We all love to engage in this kink and enjoy ourselves, pretty easy to get lost in it too. But we must also keep in mind that everyone is going through their own struggles. Do not forget the line between kink and reality. Whoever is visiting my page and reading this, if you're struggling with someone, you're not alone in this.

Struggling doesn't just mean mental health and depression. It can be your identity, your jobs, your sexuality, questioning yourself on kinks, beating yourself for liking a kink.

For doms, I know it's wonderful to have total control and I enjoy it myself. But sometimes try to know your sub as a person. What do they like outside of the kink, who knows, you might find something fun to talk about or even include in the kink. Don't blur or erase the lines between kink and reality unless it is totally under consent on both sides.

For the subs, things like these can make you question your self-worth, it's easy for you to get lost in this too. There can be some traumatic experiences on reddit that I've personally had some subs come and talk to me about. Feel free to take a step from this space if you think it's going bad. This is NOT a job.

To everyone reading this, I'm dms are open, if you don't have enough invites then my comments are open to talk about anything. You wanna talk something kinky? Sure. You wanna talk about your interests, hobbies, life outside, struggles, trauma (not including trauma kink), you're more than welcome. Honestly, find people here in the comments and who knows you'll be good friends!

Have fun in the kink, don't make it your job.

(Edit: made it proper and gender neutral thank you to everyone who pointed it out to me on my other posts too)

A clear boundary can make things feel less restricted because nobody is guessing. Was there one that made it easier for you to relax, lead, or submit?

None of us enter a dynamic as a blank slate. Our previous relationships, upbringing, experiences, insecurities, and expectations can all influence how we approach power exchange.

⭐️ What experiences outside of D/s have shaped the way you approach your dynamic?

⭐️ Are there habits or beliefs you had to question once you began exploring power exchange?

⭐️ Have you ever discovered that a reaction you were having was less about your current partner and more about something from your past?

⭐️ How do you separate what belongs to your current relationship from what you’re bringing into it?

⭐️ What has D/s helped you learn about yourself in this area?

**This is a copy of a promotional post from the owners of this subreddit in the absence of SinglePreference. If you have another space you would like to recommend, please ask permission first or your comment will be removed.**

Collar & Quill is a server focused on the joys and work of maintaining an in person/irl power exchange dynamic. Long distance couples are welcome, but a real-life component must exist in your dynamic to join. We ask that you have been together for 6 months with your D or s type to join, but if you have prior experience before that an dhave not been together six months, you are still welcome to apply. Solo but committed applicants are welcome to join as long as your partner plans to join, but we do not allow single/unattached Doms or subs to join. If your partner does not plan to join this may not be the space for you. We have weekly discussion posts, role specific areas, and a lively gen chat. What sets us apart is that every member is engaged in real life power exchange, not online role play. We do not ID verify but there is an application/vetting process to join. [https://discord.gg/9tDf7tAr64](https://discord.gg/9tDf7tAr64))

**The Submissive Way** is a Discord server for submissives only (no Doms, no spectators; switches can only participate from their sub side).

We’ve built a lively, dedicated space for those who see submission as a lifestyle, not just a kink. If you’re looking for connection, growth, and real conversation with others on the same path, you might find your place here.

There is an application process to protect the space, but all submissives serious about growth and understanding themselves are welcome to apply. We do not ID verify, only the application process is required to join. [**https://discord.gg/MdaQBEGKKa**](https://discord.gg/MdaQBEGKKa))

Participation and engagement are required in both spaces. We hope to see you soon!

Some desires are just hot. Others reveal something about control, vulnerability, confidence, or identity. Which one changed how you understand yourself?

The physical elements of BDSM are obvious. The psychological elements can be much harder to identify. Anticipation, authority, vulnerability, ritual, fear, trust, surrender, control, shame, pride, and emotional intensity can all influence someone’s experience.

⭐️ What part of BDSM do you think happens entirely in the mind?
⭐️ Can the psychological experience matter more than the physical activity?
⭐️ Why do some experiences feel profound to one person and meaningless to another?
⭐️ How much does context change the meaning of an experience?
⭐️ Can understanding why something affects you change the way you experience it?

