In 2014, I received my first gilded award.

In 2015, I spent thousands of hours modding for free (yeah, my direct messages were filled with first-rate Reddit connections. Not bragging, just sayin')

By 2019, I had spent countless years keeping the streets of reddit clean from all Ne'er-do-wells. But I wasn't done. Not even close. This was my training for combat. I was a soldier... ready for bigger things.

But in 2020, when the pandemic ravaged our great nation, something shifted. I ran out of reddit premium. No bueno. People weren't upvoting my posts? My memes barley hit "rising?" This will NOT do. Not to me. So I made a change. A change that changed me forever.

I closed the app. I went outside. I got fit (lost 200+ pounds), I got a girlfriend, I even got a stable job. Our first son, Gabriel, was born in the summer of 2021.

So why am I here now, you might be asking? Well, its simple. One day, I got a notification on my phone. Somebody... saw my old post? A new updoot? for ME?

I checked the username... and all the memories flooded back. Lemonade. Lemonade1947. My first ever friend, back from those good ol' days of masquerading upon the forums.

Suddenly, my DNA shifted. My pants tightened. My buttons popped. My Neck beard regenerated. My fedora flew onto my head like it was mother friggin' Dr Strange's cape.

I remembered who I was. Not a husband, Not a father, Not an employed wage-bum.

I... was a Redditor.