Just want to vent about my current situation.

My wife 42LLF and I 45HLM have been together 23 years, married for 12. 2 elementary age kids.

Mismatched libido has always been there, but turned into a DB after our youngest was born.

Last month was my birthday. I told my wife I don't need anything but her for my birthday. She asked what I meant. So I told her that her in some nice lingerie was all I could ever wish for.

My birthday rolled around, and my wife made me dinner. No gift though. No mention of anything. Not even a card.

I hoped that meant she had something else planned. My birthday was on a Wednesday. Friday rolled around and the kids were out for the evening. Once again I hoped she had something planned while they were out.

Her plans were dinner and drinks with her friends. No invite for me.

2 weeks later I finally brought up that I was hurt that she didn't get or plan any sort of gift for me.

She told me she bought some lingerie and was planning a night for us.

Coming up on a month since my birthday, and said lingerie is still in the packaging buried in the dresser.

Wife is currently out for dinner and drinks with friends again. Again no invite for me.

Am I justified in being upset? Thank you for listening.

I’ve tried drinking. Taking gummies. Ignoring it. Disassociating from it. Trying an emotional affair. Accepting compliments from strangers on Reddit. (Note: I’m also trying healthy things like therapy, couples therapy, reading books, initiating sex, etc.).

But, nothing is working. I feel a void in my marriage [32F + 32M] as well as my self confidence. I’m lonely all the time. I feel like shit all the time. And I have no one to talk to about it. I just want to feel desired. And to feel wanted. Is that so hard to do?

What do I do now?

My partner (28FLL4U) and I (29MHL) have been together since late 2018. We met on tinder and had mutual interests and libidos. Around late 2019, after living together for a few months, there was a significant decline. The decline was not only in frequency but also passion, interest and communication. The pandemic hit after a few months and I decided to leave the situation alone because with everything else going on I figured the best thing I could do was give her time and space.

Months after everything started opening again in 2022, I asked her about it. I asked specifically if sexual interaction with me stressed her out. She said no, and that she was recently dealing with trauma from a consensual encounter she had before me. I could not understand why or how anyone could suddenly remember that they had trauma, or why it only affected one aspect of our relationship. Especially because it was very open and honest before.

We went to couples therapy around the middle of 2022. It started with a lot of I don't knows and how can we communicate about this. I did not understand why she was against communicating with me, so I decided if she did not know that about herself I would find out and bring it to the table. I read several books by therapists and sex educators to try and understand. Come As you Are, The Joy of Sex, No More Mr. Nice Guy and The Vagina Bible were all excellent reads in helping me understand more about her and more about myself in the process.

I landed on that if I had responsibility in this, then it was my job to do everything I could to make her feel safe, comfortable and loved. I started talking about libidos in therapy and suddenly she calmed that the trauma was gone. I asked several questions about how what and why but I did not get any answer. Libido discrepancy and communication was now the focus of our couples therapy.

I was hurt, felt alone, rejected, neglected, inadequate and could not understand how anyone could suddenly change their mind on how they felt about their partner. I wasn't perfect and had my faults, like originally trying to pursue quantity and volume over passion and connection, but I didn't think I did anything deserving of that.

This went on for 2 years. More of the same lack of communication. In late 2024, she read Come As You Are, and suddenly the tone had changed. She was able to talk about sexually interacting with me positively. I had hope and asked a thousand questions on what we can do to make it more of a positive experience for her. Still got no answers, but it gave me enough hope to feed on so we left couples therapy.

We still weren't talking about it to avoid putting any pressure on her. It was getting less frequent and I started to recognize little things. If I said I was hurt, I was met with defensiveness and dismissal. Where if she said she was hurt, I gave her everything I possibly could and took full responsibility. Emotionally, financially, physically, logistically and communication were all on me.

I talked about it - how I felt as the provider and only asking for communication and understanding. I asked if I had done anything that warranted living like that, anything I didn't understand. I was met with dismissal and blame.

