My host mom have been overworking me ever since the 2nd week I got here I have been working 14 plus hour shifts the other day I worked from 7:00am to 11:00pm and the next day she had me work from 6:00 am to 5: 00pm and sometimes I will do 24 hour workdays with the baby overnight and she expects me to work the next day.

She has been cutting my 200$ pay in half so I get 80$-100$ sometimes when I don’t work more than 30 hours that week if she leaves for a weekend or something.

She has two kids and a dog and I also clean and do laundry and groceries. I don’t know what to do I’m supposed to be here for a year and now I’m supposed to start working with her ex husband I asked for more money because I’d be working like a full 6 days a week and they only increased it by 100$

I don’t know what to do and I’m not familiar with the rules of being an au pair

The other day she went out and said she would be back at 10:00pm so around 10:30 I asked her where she was and she said she was gonna go for a drink and be back later I asked her to be back by 12:00 and then she said I was taking advantage of her and she came back at 3:00 am with a man so I had to keep the baby in my room all night after working from 7:00 am to 3:00 am 😀. I genuinely started to think I was the problem she plays the divorced sad card often on me so I don’t question her.

I feel bad leaving her but I might have to.

I wanted to update you to share the madness of this situation and at the same time to hear your opinions. As you advised me, I called my agency’s hotline this morning to let them know the conditions I’m in, so I have no more food except milk and cereals, and that I want to leave immediately and enter the rematch. My agency told me to call my LCC (the last person I wanted to hear from, because she was always very hostile and defensive towards me, defending the host family). So I called her and explained the situation, and she, with a presumptuous way told me that I’m fine, that I live in an depandance, that I have nothing to complain about. And that I can safely go out and buy some food. So I pointed out that it’s not my job to have to pay for food but it’s that the family has to provide me with three meals a day and she told me that mine is a great family and that I definitely have food in my room. I told her that I don’t have a kitchen or anything and then she told me that she didn’t know this and that this is not very good, but she told me that anyway they are a wonderful family, and it’s definitely not an emergency. She told me that she has no family to move me to temporarily. That from Monday I will enter the rematch. I told her that before closing this situation I want to be sure that I have the money I am entitled to last week because I worked and I did not accept and signed for any deduction and this is an illegal thing. She told me that she is working for this, but anyway that my final goal must not be money. And I told her that this has nothing to do with it because I worked for that money I’m not asking anyone for a favor. So she told me that she will take care of it and that in any case for the next two weeks that I will be in rematch they have to pay me the state minimum ($195) and I will not work. In my opinion this is a really crazy situation because the agency should intervene immediately if an au pair does not have access to food and cooking and is in this type of condition. Instead she made me pass like the person who complains about the wonderful family. And no one will intervene to take note of what this family is doing to me.

Hello!

I’m looking to become a first time Au Pair. I recently graduated from a US Community college, and I’m looking to up my language skills in French to bolster my potential graduate school applications. I have a few things playing against me so I’m just curious about what former male Au Pairs found works best.

- 19M
- Non-EU
- looking for particular family (predominantly school age boys, French speaking region)

I do have a few pros, like 800+ hours of childcare experience as an After School Teacher, First aid & drivers license, instructional teacher certificate, etc. The basics that come with working in the US with school age children. Curious which has worked for y’all in the past, a lot of videos online are years out of date.

