I’m a SAHM but I feel like the minority reading the posts in this thread, but my husband and his brother own their business. They’re in blue collar, manual labor-esque jobs, so while pretty recession-proof, a lot of their income has been going toward their start up costs and overhead these last few years as they bought their own property etc. I was an early childcare teacher at a private university’s daycare center. My childcare center unfortunately did not have any incentive/benefits for childcare for their employees because it’s privately funded, they don’t want professors who work at the university to have an upper hand vs the students of the university who are seeking childcare. So no jumps through a waiting list, no discounted child care for me. When I was about 4-5 months pregnant, we started re-working our finances to try to include childcare. Seeing if we could drop down to one car, limit grocery bills to make room for formula if needed, move to a different apartment etc. but nothing seemed to give us the wiggle room we wanted to have budget wise for when baby came. It came down to, what I was paying in benefits + childcare expenses left me taking home like? $50 a week? It made more fiscal sense for me to stay home, my husband to pay for independent health insurance, and to drop down to one car on the road. (He drove one of their small work vans, and I drove our family car so he gave up having his own car outside of the work truck.) that’s just what worked best for us.

We’ve been doing great with this system, but I see so much about the financial vulnerability SAHM are in, but what else can I do? I love staying at home, my son is a little over 1 now, my husband’s business is doing a lot better now that they have built a larger client base, and I’m taking advantage of some of my state’s tuition benefits and starting to take community college courses online. I can’t help but think maybe there’s something else I should be doing now to protect myself financially, but I really don’t see a better option right now.

This isn't to shade anyone with a smaller home but I'm interested in how stay at home moms with large homes keep them clean.

I've been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years now. For the first 4 we lived in a smaller home - 1800 sqft. It was 2 stories. A year and a half ago we moved to a larger home before I gave birth to our 3rd child. Our house now is 4,000 sq ft and mostly a ranch style with the exception of an upstairs that is just my oldest child's room and bathroom. Everything else is on the bottom level. I love our home but it is SO HARD to keep clean. I used to be able to actually deep clean like clean blinds and baseboards, ceiling fans, shampoo rugs, deep clean appliances etc and while it was a lot to maintain it was still doable. Now it feels impossible. My oldest child is in school during the day Monday - Friday but my other 2 are 1 and 3 and are home with me all day. It feels like if I clean one thing 10 more things are messed up. Laundry is literally never ending. There are always dishes to be done. If I deep clean one room basic tasks that have to be done regularly such as laundry ends up piling up and getting out of hand. My husband is the breadwinner and is usually at work from 7am - 5pm and travels a lot for work. Even when he gets home in the evenings he's still taking work calls on and off for the rest of the night. He helps with what he can but it just isn't enough to make a difference in things and I feel like I'm drowning.

I have ADHD which I'm medicated for but even so I find that I get extremely overwhelmed. This past year, since having my youngest baby, has been really difficult for me mentally. I've struggled with PPD/PPA which have been exacerbated by the ADHD thus creating a loop I can't seem to escape. I have always done better in life when I have a routine and schedule and also when I have a clean, relaxing home. For some reason I just can't seem to get into the swing of things and desperately need some help.

My husband makes very good money and we could afford someone to come help me clean every now and then but it's not something he's been willing to do yet and keeps saying "this weekend I'll help you with the house work and then we will just set up better systems and maintain it" but then the weekend comes and something comes up or the kids are bouncing off the walls and need one parent to do something with them so then it's left to just me like usual and I feel like it's physically impossible for me to get things done that I need done because I'm 1 person and trying to clean and care for 5 people.

SO are their any seasoned ladies with really good systems in place that work for keeping a large home with a lot of kids clean and functioning without a cleaning service or help??

Things I struggle with:

-keeping up with laundry. Never ending socks, towels, baby and little kids clothes etc

-keeping up with dishes. My sink is empty of dishes at least once per day but then somehow they pile right back up. I try to wash as we use but unfortunately with 2 little ones at home all day they often have a "crisis" that requires me to stop what I'm doing to tend to them and then by the time I'm done with that I am on to another task

-deep cleaning. This is my biggest thing. Laundry and dishes are things that have to be constantly done so while they're annoying they don't stress me out as bad as not having an actual CLEAN house. I do not feel clean unless the floors are swept, mopped and vaccumed. The kitchen is clean, the bathrooms are clean, there isn't stuff out everywhere etc. I just can't for the life of me figure out a good deep cleaning schedule.

