TO BE CLEAR I AM QUEER AND NOT A BIGOT

I really want to partake more in the queer scene here but it brings me nothing but intense anxiety. It makes me want to pack everything up and never be seen again. I feel so out of place and like I don’t belong. I feel like an annoying outsider under the bleachers watching the cool kids.

Just sucks since my fiancee is heavily in the scene and wants to help, but my anxiety is so intense I can’t.

I'm burned out from caregiving for more than half a decade. I'm still caregiving. I'm beyond burned out. But all the ways people get over burn out -- hobbies, friends, travel -- exhausts and terrifies me. I'm too avoidant and unlikable for friends, I'm too avoidant for travel, I'm too avoidant and self critical for art or even watching fucking movies.

I got a job at a famous chain that just opened its first location in my state. It's a food place and people travel to come to these new locations as its very famous and they like to take pictures and record to document their trip.

Today was my first official day and I was directly filmed by at least 6 customers that I assisted, and indirectly filmed by many more. I feel so helpless because I obviously can't tell them to stop. It was my fault for working here but I didn't realize the significance of the place until I was offered the job, and I've been unemployed for months so I couldn't pass it up. It makes me so insanely uncomfortable and I'm holding back tears after every interaction when it happens. This job is pretty good so far other than this.

We just opened so I'm just hoping this dies down, but I know it will continue to happen at least occasionally. My bosses encourage the filming for obvious reasons. I can't blame them but I hate it. I'm terrified to end up on social media. Terrified. People tell me I'm beautiful but every picture of myself makes me sick to my stomach and causes immediate tears.

I don't think there is anything I can do about this besides asking my coworker to take over for me when I notice the filming, but it's hard to find anybody who isn't busy and we all need to stay as productive as we can while we're so busy. So idk. I can't quit and don't really want to, so it is what it is :/

I had a fairly normal childhood and ideally shouldnt be suffering from avoidance but i still do. idk why . Why do i still have it ? i thought AvPD was cause due to some parent giving you trauma in your childhood . Nothing like that happened to me ever as far as i can remember.

Personally I don’t. I told my husband before we were married right when I received the diagnosis. I also told one of my parents. That’s it.

I don’t see a benefit to telling people. Personality disorders are heavily stigmatized and I wouldn’t want people to treat me any differently if they did know.

Been isolating more and more in recent years, and I’ve noticed that my everyday is like in slow motion. I take baths for more than an hour. When I occasionally cook it can take hours, and my dad noted how I do everything so slowly. And taking my dog to a walk also feels like a whole ritual. Other than doing every small mundane thing so slowly it also feels very taxing. Like, after doing these things I am so tired sometimes. I guess it’s mostly mental because it’s just like my mind is numb and weary. It also makes going outside for anything totally exhausting, if not depressing. I just wonder if it’s something others experience.

I'm like 90% sure I have AvPD, but it's so difficult to get an official diagnosis in Canada, and I feel like getting a formal diagnosis could help me a lot in terms of understanding what I have been struggling with and that it is a legit mental disorder and it's not just in my head. Also, I think it's useful to know if I have this PD to make it easier for people to understand why I am the way that I am. I went to talk to my family doctor a few days ago, and I struggled to explain my symptoms properly, and I forgot to mention a lot of the symptoms that I think are relevant. I know they usually have to rule out the physical causes first, so he just gave me blood work and a PHQ-9 to fill out. I feel like if I had communicated well, he would have referred me to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to be waitlisted at least. I can't afford private assessments either. I feel stuck and my dad has been really uhm worried because he lately noticed how much of a bum I really am for not having any friends and basically spending my days doing nothing other than studying. This may be subjective and I rlly don't like self-diagnosing, but I read the diagnostic criteria for AvPD from the DSM-5-TR and it makes a lot of sense why I experience everything mentioned there.

Just not ready to drop a character analysis. Has anyone else seen this movie? Yes she went through something traumatic and ran away from her life basically but there were some depictions of avoidance in this movie that I really related to.

Just venting here. I’m trying to do some exposure therapy on my own because I can’t afford therapy right now, but it’s so frustrating how even something as simple as replying to a text can make me anxious for days. For some reason I can’t bring myself to even open the message, so I end up putting it off, and the longer I wait the guiltier I feel. I know it’s such a small thing and that I should just reply, but somehow I can’t make myself do it. I keep thinking about it over and over until I finally manage to get myself to respond. It’s exhausting how much anxiety something so trivial can cause me. It’s exhausting to be so low-functioning.

