My husband and I tend to have vanilla sex, but when we lean more int BDSM play, I’ve been submissive. I’ve taken an interest in switching lately, but he seems to have 0 interest in subbing. He said he’s willing to try anything once, but this isn’t something that naturally appeals to him.

What are some ways I could ease him into the role without making him feel emasculated? I think that’s what’s holding him back, which is strange because he’s very progressive and not even 100% straight, so I feel like he’s capable of getting in the headspace, he just needs to chill out.

If it’s truly not his thing, that’s fine, but he’d like to give it a shot for me.

Edit: ok I spoke with him directly and his biggest concern is being humiliated, feminized, or emasculated. He enjoys face sitting, being told what to do, and is ok with me generally leading the encounter. I think he feels pressure because he knows I have a thing for femboys, pegging, etc. and he doesn’t have an interest in those sorts of things. Of course it’s disappointing, but it’s not a requirement to be happy in my marriage. I am ok with those things remaining a fantasy. Just thought yall might appreciate that context.

Is it worth the membership? I’m trying to learn knots and to self tie and then eventually- rope willing- tie someone else. I will admit that I am worried I can’t learn this. My brain doesn’t like it for some reason. I try to find a pattern that makes sense to me but I have issues learning to tie a single column to my ankle and the trying to reverse to tie it to my bed post. Just a fun way my brain works.

That being said, what little I have learned has taken slow videos and lots of replays. I’d like to get in the habit of doing this daily so that it hopefully becomes muscle memory.

I’ve found Shibari Academy and I love Jackiee Elena Chan. Any advice for beginners who struggle and don’t take to this naturally? Is the Shibari Academy worth the investment? Or what other options are there for me to learn?

Thanks in advance!

This is one of those "I'm new post", I wanted to share mine and interact with some nice people. I hope I'm welcome.

Bit of background first. I'm 25M. Pretty outgoing, I like people, and I've always been the one who takes charge. With friends, with family, at work. Just how I've always been. I have liked being in control; I'm not a control freak, but I do enjoy it from time to time.

Same in bed, really. I've always led. Set the pace, decided what happened. It was all I knew, and it worked fine for me. But lately, for the last few months or so, I've been wondering about the other side of it.

One thing I've always done, no matter what, is aftercare. Checking in, cuddling, making sure she felt alright after. It's never felt like a chore. I actually like it. Which is why it's a bit strange that it took me this long to realise maybe I want some of that too.

I've always liked those "bossy" women, the ones who seem bossy but have a warm smile that just makes you stare and want to smile back. Older ones especially. There's something about a woman who's confident and knows what she wants. Not just the control part. More that, she can tell you what to do and still look after you at the same time. I used to watch videos like that and not think much about it. Now I'm starting to get why they did it for me.

I think I've just been missing being looked after. I was always the one making sure my partner was okay, and I never really thought about what it'd be like the other way round. Not that I expect someone to read my mind or just hand me everything. I just want to know what it's like when that care goes both ways.

That's what made me actually start looking into gentle femdom instead of just watching it. Until recently, I hadn't done much more than that. I knew I liked it, but I never thought about it properly. Now I'm trying to work out what I actually want from it and what it looks like in a real relationship, not just in theory.

It's a bit odd finding a new side of yourself at 25, especially when it's the opposite of the role you're used to. But it's fun too. I'm learning this "new" (new but old?) side of me. I have been thinking about it a lot now, how this would fit in with my dominant/controlling personality

Still haven't found my domme yet, still figuring it out and in no rush to jump into a relationship. Especially since I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. But the stuff I've read here and the couple of conversations I've had make me think I'm in the right place.

I'm sure there are others who are or have been in my situation before. Did you always know, or did it creep up on you like it is for me? I am keen to hear some people's stories!

NOTE: These webinars will not be recorded and can only be viewed live. If you are unable to attend, recorded versions are also available at the link below.

Register Here

Equipment 8AM PDT

Do you get confused when exploring the wild world of Pegging equipment? It can be overwhelming to try and find body-safe, non-toxic equipment that is not only good quality, but is suited to your needs and preferences. I'm here to help! In this webinar, I will teach you all the factors that are important to consider, and show you some of the best choices on the market today! I teach to prostate owners as receivers and vagina owners as givers. I also teach to all bodies and all budgets! (Plenty of time to order holiday sexytime gifts.)

