Tw: Child SA, Physical abuse.

This is my first time ever admitting this to anybody but I feel like it's important for me to address this issue, because I feel like it contributes to my porn addicting behaviors.

I remember when I was a kid, I somehow knew a lot about sexual things and touching myself. I wonder if I was ever actually sexually assaulted.. which explains a lot of stuff, but I also heard that sometimes kids are fascinated by their genitals and they just accidentally find what feels good for them by exploring themselves.

I have no idea what's my case.

but I was beaten up by my dad and yelled at my mom every time I was caught touching myself or having signs that I had some kind of sexual urges, ever since I could remember. As young as 4 years old. I believe that really fucked me up, thinking that I am a dirty being. I feel so irate, thinking back to how they punished me harshly for it. That sex and urges are fucked up, sinful things I'm not allowed to engage in. I was hypersexual as a child and I don't know why...

But i was so addicted to masturbating since as a child and I would find opportunity to do it when I was able to without getting found out. It makes me sick to my stomach remembering this..

I'm a grown adult and I feel like I almost never ever had control of my own body, and its even worse that I grew up christian and I always felt guilty and hating myself for having "lustful desires".

I still guilt now because I struggle with porn and masturbation addiction on and off, not to mention I still identify being a Christian. I just go on like a binge for days sometimes. But I feel angry, upset remembering my childhood and I want to somehow "claim" my body as my own... seeking that feeling that it's MINE and nobody else's..

because I might be also chasing something very uncomfortable away. trying to replace those trauma to new memories, painting those awful memories with hours and hours of porn and masturbation...

Becauase I know.. by knowledge, it's natural to have sexual desires. But I want to feel NORMAL so badly and have a healthy relationship with sex and my own body..

how else would I achieve that without porn. This is why I find myself hard to go pornfree.. I tried and have succeeded before for almost a whole year in the past.. but i get triggered and I just jump to porn to feel safe,

Kinda funny but my husband recommended a blocker that helped him and I like it so far (brain buddy) however today it blocked me from buying capri pants on Amazon 🤣 I don’t want to turn it off so maybe this will also help me save money?!

Hello, it’s been a while since I’ve posted in here. I’ve been trying, with varying degrees of commitment, to quit for the past two years. In fact, it’s coning up on the 2 year anniversary of when I first started trying to actively quit.

Currently, it’s been 6 days since I last looked at porn and today, I deleted my email account which I use to get into twitter. I would normally have deleted the twitter account but today, I thought of a new idea. If I delete the email account, I would have to figure out how to get back into my email, then try to figure out how to get back onto twitter, take off the blockers on my phone and I think it’s possible that trying to figure out how to do all this will take enough time that I can come to my senses before relapsing. I know this isn’t foolproof so I would really appreciate some advice that might make it harder for me to bypass all of this. Thank you.

It’s every night at this point. I say “oh I’m not gonna watch anything” but then it’s like boom now I’m 10 toes deep into an hr long sesh using that stupid vibrator

Yes I like masturbating

No I don’t like watching pornography and I hate how addicting it is

it only makes me jealous watching. not because of beauty standards or whatever the hell, I just wished it was my boyfriend fucking me like that right now instead of me just watching someone else yk?

But it still makes me feel terrible I can’t properly finish and feel good about it unless he’s here (boyfriend) and I’m tired of watching things this had been an ongoing addiction for more than a decade and I’ve had enough

I’ve been thinking about just deleting any apps that could somehow someway have sexual content but that won’t solve the root of the issue. I just don’t know what to do with myself and I need help.

also sorry for the grammar it’s 1 am basically and I’m too lazy to give af 🥹

Admittance is the first step right?

I’m 31 F and I’ve been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was about 13. It’s 1:30am and I have to work in the morning, but I’m in bed typing this out because it simply has to come out of my head. I spent $140 on sex toys this week and looked every hour on the hour at the UPS tracker for that package to come. It finally did, I had two sessions today, cleaned up, and packed it all away. But in doing that, I pissed off my cat by locking him out of my room and I ditched my brother when he asked me to hangout because I wanted to play with my toys. This has to stop.

I’ve been on the internet since middle school. My parents set me up with a desktop in my room and unrestricted internet access. Boy was that a mistake. I was super big into pop culture and fandoms and started reading fanfic. I joined communities and befriended a bunch of people that were way older than me and didn’t seem to care that I was a kid. One of them taught me how to masturbate. And then I found spicy fanfic. Began to masturbate to that.

So on it goes, a decade and a half later, and I’m still reading spicy fanfic, absolutely filthy smut stories, and even using AI to create erotica I want to read. I hate AI, I despise it. Every time I see a business use one of those stupid AI advertisements, I boycott them. And here I am being a hypocrite using it to get off.

