I’m trying to understand how serious my boyfriend’s behaviour is and whether it could eventually escalate into physical abuse.

Usually he is very sweet and calm. There have been multiple incidents where he has yelled at me, sworn at me, and become aggressive during arguments. There was an incident where I felt I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was nauseous because he yelled at me and I was scared. Another time he kicked me out of his place, yelling “GET THE FUCK OUT,” and didn’t even want to help me with my bags when I asked until he saw I couldn’t carry them. I had to leave while dealing with the situation myself. Then he always tries to fix it after I’m home and is calm again and asks to see me.

He also gets angry over relatively small things. He has road rage and swears at the drivers sometimes which really scares me. I have very bad sensory issues and insomnia, and I’ve explained to him that moving around in bed is sometimes the only way I can get comfortable enough to rest. I genuinely try to move quietly so I don’t disturb him, but he still yells at me about it. One time, I was uncomfortable myself but ended up having to sleep on the couch just so he could sleep. Even when it was around 1 p.m. and I was moving around in bed because I was uncomfortable, he got angry about my movements and the noise I was making. It makes me feel like even my physical discomfort is an inconvenience to him and I try not to move in bed so he won’t yell at me.

When we argue, he sometimes hits a pillow, swears, or yells. He says that he simply matches my anger when I get angry, and uses my reactions to justify his own behaviour. I’m not saying I never get angry or that I always react perfectly, but I don’t scare him when I’m angry, whereas he scares me when he’s angry. That difference really stands out to me.

He seems to think that because I can get angry too, his behaviour is justified. But I don’t feel like we’re on equal footing when he gets angry. I genuinely feel intimidated by him sometimes, and I find myself worrying about how he might react.

I’m starting to wonder whether this is verbal and emotional abuse and whether it could become physical. I know that hitting a pillow isn’t the same as hitting a person, but seeing someone become that angry, yell, swear, and act aggressively during conflicts can be frightening, especially when you’re already afraid of their reactions.

For people who have experienced abusive relationships or understand these patterns:

Can someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive eventually become physically abusive?
Are hitting objects, yelling, and intimidating behaviour warning signs of possible escalation?
Is his argument that he’s just matching my anger a way of avoiding responsibility for his own behaviour?
Am I right to take the fact that I’m scared of him seriously, even if he hasn’t physically hit me?

Am I overlooking serious warning signs or whether this behaviour is as concerning as it feels to me?

My partner and I both work full-time, but I feel like the division of household responsibilities is still pretty unequal. It’s something that has bothered me for a long time, but over time, I’ve increasingly felt like it’s easier not to bring it up than to address it.

For context, I used to do all the dishes, all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the laundry, and pretty much everything else around the house. Within the last few months, my partner has started taking on some responsibilities, which I do appreciate. She now does the morning dishes after I make breakfast and prep our lunches, and she vacuums the downstairs and stairs on Fridays. We also have a robot vacuum upstairs. Occasionally, she cleans the downstairs powder room.

However, I still do all the cooking and laundry, the evening dishes, steam-mopping the downstairs and the upstairs bathrooms and laundry room, and cleaning our master bathroom. I also take the trash bags to the outside bins probably 90% of the time, and I’m the one who takes the bins to the curb every single week.

Yesterday, I worked overtime and got home late. I immediately started making dinner so it would be ready during my partner’s work-from-home break. It was pouring rain, so I didn’t take the trash cans to the curb when I normally would have.

This morning, I was running a little behind schedule. I had already made us breakfast and prepped our lunches. I also accidentally dropped a box of crackers when the packaging broke and cleaned that up myself. I told my partner I was running late and asked if she could take the trash cans to the curb.

For context, the cans only have to travel a very short distance. Also, my partner doesn’t start her work-from-home shift until the afternoon, more than five hours after this interaction. She wasn’t rushing to get to work herself.

She immediately looked upset and asked, “You didn’t do it?”

I explained that I hadn’t because it had started raining the night before. She knew how heavily it had been raining, and I wasn’t asking her to do anything particularly difficult or time-consuming. I just needed a little help that morning.

I thanked her, but she ignored me. When I tried to say goodbye before leaving, she responded with a dismissive “See ya.”

After I left, I texted her, “Sorry I hadn’t put the cans out. It started raining before I got the chance.”

Her only response was “Yeah.”

The thing is, I don’t even feel like I should have had to apologize. I had worked overtime, come home and made dinner, and was still doing the majority of the household work. I had one task I hadn’t gotten to, for a reasonable reason, and asked my partner to handle it.