Advanced 11AM PDT

You have begun your Pegging adventure, and now you are looking to fine tune your experience for even more pleasure. We take a deeper dive into giver/receiver orgasms, including hands-free and prostate orgasms. Then I'll show you many different positions to expand your repertoire! The last half of this webinar is all about longer and wider toy play, how to stay safe while you find that next level of pleasure. Let's de-stigmatize big toy play with education! I teach to prostate owners as receivers and vagina owners as givers. Last Advanced webinar of the year.

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To the Hilt,

Ruby

Hi all,

I am interested in developing my skills as an electro top. I own a Neon wand.

I can obviously go online and find video and podcast resources for electroplay within the context of BDSM.

But playing with electricity is a serious business and I would like to further understand safety and science beyond with a lot of these kink scene resources would offer.

What video or audio resources would you recommend for someone looking to learn more about electricity, safety and science as it is applicable to electroplay?

Update: thank you for the quick response! I think I should've been a bit more specific though. I am an active participant in my area's kink scene, I already top in electro, and I received a lot of the generic kink/BDSM education around electro. I'm moreso looking for audio/video resources connected to physics, medicine, electrical safety, that can further develop me as a top. A lot of the electro education within the kink scene doesn't get as technical as I want it to. I feel like some electro tops that are out here teaching classes and whatnot are looking a bit silly in their knowledge when put next to the bluecollar subby dude that does electrical work.

Hey. First time poster. Im looking for reassurance or advice or different perspectives. Im in a happy, freaky, committed relationship of two years. We enjoy exploring eachothers boundaries and playing with power dynamics. I feel I am a switch with a sub preference. And Im trying to increase my comfortably with being a dom.

For me, I struggle with the identity. I’ve always been a tall and thick female. I have a lower raspy voice compared to other females. I feel like Ive always been chasing the feminine side. I want to be desirable and sexy and feminine. And Im trying to find how to be domme without feeling uncomfortable with my own identity or feeling physically bigger than my partner.

Im very very happy in my relationship, we’ve been together for two years and we still make out like we’re desperate for air. But its also the first time I’ve dated a guy who’s maybe 2 inches shorter than me. And 30lbs lighter. I’ve struggled quietly because I’ve never wanted him to feel like he isn’t good enough. Frankly he’s the best thing I’ve ever had. But sometimes I just feel the body dysmorphia.

So as we have discussed leaning into more domme things. Like potentially pegging or having another man peg my man. I feel…. Unconfident. I feel big. I feel like I’m almost grieving this identity I’ve been chasing my whole life of being the ideal woman. I just dont know how to feel confident. I feel like I’m facing all the pieces of myself I don’t like. Like my size or weight or demeanor.

Im also afraid that leaning into to much might mean that it becomes the new normal. I don’t want to live in the domme space. I want to feel feminine and thrown around too. Even Domme titles like mistress I struggle with. We landed on Goddess. But even when he says it I still feel my body resisting out if fear.

Has anyone experienced or grown through this? How do you find your identity and what if there is a lot of fear around it? Had anyone also struggled with the body image or letting go of societal ideals?

I (40F) have always been the submissive person in a relationship but I have been curious about being more dominant for a while. I now have a boyfriend who is a natural pleaser and a switch who has always been the dominant one in past relationships. We are both very eager to try having me in the dominant role BUT...

I was musing on this and one big issue I have is that I've never orgasmed from a partner's body (hands, tongue, penis, etc.) I can orgasm reliably from self-pleasure but with another person involved I can't seem to even edge myself.

As a domme I want to direct my partner according to my pleasure but its frankly an unknown for me how to pleasure myself with him. It's easier for me to be submissive because its all directed for me and i don't have to fumble around trying to feel good. But this also feels like a trap ive been in that's prevented me from exploring my own pleasure.

It feels antithetical to being a domme if at the end of a session i'm still horny and unsatisfied. And it feels cruel to deny him his pleasure just because I haven't had mine. In fact, that would just stress me out knowing it was all up to me for us both to get off.

Has anyone else run into this issue? Any advice?

Hello everyone, I have a question and wanted to know if any of you dommes have the same experience.

