Its been 4 years next month since I went to get help for my anorexia nervousa.

Even now, I'm referring. I hated my body before it. I hated my body as I refed. And I hate my body now.

Bmi sucks I know. But bmi would say im now morbidly obese or whatever the right wording is.

I was so thin my bones could be seen and now im this.

A while ago, it was the highest ive been in my life. Now its a few pounds less. But still. I know people likely think im a binge eater by how i look. I still have the anorexia mentality. Like no big deal I can skip that. My husband helps me so I dont skip meals. Its not easy.

Before I post. No im not a bot. Im very depressed. The doctor likes my labs. So like oy. I dk. This stuff is stressful to write about.

Im 40. I have my own family. Anyone else like this? If so, can it get better?

if just wow I've legitimately gained half of what I was at my worse and it's a lot I suppose. I really miss my old self tbh. not even as means of glorifying but I'm really not the same person anymore. the thing is I don't even really feel that ugly like I guess my body really does not bother me, and I kinda miss when it did. right now I'm not even fully done and like this isn't my dream body and I still think daily about what I want to look like maybe a year or two down the line, but I guess I just really don't care anymore. and it's really weird and I feel really fake. wow I guess

How long does someone have to be restricting what they eat for them develop chronic bloating symptoms? How long does bloating last during recovery?

I have had chronic bloating for two years now and issues with eating for about a year and a half, however, I have been recovering since April of this year.

So, I started recovering. Been struggling to start for about 3 weeks now. Done all the things of accepting I have a problem, getting the diagnosis from the ER, got all the wakeup calls from the doctors, talked to my family and friends and admitted about my problem and expressed I geniuonly WANT to get Out. I went to therapists and psychiatrists, but never truly decided that this is the day of recovering.

Three days ago on Friday the 16th, I woke up and chose recovery. Meaning activelly doing the opposite of the ed brain. So this is my annoucment of my journey!!!

How you realize you are in this condition?

I've been in residential for about 5.5 weeks now. I have atypical ana so i was never super thin. I've of course gained a lot of weight and every time i see myself in the mirror it's... bad... to say the least. i am not at all okay with how i look. What's hard is that it's objective. I'm short, stout and compact. I was also a gymnast growing up so I naturally have a lot of muscle. I have really wide calves (which is today's hyperfixation), thick thighs and broad shoulders/ ribs.

I called my mom sobbing about it earlier. I feel like i'm putting her in a hard situation because I want her to tell me i'm small, but we both know that i'm not. i was telling her about how im a bigger girl and she said "i mean, ya, you are. it's genetics" which was validating and I want to know the truth... but also i don't want to look that way lol.

i have finally found the way forward for myself but it is so hard. i just need some encouragement and maybe some advice.

i have been sick for quite a bit of time. however, the rational part of my brain finds so much joy in nutrition and nourishing my body with whole foods and the delightful things my mother makes. i live on a farm, and have for my entire life. we have a large garden and our freezer is stocked with hundreds of lbs of meat from the animals we raise. my mother is an obsessive canner & sourdough baker, amongst other things, and she is so good at what she does. this has been the way through for me, the comfort that i am doing the right thing by feeding myself ENOUGH of the right things. and, indulging in some of the sweets she bakes.

however, i was told by a specialist (after being admitted to a psychiatric hospital) that i should not follow a whole foods diet because it is a sign that i cannot give up control. i just don’t think i’ll be willing to do this unless it is with healthy foods. i do not track macros or calories, so that is not the problem. i have been trying to let go. i just have some extreme fear surrounding things that i have not deemed to be nutritious.

can i get a bit of insight? i am so sick of feeling like i cant trust my mind. i do not know right from wrong, according to so many people.

i've been struggling a lot lately. i really wanna relapse but i try not to. i always mix my bday and my halloween party and previously i've had friends talk about their weight and calories RIGHT when i'm cutting my bday cake and they have been aware that i struggled with an ed. i know i shouldnt care about their comments but i just dont wanna burst into tears and well...its hard to enjoy cake when you feel like others are judging. i do look "healthier" now but i'm afraid my friends and their plus ones will think i'm exaggerating or asking too much or idk...but what do you guys think..?

i want people to recognize that im struggling and save me of their own volition, but ofc they won't know i need help if i dont tell them. but... i just cant make myself ask for help. even then, theyll ask how they can help me. i dont know! its humiliating to be suffering this much and not know the way out.

so, how can i help people to help me? do i give them certain behaviors to look out for, and how to correct them? what are loved ones supposed to do during recovery?

this is my first time trying to recover instead of letting it go dormant in the past, so im so lost

I’m about 2 months into full on recovery now. Some days my muscles burn!! I’m low activity but slowly being able to do things like make microwave meals and help my SO make dinner or do an easy chore. My muscles feel like I need to tense them, like they are uncomfortable enough to be aware of them.

