We're already seeing the largest number of single women over 30 we have ever seen. I do think eventually a good portion of those women will settle down.

However, the men they settle with will not be their first choices, and these marriages will be loveless, sexless, and will end in a higher rate of divorce.

Some will probably not settle, and will remain single for the rest of their lives. Which will then produce a good portion of men who are shut out of long term partnership and relationships.

Additionally, there's going to be a good portion of good-looking lifelong bachelors, who have no incentive to settle down given the large amount of options they have.

Until the apps get serious about limiting the number of matches or people someone can talk to at the same time, this will continue to happen. Hinge has done that to a degree, but 7 is probably way too much for both guys and girls. In all reality it should really be 2-3. Have one person you're really interested in talking to and then a couple backups if things fail.

I keep hearing about how Instagram is actually one of the most popular places to meet people. Can anyone confirm? What’s been your experience?

Sometimes, I hear a friend talk about some poorly-behaved person that they chatted with or went on a date with. And then when I look at the picture, I'm like "yea, no shit. they look like bad news." Normal average people don't dress or take photos like that.

When the bad people look, dress, and style themselves like they're bad news, how come folks still swipe on them and get surprised that they're no good?

Rarely getting any matches, so need advice/s for improvement?

So I am [30M], completely new to dating apps, and I decided to download Bumble three weeks ago and give it a try.

I matched with a lot of girls; some of them continued to talk on the app, some unmatched after a while, some ghosted, and some I'm still talking to, and there are plans for dates.

Yesterday I went on my first date with a girl I was talking to for about 10 days.

We had lunch together, and we kept talking for almost three hours. Then she decided to leave.

The conversation was not the type of flirtiness or emotions flying around. It was like ok lets get to know each other. But to be honest, I did not feel the spark that people talk about. I was like, maybe because it is my first date in a long time, and maybe I need to see the person multiple times to be comfortable with them and vice versa.

Then I sent her a message saying, "Had a great time hanging out with you"

And she replied the same, but the reply felt off.

Then the next day I got a message from her stating that she did not feel it, and we should not waste each other's time. Which I appreciate.

Here's the problem: I am in a place in life where I do not feel the need to be in a relationship, but I would also like to gain experience and maybe find the one during the process. But this interaction put me in a situation where I started to think, "Do I need this? Put the time, effort, and money into someone who will see me as an option? Should I invest it more in myself (I am already doing that), or should I continue? Maybe I will find someone I click with, and we can start sharing the moments?"

I am not sure if I should continue and if it is worth it, or delete my account and uninstall the app and continue with my life.

I have plans for other dates on the weekend, but I am not sure if I should cancel or go and see how it goes.

For context on all my outgoing "no", I'm looking for a Christian man and I live in NYC lol

Outgoing "yes" 358

Outgoing "no" 40506

Incoming "yes" 4387

Incoming "no" 8064

And how many likes during that time?

Matched with a guy some days ago and after talking for a couple days he casually mentioned the company I work for. I never told him where I worked so I asked how he knew and he said he just Googled my first name and a few details from my profile. I know people look each other up before dates and I understand wanting to make sure someone is real but something about how casually he brought it up made me uncomfortable.

Now I'm wondering how much information someone can actually find about me with just a name and a few photos. Do you guys normally look up your matches before meeting them? And where do you draw the line between being cautious and invading someone's privacy?

Hi,

I'm using bumble for about a year. There are weeks where I don't get any likes, in the last 2 month I got about 1-2 likes per week. But yesterday I got 18 likes in one moment.

Did this ever happen to you? What is the reason behind it? I don't have premium right now, so I can't see the people. But I swiped a little bit and 2 two times while swiping left I got the "you missed a match" notification. So the likes seem to be real.

Like wtf, I gave a compliment and he called me submissive? Guys, please tell me you dont talk to women like this

Just had a first date with a guy I was insanely attracted to. I was so attracted to him that we moved our planned first date up to meet each other earlier bc we couldn’t wait anymore. Unfortunately, the chemistry in person did not transfer.