I talked to her dad, my dad, my friends and family to see if this was just the expectation and was met with a lot of No's. I thought about it for months and weighed every option I could. I left. I am still young(er) and have a lot of life ahead of me. I do not want to feel the way I did for the rest of my life.

I browsed these posts frequently and have seen all the advice given. It only me took me 8 years to finally take it in. I want to thank all of you. I am still grieving what there could have been but it is difficult to grieve something so one-sided. I have learned a lot and am looking forward to just being myself with my cat and my bigger apartment for a while. I'm in shape, loud and obnoxious and I know I will find someone eventually who will feel the same way about me that I do for them. There is hope. If any of you are in Colorado, I owe you a round 🍻

HLF37 and LLM 40. The title. No joke. He said he feels like the cats are judging him when they’re in the bedroom. I don’t know how to keep living like this. Five years of a dead bedroom and a weirder excuse every single time. I’ve lost weight and look good. I don’t know what else to do.

Short background:

Me: 46 M HL | Her: 48 F LL | Together for 25 years. | Married for 20. | 2 kids - teenagers

DB basically from the moment we said "I do"

The first thing that happened today was that my niece has a birthday so I popped off a text message to her this morning wishing her a happy birthday and some encouraging words. Her reply to my message was "Thank you for the birthday message. I love you so much!"

As soon as I read her reply I broke down. I was heartbroken and almost cried because this was the first "I love you" I have heard in a year!

It hadn't even dawned on me before today that my wife or kids have not said "I love you" to me this whole year!

The second thing that happened today was when I needed to go see a work colleague about something work related.

PS: I will admit that I have had a huge crush on this colleague ever since I met her almost 10 years ago. I have never acted on this crush.

When I stepped into her office she was on a call but she motioned for me to come inside nonetheless. I sat down on the couch in her office and waited while she finished her call.

Once she was done she looked at me (like really looked at me and had a genuine smile on her face while we talked) and told me that she missed seeing me and that it has been ages since she last saw me around. So we chatted for a minute or two about our kids; what they are doing; school; etc. I did what I needed to do at her office and was about to leave when she again said that she really missed seeing me around and that I shouldn't be a stranger after today. I told her that I would drop by for a coffee whenever she invited me for one. She said "bet"

So we chatted a bit more and, because I know that she was going through a separation or divorce when I last saw her, I asked her "How are you really doing? Are things good?" She knew what I was referring to and said that "life is life and we move". I didn't ask too much but gathered she would offer more detail if/when she wanted to.

She then asked me how I was really doing because, her words, " I can see that something is Off with you. You look sad". I looked deep into her eyes from across her desk while I tried to conjure up a smile. While trying to conjure up a smile and say "I'm good thank you", I just felt my eyes starting to well up but I quickly nipped that in the bud. This also crept up on me like a thief in the night. It's been so long that someone had asked and, actually, meant their "how are you doing?" that my nervous system just crumbled and I was ready to break down right there.

My answer to her was the same as what she offered me, "life is life and we move."

I'm sure this confirmed what she was suspecting about me looking so sad. I didn't give her anything else because I was not about to get into an emotional entanglement at the office. While I always crushed on this woman there was never any intention to act of this crush. I was happy to crush on her from a distance.

So we chatted a bit more about this and that and didn't mention the "wobble" I just had when she asked how I was really doing.

When I needed to leave, I thanked her for the chat and said we should do it again sometime. She agreed and then she remembered that she actually "owed" me lunch still for something I did for her (a work thing... as in, my actual job) at the beginning of the year. I remember her saying that time "I owe you lunch for what you did for us today" but I didn't take her lunch offer serious that time so I just brushed it off since many work colleagues would often buy me a coffee as gratitude for me assisting them in doing their work (I work in Tech).

I told her that she could take me for lunch anytime and should just schedule it in my Teams calendar. She said she would do that soon.

OK, cool, so I'm about to leave when her manager walks in to ask her something quickly. (Her office door was wide open all along while I was there.) She assisted her manager quickly and the manager left but, for some reason, the manager closed the office door after she left. So, my "crush" and I were inside her office behind closed doors. By this time I was already standing at the door ready to leave. I noticed that once the door was closed she got up from her desk and came closer to me. We talked for another 60 or so seconds but now her hands were occasionally touching my arm or shoulder as she talked.