The porn got more and more gross too. Like kinks I used to say ew to and then ended up navigating towards cuz I guess what I was reading before wasn’t raunchy enough for me? I dunno.

I’ve been single for 10 years, haven’t gone on a date in 8, mostly because of past sexual trauma and abuse, but I also have this thought in my head like “what if he doesn’t please me as much as this story or this toy would?”

I just want to go a week. I’m not gonna throw out my toys, at least yet, cuz every time I do, I end up breaking my abstinence and shelling out $50 for something. But I just want to go one week without reading porn or watching it or masturbating. And then go from there…

Hello everyone!

I am currently doing my PhD at the University of Duisburg-Essen, which is about pornography use and gaming in the so far underrepresented population of females. The goal is to gather more knowledge about processes and mechanisms relevant in the potentially addictive behaviors and in turn improve treatment options for people suffering form their usage. To achieve this, we are conducting an in-person lab study in Germany. Participation is possible across various cities all over Germany.

If you want to participate you need to:

• Use pornography or videogames at least occasionally
• Be at least 18 years old
• Identify as female
• Be german-speaking, as every part of the study is in german
• Live in Germany or very close to it

The takes 4-5 hours and includes several questionnaires and computer-based tasks. Participation is reimbursed at 12€ per hour. Possible costs for travelling can also be compensated for.

If you are interested in partaking, please leave your info in the following short survey, we will then contact you via mail or phone!

https://limesurvey-allgpsy-ude.de/index.php/461589?lang=de

If you want more info about the study procedure, the research or anything else, feel free to message me here on reddit or write a mail to [RP11@uni-due.de](mailto:RP11@uni-due.de)

Thanks a lot!

Lies pornography tells us:

- Women are less than human.

-Sex is something that men do to women, not something in which women are equal participants.

-Women are property.

-Sex is when a man conquers a woman.

-Hierarchy, violence, domination and force are normal in sex.

-Women are sexual objects always ready and willing to have sex when a man wants.

-A woman's value depends on the conventional attractiveness of her body. A woman that does not look like a pornstar is sexually undesirable.

-Rape myths such as women like rape. No means yes or will mean yes eventually. That women are aroused by violence against them.

-Porn teaches you to be aroused by violence and force. Normalises violence and force during sex.

-Porn sex is the kind of sex women actually like. Or that most women get off on penile penetration only. That you don't need to put in any work for the pleasure of your female partner.

-Harmful racial stereotypes are true.

-Men can't control themselves.

-Irresponsible sexual behaviour is desirable.

-That women's bodies exist to be viewed and used by men for their own gratification.

(Major trigger warning for link. topics of incest, sex abuse, CSAM)
https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/s/X7IJtxrPnn

I believe general society has been actively groomed over the course of decades to accept sexually deviant and dangerous behavior. Go onto almost any pornographic source and it takes no time at all to see themes like incest, extreme misogyny, and borderline if not straight up pedophilia. The porn industry normalizes and encourages sexually damaging and dangerous behaviors.

I have to ask myself, who produces this content and to what end? Who is hosting the sights that support said content? Who are they connected to? Why is it that extreme deviant content is often among the first things shoved down my throat on any porn site whether i want to see it or not?

How many children are victims of incest like myself and how much does exposure to modern internet pornography perpetuate that cycle of violence?

The world of internet pornography is a mind fuck in every fashion. I feel a need to disconnect and disassociate myself from it in order to save myself.

I feel I must discover what sexuality and intimacy is to me without the loud influence of pornography so that i can begin to heal and truly understand myself

Porn is not real. In fact it a dopamine issue that get you hooked just like an addiction that give you a sense of feeling victory. When in reality, you get the worst side effect in the world like you get tired, can't asleep, ain't able to have sex with your partner.. knowing you genuinely love or like them. Ask yourself.. yes I am addicted to porn but am I able to beat it
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING YES
THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR cus that if all about and ladies put yourself out there in right manner
Because porn for some like us give us connection or others etc ( which I don't really know )
But all I can say this
It is hard and I see every effort you put into it and trust me I know how it feel. It just horrible feeling that you feel sick and wanted to get out of your body
But I promise you ladies
Keep going and don't watch porn
You will feel better

It’s a common phrase i’ve seen many a time. I understand the sentiment but i take issue with the statement itself and i just felt this to be worth sharing

I believe porn is real but none of it is happening to you or for you. Though sensationalized it is a real event that happened in history with real people. I think it’s important to remember that the people in front of the cameras are complex human beings just as anyone else and that they often dont truly want to be there. Often they’re pressured by shady producers, forced into it through limited job opportunities and lack of income availability, or god forbid trafficked into it and there’s no real way to tell just how safe and consenting the environment may truly be for the “performers”. There is the very real possibility you might be witnessing a horrific sex crime and have no clue about it because the performers need to pretend to enjoy it just to survive. It’s scary and though i still struggle with my habits it’s definitely put me off and been a major motivator for me to want to abstain from pornography.