I was doing so well this year. I went to my friend’s grad party, went to a listening party for an album drop with my other friend, went to a concert, and was avidly texting and keeping in touch on Instagram. I was so happy with myself, I felt like a human being. I felt like things were going to be okay, and that I was going to beat this stupid disorder.

And then for some reason I relapsed horribly in August. I let their texts inviting me out gather days and weeks and months without a response. I don’t know why. I hate myself, I don’t deserve friends who always reach out and show they care for me when I’m like this.

Why am I afraid of people who love me? Why do I like to rot in my room and at work instead of having fun??? I can see clearly that I’m messing up my life beyond repair. I’ll find myself completely alone one day, and it’ll be nobodies fault except my own.

I was surprised when one of my friends actually texted again after a month and asked how I was doing and said she missed me. That was a week ago. I need to take the chance and apologize, because the guilt has been eating me alive.

It’s scary as fuck, but I have to do it, because I care about my friends and I would be lost without them in my life, even if we don’t see each other often as adults.

I’m not going to let this disorder win

24M. Don't really have backstory or additional context for this one. It's just been a really long time since I've communicated with anyone really, so I thought Instead of going off on my own and isolating like I usually do, maybe I could just make an effort to reach out for once. To a group of people who share the same issues and struggles, maybe?

Comment, DM, it doesn't really matter honestly. I just think it would be nice to not talk to myself for once lol.

Hello. I've recently moved into a college apartment situation a few months ago. There are three people in my apartment, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a kitchen. I mostly stay in my room, but I don't have a kitchen in my room, obviously.

My roommate really enjoys being in the kitchen. Which is awesome, I don't care, but knowing that they're in the kitchen, I don't want to go up the hall and have to talk to them.

The first few days of moving in, I remember being very hungry all the time, but now all feelings of hunger have left me and I never feel hungry or really eat anymore because I don't want to talk to my roommate.

I can't be the crazy person who is, "Don't be in the kitchen please it stresses me out" but... I don't know. I find myself becoming concerned about my complete loss of appetite

I loathe that I do this because it makes me appear frivolous and juvenile. I think people around me already think that there’s something deeply wrong with me. An ex roommate of mine called me retarded behind my back once, and other people possibly think I’m dim-witted. I never speak first if not spoken to and I’m socially stunted. I’m fairly articulate if I have to speak about an argument I’m knowledgeable about, but because most casual conversation is about general topics, I rarely if ever know what to say.

Anyway, I’m constantly apologising about anything that I might do or say wrong. It feels self-infantilising, and I worry it makes me look twice as stupid. In a way this imbues me with a sense of protection. If I assume people think I’m simple and childish, then they might think less of me, but maybe they won’t get mad. The person I am in my head and how people perceive me are two completely different persons.

Niedawno podjęłam decyzję o zakończeniu kontaktu z kimś, kto był dla mnie ważny. Choć pożegnaliśmy się w spokojny i kulturalny sposób, życząc sobie powodzenia..

to od tamtego momentu kompletnie sobie nie radzę z emocjami.

Zamiast spokoju, czuję ogromny, ukryty żal i pustkę. Moje własne lęki i blokady znowu sprawiły, że zamiast walczyć o tę znajomość, pozwoliłam jej odejść. Teraz bez przerwy biję się z myślami, analizuję każdą chwilę i jest mi po prostu potwornie smutno, że to wszystko potoczyło się w ten sposób.

Jak radzicie sobie z poczuciem winy i natłokiem myśli, kiedy wiecie, że same zamknęłyście drzwi do czegoś, co mogło być piękne? Czy terapia pomaga Wam przestać ciągle wracać pamięcią do przeszłości?

So, for a bit of context we met online a little over four years ago and we've always been long distance, which has been an issue. We made things official 2 years ago this July. We've always had our ups and downs just as any relationship, and especially when one partner is avoidant (AVPD) and the other is anxious (OCD). But, we always talked about it eventually, and each time we came back stronger and closer. The end of last year and going into the beginning of this year, she had come out of an avoidant phase, and we were the closest and most affectionate arguably than ever in the entire relationship during that time. She started going a bit distant again, but not quite fully. She started leaning in again, actually initiating in a way with saying certain things. Then a few days later suddenly said she felt we needed to take a break and that we both need to heal and work on things for anything between us to work. We talked a little bit about it, but never really finished the conversation despite her saying we would and me trying to bring it up while also giving space.