Being in the DB game that I am in... I noticed that initial and subsequent touches immediately and I swear I almost melted right there in her office.

With the door closed she seemed a lot more at ease being around me in her office. As I was leaving, before opening the door, she said have a good day and motioned to me for a hug. I was caught totally off-guard and opened my arms to hug her back. That hug, actually lasted around 10 seconds with her actually gently rubbing my back and placing her head on my chest for the entire duration of the hug. It was intense (for me at least). As she stepped away from me after the hug, her hands and fingers lingered on my back and arms as she stepped away from the hug. She then proceeded to touch my arm again once she disengaged.

It might just have been a hug from my work crush but it did things to me that hasnt been done to me in years!!! Like... it. did. THINGS. to. me 😊

I could not stop thinking about that hug when I eventually left her office. I still cant.

I messaged her on teams when I got back to the office telling her thank you for the hug and that it was the best hug I have received in a long time. She reacted with a heart emoji.

So I know that I am probably overthinking this hug but man oh man... it felt so good to feel another person's body against mine after such a long time. It felt weird not to have had to negotiate that hug or ask for it.

To receive an "I love you" and an intense hug, both on the same day, has made my weekend!!!

PPS: I have never cheated on my wife but this hug definitely felt like I was crossing some line that I said I would never cross.

PPPS: A hug from my work crush!?!?!?!? WTF!?!?! 😂

Edit: It's been a few hours since I left her office and we interacted on Teams. She just messaged me on Teams now again asking how I'm really doing. I feel like a teenager!!! 😂 😂

As perimenopause has taken hold my wife LLF47 and I HLM 43 have been having less and less sex. Her doctor doesn't seem to have any inclination to help her and so her libido, which has always been low, has suffered even more. At this point it happens infrequently and its pretty lackluster when it does happen, that its just not even worth the bother of trying to initiate anymore. Its pretty depressing but at least im not constantly let down...

First time poster. Excuse my rant. The last time my (31F) husband (32M) and I had sex was on the first day of our honeymoon. I initiated and it was crap. February 2027, which will mark our 2 year anniversary, will also mark 2 years without sex. Even before the wedding sex was very infrequent and I’ve always had to initiate - however , it wasn’t nonexistent. He blames his (undiagnosed) autism. I also know he looks at photos of porn stars (soft porn) on instagram. I’m just disgusted by him at this stage. I’ll go months without thinking about it and then every so often I remember that he shows zero interest in me physically and it’s like a slap in the face. He is adamant that he finds me attractive but there is zero indication of it. Honestly, sometimes I fantasise about finding someone new who is really into me. I’m young, pretty, and I have a great career. In a few years my salary will be more than double that of my husband’s. I initially was super in love with him because he made me feel safe and secure and I experienced childhood trauma so that safety was very important. But I just don’t know how our marriage can last another 2 years without sex. He also never wants to talk about it because he finds it ‘awkward’. He said he’s optimistic that we can start having sex again in the future but in my head I’m like …. Why don’t you just have sex with me right now?!

I have been engaged to my fiance for 4 years now. We have 2 children and we have built a life together. I love her very much and I want to spend my life with her. However, she has never once came onto me, initiated sex in any way or made me feel sexually desired. Over the last 3 years I have expressed deeply and clearly how important it is to me that my partner desires me sexually and initiates sex. She still never has. We have great sex and I always make sure that she has an orgasm because I wouldn't want to have sex and not have one lol. That's kind of the point. The connection and physical touch is one a huge part of sex too but I digress.

I think that I am an attractive man. I used to know I was attractive but over the years my partner not showing any interest in me sexually has honestly crashed my self esteem when it comes to my looks. We have a 1-2 hour conversation about these problems about every other month. I explain that I crave this intimacy. I explain how it is important to me to feel sexually desired by my partner and how she has never initiated sex. Not once. I don't attack her in these conversations. I calmly express myself and my emotions, my wants and my needs. Every time she says very little and never has an excuse or reason for things being the way they are. Always tells me she will try to change.