-keeping things tidy. Between the little kids and the adhd I feel like there is just stuff left out everywhere all of the time. Everyone in my house including my husband, are bad at picking up after themselves. When I was single it was easier because it was just me that had to pick up after but now constantly picking up crap that someone else has left out drives me insane.

I also wanted to add that allowing my kids to cry while I finish tasks isn't really an option for me. I can handle a little bit of whining but I'm not a cry it out mom and never will be. Partially because I firmly believe in responding to all of their needs when they're very young but also because with the adhd I just very very overwhelmed by a lot of noise and crying really really triggers me. I got some "loops" recently to try and help with this.

Do any of you have any advice on how to manage all of this better?

side note I know this isn't healthy but I literally feel like I can't take a single second for myself unless my house is clean. I don't go to the gym anymore or get my nails done or go just grab coffee with a friend literally nothing because the guilt eats at me that my house isn't clean enough and I can't enjoy myself.

I returned to work end of July due to economic necessity. I’ve continued lurking but for my mental sanity I’ll need to leave. It really really breaks my heart not being able to continue being a homemaker but these are my cards

My husband gives me $1000 every month to spend on myself, the kids and the house. It is basically anything we need to spend on other than bills. Every single month I am going over 1000 and having to dip into my own separate just in case savings to cover the cost bc he gets mad. According to him, we can only afford 1k for this every month even though he spends his stuff separately so I know it's not true. I talked to my mom and she said that was too little for any spending on me, the kids and the house. Before, it also included take out in case I didn't want to cook and now that's out of the grocery budget. I've got 2 little girls. I very rarely buy anything for myself and my 3 yr old isn't in any activities yet but I know that will also come out of this 1k pool. Idk I used to spend a lot when I worked. I depleted a lot of money paying off my student loans after I became a sahm so it's really depressing seeing that number go down and down. Would appreciate any other perspectives.

Hi!! WHAT is everyone feeding their kids for breakfast? I feel like every morning I’m making them oatmeal or eggs. I make the eggs ahead of time but they go so quickly and the oatmeal I make every morning. No, it doesn’t require too much effort but I’d love ideas for ready-made breakfast ideas for my 2 and 4 year olds!! I give them Cheerios with milk but just a variety of ideas would be great. Also, bonus points for cereals with no added sugar that actually tastes good 😂

curious about what other moms are doing all day? my baby is only 2 1/2 months so we dont have a schedule yet, all of our days are basically just go with the flow, which can be nice but also makes the days feel like they boend together. i like to bake and also game a little so i will try to do that if baby is taking a longer nap, i also try to take baby outside in the evenings to get some fesh air but thats about it lol, i worked a full time job up until a week before i gave birth so its kind of weird having nowhere to be and nothing i have to do 🤣

I got an attitude with my husband because he asked me where he could find our son’s pajamas. He asked from our room where there were literally pajamas folded on the bed because I hadn’t gotten to putting the clothes away from earlier. And there is also some in our son’s dresser…he asked me while I was cleaning up after making the kids dinner, taking the trash out, and making myself dinner.

I have a very active/high energy 1 year old. The only time I really get a break (and some exercise) is when we go for walks in the stroller. Now that it’s getting cold I’m panicking about what we are going to do all winter! I think if he’s warm we can still get out and walk but he won’t wear hats or anything that covers his face or hands. He rips the hat right off even if it ties under his chin. Any tricks for us? Even now in the 50 degree weather he seems uncomfortable with the cold but insists on having his hands out to grip the stroller bar or point to things 😂. What has worked for your young toddlers?

I have a 6 week old who doesnt fall asleep while breastfeeding anymore. I need to walk him, sway him while walking, bounce him in ball and walk some more to get him to sleep, it takes me almost 30-40 mins, day or night! If i contact nap, it feels worth it but if i put him in crib, he is up in 10-15 mins which feels like breaking back for nothing!
I have a recliner but is doenst rock. All the mothers out there, when do babies start falling asleep on their own? Or do we have to put in efforts like this even when they are toddler? If so, do you think i should buy a rocking chair to help him sleep? He is around 10lbs now, but stil holding him on ball or a walk is causing me upper and lower back pain