I'm not really looking for advice. I'm developing a D/s relationship workbook. I will be getting input from friends of mine who are in D/s dynamics. But it recently came to light that my submissive partner is not all that interested in a D/s dynamic, but we also never really defined it either. I know what I want from a female-led relationship perspective, and when I add some kink in that mix it feels very much like a D/s dynamic to me, but I could be wrong.

If you define your relationship specifically as a D/s dynamic, what does that mean specifically for you?

Hiiiiii! I recently started doing some online domming and have had some subbies requested me to be a keyholder. I don’t want to give them my address and I plan on moving states probably within the next 4-6 months so idk what option would be best for receiving packages? Also - I feel like I should make or acquire a sub intake form (to discuss boundaries/names/kinks) does anyone have one they share or any ideas of where to get one?

Money is deeply symbolic to me. For a while, I denied my dominant side, for a variety of reasons: I was raised in a Catholic household with trad gender roles, my mother was cruel and domineering towards her children and I didn’t want to be like her, and people all throughout my childhood shamed me for being “bossy.” And as an adult, I thought I couldn’t be a domme because I have zero interest in “pathetic” men (lots of femdom content I saw revolved around a dynamic between a powerful woman and a weak man).

Here’s where money comes in. My biggest fantasy is to control, humiliate, and be served by a wealthy and high-status man. A man having money (and surrendering it over to me) turns me on. I want to be above someone who society would expect to be above me. I want to elevate myself through a submissive partner.

But I’ve always tried to suppress my dominant side because I believed it made me egotistical and selfish, basically like I wasn’t “good enough” to have this escapist fantasy.

Findom is highly stigmatized. If you say you’re into it, people automatically assume that you’re a scammer and have no real desire to do “real” BDSM (aka bdsm that includes safewords, limits, aftercare, and healthy communication). But despite that, I just can’t help it. I like what I like.

Does anyone have advice on how to process this shame? Or even just sharing your own experiences with shame and/or findomme might be helpful.

Hey, so I've been getting into femdom and kinda want to try going to a professional dominatrix for the first time, but I am a little concerned. Would this be classified as prostitution and thus illegal? I know femdom doesn't usually involve actual sex, but it is still sexual in nature, right? And ideally we'd both, but certainly I would, receive some sort of sexual pleasure from it which is the legal standard for Prostitution. Just wondering, because I do want to try it, but it's certainly not worth going to jail over

Hi! I am relatively new to Femdom especially in the online scene. I have recently been looking for in person or online domme and it’s very intriguing to me that there is a lot of dommes in the online scene that demand full loyalty right from the beginning. Maybe I misunderstood the dynamic but is this common? I understand with D/S roles there needs to be a solid foundation and that takes time. I totally get that but I feel like if the dynamic isn’t working out there is a lot of malice towards the sub and being called a time waster.

I am curious to hear a dommes perspective on it and what sub loyalty means. Is it similar to like “cheating” on your barber/hairdresser? Or is it something deeper or even shallower than I understand?

I had someone say recently to me that I really live the life in "those captions". It was a lol moment to me because... yeah... I kinda do. But I'd like to take a moment and explain a different side of this life I get to live with my Goddess.

I have my problems. My heart breaks and my scars. I have childhood trauma from both parents abandoning me. I have issues with abuse from them and from a previous partner. I have PTSD from my time overses in the infantry. Outside my house (at work/college/shopping/living life) im a very "macho" dude. Most people see my vet hats and ask about my service and I enjoy telling lighthearted tales of my time doing dangerous stuff.

This is where id like to make a very big point. My Goddess has heared all the stories. My abuse, my pain, my tears, the war, friends gone and dead... I tell those stories with a smile but SHE knows the pain ive had in my life and the way it made me shut down in my past.

She isnt just some kink dispenser domme who acts out the captions cause merr its a "turn on"

At some point, she realized how much being my Goddess meant. At some point my submission to her helped me get past my pain. Outside of just the "sex", "chastity", and "bdsm"... she became my leader. My safe space. My bestfriend and my Master. She is the one who has the final say in every aspect of our lives. And the reassurance i get from being her subby hubby has helped my feel loved in a way that ive never felt before. I feel SAFE and cherished. Im her favorite toy and her pet. Im her locked strawberry. Lol I know how sexual that all sounds up front. So i dont blame anyone for the comment "hes living the life of those captions"

BUT it is soooo much more than that. The sex is fun yes. The bdsm in the bedroom is obviously a turn on. But its the guidance, love, and emotional support that she gives me Outside the bedroom that makes this stuff work. Its the love, submission and service Outside the bedroom to her that allows her to feel confident in every aspect of our lives.