On top of him talking about himself 80% of the time and interrupting me to further talk about himself, he told me he has a kid in another state he doesn’t have much of a relationship with “bc of the BM,” that he once ghosted a girl bc he couldn’t handle how she expressed physical pleasure while he touched her, and that he got banned from two dating apps after things soured with his last fling that only lasted two months (now, after my experience with him, I suspect there was way more to the story than he let on).

Then, somewhere at the midpoint, his phone rang on the table and we both naturally looked down at it and calling was “\[female name\]❤️.” He was in the middle of one of his monologues, so he quickly turned the screen off, and then completely lost his train of thought. He stammered for like 30 seconds, then found it, then lost his train of thought AGAIN. By that point, I had already decided there wouldn’t be a second date, but I don’t tell men this while on the date for safety reasons. I could tell he could sense it though, bc he tried to explain to me a bit later that the girl who called was a girl from out of state he met on Facebook that he isn’t taking seriously…and that’s why he’s looking for someone local.

Eventually, he offered to take me home. I agreed bc I was a little buzzed/tipsy and don’t have a car/live in a big city, and I felt safer with him than trying to take a bus at night by myself. I continued to feign interest bc I was afraid he might try something otherwise (atp, it wasn’t bc of anything he had done or said specifically; I’m just generally afraid to reject men without a way to escape). While sitting in his car across the street from my building, he told me he gets really anxious and hates mixed signals, so I fessed and told him that I’m still very physically attracted to him, but that I don’t think there is or will ever be an emotional connection there. He tried to convince me he “doesn’t have hoes.” We talk about for just a moment, and the next thing I know, we’re making out in his car. Atp, I’m melting bc I’m incredibly attracted to him. He asks if we can go up to my apartment. I’m very reluctant, but still very attracted to him😭he says he just wants to continue making out and that he won’t try anything more. I eventually agree.

While up in my apt, I tell him very explicitly again that I do not want to have sex. He says he knows (it’s also in my profile). We continue getting progressively physical only for him to suddenly be on top of me after taking his pants off. And I remember becoming frozen with fear looking up at him at that point because I became acutely aware of how much danger I was potentially in. This was a 6’5” 320+ lb man who could easily overpower me if he wanted to. So I was terrified to move bc I didn’t want to provoke him. He asked me like two or three times if I wanted him to penetrate me. I said no again, each time. Then he just stared at me. With wide, animalistic eyes for what felt like 20 mins as if he were weighing the costs and benefits of doing it anyway. I was terrified and immediately started praying in my head for God not to allow this man to SA me. After literally staring into my soul for several long seconds (probably at least a minute), he finally got off of me.

We just cuddled after that. But replaying the night in my head almost sends me into a panic. He texted me the following message, that of which I have yet to respond to:

“Hey made it home, I had a great time with you tonight. Just wanted to apologize for taking my pants off in the bedroom, in hindsight there really was no reason for that and I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

I am considering ghosting and blocking, but I cannot help but feel like I led him on and owe him some apology or something for continuing to kiss him. I’d really appreciate any insight/advice whatsoever you guys might have.

I need Reddit to weigh in because I genuinely cannot decide whether this man was socially awkward, subtly negging me, or conducting some kind of psychological experiment.

For context, I’m 5’1”. Yes, I’m petite. No, I did not realise this would become a topic of discussion on my date.

The backstory
Initially, he was perfectly happy for me to drive over an hour to meet him at a coffee shop before going to a park.
Today, it was raining, traffic was horrendous, and I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle to make things easier for both of us. I even offered to go closer to his side.
His response? We HAD to go to a park.
Sir, it’s raining, traffic is terrible, and I’m trying to make this convenient for both of us. Why is the park a non-negotiable part of this operation?
Eventually, he found a coffee shop near my house. He was acting like he was doing me the biggest favour ever. I checked the location and realised it was literally FIVE MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.
Naturally, I kept that information to myself. Let the man make the journey. 😂

The coffee shop incidents
I arrived, and the first thing he said was, “Oh, you’re so short.”
I’m 5’1”. What exactly were you expecting? A growth spurt at the entrance?
He paid for the coffee, collected the membership points, and then apologised for taking them. I told him it was fine because I don’t use them anyway. Individually, not a big deal, but I was already getting irritated by the overall vibe.
Out of sheer annoyance, I sarcastically mentioned that I preferred Bacha Coffee, which is a more premium coffee place.
His response?
“Oh, does that unlock a premium version of your personality?”
PLEASE. 😭

The park: where things went completely off the rails
He insisted we go for a walk. In my mind, this meant a casual stroll, finding a bench and sitting down to chat.
WHY DID I END UP WALKING FIVE KILOMETRES?
This man was stopping along the way to do pull-ups and push-ups like we were filming a fitness influencer’s day-in-the-life video.