Hey there, Canadian au pair in Sweden here. I’ve been with my Swedish partner for 3.5 years now. Hence why I have this visa now to be closer to him. Has anyone here successfully obtained another residence permit after completing their au pair visa? what permit did you go to, what was it like, and how long did it take? I’m considering whether to apply for a working holiday visa as it’s most likely the quickest, or if I should just go straight to sambo. Am I more likely to be rejected for any of these visas due to having held this au pair residency permit?
Thanks in advance

Hi everyone, I've been here for almost three weeks and I'm facing a pretty difficult situation. My host family didn't pay me what they should have, because in the state where I am, the state minimum hourly applies. They owe me about $450 in arrears. So I talked to my LCC, and she should be taking care of it. In any case, a few days ago I asked my host family to confirm if the weekend of the 31st would be my free one (aupairs have a whole one per month by law). Since I worked the last two, and I would have to work this too, because they were going to visit a distant relative and I would have to go with them, so the fourth would have been the one on the 31st. To which they told me that they have plans and that I have to work. I pointed out that that weekend is up to me and they told me that I came here to work, not to have fun. That 90% of the time I have to spend working and that if they have plans, then I work. After telling me this, he told me that I wouldn't be leaving with them this week (all to have their weekend of the 31st and make me work). They left telling me to get what I needed to eat. I live inside their small gym in the garden, I don't have a kitchen or anything. Just a bathroom and a micro fridge. All I have are paper plates, an avocado eaten half, a few grams of ham, some chickpea sauce left over from them, hard bread that I can't cut or heat, milk and cereals. I can't enter the house if I need something, because there's an alarm and they don't want me to. What should I do? At the moment I have a high fever and a cough.

Hi! As the title says, I'm planning to au pair in Denmark. I'm generally interested in Nordic countries because of the great work-life balance, good healthcare, LGBT and women's rights, and the overall treatment of people with dignity worthy of a dignified life (unlike here in the Philippines huhu). I need advice if anyone here has positive experiences in au pairing in Denmark? What are the pros and cons and were you able to stay after your au pair contract ends? If yes, how so? Or do you know a legal pathway to stay? Thank you!

Hi! I been an aupair in Bc for a little over two months and while the family is great i feel like im always and spends my days doing nothing. Im in a small city and only work morning and evening so i have a lot of free time. There’s nothing much to do in town and i miss home a lot. I have been thinking about going back home. But at the same time i dont wanna let down the family but i dont wanna force myself to stay somewhere im not happy.

First of all thank you for al the support in the last post the last couple of days have been so scary as uncertain and I still can’t believe what happened. As for now I’m still so unsure of what the next two weeks have in store for me.
Anyone here that’s been in rematch know what to expect? My agency aren’t being very communicative and I haven’t had a single family connect with me yet. Should I just prepare to go home at this point or does it take long for families to reach out?
As for my current living situation the agency hasn’t done a single thing for me, just expected me to live with another au pairs family. It’s been made clear to me that my LCC had allowed the family to allow me to be alone with the kid for an entire week so no wonder she hasn’t been very helpful- I think her job is in jeopardy now with all this coming out.
But anyway, has anyone here had to go home because they couldn’t rematch or did the process just take the entire 2 weeks?

​

Hi everyone!

I recently discovered that being an au pair is a thing, and it got me curious about whether it might be a good fit for our family!

My wife and I are new parents with a baby who's around 6 months old, and we're starting to explore different childcare options.

We're in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I know Winnipeg might not be the first place that comes to mind when someone thinks about travelling to Canada, but there's actually lots to do here, and it could be a fun place for someone looking to experience life in Canada!

I'm still learning how the whole arrangement works, so I have a few questions:

- What's it actually like having an au pair in your home? Does it generally work out well for both the family and the au pair?

- What's the day-to-day arrangement usually look like? How do you balance childcare, schedules, and personal time?

- How does it work with a baby this young? Would an au pair typically be comfortable caring for an infant, and what should parents look for when choosing someone? My either me or my wife work from home so there's no time that one of us is not around.

- Are there people interested in au pairing in Winnipeg? I'd be curious to hear from anyone who's done it here.

- What should we know specifically about Canada? Are there immigration or work permit requirements, or other legal considerations that prospective host families often overlook?

- What are the biggest pros and cons? Is it generally a positive experience, or are there challenges that people don't anticipate?