I don't believe it's an issue of her being shy or feeling uncomfortable initiating sex. It's not that I'm not attractive or that I don't please her in bed. I honestly believe that she just has zero sex drive and she doesn't want to have sex unless I make her horny. She doesn't become horny unless I physically stimulate her.

The reason I'm post on here is because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm starved and I long for someone to sexually desire me and initiate sex. I don't want to ruin what we have. The life we have built, the family we have created, the memories we have made and the love we have for one another. I don't want to lose that but I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to control myself if a woman came onto me and made me feel wanted sexually and tried to initiate a sexual encounter. I don't know what to do. I really love her and I want to be with her forever but I honestly don't know if I can stay faithful forever if things stay the same. I know I can't feel this way forever and never feel sexually fulfilled.

What do I do???.....

I got married one year ago, and since my wedding night it’s been a dead bedroom (my husband found out he has ED). Honestly, we lack of intimacy in our relationship on a whole— we don’t sleep in the same room (he doesn’t want to), we rarely cuddle and kiss, and when we do it’s basic pecks, because he hates tongue.

I was sad for a while… thought I’d be patient and let it pass. It’s the first relationship for us and we’re both virgins… shit like this happens. But now that’s it reached a year, I’m incredibly depressed. I’m always low in my mood and I’m constantly fighting negative thoughts that I’m ugly, unattractive, not worthy of affection and sex and unfuckable.

I used to be such an active, outgoing and fun person. Never felt ugly or fat and was so confident. Then I faced the constant rejection from him and found myself in this pit of self doubt and insane insecurity. I sometimes think this is the depression that people in their early twenties go through, I know my mom went through this for a few years when she first got married, but the other day my friend who got married after me, told me she was pregnant, and I spiraled and genuinely thought of doing something bad which was terrifying.

Aside from the lack of intimacy, there is a lot of love in my relationship. It’s not perfect, I don’t think anyone’s relationship is, but I am committed and want to do my best to get through this. My husband did get treatment, but there is a psychological aspect to his diagnosis, which we’re still working on. We’ve spoken at length about the lack of intimacy, and he is trying to get better. I did also confide in him about my own recent mental struggles, and he felt really bad.

So I have been a lurker for a while but I was in a DB situation.me m31 with ex f37

My ex partner and I have been having a relationship for about 4ish years and we not once had piv. She has always had some hangup toward sex and i respected her and tried to help her out. Basically try to get to the root of the problem and such. Turns out it was a cultural purity culture type thing that just really made her scared.

At first we suspected vaginismus but so I started sending her resources around it what to do excercises and masturbating so she gets used to the feeling of her own vagina and we talked about penetration. Every time we tried any penetration she would freak out though. No fingers no tongue no penis nothing i even recommended a sterilized q tip as it's not large at all but I would get a serious response that we should try but when it came to it she would just deflect and say maybe another day.

This became a cycle of her saying she is putting in the work but when it came down to it absolutely no progress what so ever. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for the sake of the relationship.

We usually did masturbation and oral and rarely anal which she claimed she had no problem with.

But recently we did anal and thats when it all went to hell especially the next day. We ended up fighting and then everything came out. She hates doing anal which was news to me because I always asked her if she liked it and she said yes she does enjoy it. But she popped off saying she hates it. She then proceeded to tell me all these years she wasn't actually taking any of the sexual stuff seriously and she barely made any effort what so ever apart from doing pelvic excercise for a month. And she doesn't want to try anymore. She proceeded to say i should find someone else to have sex with.

I told her I want to be intimate with her and not some fling or hookup and the fact that she recommended that was deeply insulting to me like she was trying to say I don't want you to be my problem go somewhere else. Thats when I decided screw that I am not taking this and broke up with her and she even seemed relieved.

Honestly i was taken aback which in hindsight is stupid because I could see she wasn't making much of an effort but I suppose I had rose tinted glasses on or it was wishful thinking. But i can honestly say I did try to help her I was extremely patient with her and tried to be understanding I think to the point of shooting myself in the foot.