I read an article that even after restored weight, muscles/skeletal muscle loss are more long lasting.

So those of you who are years into recovery, have you noticed any differences in your muscles or strength?
I’m very curious about any experience you’ve had with strength, muscle, aches & pains, relief, etc…!!

So i've been somewhat recovered for a few years now. I mean i never classically recovered with medical assistance because I rejected the help of psychiatrists when I was deep in my ed and didn't want to recover and gain weight. I recovered pretty naturally and instinctively, I started binging and gained weight, and when i went back to a healthy weight the binges just stopped and after several years I achieved balanced eating habits with a normal weight. Although I DEFINITELY don't have the same mecanisms and thoughts as I did back then, I'm still not comfortable gaining too much weight and being overweight or even not in the higher range of a healthy bmi. Im not obsessive anymore, I dont feel the need to lose weight, I don't restrict and eat what i want and when I want. However I happen to feel some nostalgia sometimes when I think about the eras when I was deep into my ed. I know I don't really want to go back there as I'm not a preteen anymore it would mess my adult life so much. But I still feel so drawn to that era of my life where I was on edtwt and my main concern was losinf weight, and the happiness of reaching a goal, and that sort of dramatic depressing feeling. Maybe that's just my natural tendancy to romanticize everything and feel nostalgic of every 6 months I live. But sometimes I wonder if that's a consequence of never properly recovering and healing the underlying issues that caused my ed

So I’ve been in my “fuck this shit” part of recovery where eating has been quite easy and I’ve been challenging A LOT of foods and felt great tbh.

However this morning I woke up with a noticeably larger stomach, it doesn’t feel like bloating and I’m not constipated. I’ve felt so discouraged all day and unfortunately haven’t fueled my body well.
I fear tomorrow and the upcoming week, because I feel like my ED is now in full swing again.
I know I shouldn’t have checked my stomach, but part of the reason why I’ve been having an easier time eating is because I noticed my stomach wasn’t changing that drastically (except for today ofc).

Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Because I feel absolutely foreign and disgusted in my body rn :( especially since it’s only my stomach that has changed, my face and limbs still look gaunt and stick thin …

has anyone else felt like this? i keep getting flashbacks to when i was at my lowest, i feel traumatised

september-december 2025 was the worst time of my entire life, my anorexia was at its peak. i lost count of how many suicide attempts i had, i was having screaming crying meltdowns every single day + self harming all the time

i actually enjoyed december last year, but i still have such a huge feeling of dread when i remember it. i was at my all time lowest weight and hardly eating anything, and i think i was much closer to death than i realised, so now my body has a visceral reaction of dread and terror when i think about that time

it's upsetting because autumn/winter has always been my favourite time of year, but now it's ruined by anorexia. i was shopping earlier and saw christmas decorations and felt a pit of dread in my stomach because it reminds me of being ill

it's also strange because despite being traumatised by it, i also want to go back more than anything. i would do anything to be at my lowest weight again, but relapse terrifies me, i don't know if i could survive going through that again. and my body won't let me lose weight anyway, hunger triggers flashbacks and i end up eating out of fear

I've noticed a girl in AN recovery who struggles most when she doesn't enjoy her food, she sees it as "a waste". She'd refuse all hospital food & only eat her mum's cooking, everything had to taste delicious or else she'd have a full meltdown. Her worst was over a pizza she ate & it wasn't done "like the one before" & it took her hours to get through the guilt of eating it.

I personally don't suffer from this symptom & don't know anyone in my recovery circle who does but I find it fascinating. It's defo not ARFID but possibly OCD related.

Does anyone else have this particular compulsion to enjoy everything they eat?

Feeling so stuck in recovery recently and I just wanna be better.

iv been in recovery for over a year now but tbh most of it was mainly quasi (and Mabye I’m still in it idk) but iv been weight restored for over a year now aswell and honestly for the most part have the best relationship with food iv had since j began to struggle with food 2 years ago. But im still really struggling with eating early in the day… I find it so difficult to have enough for breakfast and too have lunch in general. Than later on in the day I know I didn’t eat enough so I’ll have two servings of dinner plus 2-3 snacks after dinner a swell. Sometimes I eat past fullness but for the most part it’s not. Ugh it’s just frustrating bc I know I’d feel so much more energized during the day if I just eat earlier but for some reason it’s sooo hard for me to. Any advice or tips to get past this? I feel like this is really big thing in the way of my recovery.