At some point, he tells me it’s a red flag that I’m not adventurous.
I tell him that’s his thing, not mine.

Apparently, not wanting to turn a coffee date into an impromptu fitness assessment is a character flaw.

Oh, and before we even left for the park, he had me fill out his master’s survey while sitting there with him.
So I was simultaneously his date, research participant and unwilling fitness companion.

AND THEN WE GOT LOST.
This was a HUMONGOUS park. It was hot, it was getting dark, and I was absolutely exhausted from this unplanned 5km expedition.

At this point, I wasn’t looking for romance. I was looking for the exit.

I was so irritated I genuinely felt like drowning him in the lake. FIGURATIVELY, OBVIOUSLY. 😭 I just wanted to get out of that park and go home.

Imagine being lost in a massive park at dusk with a man who thinks random pull-ups are a perfectly normal date activity.

Then came the most bizarre conversation of the day
During the walk, I mentioned that my mum had passed away. He asked when, and I said 2012.
His response?
“Oh, that’s the year I bought my first car.”
He then proceeded to explain that his current car was from that year and that if we progressed, I’d get to see his newer car.
I’M SORRY, WHAT?
I mentioned my mum passing away, and somehow this became a discussion about his car ownership history and the possibility of me seeing his newer vehicle if our relationship progressed.

What was the connection? Was the car supposed to be a selling point? Was this foreshadowing? Was I being offered a subscription upgrade to the next stage of dating?

I still cannot figure out what I was supposed to say to that.

And the grand finale
He tells me I look better in person, then asks whether I use filters in my photos.
At this point, I was mentally clocking out.

Let’s recap:

It’s the cumulative experience of feeling like I was being picked apart, tested, or subjected to little digs disguised as jokes, while also being dragged through an activity I hadn’t expected.
I genuinely want outside perspectives because maybe I’m missing something here.

Was this man just awkward and socially clueless, was he negging me, or was this genuinely one of the strangest dates ever?

Because I went out for coffee and somehow ended up in a fitness challenge, a university research study, a survival expedition and a presentation about his car collection.
I would like a refund on the entire experience. 💀

Every time I open a dating app, I have 10, 20, sometimes 30 new likes. And I'm not talking about likes accumulated over a day. I'm talking about five minutes. The numbers climb faster than I could ever realistically swipe through them.

But I do swipe. I take the time to look at profiles. I read their bios, look at their pictures, check what they're looking for, and try to get an impression of who they are and whether we might be compatible.

And then I match with them.

And NONE of them have done the same. None. Zero. 0%.

They haven't read my bio. They haven't checked what I'm looking for. They completely ignore the non-negotiables I've explicitly listed. And it seems like none of them are looking for anything serious.

And when they message me, there's absolutely nothing that suggests they've even looked at my profile. Nothing about my bio, nothing about my pictures, nothing that indicates any actual interest in me as a person.

They're just swiping right on every woman they see, and it seems they are allergic to reading- even after a match.

And when there is a match, I expect that they didn't read my profile. Because none of them do. So i ask them directly whether they've read my profile, whether they meet my non-negotiables, and whether they're actually looking for a serious relationship.

And apparently, that is completely unacceptable.

Not one of them. ZERO. 0.00000% can handle being asked a direct question about compatibility.

Apparently, i am supposed to go through an entire ritual first. "Hi, how are you?" "How was your day?" "Where do you live?" A bunch of small talk before you're finally allowed to ask whether the person you're talking to is even looking for the same thing as you or if they read the profile.

Why? Why should I spend half an hour exchanging pleasantries with someone just to discover that they don't meet a single one of my non-negotiables? Or that, once again, they're not looking for anything serious?

