r/mildlyinfuriating • u/bagel_blight041 • 13h ago
I'm slightly vexed Started a bank dispute because my spouse…
Mortgage comes out today, so I Zelle my half to my spouse like I always do. Same saved contact I’ve sent money to hundreds of times.
They’re at the gym and text that they haven’t received it. I check my bank account and confirm it’s been sent. They reply, “Still nothing.” Great! I start to panic.
So I call my bank and start the dispute process. I’m answering a ton of questions, and they mention potentially needing a police report because the money was already delivered and accepted. At this point, I’m thinking somehow my half of the mortgage went to a stranger, despite selecting the same damn contact as always.
Then my spouse texts: “Oh, it went to my XXXX account.”
Apparently, they have another account linked to an email address I didn’t even know they used for Zelle.
Glad I got to open a potential financial crime investigation before they checked their other account.
JFC.
77
u/clarkcox3 13h ago
Even if you want to keep separate bank accounts, why not have a joint account for things like mortgages? The idea of using Zelle for this makes me nervous.
38
u/mrzurkonandfriends 10h ago
Seems like it would be easier to just have a shared account for bills in addition to your checking accounts.
124
u/Owtplayed 11h ago
I feel like you kind of overreacted to the situation. Granted, it’s typically better to be safe than sorry. But you should have waited for a bit before opening a potential fraud case.
-67
u/bagel_blight041 11h ago
Was an hour after I sent it that they still “didn’t have it”.
Given that Zelle is instant, yes I did panic.
→ More replies (3)48
u/vwisp 10h ago
Ive had it takes an hour to come through before
15
u/ShawsyRPh 9h ago
Especially for large sums
6
u/jrossetti 6h ago
I was doing 5 to 10k zelles to my wife and those were instant basically.
3
u/americanalien_94 4h ago
How are you doing that?! Mine says that I have a limit, and I had to break my rent into two separate payments on different days
2
u/bagel_blight041 3h ago
I can send up to 15k I believe. I think it’s bank/account type that determines that.
50
138
u/Whole_Day9866 13h ago
Why are you zelling your spouse money for mortgage. I feel like there's better systems to have for this.
Also, this sounds like you want to complain about your spouse. Its not a big deal move on.
→ More replies (5)
121
u/Potential_Lab_6655 10h ago
Spouses keeping their financials 100% separate is so weird to me. I get not sharing EVERYTHING I guess. But having to Zelle your spouse for mortgage or rent is so odd. It’s not “your half” of the mortgage. It’s your guys’s mortgage
23
u/Mr_Mojo_Risin_83 10h ago
Yeah , this is weird. We just dump all our money into one account. Honestly, I don’t even know how much is in there, she looks after that.
When my uncle died, my aunt had no idea where they were financially. She didn’t know if they owned or were renting the house they lived in. So weird.
… like, I guess I don’t know how much we have saved, but I could look it up if I was concerned.
1
6
u/VoidingSounds 6h ago
Yeah, that’s weird. My wife and I have individual accounts and joint ones for shared expenses like car payments.
Using Zelle to manually move the money sounds like asking for trouble, I would absolutely have the mortgage come out of a joint account that gets direct deposits or scheduled ACH transfers (and has 1 month+ in reserve)
5
u/Need4Speeeeeed 3h ago
We're each professionals who make good money. So long as the bills are paid and retirement is funded, I don't need to know what she spent on clothing, and she doesn't need to know what I spent on speakers.
7
u/bikejackass 8h ago
Some of us are married to a spouse who doesn’t understand basic math, or are happy to spend all the money available in the account on their horse because it’s our money…..
2
u/Breyber12 2h ago
See I would refrain from marrying someone with habits like that. Need to be able to trust my spouse
13
u/Gamblors_Neon_Claw 9h ago
Some of us are financially traumatized from a previous relationship and insist on separate bank accounts. I know logically that it doesn’t make sense, but for my sanity I will never share a bank account with anyone ever again. (My husband is wonderful and very responsible. He understands and loves my crazy ass regardless.)