So to subs in here who are looking for a dom because of all the sex or the interest in bdsm, to the people who read my post or my profile and think "wow so hot", and to anyone who wants to dive into this relationship style: Dom or sub, I just want you to take the "horny" out of it for a second and realize just how much trust and love you need for a long-term marriage or relationship structured in FLR or BDSM. Take the "horny" away and remember that the emotions behind all this are a thousand times stronger than just "merr thats hot"

Okay lol little rant over. Happy locking y'all! 🔒🍓🥰

Hi,
So. I am a 35f Switch who discovered late in life (at 28 years old) that I was a switch and after very small gentle play, I have this year gotten to really explore Domination. I discovered that I love the idea of, to be frank, being an inconvenience or annoying to my subs. I like to surprise tickle (with checking in of course), I love poking my subs in places, use impact play in a silly way (act like I’m playing an instrument etc) and writing silly things on men’s bodies. The enjoyment comes from the off guard the men react to it, and that we both later get a good laugh out of it. I am wondering if this is a thing, that as a Domme you can basically “Brat top”? If so is there a name for it?

It’s a kink I find myself returning to constantly and I’ve thought a lot about why that might be for myself. So I’m curious to understand the other side of the aisle—what about forced bi drives you and where do you get your pleasure? Is it simply hot for you to watch two men go at it or is it more complex? Do you have some kind of origin story of when your interest in this kink started?

I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m the most annoying submissive in the BDSM community, but this has genuinely been getting to me lately.
My Domme and I have been finding it ridiculously difficult to meet people in this community we actually connect with. And I don’t mean finding people to play with. I mean actual friends. People we can go out with, have a few drinks, argue about politics, talk about philosophy, recommend books to each other, and somehow end up discussing whether free will exists at 2 AM.
Sometimes it feels like BDSM is the only thing some people can talk about. Their entire personality seems to revolve around their role, their kinks, their dynamics, and their experiences. Which is fine, obviously! We’re here because we enjoy this world too. But surely there’s more to us than what happens in the bedroom or who wears the collar?
My Domme and I regularly spend hours talking about books we’ve read, political debates we’ve watched, philosophy, current events, and whatever else catches our attention. We love going out, meeting people, having proper conversations, disagreeing about things, and learning from others. We want a social life, not just a collection of people we can discuss BDSM with.
And honestly, it’s a little frustrating. Sometimes we wonder whether we’re looking in the wrong places or whether finding people in this community who share our interests beyond BDSM really is that difficult.
Are there other people here who feel the same? People for whom BDSM is an important part of life, but not their entire personality? Other couples, Dommes, subs, switches, anyone who enjoys this world but also wants genuine friendships, stimulating conversations, and a social life outside of it?
Please tell me we’re not the only ones.

Nah. I don’t think so, pal. I don’t really give a hoot what you think about me sleeping in my girlfriend’s pink floral print Juicy Couture bed sheets. If you ask me, a ”real man“ sleeps in whatever bed sheets his lady brings home from T.J. Maxx.

To all my fellow submissive men - I truly hope you pay no mind to men who say things like that to you. I know how often it happens.

To all the wonderful ladies who fight this ridiculous “alpha male” B.S. when it comes up - thank you! Your support means more than you know, to the men who deal with these clowns.

(And yes, this post was inspired by something that actually just happened!)

Everyone talks about sub drop, and rightly so, but I rarely see us admit how hard we can crash on the other side of the crop.

After a heavy scene I'm wired for about an hour - tidy, chatty, checking on my sub three times - and then I fall off a cliff. Quiet, teary for no clear reason, weirdly lonely even with him right there being sweet, and convinced for about ten minutes that I was too harsh, not harsh enough, or read everything wrong. It passes, but it used to frighten me before I learned to plan for it the same way I plan his aftercare.