We're very much at the research stage and haven't made any decisions yet. We'd want to make sure it's a good experience for everyone involved, not just a convenient childcare arrangement.

If you've hosted an au pair, worked as one, or considered it in Canada, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice, and anything you wish you'd known beforehand!

Thanks! 😊

Hi everyone!

A friend and I are both from Turkey, and we have found a host family in Frankfurt that wants to host both of us as au pairs for 12 months at the same time. The family has four children under 18, and we would each have our own room and a separate au pair contract.

We are preparing our visa applications separately, but we are worried that being from the same country might cause problems.

I’d really appreciate your advice on a few questions:

• Could being from the same country (Turkey) cause any problems with our visa applications?
• Could our visas be refused for this reason, even if we meet all the other requirements?
• Do we need to provide any additional documents or evidence because we would be working as au pairs in the same host family?
• Should the host family explicitly mention in the invitation letter that they intend to host two au pairs at the same time?
• Has anyone experienced a similar situation in Germany, especially with two au pairs of the same nationality?

We have found information suggesting that a family with at least four minor children can host two au pairs, but we haven’t found a clear answer about whether sharing the same nationality could create additional difficulties.

I would be very grateful for any real experiences or advice, especially from people who have dealt with the German visa process. Thank you!

I’ve been in Switzerland for just under 2 months and the experience so far has been overall really good. My host family loves me and treats me very well, and the kids are, for the most part, not very difficult. I have a lot of free time too, so compared to most people here I really can’t complain. 

However, I’m starting to fall into a bit of a depression mostly stemming from boredom and missing my community a lot. I am blessed to be able to visit my long distance partner at least once per month, as I get paid 700CHF per month and spend about 400CHF of it to see them. These visits to me are extremely important for our relationship and also my mental health, as it's the only person from my old life that I get to see in-person.

That leaves me with around 300CHF per month here, and I'm finding it really difficult to build a life outside of au pairing on this budget . I’ve been able to find some other au pairs on Bumble BFF, but I live in a small town while they all live in the bigger cities, so meeting up with them just once costs 20-30CHF by train. To me, it almost doesn’t feel worth it to try and pursue friendships with people in the big cities when the cost per trip is so high, but I’m really struggling in this small town to find people my age. And I’m not very fond of online friendships, I already have to maintain a bunch of those with my friends back home.

Ultimately, I’m hoping to get advice on how to avoid depression and how to build a personal life outside of au pairing. If anyone else au paired in a small town, where can you truly meet young people, keep busy, have fun, etc? And for not so much money? Please be kind, I'm in a rough spot emotionally and am not looking for criticism, even though my situation is much better than many others on here.

I have young kids who are both very much into pushing boundaries. One is a toddler and other is young elementary age. Our AP is frequently short with the older one and can behave a bit moody. I know watching kids these ages is tough for the best of us, but I’m having trouble determining where to draw the line. We do yell at the older one if we’ve had to repeat instructions more than twice or if he completely disregards followed by a consequence- losing a toy or not being allowed to eat a snack he wants. However our AP’s telling me his behavior is terrible and I’ve noticed on camera she is pretty much very moody and bitchy towards him almost the whole time. I think some of his attitude/behavior feeds off of her mood/demeanor. Anyone have tips? Full disclosure, his teachers at school or in activities (he does almost daily) have not brought up any behavior issues in their environments with him.

I got my au pair visa yesterday but my family and I had broken our contract how do I do? Do I always travel arriving on French territory I am looking for another family or do I have to stay and find another family first? I’m afraid to go to the airport and they ask me worse questions they push me back I need advice please!

to keep it short, im struggling to find a HF (within Belgium, Netherlands, or Germany) that would sponsor someone from outside the EU and it’s starting to feel a little discouraging, with most families prioritizing the convenience of someone within the EU, i feel like every chance i get to talk to a family i get one upped by an eu based au pair. like this week a family replied to my facebook group post saying that they were interested and then their replies got bombarded with eu based girls and the family then just stopped contacting me. i get the competitive aspect of this program but i just feel like they won’t give me a chance to even have a call at this point://

I’m looking for some advice on leaving early!