During the first month after that message, she leaned in a few more times, flirting, being affectionate, that kind of thing. Even saying I love you. She even said that recently. I should add she told me about taking a step back in the middle of July after our anniversary. And to be honest, I didn't think she was fully breaking up with me at that point, especially since we agreed to talk about things, she seemed like she still wanted it to work (still does to me, tbh), and every other time she said something similar to that, we talked about it and came back together stronger. Anyways around two months went by and I finally got her to sit down and talk more. I had been collecting notes and journaling my thoughts and feelings the whole time, trying my best to work on myself and solve things between us. Because I fully believe in communication and that it can save relationships. And because I truly love this woman. There are details I'll leave out for privacy, but we talked and she again said she thinks we need to take a large step back and said some harsh things. She opened up to me that my insecurities bothered her over the course of the relationship, even though she never once told me that even though I asked. She just said she cared for me and wanted to ease my anxieties whenever she could. That kind of hurt because she didn't tell me, and if I would have known, I would have done more work on myself to not bother or hurt her. It hurt that I bothered her and I didn't even know, because I never ever wanted to bother or hurt her.

Anyways, there have been some things that have happened, and more talks. She thinks we need to take a break from talking or just stop because she doesn't want to keep hurting me, which is something I can't stand - I don't want to stop talking. Honestly, I'd take her back instantly if she asked. I've been continuing to try to have conversations with her, because personally I truly feel like we can work things out together like we always said we would. Though I know all the things I've been wanting to talk about have been somewhat overwhelming her, even though she's said many times that we can talk and we'd finish the first conversation about taking a step back. I've been trying my best to give her space and not overwhelm her though, but I can't just drop everything and act like nothing is wrong. I can't pretend or give up. I even think she wants it to work and still loves me deep down. She even asked in one of our recent talks what would happen after I come visit her, which is something I told her I want to do and can do relatively soon, and if I would move there. I immediately said yes I would, because I would for us. She... wasn't sure what to think or feel about that and hasn't said anything about it since, though I have asked.

I do really want to heal, repair, and restore our relationship and I've been praying so hard just for her with everything she is going through because I am worried about just her in general, and also for our relationship and love. We are both Christian. And I want our friendship to be healed too, because like we told each other - no matter what we want to be in each other's lives forever.

So my question is, does anyone have any advice on what to do with this heartbreak? How can I best give her space and make her feel safe enough to open up and talk again? How can I best show that I'm not giving up or leaving and want to stay, despite everything, and without putting pressure on her? What should I do to be a good friend for her during this time, without triggering her or causing her to want to distance any further?

This past weekend I managed to initiate a tough conversation with my wife. I have had some problems with my health for some time. Of course, the fact that I am not always in good shape to help the household frustrates her, which is understandable. I wasn’t feeling well, and she made a comment that seemed to be dismissive of my condition.

I struggled to build up the courage to say something, but I did it. I wanted to bail on the talk a few times while it was happening, but I didn’t. In the end, we were in a better place, with a better understanding, and I’m really glad it happened. I just need to communicate like this more often.

I’m to embarrassed to post it but if you could dm me so we could talk that would be great

I mean by the experts who should know better. They rather like to concentrate on the cluster B of personality disorders like Borderline or anti social because they are way more problematic towards society. Sometimes I feel like AvPD is hardly ever heard of and there are very few specialists and those who are are usually very expensive.

It feels like they think we are just a harmless bunch of scaredy cats who have no real impact on society because we are practically invisible. I mean is it just me or what?

I should preface this by saying, I have suspected for some time that I have AvPD, PPD, or both, but have never been formally diagnosed. The AvPD traits/symptoms that I have affect my romantic relationships 99% of the time, I basically have never been able to actually date in my life, but generally I have been somewhat okay when it comes to friendships. (I also am extremely avoidant in relation to school/work/finances and making any of those sorts of decisions).

I have had a particular friend for over 15 years, who I began living with a while back. I was feeling some slight hostility from her, and I ignored it, and ignored it, and ignored it, because obviously I am extremely avoidant of any kind of conflict whatsoever. That said, I’ve done a lot of therapy, so I knew rationally that this wasn’t a good idea. I finally asked her if she was upset with me, and my literal worst case scenario happened. She told me that she had been secretly resenting me for the past two years, and that essentially any time I had said anything somewhat negative to her about politics, or my job, or my circumstances over the past two years, she was getting more and more irritated at me. I was completely shattered. I, being a pathologically avoidant person, had already been avoiding her and giving her as much space away from me as I possibly could for the 6 months prior because I thought that she could be feeling resentful towards me and I was sensing it in her behavior.

