This so was incredibly triggering to me and has me absolutely shattered. While my baby had T18 and not T21 it’s just absolutely shattering my heart that there was a study showing the successful removal of T21 in cells in a lab. I know we’re so far away from this being a medical procedure but even just that little bit of hope for someone I already lost just crushes me 😭

Anyways I’m sad now over a completely hypothetical cure for chromosomal defects

I’m 36 years old, sat in the doctors office after an ultrasound. It’s my first ever pregnancy. I’m 13w 4d and I had a high risk NIPT result. Additionally, the doctor who did my ultrasound said I have a high NT of 5.4 and the fetus has a small nasal bone. Honestly at this point I am gutted and don’t want to put myself through an amnio as well as the emotional pain of confirming a result I basically know to be true. Just feeling super defeated and exhausted.

Does anyone have any experience making this decision without 100% confirmation?

Thanks in advance for all the help

EDIT: sorry for not including earlier- I tested high risk for T21. Thank you so much everyone for your experience and feedback- it’s really helped ❤️

Today marks exactly six years since I lost my little boy, Wolfie.

On October 19, 2020, at 13:27, I gave birth to him at 17 weeks after terminating my pregnancy because he had Down syndrome.

Not a single day has passed that I haven't thought about him, missed him, or wished things had been different. Six years later, I am still utterly heartbroken.

I was terrified when I made the decision. I am disabled myself, unable to work, and already had children to care for. I was afraid of the possibility of serious medical complications, lifelong care needs, and suffering. I genuinely didn't know whether I could care for a child with significant disabilities.

The hardest part is that I still don't know whether I made the right decision or the wrong one. Sometimes I wish I had continued the pregnancy and given my son a chance at life. Other times, I remember my circumstances and the uncertainty surrounding his diagnosis, and I wonder whether I made the right decision after all.

I cannot honestly say what I would choose if I were in the same situation today. And that uncertainty torments me.

Since losing Wolfie, I've had two healthy daughters. I now have four living children whom I love dearly, but they cannot replace him. I never had another son. I'm 45 now and single, and knowing that I will probably never have another little boy is incredibly painful. Not because another son could ever replace Wolfie, but because I so desperately miss the son I lost.

I've been deeply depressed for six years. I've tried therapy, but nothing has helped me make peace with what happened.

Recently, I realized something about myself that explains so much of my suffering.

I have come to see my suffering as a sentence I must serve, perhaps for the rest of my life, unless God Himself tells me that I can stop.

I don't suffer because I think it proves how much I love Wolfie. I suffer because I believe I deserve to be punished for the decision I made. I cannot undo what happened. I cannot bring my son back. And because I cannot make things right, I feel that suffering is the punishment I owe for my part in his death.

Allowing myself to be happy feels like letting myself off the hook, as though I were escaping the consequences of something I believe I should be held accountable for.

The hardest part is that I don't know how to release myself from this sentence. I don't even believe I have the right to.

I only found my Christian faith about a year ago. Since then, I've struggled deeply with questions of forgiveness. I've prayed countless times, asking God for mercy and for some reassurance that Wolfie is safe. I long for a sign, even just a dream in which I could see my little boy happy and at peace.

I know that only God can give me the forgiveness and reassurance I'm searching for. Until then, I feel trapped between desperately wanting peace and believing I don't deserve it.

I don't want my life to be miserable. I want to be a happy mother to my four living children. I want to enjoy life again without feeling that every moment of happiness is something I haven't earned or have no right to experience.

I am not suicidal. My four living children need their mother, and I will always be here for them. But I feel as though part of me died with Wolfie, and I haven't known how to live fully since.

I'm not posting this to start a debate about abortion, Down syndrome, or whether my decision was justified. Please don't tell me that I unquestionably made the right choice, but I don't need to be condemned either. I have been doing that to myself for six years.

I genuinely don't know what to think about my decision anymore. I just know that I miss my son more than words can express, and I am exhausted from carrying this grief, guilt, and self-imposed punishment every single day.

I needed to get this off my chest because I don't have anyone in my life who truly understands what this feels like, apart from my mother, who carries her own pain.

If there are any fellow Christians here, I would be incredibly grateful if you could say a prayer for Wolfie and for me. I pray that my little boy is safe in God's arms, that I might someday hold him again, and that somehow I can find peace without feeling that I am escaping accountability for what happened.

I don't want to forget Wolfie. I don't want to stop loving or missing him. I just don't know how to stop punishing myself.