Honestly, the Au Pair experience is not for me. I live in a very remote place with only access to a bike, I don’t earn enough to travel much without using a lot of savings, and I don’t get weekends off to travel either. The kids are pretty difficult and often hit and kick and scream at me and the parents just say nothing. There is absolutely no young people in this town and the family oversold how easy it is to meet people here. I’ve told my family some of my concerns but overall I’ll be starting a career next year and I think I need to look after my mental health and use my one year in this country wisely and not in a job that is so isolating.

The problem is - I’m in Asia, so it would be really hard for them to find someone who can get a visa to replace me. I also don’t want to leave the second au pair by herself and give her a crazy workload. Anyone have any advice about how to manage the conversation with my host family?

Hi, I'm looking for a family as a first time au pair and I keep seeing lots of English families looking for an au pair. I've even read in this community that there are au pairs in London.

My doubt is that supposedly for years now au pair has not been recognized as work and is not included in any visa. So I don't really understand how it works now.

How is it possible that there are people working as au pairs in London? And what are the requirements to be an au pair in England? (If it's possible in any way)

I hope someone can explain the whole process to me and if someone is currently in England as an au pair I would like to know about it.

Host family hasn’t given me a door after 1 month. Am I being too sensitive?

Hi au pairs, I’d really appreciate some advice.

I’m a 27F from Taiwan, and I’ve been an au pair in UK for one month with a Singaporean family. I'm on a 1-year contract. At first everything was great. I love the kids, and I’ve been enjoying exploring the city. But there are some things making me uncomfortable.

First, my room has no door.
My host family just moved into their newly bought house, and renovations are still ongoing. My room had no furniture at first. My host dad told me to send him a list of what I needed, so I made one with reference photos. After waiting, I only received a bed.

The bigger problem is that my room has no door. I was understanding at first because they’re busy, and I said there was no rush. After three weeks, I got a curtain (in a different colour from what I’d asked for). It’s now been over a month, and it’s getting harder to bear. My room is next to the storage room, so family members sometimes walk past to get things. Without a door, I feel uncomfortable and have no real privacy. On top of that, my host dad works from home almost every day, which wasn’t mentioned during the interview. Even in my free time, I can’t relax at home because I never know when he might come by to get something. This is my only private space, and I also don’t have my own bathroom.

Meanwhile, they’re hanging pictures and family photos and buying new furniture, so it feels like my basic need, a door, is a very low priority. I was also given just a white fabric as a bedsheet, and was told they had no spare ones, but I’ve seen plenty in their kids room and helping them change it. My room is also very tiny (about 2 m²), and I’ve bought things like a laundry basket and storage boxes myself.

Other things:
I also feel uncomfortable with how my host parents react when I share what I do in my free time. I’m a dancer and often go to gigs for inspiration. When I share with them and I got comment on places or times (“Why would you go to Stratford?”, “A concert this late?”), and it makes me feel judged. So I’ve started sharing less. I’ve also had a small conflict with the older child about cycling recently, so I’ve set a boundary and passed it to his dad.He don't want to listen to my advice.

As a result, I’ve been staying out late until everyone’s asleep sometimes, or going straight to my room after work. When the family went away for a few days last week, I felt properly rested for the first time in a while, which made me wonder if something’s wrong.

What are reasonable things to communicate about? Or these things just a basic workload for an Aupair I should keep it personal ? How would you bring it up with the host family your needs (I’ve mentioned it once, but I still don’t have a timeline)?

Am I being too sensitive? Any advice or similar experiences would be great. Thank you!