There was a recent thread on the topic of the Queen/Knight dynamic which fits me very much. In addition, I love being sweet with my submissive men and doing mommydom, but I love being evil and mean to them, doing edging and overstimulation too.

My problem is that I don’t like to use those dynamics with every sub. Usually, after getting to know a man a little bit, I mentally put him into a certain box and treat him according to that.

In general, I think it works just fine for me. I am in this lifestyle for many years now and have gained quite a skill in reading subs, but maybe I miss something because of that. Are you doing it the same way? And if you changed your tactics, how did you do it?

Honestly, I’m not even sure this is something worth examining. But I do wonder if I would’ve ever discovered that I enjoy mommydom if a sub I used to be harsh with hadn’t asked me to be gentle with him.

Hey I am on a burner account for this but, me and my partner have done this before but it didn’t end up going too well. The first time was distance, she met up with someone and made videos for me which was good but I felt really left out. Call me weird but I just hated thinking about how after they were done I wasn’t there to comfort her, I don’t like the idea of anyone else cuddling or comforting her like as a partner. The second time happened irl together but it ended up badly and I didn’t like how awkward I felt, it ended really quickly.

Aside from the cuckolding quickly, she really enjoyed the idea of making me jealous, which is like a sub part of cuckolding I guess. She wanted to start dressing revealing when she’s with me and making me feel really jealous, especially when she goes to clubs. It makes me think part of her wants to do this but she’s also scared.

I keep getting doubts but I still get horny at the idea of being cucked by her. I brought up the idea to her again and explained this time we’ll be more cautious and use safe words and etc. It isn’t guaranteed we’ll do this again but I’m asking incase it does.

I just feel worried because she feels insecure and self conscious about me watching since she’s in a vulnerable state when she’s having sex. How can I support her for this?

My main concern is that I’m really scared that she’ll lose feelings or drift away from me and get closer to whoever she’ll fuck. I spoke to her about it and she explained how that won’t happen since I’ve been pussyfree with her for a while, like a year and a half (in chastity) and that she can have sex with someone and not want to ever be on a relationship with them.

Would foreplay with me and her help us get into cuckolding easier too? If she made out with me or made me worship her body and etc before she cucks me

I don’t want to feel left out which I spoke about with her so is there any sort of activity I can do while she cucks me? Kissing her feet for example or something like that. Some past experience from someone would be nice!

Sorry for the yap guys I just need some clarity of some sort for this..

Edit: Hit the post-button before finishing the title… that was supposed to say “Unsure about what my preference is called”

I’ve been trying to understand my erotic patterns, since before I always had issues describing it to others. I think I now have a good grasp on which parts are actually important to me and which aren’t.

Please note that I have no actual experience with this dynamic - I had to work on some trauma for a really long time to be ready for a sexual relationship, so I’m joining the “sub-force“ pretty late even though I’ve had urges for a long time.

I’m highly attracted to independent women pursuing their desires and letting me be part of that pursuit. As in, I want to make her happy, but not influence her will.

Erotically, I specifically like for her wishes to have priority over mine. In moderation, even things I dislike can be a turn-on, if it’s something she’s really into and I can feel her satisfaction with pushing my boundaries.

I like to be sexually defined by my usefulness, being perceived as a tool for her pleasure. I like to be very good and active in bringing her that pleasure - most femdom porn has the sub be far to passive for me to identify with.

I really enjoy, if the dynamic is lived matter-of-factly: Her wishes habe priority and mine do not. She doesn’t need to explain or enforce this. It’s just the order of things. I don’t require a reward or acknowledgement (at least in-scene) for my contribution.

As practices I think I’d enjoy

* Orgasm control (self-explanatory, I think)
* Cuckolding (as a part of her independence and priority, rather than humiliation)
* Objectification (think more sex toy than human furniture)

In a partnership outside of play / sex I like to have an eye-level relationship. With the exception of flirting or some playful teasing I’d like to keep the the kinky stuff in the bedroom.

I’m mostly leaning towards labeling it as a specific kind of service submission, but I’m nor quite sure.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of sexual dynamic? What would you call it and what are possible issues that can arise from living it?