Hi everyone,

I want to thank everyone who participated in my previous survey (about 40 days ago - just some posts below). I am genuinely grateful for the time, interest, and support people have shown.

I wanted to share an update on what I found. Please notice that the survey was small and thus, by no means, I have no claims about discovering "the truth" about dominance, submission, or BDSM. The results are preliminary and should be treated as such.

What I can tell you is that people have many different motivations when they describe their interest in dominance, submission, and BDSM in general. For some, it is an inherent part of them; for others, it is just a role.

Dominants use words like “leading”, “guiding”, “directing” and many others to describe the work they perform. Yet, participants in my survey treated them as remarkably similar. We have tried many words people use to describe dominant activities and they can correctly identify them as dominance but people don’t see any difference between them. People seemed far more interested in whether someone fulfilled a dominant role than in why they did so.

We know dominance and submission are much richer than that. I have a few ideas of what that could involve, which is what I am trying to explore now.

I'd love your help with the next survey:

https://surveymars.com/q/ebRDgRepa

Many dynamics have rituals, whether formal or informal.

⭐️ Do you have any rituals that are meaningful to you?
⭐️ What purpose do they serve in your dynamic?
⭐️ Why do you think rituals can carry so much emotional weight?
⭐️ If you don’t currently have any, is there one you’d like to introduce?

The next few weeks we are going to be reviving some topics that we haven't posted about in awhile! They are all considered foundational topics that warrant a re-visist from time to time.

Aftercare is the pre-negotiated ritual completed after the conclusion of a scene, that is intended to reaffirm everyone's consent and enthusiastic participation in the kinks they just enjoyed and to take immediate steps for any potential drop from either party.

Drop is what happens when all of the endorphins and happy brain chemicals that surge during a scene suddenly dissipate or "drop" from the high they reached during the scene. It can have physical effects right after the scene (shaking, crying, chills, shock symptoms) or mental affects that can even have delayed onset of a few hours or even days.

For subs, drop can often look like standard depression. Loss of interest, withdrawal, crying.

For Doms, drop can often look like shame spiral, negative self talk, and/or isolation.

What does aftercare and support for drop look like in your dynamic? Do you have levels of aftercare depending on the intensity of the scene? How do you identify drop in yourself and/or your partner and what do you do to mitigate it?

Going to go ahead an add - if you don't do aftercare, or have never experienced drop, please read the thread and learn... but no need to update us that question does not apply to you.

Hi everyone,

First, I want to thank everyone who participated in my previous survey (about 40 days ago). I am genuinely grateful for the time, interest, and support people have shown.

As promised, I wanted to share an update on what I found.

A quick disclaimer: this was a relatively small exploratory survey. I am not claiming to have discovered "the truth" about dominance, submission, or BDSM. The results are preliminary and should be treated as such.

One thing that surprised me, however, was the following:

When people think about dominance, they often describe many different motivations. A dominant might enjoy leading. They might seek opportunities to guide others. They might want to direct interactions. Some people even describe it as a need or something inherent to their persona.

At least theoretically, these seem like different things. Enjoying something, wanting something, needing something, and actively seeking it out are not usually considered identical motivations.

Yet, participants treated them as remarkably similar.

People seemed far more interested in whether someone fulfilled a dominant role than in why they did so.

That doesn't mean people couldn't recognize dominance. Quite the opposite. Participants were very good at distinguishing dominant from non-dominant characteristics. What surprised me was how little the underlying motivation appeared to matter.

Of course, dominance and submission are much richer than that. I have a few ideas of what that could involve, which is what I am trying to explore now.