→ More replies (19)2
u/TransportationDue856 4h ago
Same. It took more than a decade to repair my credit and become financially stable. I’m in a 7 1/2 year relationship, we aren’t married and do not plan to get married.
We split vacations, date night, concerts. It works for us.
I do not care to have any financial entanglements with anyone after what my ex did to me financially.3
u/pengnyas_1996 5h ago
Separate accounts aren't the weird part; not knowing which account got the mortgage money is.
2
u/Certain_Mycologist26 2h ago
I think it’s great they do that because if they split up and sold the home then it’s usually split 50/50
5
6
u/Webword987 10h ago
All their money is joint after marriage anyway. Good luck telling a judge or arbiter it’s your money because her names not on it.
3
u/SpazSpazBoBaz 10h ago
Not all money is marital property. Things such as inheritance are not marital property UNLESS you deposit said money into a joint account.
3
u/slinky999 9h ago
This is only true in a community properly state, of which there are only 9 in the US.
→ More replies (1)6
7
u/bitNine 8h ago
My wife and I are 100% separate. We don’t have a single account together. I Zelle her my half of mortgage because she has Wells Fargo and that’s where our mortgage is. We’ve been together like 18 years. Her ex was a financial moron and cost her a lot in the divorce. I also like to spend my money how I want to spend my money. When I want to buy something expensive, I don’t ask permission. I just do it. Even if it’s a car.
But here’s the secret: we are both financially responsible, make about the same amount of money, and have perfect credit. We also split everything evenly. Even when her son lived with us we just split it all.
20
u/ShowdownValue 8h ago
“I spend my money how I want, I buy cars without even telling my wife”
Yikes.
5
u/jrossetti 6h ago
Are you seriously going to judge their family for a system that's been successful for them for 18 years? All because it's not something that you would do personally?
8
→ More replies (3)3
u/Bluegi 7h ago
There is this thing called trust. There is a difference between not telling and hiding. If you trust each others ability to make decisions it works. I didn't consult my husband on the financials of my car. He helped me pick what kind, but I wasn't asking him for permission or anything.
8
u/ShowdownValue 5h ago
I would never buy a car without discussing it with my wife. In fact I wouldn’t buy even a laptop without talking to her first. Has nothing to do with controlling or permission.
Family finances. It’s ours. Not mine and hers.
3
u/Gold_Challenge6437 3h ago
I agree! Been married 30 years and my husband and I have always had a joint account and it's our money. We do discuss large purchases with each other first, but otherwise we are free to buy what we want.
1
u/Bluegi 4h ago
I guess we talk enough about the big picture and are both pretty thrifty that individual purchases aren't that big of a deal since we are on the same page. I get it because in my dad's relationship one person is a spendthrift and makes decisions despite the conversations of the larger picture.
2
u/mromutt 2h ago
Right? It has nothing to do with permission, its being on the same page and being aware of supposedly the most important person if your life, life. Its also not even telling or asking them that you are doing X, it just comes up in basic conversations like "I need a new laptop, I think I am going to be getting X". Its weird to me when people make it seem like you have to have a meeting instead of you are just talking haha.
2
u/Pimply_Poo 10h ago
I think it depends on the spouses. No way in hell would my first husband have been responsible with the bank account.
-1
u/aigildalyn 4h ago
My husband and i have separate accounts and we don’t have a joint account. We don’t have mortgage or rent because we paid cash for our 4 bedroom house here in New York City. I paid half in cash and he paid 1/4 in cash and the other 1/4 his uncle “lent” him the money. Most of the loan now has been forgiven. He had $130,000 more to pay his uncle and his uncle emailed him a happy birthday $100,000 is yours receipt so now he only owns $30,000. Anyway, we have our bills to pay like i pay water and electricity and he pretty much pays the rest. Tax and stuff we take turns paying. It works out for us and to me, spouses who don’t have separate accounts are so weird to me. So whatever works for the couple. Husband and i have been married for almost 10 years and never been an issue.
