Weekly EMDR Community Digest

it’s like all this pent up anger and self protection is pouring out of me. maybe not in the best way ever all the time but MAN it feels good not to bottle things up. anyone else experience this? any advice as to how to navigate this stage tactfully?

also aware that this could be unrelatable and i may just be a bitch 🤣

Yday I had a session that was very intense. It took me by surprise and had my body feeling very very tense. Today I’ve felt so anxious in my body, and gone into maybe some shutdown. finding it hard to stay upright and do tasks, feel like a bit of a robot anr that my body is a heavy weight. I feel out of it almost. Kind of similar to feeling unwell, when you have a fever so im considering that being a possibility. This is the first time In a long while I’ve felt like this so there’s those anxious thoughts of like “omg what if I unlocked something or WHAT HAVE I DONE” idk what’s really going on or what to expect.

It’s like 6/7 session of EMDR I have discovered SO MUCH and yet there are no words. These are not things I can articulate in findings and measurable things, it’s just, It’s just working on me from a whole different angle that I’ve never exposed before. I don’t know what healthy” or “safe” or a “good indication that it’s working” would look like,

A major challenge is, because I have multiple t’s, chronic, mini, big events etc, I can’t particularly link my feelings to a specific physical event once I’ve allowed the processing to happen because it travels and moves a lot, but the inability to intellectualise/ rationalise or “solve” I think is proving really difficult for me.

I'm in the early stages of EMDR, still doing some history taking. My therapist was away this week so it's still slow progress, and I'm eager to get properly started. Since learning about EMDR it finally seems like there's still hope that I can move on and start living. I know it takes time, but I just regret not having found it sooner and now having to get through each day before it starts.

But in that time I've been thinking and re-thinking about everything, and a part of me is scared of it not working. I read about sessions where memories are rated on a scale of intensity or fear or whatever. I have a lot of moments from the past that I dwell on, but wouldn't necessarily call them "flashbacks", and I don't think I feel frightened of them as much as just sad and regretful.

Is this normal before we start processing? Will the emotions come out more in the moment? Is it possible I'm just shoving down my emotions to them, like I do every day in pretty much any situation, or that there are memories I don't even know I have that will have these kinds of responses for me?

I appreciate you guys don't know my situation, but anything to convince me I'm just overthinking as usual would be really helpful.

I’ve only had 2 reprocessing sessions for developmental trauma / core beliefs.

On Friday I kept getting the sense I didn’t exactly know who I was / whether I was OK / what I wanted. I just kept saying to myself i don’t know who I am. This was followed by my teenage part coming out and buying alcohol (I’m on a sobriety journey) and doing something risky. It was like it wasn’t me doing it. Very upsetting but we move.

This morning I woke up and didn’t know where I was or who I was for quite a few moments.

Is this linked to EMDR?

I’m booked in for EMDR and I’m scared that it will make my anxiety worse. Mine is a bit different, I’m anxious and paranoid about making mistakes, especially with work.

Anyone have things be worse? I’ve heard things can get worse and messy with EMDR before it gets better. I’m scared I will get worse.

For example, would there be any benefit to synchronizing tapping and audio cues?

Something I notice that has followed me my whole life is almost like a wall between myself and other people. One second I feel social and open and the next I feel very closed off and like I'm shutting down a bit. I start becoming hyperaware of myself and other people and can tell I'm confusing the people around me. I do think it is related to my CPTSD and I've been noticing it at work a lot recently.

Has anyone gone through something similar and have they been able to get to the other side of it? Just feel more at ease with people.

*I did trauma therapy for a few years (Somatic and EMDR) and it was very helpful and I have seen big changes in my life from it. I was bored talking about myself so my therapist and I decided to take a break and restart it if needed. I'm not really ready to start again yet.

I'm aware that the brain continues to process for a couple days after a session. Can someone elaborate exactly what that means? For example, last night we worked on a negative cognition that I've carried due to a traumatic romantic betrayal that happened 18 years ago - "I can't handle it". Although we didn't install the positive cognition can I try to encourage the "I can handle/accept it" whenever an intrusive thought pops up since my brain is still in processing mode?

I've had probably 20 EMDR sessions over the last 2.5 years. Afterwards, I usually feel tired or slightly out of it. Sometimes I feel a lot of peace and calm.

I took a break from EMDR for a year and did two sessions this month. These were the hardest sessions I've ever done! I experienced a lot of resistance from my subconscious in the session like almost falling asleep and difficulty stepping into the "next part" of the visualization in my head. My therapist says this is common when dealing with deep attachment wounds that happen in our early childhood years. The reason it's taken me so long to get to these memories is I've had a lot of medical trauma in my adulthood which is what I originally went to EMDR for.

