I’m 21F had just found out earlier today that my nudes are everywhere on the internet and were spread by my boyfriend of 5 years.

I was on his phone after I had borrowed it, saw a notification from a girl, had thought he was cheating, read through the conversation, saw more conversations with other people, and found out that he has been sending my nudes, photos of my face, and my name to other people for them to jerk off and tribute to as if they’ll steal me away from him. Cuckold.

There were so many, I hadn’t counted but I kept scrolling and scrolling and there were practically a hundred.

I forcefully took his phone from him, he admitted to it, and I kicked him out.

After I had contacted my parents and the authorities, we found out that my photos are also on porn sites and onlyfans. There’s an unfathomable amount of evidence that our lawyer has assured me that this would be an open and shut case. However, he is missing right now, no one has been able to reach him since I had kicked him out.

I have been with him for 5 years. He was my childhood crush and best friend from middle school. We grew up together. Were spending college together. Had plans on getting married one day. I truly thought he was my soulmate. We had (what I thought) a great relationship. Just yesterday we were dancing in my dorm room to dumb music and doing karaoke! Insane how now I’m left here wondering what to do.

I’ve done everything I can and I’m very proud of myself for how I’ve handled things today, I talked to my parents, contacted the authorities, have scheduled a meeting with a therapist, and have decided to step away from college for awhile (a few weeks to a month) to sort things out.

But I don’t know what to do from here. I feel as though I haven’t truly processed everything and I’m scared that once I do realize how fucked up of a situation I’m in, that I won’t be able to take it.

I have past diagnoses of depression and have committed suicide a number of times, however I had recently been extremely happy and thought life was turning out for the better, just for this to suddenly happen.

I don’t know what to do… I wish this day had just been a horrible nightmare.

This happened maybe 10 years ago? I had my first boyfriend and I was a virgin at the time (I was 18, but brought up religious) my bf and I were long distance and introduced by a close friend. I was staying at his house and he was trying to initiate sex, I told him I didn’t want it and he started ‘crying’ (I am unsure whether they were real tears or not) and told me that the night before we were introduced he had been on a date and that they were in his boot and she rejected him too and saying there was something wrong with him and all this. Again I’m not sure how real it was. But being naive and desperate to be loved (childhood trauma), we had sex. I remember not really wanting to but feeling like I had to.

Further into the relationship (we were only together a few months) he would always try to initiate phone sex and sexting but I didn’t really want to, so I didn’t really, then he ended up breaking up with me because I “didn’t give him what he needed”

The most painful part is he spouted a lot of lies to my close friend and she stopped talking to me, I want to tell her the truth but I don’t even know what the truth is.

I didn’t really think about it until a few years later. I battle with myself because I don’t want to say I was sexually assaulted and diminish anyone else’s experience but I can’t help but think is it?

Any advice would be appreciated

This weekend I went to a coworkers party without my boyfriend and I was SAed. For the next day and a half I didn’t tell anyone and didn’t report. Last night my boyfriend wanted to have sex and I had to tell him what happened.

He took me to the hospital to do a SANE kit and we made a police report. He’s obviously not doing well and I’m not either.

Will our relationship ever be the same? Will we ever come back from this awful feeling? Need advice about how to work through this together.

When I was 7, we used to play hide and seek at people’s houses when we had family and friend parties with church people. One of my brother’s best friend who was 10 at the time always hid in the closet with me and kissed me and groped me. I was super confused at the time, didn’t really understand what was happening and idk thought he liked me and I guess I was supposed to do it back? I didn’t like him until I thought maybe this is what’s supposed to happen when someone likes you and you let them grope you. But he never talked to me outside of the closet. Pretended like I didn’t exist around family and friends. Unless he was secretly asking me to sneak upstairs with him and trying to make out with me on a bed. Even though I told him he was kinda gross and made him brush his teeth a bunch of times and I was super unsure of what was happening. Eventually gaslighting myself into liking him back.

This happened for many years and when I was 12, one night I slept over his house because we’re family friends and he snuck into the room with me and tried to climb on top of me when I was sleeping. I freaked out and told him to go away and he responded badly and said “I wasn’t fun anymore”. I was heartbroken after that. Didn’t understand what that meant. And he never really talked to me after or spoke to me. He had moved away as well and I rarely saw him at family parties.

