The problem with this is the idea of “excessive” is relative and often rationalized to a point where addiction goes unnoticed until it’s too late. It’s not just about “shame” as there is now science to back the negative impacts on young men. There’s a difference between shaming and educating.
I didn’t make the original statement which you yourself only added one additional word to, for awareness. My comment actually added substantial value to the original 3 word argument which most people can use Google to verify.
Convenient you skipped that data that confirms harm related to consumption for young men. Now who’s a reductionist?
I’m not saying “all porn bad” in general, but it’s my understanding this thread is meant for young men whose brain hasn’t completed development. You should brush up on your prompts, because you’re missing important information.
Edit: If you’re a geriatric, basement dwelling weirdo with nothing to do but exist on Reddit to make pedantic arguments - feel free to watch all the porn you want. Your life is mostly over anyway and we don’t care about you.
I would say porn/masturbation is excessive when it's painful, dick is bruised, or the habit takes up a good chunk of your day. If you're late for work or other commitments because you masturbated for too long, you probably have an issue.
The biggest tell is if you prefer Manuela over intimacy with an actual person, i.e. you can't orgasm because actual sex just isn't stimulating enough. This is usually a side effect of "death grip", too. (Google it).
Not watching porn ≠ shameful about sex. It’s always good to explore that stuff irl and in discussion but most porn, especially mainstream porn is not very ethical and can be a slippery slope when it comes to your perception of sex and what it does to your brain unnoticed
Fully agree and I’m glad that it could do that for you and probably a lot of others. Porn probably exposed me to some interests in the bedroom that I never would’ve considered. I personally still would’ve preferred to at least not be exposed to it at a young age but yeah. My main gripe is how unregulated and accessible it was and still is
If you do, recognize it as something like alcohol and tobacco. Everyone drinks sometimes, some even drink every night. It’s a problem when you’re doing it multiple times a day, especially at work, school, or in public.
I'm married 20+ years, 3 kids, lovely wife, great marriage. Watch porn almost daily. Its not the porn that's the problem. Its your ideals, how you view sex, and how you treat what you watch vs how you actually behave in bed. Yes my wife knows. She doesn't mind if anything she enjoys when I bring a new idea to the bedroom for an adventure.
To be fair there is a lot of hot garbage out there in the porn space. Some of it is worse today than in years gone by. So maybe I should preface that with watch healthy porn? Whatever that is :P Normal healthy sex porn. Not slapping people, putting large objects into another persons body etc. Do with that what you will.
I started looking at porn before the internet was a thing. I was looking at dad's mags, found in the attic when the parents were away when I was idk something like 13 or 14? This was the early 80s and yeah I'm a bit old now :P
Mags and VHS, BBS porn and ASCI porn like games. The porn that is out there today is nothing like old school porn. Just go look at Playboy from the 70\80s and some 80s style VHS type porn. Then the internet came along and we have this cycle of ever increasing effort to trigger something in the watcher. After you've seen vanilla sex a few hundred times, it can and will get a bit boring. Same with actual vanilla sex. Do anything in life after a while and it can get boring.
So in the act of watching, you don't really care about the people doing the act your focused on. Its your own excitement without the typical emotional engagement in the activity. Its like watching sports. You see some guy get hit on the field and your like that looks bad maybe you were excited by the game itself or the money you might win on the game. That's different vs you being on the field and running, being tired and then getting hit so hard you go to the hospital and all the pain and emotional baggage fear, anger, sadness you can't keep playing that comes with being hit.
So now people in porn film all kinds of crazy stuff to keep you interested, and before you think yep that's it, it was always around, just less visible or accessible. It was in the VHS rental stores and in the porn mags but you had to find it and buy it and if that wasn't your thing you didn't.
Now its effectively free.
So being curious you go watch it and your kind of interesting in a sick sorta of "what da fuck did I just watch?" kind of way. Maybe you go back and watch it again out of some strange curiosity. That's fine, whatever works for you. That's actually what they want too. They want that ad money, or those clicks or whatever.
What you can't do is take that back to the actual bed and do it to someone you care about.. If you want to do that, if you can't disconnect yourself from I saw something nutty vs I now want to do something nutty to my wife \ sex partner \ whatever. There's an actual problem but it goes beyond porn.
See that problem has always been around too. People fixate on their own needs over the person they are in a sexual relationship with. You want to have a great sex life, as a man, you need to make her happy before you make yourself happy. I'm coming at this from a straight guy perspective, I can't speak to other types of relationship dynamics. Anyway, If she wants to make you happy and be the giver that's ok too but there are some ground rules. You need to A. discuss it with them, B. Really understand what you are getting into, C. Everyone has to consent. D. If it has any risk of injury don't do it, period. No even if the risk is low. Don't.
Still want to do it? Your being selfish that's a whole other problem. Porn didn't do that to you, you are doing that to yourself and you likely have the issue away from porn too.
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u/BirdBrother 13h ago
Don’t watch porn