I suppose now all i can do is heal from this relationship and try to move forward.

This is more of a vent than anything. I just felt like I needed to get this out.

I (32f) and my husband (35m) welcomed our little one this year. Unfortunately before her, we had a bit of a dead bedroom situation going on for months. (He told me long ago he was not attracted to me anymore) The one time we had sex in a while, we had our little surprise on the way. Since we conceived, he hasn’t dared even look my way. It’s been over 15 months now. No touches, just pecks on the lips for kisses, no sex, no booty slaps. Just nothing, barely even hand holding. I don’t know why I’m surprised by this because this was that way before we had our little.

Would love some advice because in my head, he’s still not attracted to me (even though he said he was again in the past). Or even more so now that I carry the remnants of our little on my body daily. I try not to let it weigh on me but I’m only a woman. Unfortunately the world has told me I am valuable by my body and I don’t feel very valued in a while.

How do I reignite the bedroom? How do I make him want me again? Or should I just be letting this sexual part of me go now?

My girlfriend (24F) and I (23M) have been together for almost four years now and since graduating a few month ago looking to buy a house together and move in. But I have some doubts the last few months.

First a disclaimer: My girlfriend is a very sensitive and considerate person. And has some bad luck with her libido due to endometriosis and therefore being on birth control.

The first year of the relationship we were having sex all the time and of course once you're longer together that gets less. Of this fact I was aware, but to this extent if very hard for me. Right now I am happy if we have sex once or twice a month. I always have to be the one to initiate and most of the times once we do have sex she doesn't feel super into it. Besides that if we're doing foreplay I do all kinds of things like oral or with the hands etc. She just lies there to the point I sometimes ask: 'Aren't you forgetting something?'. And she genuinely doesn't know what. And I have to literally ask her to please me aswell. She just forgets.

It makes me feel very unseen and honestly kind of insecure due to not getting the feeling of her being attracted to her.

I've brought this up a couple of times and she said she just doesn't think about sex. Never. Last year it was mostly due to her finishing college, working fulltime and relatives passing (which I completely understand) and because of that her head being too full to relax she said. After that we went on a three week vacation and it only got worse. Right now she is looking for a job so she has a lot of free time (I work 50 hours a week). I still manage to make time to be intimate, even though it might not be sex, then just cuddling. Our sex life has pretty much stagnated.

She says she gets tense because there are people around (we live at home) and because she is tired or too busy. And besides that the BC and endometriosis.

It sometimes makes me act cold against her because of the frustration and I hate it. I am also genuinely convinced if I never initiate I should be happy if we had sex once a year as I think she can live perfectly fine without sex ever.

Because of all this I am doubting if we're a good fit and buying a house is quite a commitment. All the other things line up in the relationship, so she is perfect. I once read, if your sex life is good it is 5% of your relationship and if it is bad it is 95%. I think that is the case now.

My wife and I have been married more than 20 years. Around 50 (not quite there yet) and have only had sex once in more than a year.

I go through cycles but it's a combination of frustration, anger and sadness. I came to the realization that I've stopped trying. The rejection that always comes with it would send me back down a spiral.

It's not just sex, basic intimacy is gone. When I try to kiss her, I get a small pack and a pull away. A hug feels no different than it does with any other family member (not in a weird way). It's not just the spark that's gone, it's any hope of this turning around.

Her reasons started years ago and the list of "why not" kept getting bigger and bigger. Too tired at night. Too stressed during the day. Kids up too early. Kids up too late. Meetings. Lunch with a friend. There was always a reason for it not to be then.

I haven't ventured but it's been a thought. As has been me wanting to tell her I would be okay if she wanted to try sleeping with another man. Maybe that would wake her up? It's easier to think I'm the problem. I keep saying I'm not. Even as I try to improve myself going to the gym multiple times each week. I've gotten into the best shape of my life to try to get her attention.

Nothing works. It's an empty feeling.

Thanks for listening. Happy to find a place to unload

I just need to vent, I feel like i cant talk to him if I want things to get better, and I dont have anyone else I can talk to.