Fast forward throughout high school, there was a guy that was 8 years older than me who would come to help coach one of the sports I played and would always flirt with me. Ask me out on dates or hang outs and just talk to me a lot late at night. When I turned 18, I went over to his house and got really drunk and lost my virginity. At the time I was like oh this is supposed to be romantic right? Like I think this guy really likes me. He didn’t even know I was a virgin. Just assumed I wasn’t because I was an athlete. But when I woke up and sobered up I was horrified and ran away, ghosted him.

Then I entered college a few weeks later. I found a boyfriend within the first week of college, took his virginity, and ended up in a 2 year relationship with him which was toxic as hell. We had so much crazy sex it was insane. He had a porn addiction and even if we had sex like 5 times a day, he still watched porn and followed porn stars on his Instagram and had nudes of other women on his phone. I felt so inadequate and used, and tried my best to give everything I could in that relationship. When we finally ended, I felt so much relief. But I feel like he groomed me in a way. And made me explore so many sexual things that he wanted to do from watch porn that now my mind was kind of messed up from it. Like you can unsee or undo some of that…

I had some really bad one night stands where I got really drunk. Remember maybe saying no to some guys, but then caved because some guy desired me so I still ended up sleeping with them anyways even though I woke up with rashes and tears in and around my vagina. I’m pretty sure neither the guy or I finished and woke up with really bad hangovers and many regrets.

I spent a long time working on myself after and my mental health. I went to therapy for 2 years, acupuncture, yoga, quit smoking weed and binge drinking. I felt so clean and happy. Then my (now) husband came along and he was the opposite of all of these guys. Respected me, cherished me, didn’t care about sex and just wanted to be with me and make me laugh and have normal fun. But our sex wasn’t that great and I just ignored it because he was green flags all the way in everything else. And I had so much bad toxic sex it was fine at the time and what I needed.

Fast forward now, we have 2 kids who are 3 and 4. We love them so much, we have a really great life. Our sex life isn’t bad, we have sex like once a week but it feels like an obligation or duty. My husband has the lower libido and exhausted all the time. He’s just fine with hoping my hand and giving me small kisses. I feel really fucked up psychologically about sex and have a hard time with my self esteem and not relating it to having someone else want me and use me. But I think I really just want the intimacy, and to be cherished and loved. He’s vanilla and after all my abuse I guess I’m hyper sexual and need something crazy or kinky sometimes. He obliges but I can tell he’s not really into it. He doesn’t like hurting me. And he doesn’t like taking advantage of me in any way. And sometimes I feel like I’m the one taking advantage of him.

Some of it revolves around the first guy from my childhood telling me “I wasn’t fun anymore” if I didn’t want to engage in sexual activities all the time, every time.

I’m now back in my body postpartum after 3 years not understanding what my body and my mind wants. I read romance books and want to have sex like every day. My husband is like hey I’m exhausted and we don’t need to do this. But my body feels like it’s on fire sometimes… I’m starting to go back to therapy to work this all out because it’s starting to strain our marriage. I want to talk about it all the time with my husband and he’s never had anything really traumatic happen to him so he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t have a lot of feelings or empathy. He’ll listen and give me a hug but doesn’t know what to say other than he’ll be here for me. (As long as it doesn’t involve sex). But it makes me feel really unwanted and undesirable. Especially after having kids and I feel ugly and fat with stretch marks and a soft belly. I work out 4 times a week now, try to eat clean and trying to work on my self esteem. And trying not to relate everything to sex and my past history but it’s what I think about all day long time. Idk how to get past it and idk how to describe what it is I went through.

Some advice would be nice. Thanks for reading my story.

Okay, so im questioning if this counts as SA or rape. A few months ago, i met up with an online friend for the first time for like about a week. We're both adults. The first day went relatively well. We had a lot of fun, honestly, but the 6 days after is what im questioning. So it all began with my friend asking me if i want to kiss them, which i refused with the words, "i have a partner (they knew i had a partner since day 1 of the relationship). i do not want to kiss you. i do no wanna cheat." They accepted it grudginly. We got back to the hotel where we were staying over, and they asked me if i would be willing to do sexual things with them. I again said, "i have to decline that. i have a partner. i do not want to do that. i wont start anything. you would have to force me, becau i wont consent." That statement kinda got me in to this position, and i dont know if that makes it my own fault, especially what follows. After they basically started touching my private parts (while i had clothes on), they then said, "you can stop me when ever," which i replied to again that i have a partner, that i can not consent to sexual actions, and will not participate in any of this with out force.