I wasn’t asking her to take over all the chores or criticizing her for not doing enough. I was asking for help with something that would take a couple of minutes. I also don’t think I should have to feel guilty for asking my partner to pick up a little slack when I need help.

I recognize that she has made some improvements in taking on household responsibilities recently, and I don’t want to dismiss that. But I still feel like the overall division of labor is unequal. Interactions like this make it difficult to bring up the issue or ask for help without feeling like I’ve done something wrong.

I’m looking for honest perspectives on two things:

1. Am I being too sensitive about this particular interaction? Was her reaction unreasonable, or am I making too much of a small moment that could have been handled differently on both sides?
2. Is there a deeper issue here? I feel like I’m carrying most of the household responsibilities, and I’ve gradually become more hesitant to bring up things that bother me because it feels easier to avoid the potential conflict. I want to know whether this sounds like a fairly ordinary relationship disagreement or whether the dynamic itself is concerning.

So I (f-26) have known my best friend (f-26) for years now, and we were the kind of friends who used to talk everyday about everything. More often than not we would tell each other about our day and rants and just talk for hours. So much that both our families started treating us as permanent fixtures and each other’s family. But recently she got married. I was involved in the whole process from start to end. And I still believe that we’re best friends, even her husband treats me as their friend. But ever since she got married, she has no time for me, never calls, never meets and I understand that things change when one gets married, but why do I feel abandoned? I feel like I alone am trying to hold onto this friendship when she doesn’t need me anymore. Is it wrong to feel like that? How to stop this weird feeling?

I genuinely want to know if I'm being immature or if I'm overreacting. I have a speech impediment (one Ive mostly dropped), and I've had it since I learned to speak bc my mum had trouble teaching me. I was and am bullied for it through my entire school life (from 6 y.o to now), and I was also bullied for various other things. I mostly taught myself how to speak properly off of youtube, but i remember once when I was 11 or 12 my dad tried to help me but never did again. I never had any speech therapy lessons as far as I remember

The other night, I was talking to my parents about piercings I want to save up for, and that led to me saying my friend at pierced her own eyebrow the other weekend. My dad said that he would support me in my piercing choice, aside from tongue or eyebrow. I said that I've been wanting a tongue piercing and joked about getting one anyways, and he turned all serious and said "no, I'm being serious, you already sound like you have a tongue piercing 4x too big for your mouth, don't get one", and I went quiet and left

My mum messaged me later that night, saying how he was joking and to not take it too hard. But the way I see it, is he knows I don't like jokes about my insecurities (my brother has joked about my speaking infront of dad and I've shut it down quickly, Ive asked dad multiple times how dad my speaking is this year alone, and he's heard me working on it by myself, etc)

I haven't spoken to him much since and i feel bad but I don't know. I feel like if he didn't want to hurt my feelings he wouldn't have said something that he knows would hurt my feelings

My friend is angry on me as i saw her story but didn't replied to her reelss in last midnight that was sent after 12 am

I stopped texting or talking anyone after 12 as i wanna sleep early but somehow I'm unable to getting sleep and saw the stories or reels in Instagram

Somehow cause of these kinda situations i genuinely hate being friend with anyone ..😮‍💨

everytime i get blocked by someone i feel really sad, like what did i do to deserve that, did i annoy you or something? i start to overthink things.

throwaway because my friend might see this (though they probably wouldnt mind me posting). my friend and i are both in our mid-20s. we have known each other since elementary school but reconnected a few years ago and became close friends. when we first reconnected i was hesitant to become friends because we voted/supported different political parties in our country. at the time at least, i believe she was more right-leaning while i was and am left, but i will clarify that she isnt and never was some raging right-wing extremist or anything. i thought i could overlook this difference or at least provide education and resources that explain my perspective in hopes she would be understanding. over the years she has been very open and receptive to hearing my stance on social issues so i thought we were more aligned than originally thought.

however, there have still been instances where i felt kind of uncomfortable by things she said or mentioned. i found out early on that her friends at the time would use the n-word (none of them are black) in conversations, and despite this she still remained friends with them (though she did distance herself from the friend who said it the most, for other reasons). this was sort of unsettling because i believe your friends reflect who you are as well, but wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. she also mentioned before that her ideal type is black men, but never felt like she could date them because she was scared of being stared at as an interracial couple (she is also a poc) and worried about what others would think. to me it felt like some internalized racism, but again i gave her the benefit of the doubt.

