Looking for advice on how to tell future partners about my daughter's father. How to explain what happened and have my partner not freak out about it

I’m struggling extremely bad with having a life outside of work and parenting. I have basically zero control over the care my child is receiving because it’s my mother and she does what she can and I can’t afford anything beyond 2 days of a daycare per week. With my child being 2.5 I’m trying to start dating again, (her dad abused us and tried to kill us hence my only parent status) and I’ve found someone completely amazing that I see a real future with but simply don’t have the time to dedicate to build the relationship. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, support, or simply just to vent here but I’m so sad. I’ve done everything possible to give my baby the best life possible but it feels so incredibly impossible with me feeling so alone and with no time to simply be me. I’m 30, a plumber by day and bartender by night, I work hard as a single mom, do my damndest to give my baby the best life possible, but want to live my life and have virtually no support. How are you guys getting by???

So i had a pretty big social circle of single mums. As of now I am the only one left standing. My sisters who were all single mums have got remarried, my friends who were have either returned to their partners or remarried / inrelationships.

Dont get me wrong, I am happy for all, until now everyone is thriving way before than before.

However I sit here pittying myself lol. It feels weird now because everyone is busy on weekends and half terms as families and its just me and my only child.

Iv been single for quite some years, never thought about dating before but only considering it now because I feel alone I guess?

I dont even know what i want from this post other than saying I feel alone out here. Holidays, festivities, weekends ...etc

im so fucking tired of everything.

i keep getting flashbacks on any random moments we had together with my child’s “father” (he never claimed him as his) not even moments thats romantic per say just randomness here and there. And then i get this feeling of i guess anger or unfairness and sadness as well that I treated him as a decent human being and thinking all those times that we were vibin and here i am going through parenthood alone not even a dime or care from him. it just sucks to have so much care for someone and lowkey now im thinking i was being manipulated all those times

So I’m going thru a divorce and all of the books say to do self care. The issue is I feel guilty for it. Dad moved out and lives with the finance but still picks the kids up for school and drops them off after school. But they don’t get to spend a lot of time with him now so when I do for myself I feel guilty and feel like I need to do more for them so they don’t feel too much of an effect of their dad being out of the home. I tried to sit and watch my favorite show while sipping wine and felt guilty I made the kids go watch a movie for bed. It’s just I’m with my 2 toddlers all day while I work and I really just needed time to myself since I barely get time away from my kids to have adult interactions. My soon to be ex husband doesn’t really like me inviting anyone to the house so if i cant go anywhere i just want a lil time to myself but i feel so bad for it and like I’m pushing them aside too. Am I truly being selfish in this time?

Hard day today finally accepting I’m going to have to work two jobs. My son has also autistic and I’ve been working in childcare for years while earning my degree. I’m so burned out on working with children but cannot find anything else. Also graduating into a shitty job market means multiple rounds of interviews to be ghosted. I don’t receive child support make “too much” for any assistance and none of family or friends want to help babysit and I get to work a second job and figure out those logistics alone. Just venting because I can’t let it sit inside me how truly devastated I am that this is my life after leaving a DV relationship. Some days I wish I would’ve just stayed.