They started touching my private parts under my clothes and started undressing me and touching my chest too, while i just stayed still doing nothing. (They said im like a sex doll to them by the way i was acting.)

The truth is, i couldn't bring my self to physically stop them, even though they mentioned i could stop them. I cant even tell why, and in hindsight, me mentioning that force is an option aswell as not physically resisting made it seem like i could actually have wanted this in some twisted way, which isn't true, but i understand why they could have thought that, especially since we were quite close the 2 days, bringing jokes, having a good time, and even showing physical (non sexual) affection like hugs.

The next few days got on with the same pattern. I stated that i do not consent, and i dont want to cheat, and so on, but didn't resist in any way shape or form when they started pinning me in public and in the end fucking me in the hotel room. I actually managed to make them stop after i kind of collapsed physically and told them, "please stop," so it seems like they would have listened if i would have resisted more, which makes me doubt its even on them but me instead, especially since in the later days i stopped laying there like a dead fish, but actually somewhat participated. I still have contact to them over the phone, and they continued making me perform sexual stuff for them. The thing is, they did threaten me over the phone, saying stuff like, "i could leak private information on social media to your friends, so do what i say," and i did that. Another time, they threatened me to take my life if i wouldn't comply, but here is the thing. Both times, they told me straight after that they in reality wouldn't do it. Its just hollow words, and i feel foolish for still being scared by them hollow threats and acting on them.

After a while, i broke mentally down. I chugged a bottle of wine and basically told them that what they did, in no shape way or form, was consensual. That i ACTUALLY 100% dont want this, and that i would never cheat on my partner, and that it literally has mental effects on me. And the only reason why im even staying is that they feel too close to me for me to afford to lose them, and the anxiety and fears that i have and the emotional pain i would experience from losing them feels unbearable, and that i rather endure this bs situation than losing them.

(We've been friends for years at that point, and basically shared most of our life's online to each other, and i grew dependant on them. They we're there for me when no one was when i was doing badly, and yeah, our relationship is very important and complicated but also special to me. Its precious.)

To what i just admitted, they replied with that they knew this and only had my best interests in mind, and they would continue with this "abusive" situation if it means i wouldn't fear losing them because i told them that this is my biggest fear basically, and they would accept being an "abuser" if that means i have to fear less that i will lose them.

Now, 2 days ago, i broke down entirely, was acting on very bad patterns, and as silly as it sounds. I will go to a Mentalhospital. This friend realised how bad i was doing, and since then only tried one last time to force me over the phone. I actually stood my ground in that moment and didn't let my self get forced, and now they think they should only have power over me that i freely give them. So, all it took was staying firm and fighting for it for it to stop. I fear its on me for not making it clear enough before and I fear that they still thought its the best thing in our situation, and just now is realising how much they hurt me.

Even though this all stopped, and i feel silly for it, i will go in to a mental facility now in a few days but one question. Regardless of my mental state,

was this all SA/Rape, or is it on me?

I feel that my life has been a series of tragic events. I have a hard time remembering things in the order that they happen, and use a timeline constructed of trauma to relay to my past. Today, as I was making my bed, I realized that the sheets I was using were the very same I had been assaulted on, and it has put me in quite a negative headspace. I want to burn them. As I work through the reading for my class, I find myself lost in contemplation over the things I don't often speak about, and my heart aches from it. I feel that if I continue to hold these things to my chest, they may simply eat me alive, and yet I have no idea how to purge myself of this pain. So I pour it out to you, stranger.

I have been happily married to a woman who treats me like a queen for almost two years. She is all my stars in my sky. She is kind, thoughtful, gentle, and the most selfless person you'd ever meet. We met three months after the most recent time I had been assaulted. I had narrowly avoided contracting STDs from my abuser, and had just decided that I wanted to live. I decided I wanted a safe and warm home. I decided that I would do anything to never face more of the abuses I've endured in my life. She married me after 3 months without a second thought. She took the hope I had found and helped it grow in me. We have worked hard to create a home that is safe and warm, yet I am still afraid of looming what-ifs and maybes. My heart still turns to ice when the deep emotions of my trauma come to haunt me.