If that sounds interesting to you, I'd love your help with the next survey:

https://surveymars.com/q/380U9za5k

All of the communities below have less than 10k members and fill a space in our community. No porn subs, these are all reflective communities that focus on a specific aspect of kink. I hope people find this helpful, and if you know of any SMALL communities I should add to future posts, please comment with them below!

r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out and make the most of our dynamics as well. [THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago, that is working hard to rebuild!]

r/BDSMgrowth BDSM Growth is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s and other BDSM dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships as a lifestyle.

r/PetplayHaven Community-centered space for exploring petplay as a lifestyle rooted in connection, identity, and personal growth. This subreddit is for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. Whether you're an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, or something uniquely your own, you're welcome here. 🚫Strictly No Nudity. No Porn.🚫

r/Dompeptalk Dom pep talk

Welcome. This is a place where submissive people can ask for some support, with a bit of dominant energy thrown in. Tell us what you want encouragement or praise for, and what your limits are—like, what kind of language is okay, and stuff like that. Read the rules for more details. Don't send direct messages to posters. Over 18 only please. No posts from Dom/mes looking for support. Dominants need care too but this space is about subs. Thanks.

r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials

For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.

r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome. 

r/BimboficationHub Welcome to r/BimboficationHub, a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone to learn, discuss, and explore bimbofication! Whether you're curious, experienced, or anywhere in between, we aim to provide an environment for discussions on transformation, hyper-femininity, self-expression, and embracing the lifestyle. Share tips, ask questions, and engage in respectful dialogue about bimbo aesthetics, mindset, and personal growth. Join our community and dive in!

This is a promotional post from the owners of this subreddit. If you have another space you would like to recommend, please ask permission first or your comment will be removed.

Collar & Quill is a server focused on the joys and work of maintaining an in person/irl power exchange dynamic. Long distance couples are welcome, but a real-life component must exist in your dynamic to join. We ask that you have been together for 6 months with your D or s type to join, but if you have prior experience before that an dhave not been together six months, you are still welcome to apply. Solo but committed applicants are welcome to join, but we currently do not allow single/unattached Doms or subs to join. We have weekly discussion posts, role specific areas, and a lively gen chat. What sets us apart is that every member is engaged in real life power exchange, not online role play. We do not ID verify but there is an application/vetting process to join. https://discord.gg/9tDf7tAr64

The Submissive Way is a Discord server for submissives only (no Doms, no spectators; switches can only participate from their sub side).

We’ve built a lively, dedicated space for those who see submission as a lifestyle, not just a kink. If you’re looking for connection, growth, and real conversation with others on the same path, you might find your place here.

There is an application process to protect the space, but all submissives serious about growth and understanding themselves are welcome to apply. We do not ID verify, only the application process is required to join. https://discord.gg/MdaQBEGKKa

Participation and engagement are required in both spaces. We hope to see you soon!

Not every successful dynamic looks the same.

⭐️ How do you define success in a D/s relationship?
⭐️What signs tell you a dynamic is healthy and thriving?
⭐️What goals or values matter most to you?
⭐️Has your definition of success evolved over time?

My Dom and I have been together for 2 years and have had some huge milestones this year: pregnant with our first child, formally collared, and newly engaged!

I am hoping to rely a little bit on this community as we transition from being DINKs with a very kink forward lifestyle to finding ways to continue to have kink woven throughout our life as the focus shifts to becoming parents.

We were living medium protocol TPE on the day to day, but now our entire focus has shifted to becoming parents for the first time. A lot of the rituals we do will still work to support our dynamic, and the bedroom will be fine once we get back to it, but the intentionality and the us factor underneath it all is what I am most worried about.

(ETA more specific questions in this section) To anyone that has become first time parents together while in an established dynamic, I would love to hear what surprised you most about how your dynamic shifted, and what did you wish you'd talked about beforehand? If you don't mind sharing, were you in a dynamic before you had kids and what did that dynamic look like (bedroom only/24/7 or TPE, brat/tamer, etc)? did you do anything specific to prioritize your dynamic or in hindsight is there anything you wish you all had discussed prior to baby coming?

Any other advice welcome and appreciated!

Hi,

Seems like a simple question but it is not.

Many people would say that a Dominant has power, authority, … insert your own here. But you can have a general disposition to lead or guide and have no power, nor authority, etc…

So, besides wanting to lead, what else defines a Dominant?

Many people discover D/s through fantasies, stories, media, or online spaces. Reality can look very different.

⭐️What aspects of D/s matched your expectations?
⭐️ What aspects surprised you once you experienced them in real life?
⭐️ What do you think newcomers misunderstand most about D/s?
⭐️ What would you tell your newer self if you could?