I feel silly being upset, like the relationship is obviously more than sex, i love him so much, and when things are good I believe in things like soulmates again. We had such a good talk last time, i felt so optimistic, we had sex at least once a week for like 2 to 3 weeks, and i felt so much better.

Then family stuff happened which has made us unable to have as much alone time, and I've also been on my period for nearly a month straight. I went to the doctor, they gave me meds but they havent worked. I also got psoriasis all over my ass, so i feel ugly and gross most days. He reassures me, and I understand why the period doesnt help, but i still miss it. I miss the closeness, the stress relief, the feeling of forgetting everything else and just being together with nothing else in the way.

A few nights ago I brought up wanting to do a specific scene, something exciting, gave him a brief summary, and he was just like "yeah, maybe"... i thought back to when we started dating and how he would have reacted back then, like he won the lottery, or at least happy.

We went on a date night yesterday after I finished work and I felt fine right up until I saw him. I dont know what I expected. I didnt put much effort into how I was looking, I changed into a cuter outfit, but no make up or hair. So maybe I shouldn't have expected anything, but after the lack of interest the night before I just felt so shitty. I tried to act normal but then another thing happened and I just couldnt hold it up. I cried. I nearly ruined the night.

We went for dinner and I asked for a clean slate, just to pretend it didnt happen and that helped, we ended up having a good time and talking about other stuff a lot.

I understand that its his mental health, he's told me he feels like a shell of himself, he doesnt recognise himself in the mirror, he said he struggles to even survive, going to work is the most he can manage. I wish i could fix things, I want the guy from a year ago back, and then i worry that he cant come back and this is who he is now.

I don't know, I just wanted to vent, I read this sub and feel less alone. I know I'm gunna stick it out to see how his new meds work, he's putting in effort, i know he wants us to work, and he knows what i need. Its just the waiting that really drags me down.

Edit: I can see how the scene mention can be confusing, to preface, i only brought up doing something we had done before, that he initiated and enjoyed, and made it very clear that I was floating the idea. We're both kinky and have had similar scenarios play out before (initiated by him mostly, and with the traffic light system in place), so my disappointment came from the lack of interest in discussing sex, not the specific act.

First post so please excuse me not knowing all the abbreviations. If HLM is higher libido man, that's me. Since our daughter was born (around 11 years ago) my wife's libido has reduced hugely. There was no trauma around that, there are no relationship issues. We find each other attractive and when we do have sex, it's great! (like, really great!) Our relationship feels pretty perfect outside of the bedroom but we're on this never ending cycle of 2-3 weeks passing by, me getting frustrated or grumpy, wife notices my mood change and it prompts her to take action.

I appreciate that this is higher frequency than a lot of people here (so maybe I should be grateful for that). But the crux of my frustration is that I want to feel desired, I want there to be some spontaneity, and for her to 'want' sex rather than it being something she doesn't really think about until she notices my frustration coming through. She's usually horny the day after we've had sex and sometimes initiates at that point but it's almost like she forgets about it for the next couple of weeks and the cycle starts again.

I have tried everything.... Talking openly about my feelings, asking if there's anything more/different I can do, encouraging her to explore her sexuality alone, etc. She always just insists there's not a problem and she'll try harder to focus on that side of our relationship and then nothing changes so I'm in this constant loop and the most hurtful thing is that it feels like she doesn't care how it makes me feel (because she has told me 100 times that she's going to make more effort and never does so it feels very dismissive)

At the stage now in our 40s that I don't hold out much hope that the spark will ever come back so it's quite depressing to think this is just what I have to accept and prepare for it becoming less and less frequent as we get older.