Anyways, for the last 12 days since my last session, I've had a serious flare in autoimmune symptoms, especially endometriosis and insomnia. Can this be from the EMDR processing happening? If so, tips on getting thru it? I have not had ANY endometriosis pain since surgery two years ago and it's been full swing since EMDR. I am still checking in with my doctors just to be safe :)

Hi.
I just had my introduction meeting for beginning EMDR and I feel really hopeful and excited about this therapy form.

I have ADHD and have Elvanse (40mg) prescribed.
I've found that it works best for me to take it selectively (usually in sync with days of heavy studying or a lot of social interractions).
It works really well for me but I do find that my emotions feel slightly more bearable while on it - I become more focused and structured and many times this is so much in the forefront of my mind that the more emotional and intuitive / spiritual parts of myself get slightly sidelined when I do take my medication.

So. I'm pondering in regard to starting EMDR, whether it would be a wiser choice to take or to not take my medication during these days.
Anyone who has a similar situation or general advice on how to make this decision?

Thank you!

In my therapy session today my therapist used brainspotting again. We’ve done it here and there a few times. I try to be open minded with this stuff and I do find this technique a little odd. I don’t really feel like where my eyes are looking produces a felt change in me and sometimes I try when she says try to notice my body and I really start wondering whether I start coming up something just to validate the technique or because I feel like I should. I don’t know. And then I start to feel discomfort because I’ve been focusing on trailing the the end of a rod with my eyes for several minutes. I leave feeling like a chunk of my time with her has been spent playing this thing which just seems like either magic or a scam. I mentioned that I have difficulty with the technique as well as using my protective/nurturing figures and I feel like her response is that it’s me that’s the problem and not the technique - I need to revert to these figures because they’re like a crutch to build the nurturing I didn’t receive as a kid. I always assumed that the therapist was the one who modeled the different behaviour.

Anyway, confused by this because I want to trust the process but also I’m not confident the process actually works.

i have been working with my therapist for several months now to do some ego state therapy and preparation for emdr. we finally did our first full emdr processing session yesterday. a few reflections:
- we probably started easy, but i was amazed at just how easy this was. i expected way more trauma drama but i was able to leave and go to work and have a fairly normal day.
- i was EXHAUSTED afterwards. i slept 12 hours that night and called out of work (“worked from home”) the next day because i couldn’t fathom being regular in front of coworkers

curious for folks experiences with early stages if anyone wants to share

I've been working towards doing emdr and today I finally did it. It is so hard. But I don't know if I understand it? I cried A LOT. But what happens from here? How do people feel moving forward? I don't fully understand it.

Hi all! I was in CBT / talk therapy for around 10 years for CPTSD, emotional neglect, anxiety, and depression. I finally had a breakthrough by finding EMDR. It’s a modality that’s working well for me. I can see and feel progress. But man… it’s difficult 😅

Now that I am forging a secure sense of self, I’m looking around at my life and questioning a lot of things. I’ve been so motivated by fear. Many of my life decisions were because I didn’t think I was worth anything, that my own happiness could never outweigh the security of feeling useful to someone else. It’s making me wonder if I even want to be in my line of work or enjoy anything I’ve been doing. I feel so depressed and confused. I’m angry more of the time. It’s overwhelming.

My question for is for folks far into their journey — did you experience this too? Did you make big changes to your life as a result, or as you healed did you find more fulfillment in the life you currently have? I always wanna “fix things” when I feel this way. Like, do I move to a new city? Get a new job? Join a new hobby? Go back to school? Don’t even know where to start and have no energy to do any of that haha. Granted, my job has been very tough this past month so that’s probably contributing. I am trying to accept sometimes the emotions just have to move through me, but it’s hard.

I’m gonna talk to my therapist too but wanted to reach out here in case others had wisdom. Thanks!

Hello like the title says which feeling/s are those that you can't feel? And did you find out why you couldn't feel it/them? What did you do to get to this place?

I have been in EMDR for CPTSD since June, and we recently stepped down to once a week from twice a week due to being unable to bring distress lower than a 5 through the targets we have been working on. My therapist asked if I wanted a break or to adjust pacing.

She also asked if I have been consciously keeping my distress up. Definitely not, but subconsciously I think I have been. I have like 30-ish years of trauma, and I managed to improve my symptoms by leaps and bounds thanks to EMDR. We talked about why I could subconsciously be doing it in detail, and she said we'll be trying a new technique next session.

