Hey everyone!
I'm a fresh CS graduate who has spent much of my time at university trying to build experience in project management. I've managed student projects, worked as a PM intern, coordinated development teams, and now I'm working as a PM at a startup.
I've always been drawn to the people and coordination side of software projects. I enjoy bringing structure to things, helping people work together, and making sure everyone is moving toward the same goal. This is something I've genuinely wanted to pursue, and I've actively sought out opportunities to get better at it.
But despite the experience I've gained, I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.
Every time I start a new project, join a new team, or face an unfamiliar situation, it feels like I have to relearn everything from scratch. I know I've done these things before, but when it's time to actually make a decision or lead a discussion, I suddenly feel lost again.
I'm struggling with this especially now because I'm the first PM at a startup. We're currently in the design phase of a project, and while I understand the general process, I often feel like I don't have a concrete direction. I'm figuring out how to gather requirements from stakeholders, structure discussions, guide the team through decisions, and turn everything into something actionable. Sometimes, I don't even know whether I'm asking the right questions or focusing on the right things.
I overthink almost every little detail. Before a meeting, I wonder how I should approach it. During discussions, I question whether I'm communicating clearly enough. After making a decision, I replay it in my head and wonder whether there was a better way to handle it. Even something as simple as following up with a team member can become a whole thought process.
And the hardest part is that I don't have a more experienced PM beside me to learn from or ask for guidance. I often have to figure things out on my own, and without someone to help me understand whether I'm on the right track, it's easy to get stuck in my own head.
For some context, I've struggled with depression for a long time and live with PDD. It affects my motivation, memory, and confidence, and I think that plays a part in why I struggle to trust what I know. I can learn something, apply it, and still doubt myself the next time I encounter a similar situation. Sometimes, I have a hard time recognizing how much I've actually learned because it doesn't feel like that knowledge stays with me.
I worry about whether I'm a good leader and whether my team trusts my judgment. I don't want to just assign tasks and track deadlines. I want to make sound decisions, give the team direction, anticipate problems, and help them navigate uncertainty. I want to become a PM people can rely on, but sometimes, I feel like I'm the one who needs guidance.
I'm also aware that I'm young and still early in my career. I understand that experience matters, and that there's a reason people often associate age with competence. But I don't want to spend the next several years constantly feeling like I have to prove that I deserve to be in the room. I want to build real competence, sound judgment, and confidence through experience, not just learn how to appear confident when I don't feel it.
So I'd really appreciate hearing from PMs who have been through something similar, especially those who started young, had to figure things out without a mentor, or struggled with self-doubt early in their careers.
How did you learn to trust your judgment? How did you develop a sense of direction when managing a project, especially when the path wasn't obvious? What habits, systems, or ways of thinking helped you become a more effective PM? And if any experienced PMs here are open to sharing advice or occasionally mentoring someone who's still finding their footing, I'd be incredibly grateful. I know I have a lot to learn, and I'm willing to put in the work. I just don't always know where to direct that effort or how to tell whether I'm growing in the right direction.
I know becoming a good PM takes time. I just want to keep getting better without letting the fear of getting things wrong stop me from growing. Thanks for reading. I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, experiences, or perspectives you can share.