Since most men around the world are more 'take charge' and I am the opposite, would it be appropriate to let my dates know before about what I am into, because it feels like i am hiding something important and let's be frank being compatible is necessary. But at the same time, I feel it's inappropriate to bring up sex immediately because it may sound icky?

I’m in a loving female-led relationship. My partner and I live apart and see each other on weekends. She keeps me in chastity during the week, and I’ve become very accustomed to wearing my cage.
Something interesting has happened. When she removes it, I actually feel physically uncomfortable without it. Not because anything hurts, but because I’ve become so accustomed to the sensation of wearing it that being uncaged now feels strange.
I’m curious whether other men who have worn chastity cages regularly over extended periods have experienced the same thing.
Is this a common experience? Does it feel more psychological or physical to you?

(I posted this question in a different subreddit, but I believe that I can get different perspectives here)

I ask this question because I have felt that service subs have to get their satisfaction from serving itself and not need anything in return, and if they want praise or to be taken care of, they would be selfish.

I have been dwelling on what my submission means to me, and for months, I thought that I was service oriented, where my focus would be intentional quality service that improved the quality of life of a Dominant. While service is still something that I want to do, I have been questioning that.

Recently, the idea of becoming a little and taking on a “smaller” role, where I can get taken care of by a Dominant, has been very appealing to me. Along with being taken care of, I want my service orientation to be integrated into this role, where my service would be less of an obligation and more of a voluntary choice with the goal of making them proud. Sort of like a little helper.

The best way to explain such a dynamic would be a relationship between an elementary school teacher and a younger student who wants to help them. The teacher’s role is to guide the student in learning, and the student’s job is to turn in assignments and learn, but some students may want to go above and beyond, which is where my dynamic fits in. It is not the best analogy, and I’m not suggesting that anyone underage will be engaging in a dynamic.

Hola soy nuevo en esto fan de la sumisión desde hace años

Hey Femdom family! ❤️

I could really do with some advice, and I’m honestly rather nervous about posting this. 🙈

I’m a male submissive who’s only recently discovered this side of himself, and I’m still learning.
I’ve been getting to know a few different Dommes, hoping to find someone I genuinely click with and feel an emotional connection to.

I haven’t committed to anyone or agreed to an exclusive D/s dynamic.

But here’s what’s worrying me… Is it normal and acceptable to talk to multiple Dommes while finding the right connection?

Part of me feels guilty, almost as though I’m being unfair to them, even though I’m genuinely trying to find someone compatible rather than rushing into my first D/s relationship.

I want my first experience with a Domme to be built on trust, communication, mutual respect and a genuine connection.

I’d really appreciate hearing perspectives from both Dommes and submissives.

Thank you in advance! ❤️

I'm a newer poster to reddit not so new to the femdomming.....

OKAY maybe I am a little bit....

But even so, we have tried sounding, and it's something he absolutely loves....

But I occasionally go in at the wrong angle or what we are trying to use should not be used...

Does anyone have a place to get good quality rods? Any tips on how I should do things so it doesn't hurt him? Are there any lubricants to use that won't burn inside?

I’ve been seeing someone (a sub) for the past three months and we have gotten close. I found out early on he was a sub and I was happy to explore the ideas of femdom with him even though I was vanilla (but have done kinks in the past). He has expressively stately he values me and that I was someone he never met before.

He has shared much of his past with me including his mistreatments by several women. Sometimes I hear his stories and wonder why he would allowed himself to treated poorly. I am the opposite of that being that I give him attention and care.

He’s recently had to go overseas and given our time apart, I offered that I would like to join. He had previously told me he would love for someone to go with him on his trips. Unfortunately, he changed his mind and said it would be difficult as it would interrupt his and he would feel awful that he wouldn’t have time for me.

I was upset and told him things that implied I was under appreciated and have since gone silent. I used to hear him tell me that his exes were hot yet they never did anything for him but he would pursue them. My words were that I was hotter than his exes and I did this and that, yet he didn’t love me.

Was I right or wrong ? He also hasn’t reached out since but the last thing he asked was that he wanted to see me before his trip.

So last time I was here I was told a-whole abundance of things that I could improve on and do(wanna thank everyone that did help). Cause of that, when I finally had the free time I tweaked the ad that was ripped to shreds a couple of days ago and am ready for this one to be as well.