recently she started dating a black man. she had a huge epiphany realizing that the friend who uses the n-slur is straight up racist and not truly supportive of her relationship. the thing is, this friend also accused my friend of being racist, which my friend vehemently disagreed with. while she was explaining this to me, she said some things along the lines of “there is no way any part of me could be racist” and “i dont see race when dating”, etc. i know her intentions were good and what she was trying to say, but those comments made me feel uncomfortable as they felt ignorant. i waited a couple days and was honest with her about how it made me feel, which she responded well to.

the issue is, she denied having any internalized racist beliefs or implicit biases, which i thought was ignorant. after discussing more we landed on “we both agree racism is bad, but what we consider racist is different”. i admit i did try to push her to reflect more because it is my personal belief that we all have implicit biases and should take time to consider our privilege, identities, and how words have meaning beyond the actual word itself. i felt kind of gaslit during our chat and we’re kind of at a standstill now because i asked for time to think things through. i was really surprised by the chat because she has always been understanding and thought she would understand my perspective more, but maybe i am being too critical and expecting too much of others?

since then, she has also posted some things that i felt uncomfortable with. for example, i do not support chris brown and do not believe we can separate the art from the artist, but she used his song in an instagram story and listens to him casually a few times a year. when i told her this, she commented that she can’t live her life overthinking about how every action might cause some harm to someone. i understand that but i felt like my point was missed regardless. she said we all cause harm in one way or another, which i also agree with given our privilege, but i felt like this was a reductive response. she also posted a story describing something as “ghetto”, which i also felt was offensive. i usually do call her out on these things and felt like we always had productive conversations, but now im wondering if she never actually agreed with me and just tried not to say or share those things in front of me to avoid these kinds of discussions.

so i guess my dilemma is, am i being to critical or sensitive here? i feel really hurt by this situation. its true no one is perfect and friends arent going to fully align on everything, but this feels big for me and i know thats a valid enough reason to end the friendship if i wanted to. id like to hear others’ opinions and if anyone had similar experiences, or how they navigated these situations. i want to think carefully as i really do value our friendship and she has been very supportive of me in every other situation ive brought up. we used to talk daily so it has been difficult distancing myself recently while i process this. thanks for reading my long post.

Am I wrong for being annoyed at my cousin, or am I overreacting?

Basically, whenever I ask my cousin to come over to mine, he says no and tells me I should come to his instead. This has happened so many times that I'm getting fed up with always being the one expected to make the effort. Recently, I even went to visit him for 3 days, so it's not like I never bother going to see him.

Three days ago, I asked him to come over to mine again, but he refused and told me I should come down to his place instead. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it this time.

Then our auntie asked him to come over, and suddenly he said yes. After repeatedly asking him myself and getting nowhere, it only took her asking him once for him to agree.

What annoyed me even more was that after agreeing to our auntie, he then messaged me saying he was coming over and that we should meet up. From my perspective, it felt like he was only suggesting meeting up because he'd already agreed to come over for her. It came across as though he was trying to make it seem like he was making the effort to see me too, even though he'd refused when I'd asked him myself just three days earlier.

I told him I didn't want to meet up because I was annoyed by the situation. The frustrating part is that he doesn't seem to understand what he's done wrong, and whenever I try to explain why I'm upset, I feel like he turns it around or acts as though he's the one being treated unfairly. It makes me wonder whether he's playing the victim rather than acknowledging why I'm frustrated. I'm starting to feel like there's a bit of a victim complex going on because he seems unable to see things from my perspective.

I understand that he has the right to say no, and I'm not expecting him to come over every single time I ask. But when I've asked him so many times, visited him for 3 days recently and still can't get him to make the effort to come to mine, it's frustrating to see him agree so easily when someone else asks.

If he'd agreed to come over when I asked him, I wouldn't have had a problem. What bothers me is the repeated pattern of me having to go to him, followed by him agreeing to come over when someone else asks. It makes me feel like my requests don't matter as much as theirs do. I also feel like I'm being made out to be unreasonable for reacting to something that's been bothering me for a long time, rather than him acknowledging the bigger picture.

So, Reddit, am I wrong for being annoyed and refusing to meet up with him, or am I overreacting? Do you think I'm being unreasonable, or does it sound like he's avoiding taking responsibility and playing the victim when I try to explain how I feel? I genuinely want an outside perspective because he doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset.

There are girls that I am friends or aquaintances (we are age ranging 17F to 18F in college)or mutual friends with and there are certain things that each of them do and I see a pattern which makes me think...why are u treating me like ive badmouthed your mother lol. I will give you 2 examples:

1. In the lunch line I am minding my business and me and my acquaintance are laughing together about certain things and then there are comments that come from her out of no where like "who are you feeling like?" or "do you think you are all that?"and she says them in a serious tone aswell...bro why are you trying to press me and embarass me when i havent even done anything wrong? Why am I trying to defending myself genuinely? There are certain girls in my year that just have this thing about them where ppl actually are weary and careful about what they say to them, i domt rlly know what that is but im in awe and I wish that I had that about me. Point is, why do they say these things to ME?