This conversation, as well as a few more that followed, have made me essentially crash the ever-loving fuck out, for lack of a better phrase. I have become intensely paranoid again, and it feels like any and all progress I had made towards being less avoidant has completely dissipated overnight. I began avoiding every single one of my friends, because I feel extremely paranoid that they also feel this way now that my worst fears have been confirmed. I’m especially scared that my pathological avoidance, which so far has been primarily confined to romantic relationships, will extend to all of my friendships as well. I feel like I see every single friendship I thought I had differently, and think that none of them are my friends, and thats theres something deeply fucking wrong with me and my ability to maintain relationships. I have always struggled with maintaining friendships and if I feel any amount of guilt over anything I have done to them, or if they do anything to me, I instantly cut them off. I have already emotionally cut off this friendship of 15 years that I’m talking about here: I feel like I hate her, and theres nothing she could say at this point to make me see her as a friend again. Prior to this we’ve been friends because being pathologically avoidant also makes me pathologically agreeable, so we have literally never had a conflict before.

I guess I’m hoping somebody has advice, but I know it’s like the blind leading the blind over here. Is there a place I can get emergency therapy for AvPD so that my life doesn’t completely blow up right now? WTF does someone do when all of their worst nightmares come true? For years I maintained friend relationships by telling myself that negative thoughts I had about people secretly hating me were paranoid delusions, and now I have actual tangible evidence that they weren’t delusions, at least some of them were real. Help. :(

The similarities are somewhat striking in my opinion, so I was just wondering what you think.

So, it's been years since I last posted here. The reason? Because I've actually been doing so much better. Between my close friends in church and therapy, I've been able to accomplish things I never thought possible. I can sit down with a stranger and just talk to them. I even WANT to talk to strangers to! I find other people to be so interesting!

I've made so much progress in pushing the voice down that tells me I am not enough, working hard towards living a more normal and balanced life, and I've made friends I never want to forget.

The issue is, and why the title is that, is because there are some people that I really wanted to be friends with, but it turns out that they care more about being right and taking sides than other people's emotions. I apologized to them, and instead of saying sorry for what they did, they just wanted to move on and ignore that they had blame to take too.

I tried to have a sit down with everyone today, all five of us. Nobody showed up. Half an hour goes by and I'm seeing nothing but excuses and being blown off because they didn't want to take this seriously. They refused to look this problem in and eye and realize that there is a genuine issue that they can't just ignore.

That being said, I'm giving them a few days. I'm taking time for myself and allowing them the chance to see that they were wrong for what they did. One of those five people was right there with me and they feel the same as I do.

Problem is, even after all this mess and drama, I feel GOOD. Like, I feel free! I've been trying to maintain things for so long that I forgot that burning bridges feels amazing! I want to tell them to suck eggs while I go move on to better and richer experiences than the conspiring and side taking that they were making in the group.

It feels great to just...burn that bridge. No going back. Let them know that I totally blame them and that I tried my best to make things work. They have three days to say something, to make up, admit to literally the smallest corner of what they did wrong, but I don't believe they will. And three days from now? I'm cutting them off. Bye. Gone. Forever. It was fun, but they're not the friends that I can keep without having this same issue over and over again.

Okay. I think I am done now. But yeah, burning bridges feels great. No matter how far I go in my progress of fighting my avpd, it is still a part of me. It lurks and waits for my low moments. I've gotten better, even in these low moments, but the temptations to cut and run are still sooo strong right now.

As far as the flair goes, I wasn't sure what to say for this. Part of it is a rant, another part is my progress, and then another part is probably me just wanting to talk about what happened with people who would actually understand.

Had a really rough appointment with a psychiatrist today. I went in looking for help with trauma, OCD, and AvPD, but came away feeling judged, blamed for my avoidance, and shamed about my low weight.

He told me that because I stay home all day, people are going to judge me and they're right to do so. Hearing that from a psychiatrist was genuinely hurtful. I don't stay home because I enjoy being isolated. I've spent years struggling with fear of judgment, rejection, and feeling inferior, while also desperately wanting connection and a normal life.