Hi, first post on reddit ever despite having an account for 4+ years. I’m 16, turning 17 later this year, and i’ve dealt with disordered eating since around age 11. It started with skipping meals and transformed into not eating at all or very little for a little over 2 years. I decided this was not healthy and tried to eat more but due to unrelated amnesia and dissociative issues I just had to eat when i was hungry and hope it was enough. Recently i got sick with a cold, unable to keep anything down for 3 days. When i was finally able to eat again it was very very little, I’ve noticed that has not gone away. I’m unable to eat more than 3-4 bites of something without feeling nauseous or full. I decided to start tracking what i eat + calories NOT to restrict my intake but to insure I’m eating the adequate amount. From what I’ve documented the past week I haven’t been eating a healthy or adequate amount of calories. This fills me with dread because i have no idea how to make this better. I eat when I’m hungry and eat until I’m full so i dont understand how I’m eating so little. It felt like i’d been trying so hard for the past 3 years to heal my relationship with food and take care of myself but it feels like this discovery has ruined any sense of accomplishment i had.

(Repost because I couldn’t figure out how to edit the old post. Apologies!)

Bacon cheeseburger. Amongst my top tier favorite foods. I have uttered the words, (shamelessly) "fuck me up Daddy" directly to a bacon double cheeseburger on a pretzel bun with waffle fries on the side.

Take that, anorexia.

its been the weirdest thing, i can eat almost anything relatively guilt free, i dont count calories, the scale broke a while back and i haven’t gotten it replaced, i dont measure, if i wasnt worried i might relapse if i did it i‘ve even considered getting rid of my low weight photos

fuck i even eat breakfast, but for some reason no matter how hard i try every time my friends offer me snacks during lunch i cant say yes

even when i want it, even when i know i’ll go home and eat the exact same thing, even when ive prepped myself mentally and said i would today, i can’t eat in front of them either and i dont know why, i have to go sit out in the sun to eat away from them and get all sweaty whenever i do bring in a packed lunch

it’s been bugging me bad, it’s like the only behavior thats not gone away but gotten worse in recovery, its weird because in the throws of my disorder i did eat and drink in front of them?

now it feels like such an impossible anxiety inducing thing and i can’t wrack my brain as to why this is my kind in the sand of all things, they’ve put up with my shit for a long time and i can’t just eat a dumb cookie in front of them to put their concerns to rest, they have no reason to trust that no i really am all better just conveniently only when you arent around

if anyone’s gone through this too and gotten over it please do share cuz im at a loss

Hey, I just wanted to ask, what was the tastiest thing you ate in recovery? For me it was peanut butter at a breakfast :)

I need advice. 4 days into my Holiday, where I was going to finally stop giving a shit, I've not done it. I've done well - solid surplus each day and I've eaten multiple sweet treats a day, , but I'm still opting for plenty of "safer foods" and certain rules about how I eat the more treaty foods. Today on track for alot more though (just not had dinner yet) Also the thoughts about food and tracking is unbearable and almost ruining my Holiday, help!!!.

Just for a tad context I'm 16, a healthy weight but no period yet. Decently recovered from a restrictive ed but definitely not "free with food yet ". I'm trying to get there but who knows lol

Hello everyone! I am a doctoral researcher at the University of Oxford, currently recruiting participants for a research study, looking at the nature of social anxiety and camouflaging in Anorexia and/or Autism.

We are looking for women, aged 16+:

• With a diagnosis of anorexia (with or without autism).

OR

• Healthy volunteers with no history of an eating disorder, autism, social anxiety or other serious mental health condition.

We would be so grateful for any participants! Please follow the link to take part. Thank you so much in advance.

https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xvKoOH3JuM0Owe

Hello everyone! I am a doctoral researcher at the University of Oxford, currently recruiting participants for a research study, looking at the nature of social anxiety and camouflaging in Anorexia and/or Autism.

We are looking for women, aged 16+:

• With a diagnosis of anorexia (with or without autism).

OR

• Healthy volunteers with no history of an eating disorder, autism, social anxiety or other serious mental health condition.

We would be so grateful for any participants! Please follow the link to take part. Thank you so much in advance.

https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xvKoOH3JuM0Owe

Are there actually any good units in the UK?!