2. Ive noticed in my friend group (just a familar table) where I sit everyday that im literally NOT valued in it. It feel so complicated for me because some people in the group i am individual friends with and have good times individually, and then some are friends of friends. There are 2 girls in it that I swear dont like me. I get mixed signals from them but its like If I say something I get ignored or just looked at blankly but if even someone else in the group says it they pay so much attention to it. They would also ask other ppl about me instead of asking me upfront. Sometimes they even hug everyone or greet in the friendship group or even outside of it, everyone except me. I think it hurts more than outright bad mouthing me to people.

Overall, I would say everyday where I come home from school I do feel really hurt. Now, im not going to lie, there are a few people that I am such good friends with in school and we do treat eachother with mutual respect, but im naturally not close with them because of different schedules and they have their own friend groups. Im not sure if I should just sit alone or if that will cause drama. I have this one close friend at school where we share the same schedule and she even knows where I am coming from but she is conflict avoidant and the people in the friend group are still her friends.

Am i being too sensitive? Idk what I should do.

Because of the comparison between my sister and me, I'm starting to get jealous of her. I know it's not her fault but I can't help it; sometimes, I also feel that pretty privilege exists. Yesterday, I went to visit a relative's house; instead of welcoming me, she talked about my face and voice. My friends always tell me I have a low standard but I know how it came from and whenever I try to make a good relationship they don't want to accept me always ask for my sister. I think it would be better if I got distant from everyone because I don't want to be a bad person anymore; otherwise, I'll have to face more comparison.

I am having a very hard time understanding my partner’s position over a joke she made so I am here asking strangers on the internet for perspective.

My (37F) girlfriend (37F) and I were trying on clothes for an upcoming formal event, and I put on a nice bra that I think actually looks good on me, which happens pretty much never. I’m a sports bra and t-shirts kind of gal 99% of the time. I do have typical body insecurities but over time have adopted a very blasé attitude towards them. Bodies are bodies and yeah mine isn’t perfect but it’s what I’ve got and I’m not trying to be a movie star or anything so who cares. I don’t disparage myself over it, but I don’t go around complimenting myself regularly either.

While looking in the mirror with it on, I said, “man, this *bra…”* with kind of like an amazed tone.

She responds with, “wow, you don’t need a hype man!” meaning it to be a lighthearted ribbing.

I was hurt though. I instantly felt embarrassed for saying something about it. It felt like I was being made fun of for having a compliment for myself. I made a face and she apologized. Saying, “I’m sorry honey, that was meant to be a joke, it wasn’t meant to be rude. I was trying to be funny.” We talked. I told her how hurt I was. She apologized again for her words hurting my heart, and said she would not make comments like that again.

But then we were in a disagreement about something tangential a couple of days later and she hit me with, “I told my therapist about that and she laughed her ass off. She thought what I said was funny too.” And I really didn’t know how to respond to that except with, “whoopdie fuckin doo good for her.” The conversation ended when she said we are allowed have different opinions on what is funny.

That stung but now I’m questioning if I’m being *overly* sensitive because of my insecurities and need to go touch some grass, or if it really was a mean thing to say, joking or not.

My friend recently turned 20 and comes from a difficult home environment. She's been through a lot, is currently bouncing between jobs, and doesn't have a stable income. I've always tried to be there for her and support her whenever she needs me.

Recently, she met a man who's 28, and some of his behaviour is making me uncomfortable. These are the things I've noticed:

- He's extremely affectionate, but sometimes it comes across as controlling rather than simply loving.

- He's told her to cut ties with her friends, while encouraging her to spend time with his sister, sister-in-law and his own friends.

- He's told her not to worry about bills because he'll pay for everything.

- He seems to need to be wherever she is.

- He proposed after just FOUR dates.

The proposal is what really shocked me. They've barely had time to get to know each other, yet he's already talking about marriage and making big promises. I'm not saying that an age-gap relationship can't work, or that proposing early automatically makes someone a bad person. I understand that every relationship is different. But when I look at all these behaviours together, I worry that she's being swept into something before she's had time to think it through properly.

Given her background and current financial situation, I'm concerned that the promise of security and stability might make it harder for her to recognise potential warning signs. I'm also worried about the possibility of her becoming financially and socially dependent on him.