Submissive Service Sub / Slave / Pet Looking for Someone to Serve

Hey! I’m 6’2” with a slim, athletic build, and I’m looking to meet someone I can connect with and hopefully build a genuine dynamic with.

I’m naturally drawn to the submissive side of things and enjoy the idea of being helpful, attentive, and making someone feel cared for. I’m interested in exploring a service sub, slave, or pet dynamic with the right person. For me, it’s about finding someone I click with, building trust, and figuring out together what works for both of us. Good communication, honesty, and respect are important to me, and I think the best dynamics develop naturally as two people get to know each other.

A little about me outside of kink: I’m pretty laid-back and enjoy watching movies, reading books and comics, and playing video games. I also like staying active, so I spend time at the gym, play soccer, and go running when I can.

I work from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m., so I’m usually free in the afternoons, evenings, and on weekends.
I’m hoping to meet someone who knows what they enjoy but is also open to getting to know each other and seeing where things go. I’m happy to take my time, learn, and put genuine effort into building a dynamic that we both enjoy.

If this sounds like something you might be interested in, feel free to message me! Tell me a little about yourself and what kind of dynamic you’re looking for. I’d love to get to know you and see if we click.

Let me know what I should remove and improve on. Appreciate it in advance.

Does this automatically make me a dom? Can pegging be submissive on the side of the giver? I don’t want to be inherently dominant, but if that’s what it means then I suppose I could 😞

So I (23F) am dating a younger guy who’s very much a sub. I’ve mostly been submissive with previous guys but I’m actually a switch and ngl I’m really enjoying being the dom for once lmao

He’s told me stuff like “my body your choice” and that he likes being taken advantage of. He’s also straight up told me multiple times (sober and in person) that he’d like me to “rape him” as part of a cnc fantasy

For context, he’s into being slapped, choking, calling me mommy, being called a “good boy”, spitting in his mouth and generally just being used and having someone else take control

He’s not exclusively a sub either. Sometimes he switches and takes charge, and other times we just have regular passionate sex, like missionary, doggy, saying “I love you” to each other and all that cute stuff lol. So it’s not like our entire sex life revolves around kink

And before anyone comes for me, I’m obviously 100% against actual rape. We’re talking about consensual fantasies between two adults. We have a safeword, communicate about boundaries and sometimes use rope too. I’m pretty good at reading his body language, but obvs I know that doesn’t replace consent

ANYWAY my issue is that I genuinely have no clue how to surprise him 😭

Like I love being on top, telling him what to do, teasing him and being in charge, but I feel like there’s SO much more to explore and I don’t really know where to start

So to the sub guys and people into cnc:
- What actually turns you on about it? The loss of control? Being wanted so badly that your partner takes charge? The element of surprise?
- What kind of scenarios do you fantasise about?
- Do you prefer a dom who’s more teasing and playful or more strict and demanding?
- How do you make things feel spontaneous while still respecting previously agreed boundaries?
- And to the experienced doms, where tf do you get your ideas from?? 😭

Obviously I’d discuss hard limits and what we’re both comfortable with beforehand. I’m not trying to genuinely violate anyone’s consent, I just wanna understand this kink better and get more creative with him

Basically I’m a switch who accidentally discovered she LOVES being called mommy and now I need some inspiration lol
Any advice, especially from sub guys into cnc, would be appreciated!

I’m a woman who was recently given the opportunity to explore being a Domme to another woman who already has a male Dom.

I’m actually meeting both of them tomorrow, and she and I have our first date planned for next week.

Here’s where I need some advice: I’m completely new to being a Domme, and while I’m excited about exploring this dynamic, I have no idea where to start!

I want to establish a sense of confidence, authority, and control when we’re together, both on dates and during intimate encounters. I want her to feel comfortable submitting to me, but I also want everything to feel natural rather than forced.

For those of you who have experience with female-led D/s dynamics, how did you get started? How do you establish your presence as a Domme, especially when you’re new? What should I discuss with her and her existing Dom before we begin?

Any advice for a beginner would be greatly appreciated!

I wanted to share an experience with HFO I had!