It breaks my heart that I cannot picture what my boyfriend’s naked body looks like. Not only is there no sex but he doesn’t walk around shirtless or change in front of me anymore either. Probably pretty silly to feel this way but I miss his body so much 💔

Yesterday I was with my sister and she so casually mentioned that her husband and her were in the shower together the other day as part of a story and it sounded like it was just a totally normal occurrence and it just smacked me in the face how normal it is for other people to be intimately comfortable with their spouse and when contrasting that with my marriage it took a lot of effort to not show how much it affected me. Then later on, I was cooking dinner and a criminal minds episode was on and Will says something like “testosterone will make a man follow a woman to Thailand barefoot, that’s just the way it is” and I guess because I was already a little thrown off and sensitive from earlier, that line just got to me. My husband just has no desire for me whatsoever. We’re 30 and 31, no kids, similar schedules, healthy. His testosterone is fine. But I’m lucky if we have sex that lasts about 5 minutes once a month. We kiss maybe once a month outside of sex and hug maybe 2 or 3 times a month. No other touching unless it’s me touching him, he never reaches for my hand or puts his arm around me. I love him, I just am so desperate to feel wanted and desired by him. It’s always been like this, for the last 10.5 of our 11 years together. Getting married didn’t even temporarily increase anything. I guess I keep hoping I’ll just get used to it and not want for more. Guess I’ll keep hoping.

Im getting a chest tattoo in two weeks for my birthday, im taking bets on how long until my partner finds out about it as i haven't told her and dont plan to.

She doesn't shower with me, doesnt like skin on skin contact and obviously is LL, so theres no reason she will see me shirtless anytime soon. Im thinking it will be two months until she notices it.

I am tired of trying. I am tired of the effort. I think I give up. After a recent attempt, I think something in me broke. I no longer want to try anymore. I don’t want to put in the effort to be affectionate. I think my wife senses that. Today I walked into be bedroom and she was laying the completely naked. I would normally jump on her or at least walked over to caress her. But today I truly didn’t have an urge to, I just asked her what’s going on. It’s be a few weeks, and I have not gotten hard around her. It makes me sad.

The sexual issues have been here for 2/3 years or so, we've been together since 2021 more or less, I've lurked this sub for like a year now but never posted before so I thought I might give it a chance today since I have no one to talk to about this who would understand me.

When the issues arised I assumed it had to do with living with his parents and such and having to time when we could be alone, back then I was still going to college and such and well, life seemed normal, although his libido was always low oddly enough, I suspect it might have to do with his neurodivergence or depression, either way he's not formally diagnosed but he refuses to seek therapy because in his words "it won't work" or "it's a waste of time", well fast forward to last year, we haven't had actual PIV sex in way over a year maybe, the last months in which we had intimacy it was him giving me oral which is nice... until you realize that's all you'll ever get and you have to initiateevery single time, I talked and talked and TALKED for months and months but he never got why I needed something more or he just was afraid to go back to being intimate?? ...I have no clue, I'm grasping at straws here as to what he was thinking about back then, and this year when I stopped initiating everything just stopped, nothing, not even once did he initiate out of his own volition, it's saddening, but I made peace with it and gave him even more time to sort his own issues out and such maybe...

Well, out of the blue today somehow we got to talking about the topic and (after a lot of grieving it months ago) it was natural for me to say that well my libido is basically non existent now and I feel turned off in general in that aspect, I was not blunt to him obviously but being more direct here, guys it's just not there anymore, I have no desire for him at the moment in a sexual sense, it's the first time in my life my libido is this low, I've always been a HL female and well, it disappeared eventually... he just couldn't get it, I don't understand if he was going to just expect for me to wait for him forever without consequences that are natural to a damn human?? What did he think was going to happen?? He suddenly became worried and apparently finally understood why I begged for him to talk about his hair loss treatment pills with his dermatologist over a year ago or get into therapy or even why I asked so many times what he likes, what he enjoys, anything and everything, hell I don't even think he remembers it all, but I fucking do.... It's so bullshit, he then says "but what happens if I recover my libido now 😮" WELL YOU FUCKING WAIT LIKE I DID FOR SO LONG WHAT DO YOU THINK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS HE UNABLE TO RELATE TO SOMEONE ELSE GOD HE ONLY GETS WORRIED NOW WHEN THE DAMAGE IS ALREADY WTF MAN...

