealbreaker for some guys. Distance has also been an issue with people I’ve connected with.
I’m not expecting some perfect guy or an instant relationship. I just want to meet someone who genuinely wants to get to know me, is emotionally available, and is willing to put in the effort to see where things go. Someone who actually chooses me instead of someone who likes me in theory but ultimately decides that making it work is too much trouble.
I see other people finding relationships, falling in love, and building lives together, and sometimes I wonder when it’ll be my turn. I know I’m only 25, and people will probably tell me I’m young, but that doesn’t make the loneliness any less real right now.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up only for things to go nowhere. I’m tired of feeling like I’m always almost enough, but never quite enough for someone to take a chance on me.
For those of you who struggled with dating in your 20s, especially those with demanding or unconventional work schedules, did things eventually get better? Did you eventually meet someone who was willing to work around the circumstances?
How do you keep putting yourself out there without becoming discouraged or starting to believe that something is wrong with you? And honestly, will I ever find love?

So, I (22M) met my current male best friend(24M) on Facebook Dating 2 years ago... but he is straight! I think for him it was just an error setting up the friend side of the app. I mentioned i was attracted to him, but then he told me he was straight but we still chatted back and forth.

There was a lot of flirting from me and some flirtatious jokes from him. We have always gotten along and have never had an argument, or even expressed irritation or discomfort around each other. We just clicked.

I think the reason I'm so in love with him is because he's very kind to me. I know, the fatal mistake. I compensate for his kindness, sometimes... a little too much whether it be through food or going to visit him when I can't afford gas, but I NEVER tell him that because I honestly believe he is worth all of it.

Throughout our friendship, we have joked about everything, vented to each other, and gone out to eat plenty of times. Its almost like a date... one day I pay for him, next time he pays for me. And its 99 percent of the time just me and him. Sometimes we hold open the door for each other.

As our bond grew, we hug each other whenever we first see each other and whenever we leave. One time after taking him to a Beyblade tournament I wanted to go to, after I dropped him off at home, said goodbye to his family, and hugged him, when i got in the car he came running out of the house to make sure he had hugged me.

There are a thousand text messages that I feel could contribute to my delusion.

I have asked on several occasions if he was actually straight. He has assured me that he is indeed. I stopped asking after the 3rd time because deep down I realized I was being extremely disrespectful to him despite him never being angry with me or confronting me about it.

Recently I noticed that we get really, really sleepy when we're together. Like, one time when he was tired I let him sleep on my bed ( he passed out) and he's let me sleep in his bed once. We never have been in a bed together though. Even when its just us talking to each other in one of our cars, we sometimes yawn. I mentioned that I felt that way around him recently, and how its probably because we are close to each other. He agreed to, saying my presence knocks him out cold.

I have been going insane trying NOT to read into that.

Sometimes when I'm driving us around he will boop my nose, or try to tickle my ear with loose paper.

When I boop him, he pretends to moan lol. But we never touch other than that or hugs. He has put his arm around me once or twice. I always ask for permission beforehand. Last year when the fair set up shop in the parking lot of my job, he came and bought me a funnel cake, and we both sat and talked about everything while looking at the lights. I have never felt such... silent tension in the air. I wanted to kiss him, but I'd never do that or initiate that. His friendship means the world to me. He... means the world to me.

He knows to an extent how much I love him. Hell, its obvious. I have tons of stories about how he's gone above and beyond for me. Generous, caring, understanding, a southern gentleman. My coworkers have teased me when he comes to the store to visit me, one time he came and bought a single iced coffee and waited outside for me. My coworkers are also messy as fuck lol. I have to tell them I'm fighting the delusion and they laugh.

I just... do I feel like he's bisexual just because I WANT him to be? I've tried to encourage him to get on dating apps and meet women, but he doesn't want to. I am his only current , close friend. Maybe if he could find a girlfriend who loves him as much as I do, he would be truly happy.

I feel like him being in a relationship would mean he would no longer need me, but I care about his happiness so much that I'm willing to accept that may mean a future without me.

Im about to give my first blowjob and im not sure if i would like the taste of cum and spit and turn him down

How do you figure out your sexuality as a teenager growing up in the Middle East? It’s hard to understand your feelings when sexuality isn’t really talked about openly and you can’t easily ask anyone for advice. For anyone who’s been through something similar, how did you figure things out?

So where is anyone having luck with dating...not talking hookups but an actual date!? I can't get anyone out on a date without them wanting dick pics first or some nasty shit. People I guess have no social skills anymore? I've been talking to like 20 guys a week and then I get ghosted when I ask to take it a step further onto a date...I live in Dallas so idk of that it?

Hey everyone. I'm 18 and I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I haven't come out yet, and I've never dated a guy. I'm a masculine guy, I did wrestling and football, and I'm into masculine guys. Most people see me as straight, and I'm tired of the stereotype that being gay means acting a certain way. You can be yourself and be masculine, and that's who I am.
Here's what's hard. My generation talks to hundreds of people a day, and it feels like none of it means anything anymore. Everyone's a notification, and nobody's a person. I don't want to meet a hundred people. I want to meet one who actually matters. Every time I've talked to guys, it's felt like all they want is something physical, and I'm just not that guy.
I'll be honest about something else too. I've struggled with a porn habit since I was young. It was introduced into my life early and stuck. I've been cutting back slowly, I'm doing better, and I'm proud of that. It's part of why I want something different. I don't want a relationship built on lust. I love deeply and I love hard, and I want the physical side to come after we really care about each other.
I've lost a lot in my life already, so it scares me to put my whole heart into someone who might leave. I'm also scared that coming out means people will turn on me, even though I've always been the guy who accepted everyone and kept their secrets.
So I'm asking: how did you find something real? Where did you meet people who wanted the same thing, and how did you deal with the fear of coming out? Any advice means a lot. Thanks for reading.