​

I wanted to share my raw, honest experience at just how overwhelming and stressful the whole situation became working as an au pair in London to give some perspective, especially for anyone considering taking on a placement locally. Looking back on my 8 months there, it was a mixed bag—there were sweet moments with the kids, but overall it left a sour taste in my mouth and was completely not worth it.

Why It Turned Sour:

Ineffective Discipline & Behavioral Issues: The younger children could be extremely bratty and misbehaved constantly. The parents' approach to discipline was completely soft and ineffective—they would either shout pointlessly or mollycoddle them instead of setting real boundaries. The kids never actually learned how to behave properly the entire time I was there, which made managing them every day an exhausting ordeal. Frankly, if they were my children, I’d have been embarrassed by their behavior and wouldn't have put them in someone else's care until they knew how to respect outsiders.

Ridiculous Pay vs. Hours: Being paid £100 a week for full-time responsibility worked out to mere pocket change per hour. You can't build savings, socialise, or do anything for yourself on that.

Loss of Personal Independence:

I felt like I wasted almost a year of my life. I couldn't go see my friends, start driving lessons, or make any real progress on my own personal goals because I was so tied to their schedule and constrained by the tiny pay.

Few Personal Boundaries:

Living in meant my personal space and off-duty time were sometimes direspected. For instance, I once mentioned to one of the parents that I had a sewing machine at my family home in West London and thought about bringing it over so I could practice making clothes in my free time. The parent immediately tried to impose the idea that I should involve their 6-year-old child in it. Sewing requires delicate dexterity—it's not appropriate or safe for a 6-year-old to mess around with, and I wanted a private hobby to relax with when off duty. The expectation that everything I did in my personal time had to double as child entertainment completely put me off bringing it over.

To make matters worse, because I was on Universal Credit at the time and didn't realize that a £100/week "au pair" gig counted as formal earnings to declare, I ended up getting caught out. Even though I had mentioned to UC I was an au pair, because my earnings weren't formally declared, I lost every penny I'd worked for when they found out and had to pay it back. On top of that, I never even got professional guidance from UC because they kept canceling our appointments. Working full-time hours for pennies and then having the government take it all back anyway was a punch in the gut.

The Unsigned Contract & Sudden Departure:

Things eventually reached a boiling point. Upon looking closer at our arrangement when I was already miserable, I realized that the written contract between the host family and myself had actually never been signed by either of us. Feeling totally milked for my super-cheap childcare just because I already lived in London, I ended up leaving suddenly without giving them time to find a replacement. I know walking out like that was totally unprofessional and put them in a tough spot, but at the time I felt entirely justified because I had hit my breaking point. As well, they had liked me so much they wanted me to come work for them the following year. The idea to me was unbearable.

Final Thoughts:

If a family needs a full-time carer, homework tutor, and weekend babysitter, they need to hire a professional nanny and pay proper rates—not exploit the "au pair" label to get full-time domestic labor for £100 a week.

If you are considering being an au pair, please protect your boundaries, ensure you have a valid signed contract before starting, and don't let host families guilt-trip you into sacrificing your personal hobbies and independence for pocket money.

I'm sure au pairing has suited many people who actually travel abroad and are in need of a place to stay whilst picking up the lingo and developing cultural awareness. I obviously had domestic issues which was why I wanted to become an au pair but ended up realising there's so little to gain for the amount of labour I was given.

Has anyone else ever dealt with a placement such as this?

My current host family is looking for a new aupair because my contract ends soon and I’ll have to leave. They asked me to talk to the aupair when they finally find one but I don’t know what to do. I do not like working for this host family, they’re super unorganized, they do not respect my time, they expect me to be a part time housekeeper and they have unreasonable expectations. My concern is what do I say to this new aupair that I speak to? I don’t know if I can trust her to tell her exactly how this family is because what if she tells them? Also if I do tell her and then she decides not to come anymore after a call with me, that would make things quite complicated with my hosts and I. The thing is, I don’t want to lie to her and have her come here and hate it but I also don’t want to cause problems for myself here. What should I do?