I am a lifestyler domme, I'm also poly, and have been gathering subs here and there across the LA area over the past 3 years. One (NB) sub I've been seeing for over a year now and it took us over a year to even have penetrative sex because I enjoyed teasing and torturing so much it was barely on my mind. I'm sure there's an experience as a sub when you find someone who is just so GOOD at being a dom/me, I feel like I've had that experience with this sub. They're just really good at subbing - almost built for it. Shorter than me (omg loooveee thattt), effeminate, willing to dress up for me, and overall a very chill person (not common with subs!!). Reactivity is important to me too; like when someone is able to react vocally to what I'm doing. It makes me bounce off their energy and I get into a domme-space.

Recently I was laying on top of them, just kind of yapping into their ear (I loooove using my voice, it's my best weapon hehe) and instead of describing scenarios like I usually do I started describing feelings. I wanted them to feel relaxed, so I incorporated a little of what I knew about mindfulness techniques and body grounding to just describe a nice, warm feeling moving throughout their body. Slowly I started realizing they were entering what I could only describe as a trance state (body more relaxed but responding to prompts) and I figured they might just be a very suggestive person, so my goal became to suggest them into a state of being relaxed or released. I guess they took it literally and ended up orgasming underneath me, clothed, without either of us moving.

This was the first time that had ever happened to them. They were pretty new to subbing when we met. This was quite the experience for me, it's like, electric. To feel so completely in control of someone that they could be brought to orgasm by just my voice is a surge of power, and I feel like this is rare and special? I have never had any expectation of this from any sub I've seen, in fact I've thought it would be kind of overdoing it if I legitimately expected that from anyone's body.

Of course I predictably became addicted to this and have been experimenting with what I can only classify as hypnosis with them. Describing what their body should feel like, commanding them to drop deeper, noticing how their body is reacting so I know where to move their consciousness at any time. I have since done a lot of research on responsible hypno practices and I'm surprised at how naturally I picked up the correct boundaries around hypnosis. Keeping the other person's autonomy present, and always staying in a warm, uplifting, positive presence (yes even if I'm describing them living in a vacuum bed for me to tease for all eternity!!) that doesn't install any personality changes outside of a session. I've either become extremely good at it or they've become very good at receiving it. I know that it's partially me, my voice, my descriptions, but I have to hand it to this person, they are just good at the act of subbing. It's a very difficult task to ask someone to hand over that level of vulnerability to me, and to be able to unlock this level of control with someone is a highly cooperative task. It's given me so much more appreciation for the act of subbing; it can be so bodily and I know that should I ever be in a sub role, I sure as hell couldn't be suggestible enough to have a HFO. lol.

Anyone else had any unexpectedly suggestible subs? I would love to do this more with my client-facing relationships even if it doesn't lead to HFOs, just because I love experimenting with people. It's so nice to unlock something alongside of someone, like you both realize you can do something new. ❤️

Hey there everyone, I've been pretty actively looking for a partner to get into a femdom dynamic with. Well, actively in the sense that frequently post and respond to contact ads on both fet and reddit, shoutout to the r/femdompersonals team for their hard work, and that I put myself out there at munches. I haven't found my person yet, however I've had good experiences and made some friends in my local kink scene so I've already won in a way. But recently I came across an ad I was really enamoured by due to its sophistication and responded. I got a reply back and we started a chat and I was very excited by the possibilities. However a couple messages in I realized something, this person was using AI to respond to me. The respones were too targeted, too repetitive in certain terms and had a sense of sychophancy to them. I feel sort of heart broken right now, not only because I got excited over nothing but also because I feel like such an idiot for not recongnizing it immediately. It feels violating in a way I have a hard time describing. How has your experience been when encountering AI in a personals based or other sort of context?

Sub here My Mistress (wife) wants to be able to tease me with a remote-controlled prostate massager while we're out and about.

I've currently got the Lovense Edge 2, and while it feels amazing when it's actually in the right position, but it constantly moves around or falls out, which is frustrating.

Recently I tried a cheap butt plug from Amazon, stays in perfectly, So I'm thinking a plug style toy might be a much better option for me.

I've been eyeing up the Lovense Ridge as the shape looks like it might stay in place better than the Edge 2, but I'm unsure.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good remote controlled prostate or anal toy that actually stays put?

I'd particularly love to hear from anyone who's tried both the Edge 2 and the Ridge, or has had similar problems with toys slipping out.