I'm not asking anyone to marry me. I'm asking whether they've read my fucking profile and whether we're looking for the same thing.

Having hundreds of likes doesn't mean having hundreds of options. Not when every single one of those likes seems to come from someone who either hasn't read your profile, doesn't meet your requirements, or isn't interested in a serious relationship in the first place.

I don't want hundreds of matches. I want a few meaningful ones with people who are actually looking for a committed relationship and have taken the time to decide whether we're compatible. Or at least- please loooooooock at the profile first 😭

.

.

.

.

And no, I'm not exclusively swiping right on the supposedly hottest 5% of men that every woman is apparently chasing.

Yes, women tend to be more selective. But being selective doesn't mean we're all selecting the SAME men. Even if women only liked 10% of profiles, that wouldn't mean every woman likes the same 10%.

Research shows that compatibility, shared characteristics, and individual preferences influence who people choose. The idea that all women are chasing the exact same tiny percentage of men is an oversimplification.

I'm not looking for the top 5%. I'm looking for someone compatible who actually wants a serious relationship.

Research:

Polar Similars (2019) – Analysis of 421 million potential matches https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6743509/

Preference Versus Choice in Online Dating (2017) https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2016.0528

And you are so completely wrong if you think all average men are nice and want something serious and all hot men are assholes and just want to fuck.

Now that Bumble has gone private, do you think their whole AI reformat will still happen; as I recall it was supposed to be by eoq 2026. Also I’ve been thinking if they do what will happen with old the old accounts.

I get a few matches (maybe 2-3 a month) but either the conversation dies out or I get unmatched. I keep conversations playful and open, I don’t leave messages on read and always accommodate for schedule changes. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong. I would appreciate some feedback on my profile and help me delete this god forsaken app already.

Appreciate your inputs.

I’m a 25F who has just redownloaded humble after a year or so. I have easily had some great experiences in the past, so thought I would try the app again - however I’ve had it for 48 hours and haven’t received a single like/match.

just to test it out, I set the age + gender filters to everyone and sent a few likes - still nothing! has bumble now changed where you have to pay to get your profile seen, or is it possible I’ve been banned in a way? I can safely say looks isn’t an issue and I don’t have anything that could be considered a red flag on my profile…

has anyone had the same experience?

I (36M) will start this off by saying that I am not the best looking guy, not hideous, but not great. Well-educated, good career, variety of hobbies. In the US, I get maybe 2-5 likes per month.

I've been in the Caribbean on vacation for barely 12 hours and I've already gotten 15 likes and 5 matches from verified profiles alone. I understand that, realistically, 2/5 of them are pros, 2/5 want to move to the US, and the final 1/5 want my kidneys, 🤣 but holy crap does it feel good *not* to have a dry, empty app.

The women I've been chatting with are so kind, vibrant, and gorgeous. Even though I'm here only for a few days, it's be an unexpected upside and surprisingly doing a lot for my mental health 😅

Anyway, just wanted to share this shocking experience. Hope all you wonderful people are well!

I've been on the app for a few months. Not like every day, & i don't do a lot of browsing / swiping, but a few times a week when I have down time I go through the suggested matches. I don't get a ton of likes but an okay amount that works for me. I've had some matches with dry / basic one word reply convos that i let linger & fade. I've went on some dates, but noone i was super into once meeting for various reasons, one match was really into me and dropped a ton of hints in person, in msg & on phone, but i just wasn't feeling her, it hapoens. But this just happened to me again, a woman matches with me first, or super swipes on me, & i match & they message or I message, they reply, saying they are super glad i replied, really liked my profile, etc, we start good convo, then poof - they un match. Im early 40s, each time they have been at least a few years older then me but I was super into them also. I've never done OLD before, so this is new to me...

Am I supposed to immediately/ quickly ask about meeting in person or FaceTime/ phone call ? Is that what i am doing wrong ? I feel like a cpl days of broken up good convo and mutual liking each other before asking to meet / call / facetime etc is more appropriate, I'm not looking to just hook up & don't want to give that impressio. I'm lf long term relationship & each time the woman has had the same & same / similar other interests.