Another friend has suggested that she take things slowly and get to know him better, but she insists she knows what she's doing.I know she's an adult and ultimately gets to make her own decisions. I'm not trying to control her life or tell her who she can date. I just want to make sure I'm not overlooking something, or unfairly judging someone based on my own concerns.

I went to my fiancé’s home on his birthday(we were outside his home) and his friends were also there. They are all very frank with me and friends with me too. So one his bestest friend picked some cake and put it on my cheek. I felt annoyed, i picked some and put on his face too and thought its over now since it’s 1 each. Then he came again and rubbed a huge chunk covered with cream on my face. I was fairly annoyed and felt very bad. I cant hide my annoyed expressions from people immediately, I told him not to do it again else I’ll get mad & asked him not to cross boundaries. My fiancé came and then He (his friend) immediately apologised and even my fiancé apologised but I’m still so mad at him. I hate wasting food and any prank that causes any physical discomfort or ickyness. I believe we are 28 years old and this is soo childish. Was it a valid crashout ? Or am i just over reacting at this point.

i'm a system and someone on r/systemscringe has decided we're an asshole for seemingly no reason? from our perspective, all we did was post about being a system and get a little pissy about being fakeclaimed

can someone please search our profile and see if that person's claims have any merit?

My boyfriend (27) and I (26) have been together for almost two years. We love each other a lot, and we talk openly about our future and marriage. We planned this trip to Spain together, and tonight, he proposed to me. It was the first proposal for both of us, and I had been looking forward to this moment for a long time.
The thing is, he proposed with a Swarovski ring that has an 18K gold finish, meaning it isn’t actually made of gold. And I was disappointed when I realized that. Mind you, I already pointed out that I like gold.

I want to make something clear: my boyfriend isn’t cheap, and this isn’t about him being unwilling to spend money on me. He spends money on me, treats me well, and I’ve never thought of him as someone stingy. That’s why I’m struggling so much with my feelings. It’s not about wanting an expensive ring just for the sake of its price. I had told him before that I wanted a gold engagement ring. He keeps explaining that when he was looking for one, he focused on finding the shape I liked rather than the material. He says that, to him, the meaning behind the proposal and our relationship is much more important than what the ring is made of. And I understand that. I know the ring doesn’t determine how much he loves me. But I think what hurt me is that I expected him to understand how important this was to me. I wanted a real gold ring, something durable that I could wear for the rest of my life. I wanted to look at it decades from now and still have it, knowing it was my engagement ring. And, if I’m being completely honest, I think part of me expected him to see me as someone worth getting a real gold ring for. Writing that makes me feel awful because I don’t want it to sound like I measure my worth or his love in money, but I think that’s part of what I felt in the moment.

I don’t think he intended to hurt me at all. In his mind, he found a ring with the shape I liked, and he was happy with his choice. I think we’re looking at this from two completely different perspectives. To him, the ring is a symbol of something much bigger, and its material doesn’t change that. To me, the material was also part of what made it special and meaningful.
One more thing, unrelated to the ring: he didn’t kneel when he proposed. He said it’s nothing personal; he just prefers proposing without kneeling. I know everyone has their own way of doing things, but I had imagined this moment differently, too. I don’t know if these things are adding up in my head or if I’m overthinking everything.

Now I feel so conflicted. I love him, and I’m happy that he wants to marry me. I don’t want him to think that I don’t appreciate his proposal or that a ring matters more to me than our relationship. But I also don’t want to pretend I wasn’t disappointed just to protect his feelings.

When he saw how upset I was, he started feeling terrible, and I ended up crying even more. Now we both feel like shit, and I feel like I’ve ruined what was supposed to be one of the happiest nights of our lives. We’re still in Spain, on the trip we planned together, and instead of enjoying being engaged, we’re both upset.
I don’t know how to fix this. Part of me thinks we could exchange the ring for a gold one, but another part of me feels guilty that I even want to do that, because I want the ring I got here, sentimental values. I also don’t know whether I’m mainly disappointed about the ring itself or about the fact that I thought he would understand this particular wish of mine.
I don’t want people to tell me that he’s a bad partner or that he doesn’t love me. I genuinely don’t believe that. I think he was trying to make me happy, just in a different way than I expected. But I also want to feel understood instead of feeling guilty for having expectations.

Am I being ungrateful? Is it reasonable to want a gold engagement ring that I can keep for the rest of my life, especially when I had already told him that? Am I overthinking the fact that he didn’t kneel, too? Or are my feelings understandable?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have experienced something similar. I don’t want to ruin this beautiful milestone in our relationship, but I also don’t want to suppress my feelings and end up resenting something I should be happy about.