How does au pairs paying taxes work? (Perhaps a dumb question). We pay through zelle so she doesn’t get a statement of payment or anything official. This didn’t occur to me and wasn’t explained during our onboarding with the agency, but another host mom mentioned it. We are in Maryland.

I'm a first time au pair who had been in the US for two months, living with a family that's hosting for the first time. Two days ago my host dad came to me with some concerns he has about my "services". I'm taking care of two kids (1 and 2 years old) and the reason they needed an au pair was because the host mom is studying from home to become a nurse in anesthesiology so she studies everyday and she's starting clinicals in January so she will not be around as much. I work from 9am to 6pm currently but those times will change in January. The host dad works at an office and get back around 5:30pm.

Here are the concerns he brought up:

1. He thinks that I'm not engaging enough with the kids. I do agree with this to a certain point but only because I wasn't given a proper break due to HM schedule. I did bring this up and she said she would do her best to to make sure I atleast get 30 minutes to myself.
2. He says I shouldn't be making food or drinks during work time except for lunch. I used to make breakfast around 9:30am or 10:30am because I don't like to each anything super early. He said if I want to make something then I should come down at 8:30am. Yesterday he stayed home and worked from there, I'm not sure if it was to watch me or something but it made me quite upset because he works from home every Friday too. So I ended coming down early just to make tea and I didn't eat anything until 5:00pm because I was too nervous to make myself food.
3. He told me to start doing the dishes since "I don't have enough on my plate". This was never mentioned as part of my responsibilities before we matched. He used to be the one that did the dishes so I understand if he needed more help with them but I really didn't like the way he phrased it.
4. He said I'm just a roommate outside of working hours. I agree with this even though it hurt to hear because one of the main things that I was looking for in a HF was one that treated like I was family. It did start that way with them giving rides to places but last week Thursday there was an event that ended later than expected. Since I ubered there I asked if they could pick me up, I was a bit inconsiderate with the whole planning of transportation because I just assumed that they would without confirming prior to the day of the event. After I apologized to the HM she said it was fine I just needed to make sure to plan better when it came to future events and so on.
5. As a result of all these issues raised, along with the narrowing deadline of HM leaving in January, I suggested that if HD doesn't see noticeable improvement then after two weeks we should notify the LCC and go into rematch.

I know with most of these issues I can see some ignorant and inconsiderate behaviors from myself that were truly unintentional and did not mean for those things to happen.

HM keeps telling me how the kids really like me and have opened up to me but even though I like the kids as well, it doesn't matter if the parents believe I am not capable of benefiting them in the ways that they want. Even if I do make those improvements, I will always feel uncomfortable around HD from the things he said as well as asking for transportation to events.

This is my first post on reddit because I genuinely don't know what to do other than the things I've been asked. Maybe I'm being dramatic and catastrophizing but I really need some ideas on what to do in the worst case scenario of rematch.

I know au pairs typically don't get one, but theoretically it can exist. Did you have one (or know anyone who did), and did you or they ever try to waive it/change status after the program?

Title: Is my au pair workload reasonable?

My host family pays me €650 per month and says I should work 25 hours per week. My host mother says she wants someone more like a housekeeper than a typical au pair.

My duties:

- Prepare breakfast and lunch boxes for two children.

- Help them get ready for school.

- Tidy three bedrooms and make the beds.

- Clean bathrooms three times a week.

- Help with laundry and put clothes away.

- Prepare dinner Monday to Thursday.

- Help with childcare and bedtime when the parents travel.

There is also a separate cleaner, but I'm unsure whether I'm expected to mop and vacuum.

My availability: I start around 6:45 am and usually return to my room around 8 pm. My host mother says cooking time doesn't count towards my 25 working hours.

Is this a reasonable au pair arrangement, or am I being expected to do too much housekeeping? Is €650 fair? I'd appreciate honest advice.