1
u/Motor_Sentence1713 5h ago
and what do you think is the best way to divide rent payments between you and your spouse?
7
u/SamuraiZucchini 2h ago
You divide nothing. There is no “my money” and “their money”. It doesn’t matter who makes more money or who works full time or who works part time or even if who works a traditional job and who stays at home. When you’re married it is our money. Our bills. Our responsibility. If you can’t trust each other fully with money and keep score then don’t get married because it’s going to cause issues.
1
2
u/mjr96d 4h ago
Why even divide it is the point. Just have all income go to a joint account and pay the bills.
1
u/blackcherrytomato 2h ago
Attribution rules. It can be a bit cleaner to not have it all joint paycheque. Our mortgage payment comes out of joint chequing though.
0
u/MuchDevelopment7084 2h ago
A separate joint account for the big, shared bills. Keep your other money's individual.
1
u/promethazinep 5h ago
Thats exactly how my wife and I do it. We have separate accounts. It works for both of us.
0
-2
u/dinodoodad 8h ago
It feels normal to me to have split finances, we are still individual people. We don't share a job, we don't share our clothes, etc. We still treat money as a shared resource (what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours) but we don't need to mix our money together just like we don't need to throw all our clothes in the same drawer, we can each have our own drawer 😆 We don't own any joint property though, maybe we would make a joint account if we did, to add money into instead of transferring back and forth, but we would still have our own accounts, not just one joint one.
-5
0
u/zorphiel 2h ago
Agreed. We've been married 15 years and only ever had a shared account. I don't understand "she takes pays this, I pay that". I don't know why a separate account is needed for that.
21
u/Sad-Roll-Nat1-2024 13h ago
How about just getting a shared account?? No real reason to need multiple accounts. Yall are married, just have a shared bill account. Go in to your work website and dedicate however much is needed for bills and daily needs to the shared account.
This shouldn't even be an issue in 2026.
19
u/darthnilus 12h ago
My wife and I have been together since we had nothing; so we have had joint accounts since forever. I have never really understood people who were like I pay for this my wife pays for that…. Seems like a lot of hassle.
2
u/only_because_I_can 10h ago
Yeah, my husband and I had a joint checking account when we were still in high school and not yet married, which was almost 50 years ago. Both of us started working at age 15, so we always combined everything.
21
u/cmakmilli 4h ago
You married folks are weird with money
4
u/cobblernobbler 2h ago
Eh. Wife and I have been married for 10 years, still have separate bank accounts. We have our own set bills we have agreed to pay, and then have some that we just split down the middle and send each other money through Zelle.
We each know how much money we make, we ask each other for money if we need it, and so on.
It’s been working fine for many years so we just don’t bother with a joint account
2
10
u/zorphiel 2h ago
Not all of us feel the need to have separate bank accounts.
7
u/Forsaken-Carrot9038 2h ago
Yeah, as a married person, I can’t imagine not trusting my wife and our having to keep separate bank accounts.
9
u/Suspicious_Long_2839 2h ago
It's not a lack of trust, it's just easier to communicate and align on how much money is going to different places. My wife and I have access to each other's accounts, but we both have X amount auto routed to an account for mortgage and bills, then at can do whatever we want with our money without any surprises or conversations. Been married 21 years, and we figured out that separating finances early saved a ton of miscommunication and fights.
2
u/Starrion 2h ago
My wife and I have one joint account all our money goes into. We have one other account to maintain our HELOC.
We’ve never had a fight about money.2
u/mromutt 2h ago
I get keeping your old personal accounts that your pay goes in and what not, but its weird to me not to also open a joint account for this kind of thing. Your bank would be more than happy to setup a joint savings/bill paying account especially if your mortgage is with them and they would probably give you all the bonus stuff for free or at the very least waive any fees.