He kept telling me to relax, change myself within a week, and come back ready to change, as if a decade of struggling could be undone just like that. I understand that recovery requires effort, but there's a difference between encouraging someone to face their fears and making them feel ashamed for having them in the first place.

The comments about my weight hurt too. I've already been struggling with eating and feelings of not deserving care. I went there looking for help, and instead I left feeling more judged and misunderstood.

The appointment triggered a lot of pain and made me want to shut down and isolate myself completely. Part of me now wants to avoid seeking help again, but I know I still need it. I'm trying to remind myself that struggling with mental health doesn't make me lazy, weak, or deserving of humiliation. I can acknowledge that I need to work on things without accepting shame as the price of getting help.

Just needed to write this somewhere people might understand what it's like to finally seek help and leave feeling even worse.

I feel so fucking stupid. This year I have started going out a lot more often than in any other point in my life, mostly to bars and to drink in hangouts in which my friend takes me out. Its only really because of this friend, and im really thankful to her. I feel like I can be fun to hang around and interesting again. But I dont think Ive made more friends. In fact, ive lost friends. I dont know why. I know that when people say "all my friends left me for no reason :((" people assume that they must have done something, but my other friends I had since highschool just drifted away and stopped reaching out, and everytime i reached out they didnt give a shit. They just sort of stopped talking to me. Honestly they were always really mean to me because Im really shy and nonconfrontational and poorly socialized so I admit that I was weird and missed social cues, but still I really loved them like sisters and they treated me like a lolcow the whole time.

The only guy I really met and tried to get close to ended up really weirdly. I liked him a lot and he seemingly liked me too, I even thought id get a boyfriend which would be a huge milestone for me. I went out if my way to make plans and put in the effort even when it made me anxious as fuck and want to start crying because i didnt want to fall back into patterns and miss out on a chance. But he started being super fucking weird about me; i dont even know what his deal was or if he even liked me or just made fun of me. Ahggg I feel like a dumbass. And I still like him worst of all.

Everytime I actually try to open up to people they end up hurting me; and I hate feeling like a victim all the time. I feel as if everyone has this huge power over me because its true, every missed connection is a huge blow to me because I barely know anyone at all. Im a neet. I have no reasons to go out except because my friend brings me everywhere like a dog. I thank her for it but at the same time I feel humiliated. Everything makes me feel humiliated. If I just hang one or two times with some group of people then I can blend in and be funny and nice and have fun but I know that im really nothing like that, and that like half of the lifting is being done by alcohol and/or drugs. So I make a good impression but I cannot mantain it for shit so whats the point? Theyll realize im a phony and then leave me and now im convinced im unlovable all over again. Theyll know that im just a mentally ill loser and of the most boring kind. Im not even interesting about my mental illness. Everytime I open up people just look at me like this poor little dumb thing or they roll their eyes, but people who have never been alone have no idea how it feels.

I get a text or something from someone i met and my whole week gets ruined with waves of shame and anxiety over not being able to do something as simple as reply and be myself. Most times it has happened its been with men and they scare me so bad, i feel like they always have ulterior motives. I know most people here have it way worse than me, and ive been through worse too, but fuck what the fuck is wrong with me. Why do i have to suffer when I should be glad to be getting nearer people. Why cant i just be as fun and dynamic whenever im sober. I feel hopeless with recovery. Whats the point in anything.

Gonna turn 30 in a couple months and I've been out of work for over a decade. I just started a work experience and will be on my way to finding actual work around January. I'm also looking to get into theater work so I can pick up stage acting skills to better express myself, build confidence, and get more comfortable around people/in public.

My medications:

• 75 mg Sertraline
• 25 mg hydroxyzine
• 10k iu of vitamin D once weekly

My mental health resources:

• CBT + DBT therapy
• Biweekly case management (daily life skills, work assistance, etc.)
• Vocational rehab (second attempt after being diagnosed with AuDHD)
• Daylio app

Everybody is different! What worked for me might not work for you! I've also been going through a variety of counseling for 11 ish years so I've been working on myself a long time. It's important to want to be better; you have to accept and be open to help for it to be effective.

I'm not gonna say I'm "cured" of AvPD but I hope this offers some hope for others who struggle. It is possible to cope with this disorder and have a better quality of life.

The biggest impact for me was hydroxyzine. I used to be extremely sheltered and suffer severe panic attacks when I'd leave the house. Being prescribed this made an enormous positive impact on my life. It's not going to stop the horrible thoughts, but it's really good for anxiety.