I am warm and safe. I am warm and safe. I whisper these words to myself every night as I wander into sleep, plagued by nightmares. My body is warm and safe, and yet my mind is not. I fear this ice in my heart may never melt.

Long post. I appreciate any thoughts.

I have a shitty past, and I make an effort to understand other people and not hold their pasts against them. People make mistakes, but what's the point of no return? Should everyone be accepted and welcomed with open arms once they realize their faults? What about sexual assault?

I have two things I can't look past, otherwise i'm an open person. Rape being one of them, but I never took into account of sexual assault.

I'm unsure if i just don't want to be alone or if I have mixed feelings because I saw humanity in him. I'm sure it's a lot of bs at once. I want to accept others and be open to everyone. I believe people have the ability to be better.

I had a person in my life, a complicated relationship who I wouldn't call a friend, tell me of his past and things that occured in his most recent relationship.

He opened up about how he realized a pattern he had of sexually coercing his recent partners and how he was selfish, such as disregarding their discomfort and wanting to finish. Claiming he is a "rapist." I think what he did was more like sexual assault.

He admitted things that reminded of me of stuff that had been done to me. You could dumb it down to "horny younger guy not realizing what consent is in relationships," but shouldn't they know better? Like seriously?

Does discovering consent deserve praise? Does that behavior deserve a pass? Not in terms of not holding the person accountable, but letting it go like "it happens. Just don't do it again."

I put him down pretty hard and cut contact. Basically telling him I won't congratulate him on discovering basic human decency and common sense. I feel like consent should be a little more straightforward, but i guess it isn't.

Maybe I just don't understand and i'm not sure it's one of those things i could try to. It's pretty straightfoward to me. I have no sympathy for it regardless, but I'm open to hearing different perspectives.

I don't feel guilty for putting him down, but i also don't feel it was a straightforward "this is the right thing to do."

I guess what bothers me is ik what it's like to be completely disregarded and cast out, especially if i'm trying to be better. It doesn't feel good. I think he wants to and feels regret. I'm just so conflicted.

Maybe I felt kind of blindsided because I thought he was innocent in the relationship. I can look past somebody being a pos to a degree, but i wasn't expecting that.

I'm no super hero and i'm not a great person. I'm not above anyone. I'd hate to cast aside someone who's genuinely a good person who just needs help. Ik it doesn't have to be me, but i know what it's like to be in that spot.

I'm just not sure this is something worth trying to understand.

This basically went on for years whenever we would visit him, though I wasn’t really aware what was actually happening until the most recent time. He would always make me sit on his lap and then would put his hand down my pants to touch me there, my memories of most of the times are blurred so I don’t remember the details but always remember feeling uncomfortable but not knowing how to stop it and basically just freezing up. I’m not sure how old I was when it started, earliest memory of it I was probably 12? But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was earlier too. The most recent time though, I was 17 (18 now), and he basically came and sat right next to me, even when I moved across the sofa he would follow and put his arm around me and stuff, then trying again to put his hand in my pants. This time, I pulled his hand back and stopped him but didn’t say anything as I was too uncomfortable, he just said to me “don’t you want sexy time?” I just left as soon as I could after that. But then later, as he was staying at my family’s house for the weekend, he said to me “I’m going to have you this weekend” and I’m pretty sure that meant what I’m assuming it did. I avoided him for the rest of the time and nothing has happened since then, but my parents often want to visit him or have him visit us which makes me extremely uncomfortable but they have always thought me to be very close with him so I don’t know what to tell them, especially because they almost get angry at me assuming I’m just too lazy to and that he is old and doesn’t have long left so I should see him.
Basically I’m asking for advice on what to do as I don’t know if I can bring myself to tell my parents, I think I would feel guilty telling my mum as it is her dad and he might die soon I feel like I would be ruining her relationship with her dad, and also I fear they might not take it serious or something I don’t know.
Thank you to anyone who read this all the way, you are the first and only people I have told about this.

I was 19 years old, at university. There was a guy, let’s call him X, who I was friends with. Not great friends, but in a uni friend-party-together kind of way. I fancied him to a degree, and in all honesty I wouldn’t have been opposed to hooking up- we had flirted quite a bit previously.