What actually helps me: food already decided before we start (negotiating dinner mid-drop is a disaster), being held without having to be 'on', and a next-day check-in where he tells me one specific thing that landed well, not just 'that was great'. Generic praise slides right off a dropping domme brain. Specifics stick.

So I'm curious, especially from other dommes and tops: do you get domme-drop? What does yours look like, and what do you wish your subs understood about aftercare for the person who was holding the power? And subs - have you ever caught your domme mid-drop and not known what you were looking at?

I'm trying to build a better ritual for it, so stealable ideas are very welcome.

that my man might be a submissive after 10 years of marriage.

So my husband had always a feet fetish and I always embraced that. We were intimate the other day, and I accidently pushed my foot in his mouth when I playfully asked for a kiss while we were feeling each other up. I saw his eyes darken when he felt the pressure on his face. I thought: hmm, interesting.

So I did it again and i felt he got really aroused. I kept massaging his face with my feet and he blurted out in a vulnerable way “please humiliate me”. I never thought he was like that. He always acted a bit skittish when i came near his face with my hands or toes but clearly liked it this time when I put preassure on it, combined with a commanding tone. I forced him to make eye contact and told him how good he was for me, listening like that. That he might get a little reward if he would keep going, like the good boy he was. He nearly came on the spot.

And I thought, huh? Were did those lines came from? I always thought I was the submissive one.

He got so vulnerable and willing to do everything, while he was unwilling to do those things when he acted like a “dom” before.

I also discovered he likes to suck my fingers. I know he likes to bite them playfully and he really really likes my hands. He kisses them everyday and tells me how soft and beautiful they are and how he wants to eat them. The way he sucked them was something i never expected, and it got better when I told him how he should open his mouth etc.

Its kind of an awakening. I hugged him afterwards because he was a bit ashamed that he was so vulnerable. I told him it was okay and reassured him. He seems so relaxed and happy now. 🥹

I wonder how to navigate this all. I dont want to rush into this. He seems happy but a bit awkward and ashamed because we come from a traditional community where its expected that a man takes charge, is always dominant.

I must say that I am a very gentle soft person by nature. I am normally not dominant. People describe as sweet and soft. Same goes for my features/appearence. I am not a typical baddie, but rather soft. I am a bit insecure now, because I hears once male subs like women who are a bit “badass”, striking features, sometimes a bit “masculine”? Please correct me if I’m wrong.. anyway, beautiful women with a natural confident and leading aura.

I am insecure about myself now. We had fun last time, but I am not the typical domme and I dont think I would be

I’ve had a pegging fantasy for much longer than we’ve been together, and I’m hoping to receive some insight on how to bring it up with her. We are pretty open with each other about sex, but a lot of the time it’s in the heat of the moment when we try something new (we have a safe word)! My question is: with something like this that may not be her cup of tea, how do I bring it up without scaring her or being disappointed in the result?

Thanks!

Hello! My city only has one kink event (munch) that happens every month, and since it is at a bar, I couldn’t go for a long time Since I was under 21.

Since I turned 21 last week, I can finally attend the munch! I’m excited yet very nervous. My biggest fear is potentially being seen as a “tourist” who is here just for bodies rather than people. I don’t think I’ll do anything bad intentionally, but I don’t want to have a bad experience over a mistake I can make from nerves.

Does anyone have any other advice for someone like me attending their first?

I’m in an ldr where we both switch but I only just started domming this summer and it was for short periods. Although I like having the power and control I get so anxious about doing something wrong or not knowing what to do in an unpredicted moment. It leads to me getting so in my head that I just freeze and we’ve had to call off sessions bc of my anxiety.

The moments where we have had sessions it goes fairly well and he always tells me that the session was great and adds feedback like if something is too repetitive etc. I just genuinely feel like I don’t know what to do at times and I don’t want him to have to be wary of me freezing/freaking out bc my mind goes blank. I really want him to feel like he can truly let go and leave it all to me.

I know that part of it is my lack of confidence and needing to essentially push through the doubts. Another is lack of things to do. Domming is completely new to me in all regards. I found out I liked it when I tried it with him this summer, but looking for tasks or session ideas, especially for online dynamics is so difficult.

Where could I get more ideas? I know he’s into sissification but no anal, and he’d have to hide it so everything would have to be discreet. And any tips on pushing past the anxiety?