r/Adulting • u/OwlProfessional4908 • 7h ago
life is so bland
Life is so bland and empty. I am 41y F with 1-2 friends, good career and financially stable. But every other aspect of my life has been a failure. I am single, don't get invitation to events and always alone. I used to have so much hope for the future but these days (since I was 39), life has felt empty. Even things that used to excite me like investing and earning an income just does not excite me anymore as I ask myself what am I working so much for? Is this how life is for people as they grow old single without children? I am considering SMBC but worried about having an unhealthy child as I don't have the bandwidth to care for them. Does it get better?
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u/VinceInMT 7h ago
OP says that things that used to excite her no longer do. That is a symptom of depression. It be good to see and professional for an opinion.
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u/dibbiluncan 1h ago
You could be depressed, but it’s possible you’re just complacent. Human beings do best when they have solid relationships (not necessarily romantic, but you need stronger family and friend bonds to make up for it) and when they continue to stay active and learn.
Having a more fulfilling job could also help. Not just stable, but one where you feel challenged and like you make a difference.
Invest in your relationships, hobbies, and career. Learn. Travel. Explore. It’s your life. Go live it.
PS: Don’t have a child to fix your life, and don’t have a child if you wouldn’t love them no matter what. If you’re concerned about the biological consequences of having a baby at an older age, speak to a doctor. You could always consider adoption though. My mom was adopted, so I wish more people kept that as an option.
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u/OwlProfessional4908 1h ago
I want a child because I have always wanted children. There was a time I wanted 5 but that in setting of marriage. However, I work in healthcare and I see kids born disabled and I see the stress it causes on their caregivers. No one will choose for their child to be disabled. It is just harder to raise a disabled child if one is single. I am realistic.
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u/dibbiluncan 1h ago
If you’re realistic, you should look at the actual statistics. The risk is still pretty low overall, it’s just slightly higher relative to younger mothers. You can also do testing in vitro and terminate if the baby will be severely disabled or suffer/die young.
I was a single mother for five years, so I get it. But I don’t regret it. I have a partner now, and despite the fact that I’m 40, I’d still have a child with him if he wanted. Kinda glad he doesn’t, though. I like being one and done.
But yeah, definitely get screened for depression first. Postpartum depression can hit you like a train, so get on medication early if you’re struggling.
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u/Wrong_Square7826 5h ago
look up different hobbies. Look up Blacksmiths in your area. It is my hobby. You might like it. They have beginner classes.
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u/Iko87iko 7h ago
Mom woukd say "life isn't bland, only people are bland"
I'd say "Mom, everything is exciting on LSD"
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u/Call_It_ 6h ago
You’re about to get ransacked with replies that give you the basic ole “you’re just depressed” platitude.
Please know, that they too, are fully aware of how bland and boring life is.
But unlike you, they just don’t have the courage to admit it.
So to make themselves feel better, they call you “depressed”…as if you’re wrong about your thoughts.
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u/HotWingsMercedes91 3h ago
I went from working 70 hours a week down to working 3 days at a hospital. I took an enormous paycut but I am markedly happier. I work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 12 hour shifts and feel like I have my life back.
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u/OwlProfessional4908 2h ago
If I work less, I would die of boredom. Work is how I get my social interactions. So, it is not something I am able to give up because it is not just money but human contacts.
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u/lawfulgood1080 33m ago
Well, I don’t know if I could be a lot of help here, but I’m also single got out of a toxic relationship and I could tell you this life it’s uncertain i’m still trying to figure out what I’m gonna do. But we make the most of what we have that’s what’s important. My friends are introverts. They don’t go out we play games and that’s it so I make my own adventure one day. It can be a bar, concert or anything . And I talked to everybody as much as I can you never know if you’ll make a good impression. I know I want kids too, but I also understand that if I’m not meant to have them then I’ll be one hell of an uncle one hell of a mentor and one really good person
- Do you have a quote you live by?
And as for not knowing what to work for, just remember, the future is uncertain things could change in a whim keep pushing, and things will change for the better sorry for the long reply it’s just I felt like I was here before or still am but I’m slowly finding the light at the end of the tunnel
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u/AdSea6127 11m ago
I’m in the same boat. Life has felt somewhat meaningless for a few years now. I’m a year older than you and I blame everything on perimenopause lol. I’m only half joking.
I’m aware I need to make changes. I’ve traveled a fair bit but that also seems to not bring me much joy anymore. Perhaps I am depressed, but honestly I also enjoy being alive and I want to live my life to the fullest.
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u/circles_squares 10m ago edited 4m ago
Try raving. Find a festival or a club with house music, and just dance.
I discovered it when I was 45. My husband and I were feeling the way you’re describing. Feeling 80 years old and just kind of waiting to die or something.
We were in Key West having a mediocre vacation, waiting for the breakfast place to open at 8:30am when a music festival cruise docked and literally brought a dance party to us.
We joined in the fun, danced all day, and were so sad when they left. We immediately booked the following years cruise and every year since.
Plus other festivals. We’ve made so many friends, have had so much fun, always have something to look forward to.
I’m 52 now. Never been happier.
Resident Advisor for events near you (just enter the city):
Groove Cruise: https://www.groovecruise.com/
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u/RedVampWitch 7h ago
Fique tranquila, arrume hobbies, não uma criança.
Os hobbies podem te agregar novas pessoas e novos ciclos sociais, ocupa bem a cabeça, o tempo e conhecer mais pessoas… Um clube do livro, exercícios ao ar livre como yoga, clube do cinema com roda de conversa, cerâmica, são tantas opções… A criança só vai te afastar mais do que busca, porque demanda muito tempo e energia, é uma criança não é pra tapar buraco, ambos vão sofrer, um cachorro ou gato é mais adequado.
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u/NamasteNoodle 7h ago
Your life might be bland but the whole world isn't. There's a whole world out there. Tons of people and great things to do and events to go to. Sounds like you've been in a rut of work and going home and that type of thing. Step out of your comfort zone. Plan a trip or a night out if something you've never done before. Find some new hobbies, take some chances.
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u/Mattos_12 1h ago
Sounds like you’ve focused on your career over your life. Why not just make a change? Get some interjecting hobbies. Travel.
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u/clg19929 6h ago
Sounds like you need to start living life instead of just surviving it. That means something different to every person. For me, I'm working on putting myself in the position to travel and experience the world and different cultures. I plan to do this through travel groups so I'm not going alone and it's safer. Best to talk to a therapist or life coach to help you find and set goals for yourself
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u/Death_By_Dreaming_23 5h ago
I’m kind of in the same boat. I’ve decided to paint again. I used to in high school, college took over my life. Then I got to working and trying to speed run the rat race. I’m done. I’m somewhat financially stable and I’m going to paint again. I’ll try to find a community that likes to paint together in my hometown. I just hope the hours are not my working hours.