One night, I went to a small party at his apartment (15-20 people). I had been going through something quite upsetting outside of this, and while I am very responsible, I wanted to let my hair down that night.

My friend lived in the same building as X. I texted her when I arrived to tell her I was in her building.

The group played drinking games- I remember taking shots. The next thing I know, I’m waking up in my apartment and its the next morning.

There’s fragments that come to me as snapshots from the night, then there’s things I’ve been told/ found out since:

-less than 25 minutes after texting my friend that i had just arrived at the party, i sent her a completely gibberish text of letters trying to say something. I went from stone cold sober to unable to text in under 25 minutes

-I know at some point later that night, my dad facetimed me and i picked up in the bathroom and he couldn’t tell there was anything wrong with me or that i was under the influence

-I woke up with my contacts off, makeup off, full skincare routine done, teeth brushed, in my pyjamas…
what happened during the party and how i got home is a black hole. I had never, and have never since “blacked out” before. This did NOT feel like alcohol, despite the fact that i knew i had been drinking quite a bit that night

-I had bruises all up my hip

-My purse wasn’t with me- instead i had one of X’s bags that i must have “drunkenly” taken thinking it was mine. He returned my purse that morning, and in it was the underwear i had been wearing the previous night. Just typing this horrifies me beyond words.

-After he returned the bag, i asked if we had slept together and he said no. He then asked if I would please not tell anyone about “what had happened” (to this day I have no idea what happened) as he was “seeing a girl he really liked” and didnt want her to find out. They are together to this day and it makes me feel even dirtier and more awful

-My only flashback of the night is a split second of me in his bathroom and his 2 male friends walked in on me- it mortifies me to this day. Every single thing goes black after that.

It took me two days to get myself to the hospital for a rape kit. By then, no traces of anything could be found in my blood or elsewhere. Aside from going to that party that night, it is my deepest regret that it took me too long to get to the hospital to understand what made me black out in my own head, but come across sober to my dad on the phone and of clear enough mind to do my full bedtime routine.

What torments me the most is that everyone at that party knew what happened. 2 of them saw me in a compromising position. And because X and I had flirted before this night, I ended up feeling like a ‘slutty girl on a bender’ (PSA I do not believe in the label ‘slut’ but that was at the time what I had been made to feel like within the bubble university.

I don’t even know if I was raped. X said he was very drunk that night too. But I remember nothing. I went from zero to blackout in under 25 minutes- that is not like me at all. I had bruising. My underwear was returned to me in my bag. I was essentially told to keep quiet about it.

I think I was too drunk to consent- but I don’t even know to what. But did X realise I was intoxicated/blackout?

It has been 11 years since it happened. After it happened I broke down. Completely changed as a person. Many of my so called friends at the time said that I “became boring”. I started therapy, did hypnosis to try and remember anything from that night, 3 rounds of cbt. I went on medication for anxiety which I have been on since then. I had panic attacks. Flashbacks. Struggled to be in crowded places.

To this day if I think about it too much I feel like breaking down and feel so deeply ashamed. If this was happening to a friend of mine I would tell her not to be ashamed and that this WAS NOT her fault, but I just cannot seem to apply this to myself. Part of it is the not knowing and not understanding what happened. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

It has been some time since I went through a “bad” period with lots of ruminating about it. The Cornell 7 case has awoken this. I feel so sad and confused for Jane Doe. It reminds me of the aftermath of what happened to me. I think of what that poor girl must be going through and it breaks me. At the same time, the discourse blaming her makes me feel like I too deserve blame. Then the discourse rightfully claiming she was raped makes me also spiral realising (yet again- this has been an ongoing battle in my mind), that I was most likely raped.

I don’t even know what my question is.
Was I raped? I don’t think anyone but X can answer that.

I don’t know what to think. But my heart goes out so very deeply to all the women who have gone through this. They say it takes 7 years for all your cells to renew, which in theory means I should to this day be within a body that he has never touched, and yet to this day, I feel like crawling out of my skin at the thought of that night.

There have been two instances where Western Washington University has tried to erase my voice regarding this matter.

I posted a 1 star review in September 2024 stating that WWU had violated my FERPA rights by disclosing my FERPA records during a rape 2 case. This messed up the changes in my rape 2 case and wasted 6 years of my life.