When this happens, I'm just like, wtf ! What did I say ? We both were attracted to each other & complimented each other on looks & interests. My last message to this woman was answering about my work schedule, I said i work weekends, & i work hella early, but that leaves me free for the pm & evenings. Is that a deal breaker for people ? Like, we are grown, and not everyone has a m - f 9 - 5 job. I know it's possible she was talking to multiple guys & dropped me because someone she liked better was messaging her etc. But it just stings, having had a few days of meshing / vibing with someone i really liked and then poof - it's gone with no explanation when I thought things were going well.

Any advice etc is appreciated, like I said, I'm new to this stuff & want to know if I am doing something wrong...

Hey everyone!
I’ve been thinking about how dating has changed over the years. We have more ways to connect than ever, yet meeting someone genuinely compatible still feels surprisingly difficult.
Personally, I’m not particularly interested in dating apps. The endless swiping, judging people through a few pictures, and trying to build a connection through carefully crafted prompts just don’t appeal to me that much.

I’d much rather meet someone through a shared interest, a conversation that happens naturally, or a mutual friend. Someone you can talk to without feeling like you’re in an interview for the position of potential partner. 😅
There’s an interesting statistic here, too. A Rakuten Insight survey conducted in India in August 2024 included 21,812 respondents, of whom 9,239 were women and 12,573 were men. The survey examined dating-app usage across genders, showing that app-based dating is only one part of the picture when it comes to how people connect.

So, I’m curious about a few things, especially from women:
Are there women who are single and interested in meeting someone, but aren’t comfortable with dating apps?

How do you prefer to meet someone new: through friends, hobbies, social events, communities, or just a random conversation?

Do you think meeting organically makes it easier to build a genuine connection, or is that just romanticising the past?

If you wanted to meet someone outside dating apps, where would you actually go?

To be clear, this isn’t about bashing dating apps or assuming everyone wants a relationship. I’m simply curious about people who prefer a more natural way of getting to know someone.
Would be great to hear honest perspectives from women and men alike. Maybe there are more people who feel this way than we realise.

Is organic dating still a thing, or have we all outsourced romance to an algorithm?

Hi, first time on dating apps, so please help. I (f 52) get tons of matches on bumble but no one initiates a conversation. Is this normal? Do men just go for the scatter approach and wait for women to make all the first moves? Please advise as I'm new to app dating etiquette. Thanks

What do you think about the Casual and Open to see where things go? Is there a chance that can be serious or not?

Is it just me, or do other guys on this sub feel the same way? 😭
Like, you genuinely find someone attractive, or you get that feeling ki “damn, she might actually be the one”… and then you open the comments and see 150+ guys already shooting their shots.
And you’re just sitting there like, “Chhod bhai, she already has too many fish in the sea. Why be another guy in her DMs when she probably has a hundred others to choose from? I’d rather not come across as desperate.”
So you close the app, put your phone aside, and go back to sleep instead of being another guy in her notifications. 💀
Anyone else do this, or am I just overthinking everything?

An experience I can't quite forget

I once went on a date with a woman who, honestly, I found incredibly beautiful. There was something about her that caught my attention, and I was happy to spend time with her.

But the date turned out very differently from what I'd imagined.

Over the course of roughly 45 minutes to an hour, the bill came to around $250 She ordered expensive things, and I ended up spending far more than I'd expected for what was, essentially, our brief time together.

Eventually, I had to accept that this wasn't something I could keep doing, and I decided to step away.

Here's the thing, though: I don't want to turn this into a post bashing her. I can still acknowledge that I found her beautiful without pretending the experience was financially comfortable for me.

Maybe we had different expectations. Maybe we were looking for different things. I don't know, and I don't want to assume her intentions.

I'm 34, and this experience made me think about dating, money, attraction, and boundaries. Sometimes you can be genuinely drawn to someone and still realise that the dynamic isn't right for you.

I don't regret finding her beautiful. I just learned that attraction alone isn't enough to make an experience worthwhile.

For those who've experienced something similar: how do you balance being generous on a date with making sure your financial boundaries are respected?

P.S. I've deliberately left out identifying details because this isn't about exposing anyone. It's about sharing an experience and learning from it.