I’m 30 years old and I’ve never had a prostate orgasm. Ive been morbidly obese all my life and no one really wanted me for that; only for head besides the first guy I ever had at 25.

About a year ago, I went from 290 to about 200. Still chubby, but closer to normal now and I have a boyfriend now. He wants to fuck me and I can’t relax to do it (only done it two other times, years ago) and I mentally want him to fuck me so bad, but I can’t lean into it. It hurts and it feels like I’m pooping, but backwards; it feels crazy to me.
Also, he loves eating ass, which is foreign for me to get done to and every time he does it, he’s just loving it and I’m just kind of there not knowing what I’m supposed to feel. It doesn’t hurt or feel wrong, but nothing about it excites me either and I’ve never even come close to getting off that way. I always blow him and make sure he gets taken care of. I do enjoy the blowjobs for me as well, but nothing else.

What can I do about this? I feel like I should be able to enjoy this and I don’t seem to be able to as of now.

So, I have a homophobic father with blonde hair and an ally mother with black hair and unfortunately i inherited my fathers blonde hair so I dye it black as a way to distance myself from him

I went on a date with a guy last week and it went super well, very smart, funny, and hot, a pretty rare combination. He planned out our next date, to take me to a haunted house on Wednesday night, after our first date, I almost felt like he liked me too much but I really liked him too so it wasn’t weird/off putting.Then on Wednesday he said he was really tired from work as was I so we pushed the date to Saturday.

Then, today I went to go talk to him, but found him in my blocked list on Snapchat. I rarely used it before talking to him so I thought maybe I accidentally blocked him. I unblocked him on snap but so didn’t record his exact username because I thought the chats would pop back up but they didn’t. I tried searching his name on the app but none of the profiles were his.

I then went onto tinder, where we originally started talking and found out that his chat was gone (likely blocked me). So the timeline is either I accidentally blocked him on snap, then he blocked me on tinder in response or he blocked me on both apps. Either way I feel shitty, if it’s the former he thinks he did something wrong, is probably confused af, and I feel dumb as fuck for doing something so stupid. If it’s the latter…why the fuck would he plan a date with me just to block and give no reason whatsoever.

I asked snap of a data report but it’s probably gonna take a few days, long past our date. I don’t know what to do and I feel so stupid and guilty if scenario 1 is true. I honestly hope scenario 2 is true instead because at least he won’t be “the one that got away”.

So I’m 19. and over the last year and a half I have lost almost 90lbs, and I feel so much better about the way I look and I want to loose my v-card but from what I’ve heard grindr is hell. So should I download it and give it a try? or are there other things I should try first?
(For context I live in a smallish town in Ontario)

I know that I’m a feminine sub bottom but still…

When I was younger I knew I wanted to be “girl” of the relationship in a way. I wanted to be the feminine partner bringing feminine energy with a masculine partner who would protect, provide, etc in other words “like a straight man”. However, when I first started looking on dating apps I became EXTREMELY disappointed when I realised 99% of gay guys also want to be the “girl” in the relationship. They want a masculine man to provide, protect, baby them, give them the princess treatment and live a soft life. I thought it was going to be the opposite because of homophobia but now when I realised I was completely wrong. I’m so pissed like I want to be the special possessed, vulnerable one until i realised I’m not special AT all. The special ones are the straight passing ones who can just exist and all the feminine sub bottoms just glaze them. LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE OPPOSITE I WANTED IT TO BE MAJORITY MASCULINE DOM TOPS WHO WANTED FEMININE SUB BOTTOMS SO BAD AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM LIKE I THOUGHT WE WERE THE SPECIAL ONES AND IT JUST MAKES ME REALLY JEALOUS OF STRAIGHT WOMEN.

I made an impulse decision, I went on a website called jerk loop, I have been on similar sites before and have had similar problems, and I’m regretting it so bad. I asked for everyone’s age before sex chatting on web cam, and two different guys said they were underage, obviously i immediately reported them for inappropriate content because there wasn’t any other report button, and I saw a video of someone showing a recording on their phone of something that looked extremely disgusting and illegal, I also reported that. But how tf is it even possible someone that age could be on there? That is awful, what if they saw my private parts? obviously I try and be mindful and not show anything before asking their age, but I feel sick. What if I get in trouble? Can I? I obviously wasn’t looking for anyone underage and the website does say 18+ should I report the website? Also it makes me scared that the people who confirmed their age of 18+ could have been lying! I have severe moral ocd and I can’t get the worry and panic out of my head. Did I do something wrong? How can I live with myself knowing that it’s a possibility there was someone on their chatting underage and I didn’t know? Have you guys experienced this on similar websites? How do you handle it?

El tema es que desde hace un tiempo he estado fantaseando con chicos trans y antes pensaba que nunca me gustaban las chicas por sus genitales y cuerpo en general, pero un chico trans es tan hot tipo tiene la forma física de un hombre y de una mujer, aunque está claro que para mí son hombres aunque no cis, sigo siendo gay o seria otra sexualidad bi? si me gustasen?