I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’m struggling. I’m a mother to two kids, work in residential childcare and have experienced a life that would cause me to be educated on mental health, grief, loneliness and pain. I’m now 32 and the older I get the more aware I am of the world and the daily occurrences of what goes on. I’ve always been extremely empathetic and sensitive to anything upsetting but I coped to the best of my ability. I found joy in my life and my children, I was very into spirituality, gratitude, spreading positivity love and light and just generally trying my best to make the world a better place.

Now, I feel like I’m struggling to cope. Not in a way that I’m suicidal, because I’m not. I love my children, my family, my friends. I live a good life and I’m so thankful for it. But waking up everyday, seeing what is going on in Gaza, Congo, the Epstein files, the reality of how high pdfilia and child abuse is and genuinely just all the horrors of the world is killing me. It’s changing me. I have a strong sense of justice, always have and the thought that I can not save these children, love these children, shelter them from all the horrors they are currently experiencing or witnessing is eating me alive. I don’t use a lot of social media, I read fantasy 24/7 and I’m not constantly on my phone but as soon as I see anything it sticks and repeats and piles on. I’m scared that in time it’s going to completely strip me of who I am. How can we live like this? How can we watch innocent little babies, children, families be at the receiving end of so much pain. I will never be able to understand.

I suppose I just need to get this out, the tears are streaming down my face. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because it’s such a horribly depressing subject but i just can’t continue to act normal. Go on a holiday. A trip, a new experience, treat myself? What. It all sounds crazy now. Kids are currently starving? And I’m expected to go see my favourite band?

Please, surely someone knows a way to cope. I want to help so bad. I want to make change, help, save, rescue everyone and wrap them up in a safety net of my love like I give my own kids and I can’t. This world is so painfully cruel and I’ve lost my hope. I can’t be spiritual anymore, the thought of being grateful for anything enrages me because I think - why am I thanking a universe for blessing me when it punishes so many others? I just don’t get it. What am I meant to believe in. Is this why people turn to god? Because eventually you feel so hopeless you need to believe in something else.

At what point does the world get better? When? Will it ever? Because this horror show is too much to bare.

I will keep this incredibly briefed. I was a heroin addict since I was sixteen, 5 years ago I was framed by the Toronto Police as a drug trafficker and spent 4.5 years on house arrest fighting the case, which ultimately collapsed in a very satisfying fashion.

I now have more than 5 years clean and sober, have an amazing therapist, and am back in school full time.

I woke up this morning excited to go pick up a new laptop at a downtown mall and set it up for an upcoming class project. I excited plan a playlist for walking in the crisp fall weather which I love.

Then I go on Reddit, stumble on Collapse again, and it all... collapses.

I am now overwhelmed, scared, and just want to burn my life to the ground and enjoy being high for the last few years of my country being remotely stable.

I don't know, I just needed to post this, I'm sorry for taking up your time.