A few months ago the university tried to block my review from the public. I complained about it and it was public again.

Earlier this month my review was still there. The entire post now appears deleted. I can't check to see if other people can still see it because I can no longer read other reviews. I also cannot post any more reviews. I'm blocked from the WWU review section all because of my review regarding rape 2 and FERPA violations.

WWU has successfully erased my voice from a platform where my input would matter. The post was a valid complaint. I was severely wronged by this university.

Even though the gesture is small, the erasure of my voice and my experience is very traumatic and heavy. I am currently feeling triggered by the lack of support I've received from anyone in all this time.

I wish WWU had followed the law.

My ex used to rape me for four years. I had told him i want to wait so every time he tried to penetrate i told him no. But he forced himself causing tears down there. I never told anyone and remained lonely. I never had friends back then and very naive when he was a social guy and loved by everyone around him. I have now tried having sex 10 years later and realised I cannot feel anything down there. He destroyed me.

hi everyone, i’ve been dating the sweetest and most gentle guy ever for over a year now. he opened up to me a few months ago about experiencing csa. i don’t want to go into detail because it’s not my story to tell, but unfortunately this has left him hypersexual in current times. i made sure to comfort him, reassure him and hold him when he needed to cry. i love him more than anything and i just want to be there for him and help him through this, as telling me has dug up some painful memories for him. i personally have never experienced any kind of rape, or sexual assault and embarrassingly, whenever i hear about it, i begin crying. it’s the worst thing i can imagine happening to someone.

so i guess my point is, i don’t know how to handle it all that well. he’s recently confessed that he gets intrusive sexual thoughts about mostly everyone in his life, and when he goes out gets sexual thoughts about women he sees on the street. i know my boyfriend is the sweetest and kindest soul, he never even raises his voice and to have these thoughts is distressing him immensely. he feels like he’s being unfaithful to me, he feels disgusted, dirty and uncomfortable and it’s hard for him. i know he would never act on these thoughts and when he gets them starts hysterically crying or panicking.

i just want to know if there’s any strategies we can use to help him when he gets these thoughts, or any way to maybe make them less intense or less frequent so he can manage them better? any forms of therapy, or maybe any forums he could use to vent and talk to people who have been through what he has? as much as i’m supportive and i’m not leaving his side, i’m never going to fully understand how it feels to go through such a horrible thing. he’s so important and special to me i just really want to look after him and be there for him as much as i can.

i’m sorry if this seemed like a ramble about how much i love my boyfriend, i just really want to know how i can best help him through these awful feelings. any advice at all would be appreciated, thank you so much for reading :)

I was friends with this guy for a bit and a few weeks ago he asked to meet up at a park near my house, i was already drinking heavily that night and said sure, his brother was going to be there and i was under the impression that we'd drink for a bit and play some basketball and just hangout. I get there and i start to drink some more, i hand him a white claw surge and he takes a few sips and proceeds to say "I'm such a lightweight im already so drunk off this, you finish it." So i finish his and drink some more and at this point im completely hammered. Were sitting on the bench and he kisses me and i kisses him back and he proceeded to tell me to drink more to "get on his level of drunkness" I drank another white claw and he brings me behind a tree at the park and asks for sex i said no especially because he doesn't have a condom he was begging and i didn't know what to do because i never even was sexual with anyone before so i told him ill just give him head. I do that and he flips me around saying "Lets just dryfuck" and I said no and he kept begging and begging and I tried to direct the conversation to something else becasue my brain capcity was so low I had absolutley no idea what I should do, he had my phone in his pocket I was is absolutley no condition to try to run and yelling wouldn't do anything so I ended up just letting him use me and i begged him not to especialy because he didn't have a condom but he just kept going, i don't remember him finishing or anything I woke up at like 5am on a park bench with him gone. I texted him about it and he says "I don't remember anything I was so drunk." I haven't told anyone because I have no one to tell and my mom believes that if a women is drinking around men and gets SA'ed she shouldn't have been drinking around them. I feel like this is my fault for being dumb and hanging out with a guy in the middle of the night but i can't stop thinking about it and the past few weeks i've been drinking every single day to try to get myself to forget about it but i'm still getting panic attacks and random spirals