Ahem, feel free to let me know what you think, I'm looking for a remote job right now since I'm unable to work on site due to back issues (that were never an issue to my libido at all mind you), I know it's hard to deal with a health situation at this age but it's not like I'm unable to move around or anything hell he doesn't do anything extra a normal couple wouldn't, if anything I've minimized my needs to not bother anyone in this house, I'm so fucking tired.

I (20F) have been with my girlfriend (22MtF) for a year and a half, and in that time I think I have never felt less wanted in my whole life. She is the picture perfect partner in every sense of the word. Kind. Attentive. Loving. I love every part of her and more and see a future with her. Our only problem is that we can go a month or more without sex. I have a high sex drive, she...supposedly does too? And yet, when I initiate, she almost always rejects me. She, on the other end, has never initiated. I dont even know what to do anymore. I already have body issues, but when I come home, make myself pretty and still get no reaction from her, it hurts so much. She is not asexual, I asked. In fact, she supposedly has many kinks. But when it comes to intimacy together it's another story.

My last relationship, my ex boyfriend told me "When we have sex I would rather be anywhere else" and that has haunted me. Couple months ago, she said that exact same sentence. Same words. Same tone. I broke and I dont know if Ill ever be back to where I was. I love her so much and yet this feels like such a special kind of torture that it is almost comical. I think the worst part is the humiliation. I ask for it, hell, almost beg for it. And yet all I get back is a joke about how needy I am or being let down slowly. I dont know how to navigate the loneliness anymore. I know any logical person would end it, but we live together and every other aspect of this relationship is literaly PERFECT. I dont want to lose her and I cant bear not being in her life, but Im so tired of feeling like an afterthought in my own relationship

I’m sure this has been posted before. I know I’m not special. I don’t know what else to say. She makes me feel like a teenager again. The only thing I look forward to each day is sitting close to her in the office. Not to sound creepy but I sneak looks, listen to her, and secretly hope she messages me or asks me for help when she needs it as she’s done in the past.

To get a bit more personal; I’ve been so depressed and lonely the last couple of years, almost to the point of actually committing the act. I’m still married obviously. It doesn’t help that she’s threatened divorce multiple times when my depression gets the better of me and I can’t do chores alone.

When I’m alone I’m thinking of her. I’ve thought about her when touching myself. She knows I’m married. I don’t know her status. It’s gotten to the point where I want to ask her out but know it’s wrong. I know these thoughts and actions are wrong. I can’t help myself.

The wife obviously has no idea and I’m keeping it that way. This is my first admission. Couple counseling won’t help and I don’t have an actual therapist anymore. Just someone who prescribes meds as needed. Not looking for validation or advice. I just wanted to finally get this out into the world.

So me (HLM 44) and the mrs (LLF 49) are carrying on a few nights ago, few drinks, talking gibber gabber to each other and having something of a general laugh and she says something that really kicks me in the feels, "we could have sex more if you initiated a bit more".....

Like ok, I know we have sex pretty much anytime you initiate and this is for a number of reasons..

1. ANYTIME I try to initiate it gets shot down.

2. Your working/focused on work (which includes working through lunch)

3. You dont want to do it when the kid is out with their friends cause they could come in at any moment.

4. Your going through life changes which usually means your too tired/sore (genuinely can see/hear/feel it) and end up in bed looonnng before me.

5. The kid doesn't sleep so can't do anything in the evening while shes awake and in the house (which i agree with)

6.you've told me I need to get you in the mood, but have also told me that can take a bit of time. But your already too tired by the time you go to bed so when exactly and how should I start trying to get you in the mood?

1. I told you AGES ago that I wouldn't initiate anymore other than playfulness to see if anything will happen but not really holding out any real expectations (Reason I dont initiate anymore is after we have sex, I try to get it on again pretty much when we can. Let's keep it going, but get shot down "you get it once and want it all the time now" or "ill let you initiate so im not pressuring you and we know we'll both be in the right mind place to get it on".

So with everything above how and when should I initiate cause at this point, I honestly dont remember HOW to initiate without being blunt about it and saying "let's go to bed", not as subtle as your, "i WAS in the mood LAST NIGHT but you never noticed"