One of the things I noticed is after a session, the distress could be lowered but in the next or following days it will increase again. Never to how distressing it originally was.

I'm just wondering if anybody else has dealt with this and what has helped?

This past week I was working on a memory that took place at my grandparents house even though my grandparents weren't involved with said memory. During one of the sets my nurturing figure showed up and quickly there after I got hit with the presense of my grandmother who passed away 20 years ago this December.

The moment my grandmother's presense showed up I started crying a lot because I realized how much I missed her. I haven't felt that in quite some time, even when visiting their home that is still within the family. Her passing was something that I thought that I had gotten over, but apparently I haven't.

The feeling passed and we ended up completing the memory, and I didn't think about my grandmother again after that until I got home. When I got home my partner asked how my session went, as he always does, and I immediatly start uncontrollibly sob for a few minutes before I can tell him why.

I'm going to bring this up with my therapist at my next session, but it feels like I never fully got to grieve my grandmother's passing. I am so glad that she showed up in that memory because I got to feel a brief moment of visiting with her, even if it was for a singular second.

I've been considering getting EMDR treatment for several years now. For full disclosure, I have not been to counseling or done any professional talk therapy. I have read and listened to several self-help resources and done a lot of writing which has helped me sort through many of my issues and achieve some progress. My reasons for postponing formal treatment include both cost and feeling a bit lost in terms of finding a good, experienced therapist - I might be completely wrong in thinking this, but many of the counseling/therapy/EMDR places in my area have incredibly woo-woo names like "Whispering Rivers Therapy" or "Astrology Sisters Counseling" (these aren't real names, just sort of the gist of what the places in my area are called, and maybe I'm wrong to think this way, but it's hard for me to take anything with a name like that seriously).

As for my background, I grew up in a family with enmeshment and narcissism. My immediate family was very dysfunctional yet close-knit - anyway, plenty of issues from my past involving them, and although I am employed, married, and moved away on my own and approaching 40 years old (and taken steps to set some boundaries and move on from things, though I could probably use guidance and outside input in this area), I still struggle with a few things:

1. Unconscious or subconscious stress. I'm not sure if that's the correct terminology here, but in essence, I often find myself holding onto physical tension, and experiences from my past frequently show up in my mind out of nowhere, even though it seems like those things should be resolved or behind me. Despite feeling like I "should" be over something, I still find myself with constant tension, unable to relax. One part of this that causes major problems for me is when I get some time off to relax, or when it's time to sleep, some part of my brain decides, "oh, we're not busy and stressed right now, now is the time to deal with those pesky ruminating stressful past experiences!" So my "relaxing time" never ends up helping me recover or feel truly rested, if that makes any sense.

2. Frequent rumination and what feels like intrusive thoughts about experiences from my past. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have a job that is mentally passive enough that I frequently find my mind wandering. Much of the time, my mind lands on processing my past. I've come to accept that I'll never get closure or my desired outcome for many things that happened in my past, but despite that it feels like some part of my brain latches onto that possibility, hence the intrusive rumination. I find it difficult to focus on building a better, productive future in my life because the past tends to live rent free in my mind, despite me knowing that there's nothing I can do to change that, and ruminating is counterproductive and a waste of my energy and time, at best.

3. Delayed processing of trauma. I used to experience depersonalization in childhood and adolescence and luckily this is something that rarely happens to me anymore, unless I find myself in an exceptionally intense situation. Most recently with the loss of one of my parents, I got into an argument with another family member, who brandished a firearm in my presence and implied a threat to both of our lives - in this instance, I briefly experienced depersonalization but quickly came out of it. Shortly after the experience, I found myself basically shoving down the actual trauma of this situation so I could function throughout the day, and then not being able to sleep at all that night since I had "pretended to be okay" right after that experience. I honestly don't know how else to deal with things like that at this point in my life since I don't really have a choice in "forcing myself to be okay" to function, go to work, pay bills, be responsible, etc. but I feel that this "coping mechanism" I have is taking its toll on me in other ways and will catch up to me later on.

For anxiety, I have tried breathing exercises with very limited success. I have not tried any prescription medications and would prefer to avoid that route. I have found a bit of help with some supplements such as L-Theanine or Holy Basil.

As stated before, I have not yet tried talk therapy as I'm very skeptical of places with names like "Flower Child Mental Health Services" or whatever (again, maybe I'm wrong to feel this way). I also worry that talk therapy might have the potential to go on for long periods of time without being especially productive, which is why I'm a bit more inclined to try EMDR.