Thank you for listening.

I’m coming up 5 years since my tfmr at 25 weeks of my first daughter. Today marks 5 years since our MFM appointment at 24 weeks where we learned just how serious our daughter’s condition was and so begins the next 2 weeks of days that are forever permanently etched in my memory. Wednesday will be 5 years since we made the decision. Thursday will be 5 years since we spent the day taking multiple phone calls around logistics. Friday is 5 years since we met with the bereavement midwife who would deliver our daughter and chose her name. All days I remember so vividly and I feel like this might be the year it breaks me.

Afterwards we threw ourselves into completing our family and I don’t know if it’s just because we’re now done or our youngest isn’t a baby anymore or what it is but this anniversary feels harder. I hate that I’m always going to be this person this bad thing happened to and I no longer recognise the person I was 5 years 12 weeks and 4 days ago before our first bad scan. Just needed a space to let it all out. Most days I’m ok but this month has just been hard

Hi everyone ❤️

I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my little boy, and I’m having a TFMR on Wednesday. At 13 weeks, we found out that his bladder was enlarged, and with every ultrasound, we received more difficult news. He has megacystis, likely caused by a partial blockage of his urethra, and his kidneys have been increasingly affected. We also found out about chromosomal abnormalities, and after speaking with the doctors, we were told that his prognosis is very poor.

This is my first baby, and making this decision has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I love him so much already, and I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to my little boy before getting the chance to meet him. Even though we made this decision based on the doctors’ advice, I still struggle with guilt and wonder if things could have turned out differently.

For anyone who has been through a TFMR, does the guilt ever get easier? How did you cope with the grief and get through the procedure? I feel so alone right now and would really appreciate some support from people who understand

i know this isn't the place to post this. i tried in a weight loss group and the backlash i got was horrible just because i lost my baby at 19 i was told such horrible things that it was a good thing because im too young when nobody knows my situation. so please can someone tell me here instead. i lost my baby 2 months ago and during my pregnancy i gained so much weight and now that i've lost my baby i also feel like i've lost myself i just want my baby back but i also want to lose all this weight, i dont want to do weight loss injections as me and my boyfriend aren't 'trying' but we also aren't preventing and im don't want to do anything which will result in me losing a baby. i just wanted some tips on if anyone else has dealt with this

I had my TFMR 9 days ago. It’s still very fresh and I am not fit to go back to work just yet. For a context, I am a nurse in a very physically and emotionally demanding setting. I recognize I need to heal my body for at least 4-6 weeks. I can be off work for 15 weeks. I genuinely miss my work and would not want to be off for the whole 15 weeks. I’m looking to hear of others experiences on when you went back to work and did you regret it or not. I understand that every situation is different, just trying to set up an expectation for myself I guess? I was 22 weeks and had l&d for a context. Thank you all for reading this.

Hi everyone. In August we had to terminate our pregnancy at 12 weeks 5 days after she was diagnosed with alobar holoprosencephaly. Her microarray came back normal, and we're now waiting on trio exome sequencing to find out what comes next.

I'm so angry, sad and hurt and really need to vent..

My husband can't have biological children, so we used known donor sperm and IVF to get here. We've spent two years and so much money trying, and it feels like there's no end in sight. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and buying houses while we're stuck in limbo. My husband's family hasn't checked in at all, my only friend has gone distant since this has all happened. I feel really alone in this.

I am mad that we have to go through this, I’m sad that my husband can’t have biological children and he has a big sense of guilt (even though this isn’t his fault), I’m even more mad that getting answers take so long and we just can’t move forward without them..

It has consumed my whole life and I don’t know what brings me joy anymore, literally every day just feels like a waiting game

If you've been through TFMR or waiting on genetic results, how did you get through it? Did anything help?

I had a tfmr (d&e) 10 days ago at 14w4d for SMA. Since then, some of my symptoms have gone away (no more peeing in the middle of the night, swelling down, losing weight), but some of my symptoms are still ongoing: sore breasts, vivid dreams, and strong sense of smell. I still have on and off bleeding with dark red spurts here and there. Is it normal to still have these symptoms?

I'm terrified of RPOC because after a PPROM and L&D at 18 weeks last February, I had RPOC for 2 months. I told my OB something wasn't right and they said to give it time. I had to basically beg for an ultrasound 8 weeks after my loss. I can't remember what my symptoms were after that loss aside from continuous spotting for those 8 weeks.

Did anyone have ongoing pregnancy symptoms after D&E and everything be okay?