Basically I (21f) was seeing this guy (24m) for like 5 weeks and it recently ended and something he did during our last weekend together wont leave my brain and I feel so violated and I really hate him for doing this. We had communicated about everything we are into and he was really selfish in bed and i still feel completely violated. Basically, im 100% submissive in the bedroom, hate riding only do it for the ego boost of rocking his world and he KNEW THIS. The last time we had sex, i initiated, got on top (expecting more positions after because why should the sex only be about him) in normal cowgirl AND REVERSE for like 5 minutes, then he tells me to suck him off to make him finish. Looking back i wish i didnt give in and just slapped him for being so selfish, but i did, expecting him to at least go down on me after so i could finish. He finishes, then straight after makes a joke like "oh ill just go to sleep now" and i immediately respond dont even dare that would piss me off so much and hes like haha ik dw jk. Then we just talk, for like 40 minutes, til it gets to the point where i say im just gonna finish myself off with my vibrator, he goes nooo I was just seeing if you would give in to asking me to do it? Like wtf do u mean give in? He goes down on me for like 2 minutes until i make him stop because i was too angry. I tell him if he does that again we're finished and hes like theres no need to threaten me. Like its not an empty threat im not staying with someone who clearly doesnt care about making it enjoyable for both of us.

Anyway, we had beeb making plans over the time we were seeing that we would get together and all that and the next 3 days after he left he was being really distant, and i was like ok im giving u space you clearly dont want to talk to me and he agreed to that. Then 3 days after that he endes things with me saying we were incompatible in a cleaely AI generated message. Idk ever since the sex thing happened ive been feeling so angry and degraded because it wasnt like a miscommunication i had told him multiple times that stuff like that was not on before this took place and i genuinely never want to get on top EVER AGAIN like the ego boost is ruined, i used to pride myself on my riding skills but honestly i regret every time ever got on top in my life because men have always just taken the piss and expected it all the time with little consideration for what I WANT. Idk i just feel really sad and used.

Am i being dramatic or was he genuinely just being really weird, like how can i process these feelings and make sure this doesnt happen again. I just really regret ever getting on top for any of the men ive been with i hate it so much and it honestly just feels like a degrading act for me to do but IK any future man i get with will probably want it and i just really dont feel comfortable doing it ever again, like this is the last straw and i just never wanna do it ever again. At the same time i just want to stop thinking about it but idk how its just really getting in the way and i want revenge. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?

So it took me five years to feel " ready" I was extremely intentional when I started dating.

Two years ago i met someone and it was just amazing. For months he didn't pressure me, he let me make the move when I was ready.

In the beginning I was so triggered and or having flashbacks I would have to physically stop and get up. .this journey has been hard for me... well so me and this guy were together for a total of 18 months.

There was times he would just hold me and let me cry.

It all felt so real. I felt like I was starting to heal. And sexually I did come back out of my shell a lot. I trusted him and I let him in in a huge way.

But

I've only just found out that I have an STD. He said he was only sleeping with me, showed me papers he was clean. We were together most weekends like all the time.

I have discovered 6 other women.

Six.

Six!!!!!!

Do you know how absolutely terrible it feels to feel like you have found your person. To praise them and be thankful they have been so patient just to have my worst fear come to life that post assault i am not enough for someone.

I feel traumatized all over again. Like he took away my right to consent to what was actually happening. I never ever would have slept with him.

I feel so ashamed like I should have been able to tell he wasn't genuine . But I didn't.

And I don't know what to do or think. I am emotional and I am angry and I am alone.

Hey guys im also a survivor of exploitation and i just came on here to ask if anyone would like to be part of a survey im doing for a video to spread awareness on SA and stuff i wont be making money off it at all and im also here to talk if anyone just wants to talk thanks and i hope everyone gets better after what happened to them

I just want to preface that I’m sorry if this is a bit of messy storytelling because it happened over two years and it’s all kind of a blur.