My question is, with the above symptoms, is it advisable for me to try to go straight to EMDR? Or is it more advisable to go through some talk therapy first? And if so, around what duration of talk therapy is recommended before trying EMDR?

I'm also interested to know the experiences of those who have had success with EMDR, or those who wished they hadn't had it. I appreciate all perspectives on this. Thank you in advance for any advice!

That, or the feeling that you're constantly in danger of doing something wrong and thus being punished for it?

I think this is a huge driver for my freeze response, shame, and struggle with leaving the house. I feel like I'm always in trouble, always doing something wrong, always suspicious somehow. I can't relax or else I'll get "caught". Suppose it's also hypervigilance.

Not really sure what experiences specifically to connect this to, other than, you know, my whole childhood? Maybe once I get to this belief with my therapist we'll find something more specific.

Has anyone had success to not feel this way through EMDR? It's literally paralysing. I feel like a mouse always about to get stepped on. Even posting this, I'm feeling it! Guess just in need of some hope.

So for the past few years ive been in some pretty toxic relationships. some double sided, some not. basically it all started my sophomore year of college when I was 19. To be honest, I dont even know where to start. im 23 now. graduated college, moved across the country, got a new job. all in the midst of that though, I got caught up in a toxic relationship and toxic breakup. its become the theme of my life now that i cant move forward or find any happiness because i just feel so lost. I cry and have panic attacks everyday, i feel out of body sometimes. i catch myself saying that i am just defeated and want the old me back. but the old me is gone. its hard too because ive been totally alone for 6+ months and i dont even know where to start to get my head right and just move forward. I am a complete mess. i am just not right. its almost like i a trapped in this bubble. like i shame myself for being happy, or just beat myself up constantly. definitley in a state of depression. i just dont know what i need or what to do so i just dissassociate. ive talked to so many people about so many things this past year when everything went down, some people shitting on me for a mistake i made. i dont know, im hoping emdr can help me return to my former self or at least be able to live a happy life with no worries and im able to be my confident self again and just get some closure on this entire year in itself. basically what im asking is, can emdr help me get back into my own body and feel like myself again?

ever since 8 months ago now im stuck in survival fight flight mode since an event that happened, and I had a 8 hour long panic attack after. and developed bad health anxiety.

ever since I've been in survival mode. with the first few months no clue what was happening to me but once I realized. starting around month 4/5 so around June, I got panic attacks everyday. constantly afraid of my health every single second. it just got worse and worse. with the beginning of September my body starting a whole severe painful cramp throughout my body. since 2 weeks it's less cause im doing meditation all day. but definitely not the anxiety, im doing bad. im still surviving and scared every single second. also really bad physical symptoms with the doctor already checked me

im already on a waiting list but is this the right way to go to get emdr?

I've gotten scared of the whole world, I don't even know specific images of the event, I wasn't there I only heard it but didn't see it. and my brain started connecting everything related to health devices, words, anything to do with it it gets me very anxious, even a health advertisement on the radio gets me, im shutting my ears the second I hear it. and if I accidentally hear or see something I have to calm myself down after the smallest thing. im lost I just wanna feel better, someone's medical situation of 8 months ago has completely taken over my life.

and honestly I still don't know what's happening to me, I've gotten scared of my own existence.

Hello all. Thanks for being here. I've been doing EMDR for a few months now. I'm still confused as to how it works or if I'm doing it right. My therapist always tells that it doesn't matter how it works, just that it works and reassures me that I'm doing it just fine.

My main question is, how do I work on a specific issue. The issue I'd like to work on is the feeling that I'm always going to "get in trouble." The scenarios that bring on the trigger can be any number of things or nothing at all, just an abstract feeling. I have cptsd. All of my memories are mostly a blur. The memories I do have feel like I have no emotional connection to them. The part I don't understand about EMDR and the feeling that I'm doing it wrong happens during the sessions where I'm trying to connect with the first and worst time I felt a certain way. There seems to be no connection.

On a different subject, I was wondering if anyone feels comfortable describing a session, like what went on in your mind while you were tapping or doing whatever form of emdr you're doing. That part of me that feels like I'm doing it wrong wants some reassurance.

Hello tappers. Healing is a shared journey, and sometimes reaching out is the hardest step. Below are a few recent posts that haven't received replies yet. If you have the emotional bandwidth today, please consider stopping by to offer support or share your insights. Also, don't forget to join our Discord!

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