The porn industry trains our minds to reduce human beings into masturbatory pieces of meat for consumption. It promotes a lifestyle of constant all consuming mindless lust to the point of self destruction and the destruction of those involved with us. Though maybe it doesnt get to such a dramatic point for everyone porn has undeniably had a massive impact on modern society’s approach and understanding towards sex, intimacy, and identity to where everything seems shallower and more confusing for people leading to unsafe sexual environments

Pornography teaches us no more than how to dehumanize, objectify, categorize and consume the human body

Human beings naturally crave intimacy. Sex and intimacy are different things though sex is potentially one of the most intimate parts of the human experience. Pornography robs all intimacy from sex leaving only empty lust that craves for more. I believe that learning to understand what true intimacy looks like is one of the most crucial steps to overcoming any sexual compulsion

Hey everyone! So I'm currently two months free! It doesn't seem that much, but behind the scenes I'm happy to say the days I take without watching gets longer and longer as the years go by (longest streak is around a hundred days).

One of the reasons actually as to why I sometimes still relapse is because of the random urges during some parts of my cycle. In a theoretical bad month I could at the average relapse twice - one during ovulation and one a few days before period starts. I wonder how do you girls personally deal with those urges (and the triggers that are so mundane but still triggers you)?

And honestly, I'm also curious as to whether your tastes/preferences return to normal during this phase of the recovery period? Because when I get the urges, my brain still reminds me of the types of videos/images/audio I saw. I wonder if that's normal?

Thank you so much! <3

There are so many things I don’t know how to navigate. I’d love to have other opinions on it

I have sex with multiple people irl and one of them is a porn addict who can’t cum in me due to death grip and/or porn addition.

This made me realise I might have the female equivalent of it:

I watch almost only lesbian hardcore BDSM porn which looks vastly different than my real life sexual experiences AND I can only come by crossing my legs real strong. Any other masturbation technique does not work.

Sounds like porn addiction + death grip to me

So 3 months ago I stopped watching porn and as a side effect I lost the habit of masturbating, since before I was only doing it while watching.

At the same time I flatlined, almost as if only porn was driving my libido and stopping it ended the spark. Now, 3 montgs later, my libido is coming back but I’m reconsidering so many of my previous sexual habits. What should I do?

Conundrum 1
Should I stop crossing my legs so I might be able to train myself to come with other types of stimulation? Do I even want that? Should I want that?

Conundrum 2
If I do, masturbate, using only my imagination, should I continue imagining very hardcore BDSM stuff? Should I keep visualising CNC? Is it even healthy? Is there even a point stopping porn if I keep imagining the same hardcore content?

Conundrums 3
Should I keep practicing BDSM irl? Is it something toxic that stems from my porn addiction that got more and more hardcore due to desensitisation? Should I try to recover more vanilla vibes?

I’m so so so lost here. I’m horny af and idk what to do with it rn. I’m so torn

Woah almost 10 days already! I've been on holiday which really helped. I'm kinda proud of myself already, I feel like this time I will make it for real.

Hello, everyone. I made a throwaway account to be able to write here because I am very ashamed to this day of how I conduct myself. English isn't my native language so please have consideration if I make any grammar mistakes. Thank you.

I have kind of been addicted to watching pornographic/erotic content since I was 10 years old. I found some websites about spanking and erotica (it was never truly proper porn like you find on porn***. Those always seemed very aggressive to me so I never got into them) but I would masturbate every night for years and try to steal time to do so whenever I could even during the day after school and before my parents came home.

I am 27 now and I feel like this has only gotten worse for me. I live by myself am single and haven't been very lucky with partners that have lasted long in my life. I got addicted to reading erotica, to reading smut and masturbating to it. The worst thing I think that truly made it much harder for me to break away from masturbating (and if im not actively in public or im not doing something I will have a hand down my pants it happens so often maybe even out of boredom but I just cant seem to stop once I start) anyway I think what really made it difficult for me to get away from this practise is Claude. Specifically I got around to making it write me so much spanking smut and then it escalated into harder and more erotic things. It was like tailor made porn for myself. Much better than ao3 in the sense that I didnt have to search anything out I could just read what I wanted immediately. It got to the point that I had 86 chats open on one claude account just of these kinds of content.