I started working my first job when I was 17 years old And on my third day of working there one of my older male coworkers (i think he was around 32) poked me in my back. I was a little bit taken a back, but I didn’t think much of it because it wasn’t that serious but I did not like it because I did not know this man and I had just started this job. Anyway, I brushed it off but a couple of weeks later he squeezed the back of my neck that really caught me off guard, I was just so confused why he would do that. I didn’t speak up again because I didn’t want to cause any issues at this job that I just started and I was a lot younger than him so I really struggled to stand up for myself. Over the next few months of me working there he continues to touch me in various places, he pokes my belly, squeezes my back, pinches me on the back of my neck and then one day he walked past me in the hallway but it was quite a tight squeeze so he wrapped his hands around my waist and moves behind me extremely closely and looks back with a smile on his face. After this incident I went into a room and just cried because I felt so gross.

Fast forward about a year and I was about to leave my job. I was 19 at this time and still am as I left this job a few months ago. On my last day he pokes me on my belly extremely close to my breast for a few seconds longer than he probably should’ve and smiles at me and walks away. He was also staring at my breasts the whole time I was talking to him on my last day while I was telling him what I wanted to do when I left, I tried to put this whole incident behind me because I didn’t think it was serious enough. It’s not like he actually touched my breast or any other inappropriate place but it’s been heavy on my mind since I left this job and I don’t understand why.

I feel so lost right now with what to do. I just don’t understand why I’m so upset about it and still am, I think about it a lot of the time and I just don’t know how to shake it off. I don’t know if it was sexual assault. I’m highly doubtful that it is but the fact that it is affected me this much it must be something or am I just being dramatic? I don’t really like to be touched anyway so maybe that’s it, but I’m just not sure.

Again, apologies for how messy this is. I’m just speaking out loud. I just want some advice on if maybe this was sexual assault or how I should move on from this because I don’t think I’m dealing with it very well.

I almost always feel guilty for how much my sexual assault has affected/affects me when I know so many others have/had it much worse. I don’t tell anyone cause I know mine isn’t a big deal. He only touched and kissed me that’s it.

My bf came back to mine and he kept on trying to finger me, pulling my knickers down whilst I kept trying to pull them back up and moving away and putting his body next to mine. I told him I wasn’t ready because I don’t want to risk an infection because I’m postpartum from a stillbirth and I would be more comfortable waiting until my first cycle starts.
He kept putting his fingers in me and I would try to pull them out but I couldn’t. As well as rubbing his penis against my genitals.
The thing is I did end up orgasming when he started rubbing my clit and I said I liked it.

I told him when he left my house that I wasn’t comfortable with it because I felt like his desire was overriding my health and he apologised but the next time I invited him over he did the same thing but he claims he listened because I told him I wasn’t ready for sex and he didn’t put it in even though I was saying stop and he was on top of me. He did end up stopping but not straight away. He says I shouldn’t have made it seem like I wanted sex over message but I made it clear when we was together that I wasn’t ready due to my health anxiety? I don’t know if it’s my fault because we are usually into rough play but I was serious

When i was younger I use to go by my moms friend house and a other lady and her son was living there cause she was dateing the lady son at that time

But anyways her son was extremely hypersexual

And had terrible adhd that he use to get introble for all the time for it

And he would pinch me touch me alot all the time im the car on the couch trying to take my clothes of coming in my room trying to kiss me

Touching my chest and squeezing it and id hit him and push and pinch him back tell him to stop but he just wouldn't and hed expose his self in front of me alot and hed come in my room and do the actions of someone trying to sleep with you but not do it cause he didn't know how to but it made my life hell and it happened for years

I’m looking to start a large campaign to raise money to support an org that’s about general women’s health but with a focus on SA awareness, care, maybe even legal coverage? Too much bs and gov too useless, tired of waiting for disappointments. Can anyone advise, provide insight for red and green flag orgs?

From personal experience, I know lots of non profits - huge brands or local, great rep or not - have an ugly underbelly. For one, f*ck humane society (of Seattle) who mistreats volunteers and pays their leadership WAY too well instead of using that money towards animals. But I digress.

Can anyone who have worked within national orgs vouch for - or against! - responsible and ethical use of funds and budgets? Would particularly love ones led by (non mother Theresa) women!

Feel free to share any insights, this can absolutely also be educational for all! Appreciate the help, love you all ❤️

I got sa’d by my partner a few times before i realised it was sa. At first, I wasn’t sure, but after talking to it with a therapist. I realized it was. I unfortunately haven’t broken up with them cause I still love them. But I keep my distance from them sexually. And the scariest part is that they want a child from me and would purposely try to not use a condom and ask me about my period. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave? I’m worried.