Now, none of this impacts my life in a way addiction I am told should impact it. I do my job incredibly well. I hang out with my friends. I dont feel any urges. But if I happen to be alone. Or god forbid trying to get something done thats boring, I immediately start mastrubating to this type of erotica. I have made effort to delete claude. I blocked some websites on my phone. But this still leaves me with a really worrying thing that even though I may not have those triggers now I still just absentmindedly as im lying on the couch happen to have a wandering hand. I wonder how I can maybe minimise the amount I mastrubate to? Because this doesnt feel normal.

Thank you so much for your kindness and advice.

i was on bluesky looking for nsfw poses, because sometimes i want to draw porn. i never do it well or finish it, i always delete it out of shame. but i checked one of the websites and artist was recommending and there was what looked like child sex abuse material.

i was shocked and i closed the tab. i'm sick to my stomach. i don't know if the picture was edited, (the face looked young but not the body), but i feel disgusting and horrible. i'm freaking out. i know things like that need to be reported, but i cant bring myself to do so, i just can't stand looking at it.

i feel disgusting and im freaking out, please help

My main reason is because of my feminist values. I think all porn is inherently exploitative. I also quit for my own mental health and trauma that came from porn exposure as a kid.

I am now on day three, today is the first day where I could feel the urge to look at porn being really strong, but so far I was able to resist! I am going on holiday with my partner on Sunday which I really look forward to. So far I've been able to mostly keep a positive mindset and tell myself that I can really do this. However I know that this will not always be the case, but that's for another day. Thanks so much for the encouragement on the first post, I will keep y'all updated!

Hi, I'm Crystal Renaud Day, founder of SheRecovery. I’ve spent nearly two decades working specifically with women struggling with pornography and unwanted sexual behaviors, and my new book, What Drives Women to Porn?, releases September 15.

A big reason I wrote it was because I believe we need to talk about more than just how to stop. We also need space to ask why we reach for it in the first place.

The book explores emotional, relational, identity, trauma, and spiritual Drivers and includes research from more than 1,300 women.

I wanted to share it here because this is one of the few spaces specifically acknowledging that women struggle too—and that our stories deserve to be understood.

Learn more at wdwtp.com

ugh I’m at 34 days and I just keep thinking about how good it would be in that moment, I have been still getting off without porn but it’s obviously harder and frustrating and just knowing that I could get that heart pumping tunnel vision fix from the visual stimulus is soooo tempting.

I’ve also been thinking about looking real quick and then closing it and using that to prompt my imagination, but I know that’s literally the same.

I want to make it to 90 days (and more) and I will, but let me know if you have any advice for these kind of moments girls 😩

Hi all,

Been struggling with pornography since I was a pre-teen but it’s been a big issues over the last year. I’ve told my boyfriend of two years about it and it’s really affected our relationship and intimacy for the worse.

I want to let him know more about it so I can recover and not be addicted but it clearly hurts him so much and I’m worried if I confide in him too much it could break us apart. I know this isn’t a relationship subreddit but am just hoping there’s any girls with a similar experience to me who have made it out.

Any advice would be a huge help! :)

I've been trying for a month or so to quit, and this time I want to push through. I will give regular updates :)

Hello girls.... I'm so sad and filled with remorse right now.

I relapsed by seeing a sexual drawing. I'm so so absolutely sad, God. What's worse is that me and my boyfriend had the agreement that we weren't supposed to watch pornography. I had to justify myself to do that. I'm so sad.

I already told him because I can't keep that sort of thing away from him. My chest feels so heavy. I feel like I betrayed myself for less than five minutes of stimulation.

I thought that I was at a point where I didn't even need porn blockers or anything like that, but then abstinence hit so hard today for some reason, maybe because I'm sort of a wreck since yesterday was my dear aunt's funeral. :(

I don't know, you guys can tell me tips, things that helped, but honestly im just venting and I'm just sad. I wasn't counting but I was more than a month without pornography, mainly due to the agreement me and my bf had that porn was disrespectful to the other partner.

We checked with u/Love4SaveFerris before posting. She told us we could share this here and that she would approve it.

Women dealing with compulsive porn use are often treated as an afterthought. Many of the apps and conversations in this space are built around men, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone.

For transparency, Moment is currently built primarily for men. It’s a private app designed to help men interrupt the loop, get support when an urge hits, and make progress that isn’t erased by one slip.

We’d like to give women in this community completely free access so you can use it and tell us what feels useful, what doesn’t fit your experience, and what we may be overlooking. We’re not asking anyone to promote the app, write a testimonial, or share personal details.

If you’re interested, you can message this account directly. We won’t contact anyone from this community first.