2
-2
12
u/angcrad 10h ago
I'm so glad I live in a civilized country that doesn't have to rely on third party apps and services for money transfers because we have SPEI, which processes transactions in a couple of seconds max
0
u/bagel_blight041 5h ago
Zelle is instant
1
u/angcrad 5h ago
Does it charge a commission? Our system is completely free and compatible across all banks with presence in the country
2
u/EmergingEmergence 4h ago
Zelle does not charge a commission. Pretty much every bank has access to zelle at this point.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Intelligent-Exit724 5h ago
This happens to me. I think it has to do with whether the payer sets you up as a payee with your email or your phone.
1
u/bagel_blight041 4h ago
Yeah, they don’t know how I got attached to that account but at least they got the money.
I have six checking accounts three savings and four business accounts, talk about confusion.
3
u/BornTune3627 3h ago
Im seeing a pattern with the people with separate accounts and ones with joint accounts. I think the people with separate accounts make way more money then the people with joint accounts. Just my opinion from a few comments on here and from people I know and have talked to about stuff like this.
2
1
u/bagel_blight041 3h ago
That’s exactly it. I make 5x more, when it comes to taxes with my multiple businesses it would be completely unfair to them to ever file together or comingle funds.
31
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
Always odd to me when spouses have separate bank accounts like this.
17
u/Ok_Spell_4165 13h ago
Makes sense for some.
My partner and I keep most of our finances separate. I pay most of our mutual bills and he pays me. It's just easier for us.
5
9
u/egnards 13h ago
Different situations work for different people and different relationships, and I think it is becoming more and more common, likely because it is becoming more and more common to live together before marriage.
My wife and I have separate bank accounts mostly because its a system that worked for us for multiple years before getting married, so the hassle of changing things over just didn't make sense - We still treat each other's money as "our" money. . It just works for us to not bother combining it, though we do have a joint savings account for emergency stuff.
We don't sweat small expenses and it doesn't matter who pulls out their card to pay for dinner, but it's very simply a system where I've figured out how much all of our "big" expenses are each month and she sends me her half of that amount at the end of each month [she has no interest in dealing with the finances of all the bills].
Again its not really a matter of "my money" or "her money." I don't think of it like that at all, neither of us just sees it as something worth changing.
5
u/Unfair-Bass-9351 10h ago
Same for my wife and I. We have our own accounts and each have us have different bills set up on autopay, if it’s a bad month and we need help we’ll wire each other some money to cover one of them. We’ve said it’s partly laziness as to why we don’t have a shared account, but it’s also like if it’s working, why change it?
4
u/Harrisbizzle 8h ago
Right? What happens if one of them loses their job and can’t cover “their half” for a few months? So weird.
2
u/dischdunk 6h ago
Just because you have separate accounts doesn't mean you view the finances as completely separate.
6
u/eatingganesha 10h ago
well it’s odd to me that anyone would compromise their individual financial integrity with a joint account. Women get trapped in abusive relationships all the damned time because they’ve done that.
1
1
u/uhitsjules 8h ago
a joint account that you only put the amount of money to pay for joint expenses like bills into does not in any way compromise anything. you do realize you can have a joint account and also maintain your own individual account? also, we are talking about marriage, not just any relationship. there are ALREADY legal processes in place once you’re married that deal with finances if you divorce.
1
15
u/IrrelevantManatee 13h ago
Why ? It's pretty normal. I have my account. My husband has his account. We have a joint account with which we pay the bill. We never argue about money and spend our own money however we like. It's just logical.
0
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
And if that works for you, great. Keep doing it. For my marriage, we don't have my money and her money. It all goes into one account. I don't really know many people who have separate accounts like that, so it's odd to me to hear people who do. Not saying it's wrong, just odd.
7
u/George_Is_Upset 13h ago
For my husband and I it worked out this way because we moved in together before we were ever married. He owned a home and I moved in with him when my lease ended.
My husband has always paid the majority of the big bills because he makes 3-4x my salary. He pays the mortgage, cars, home/auto insurance, and any renovations he wants to do.
I pay groceries/takeout, household supplies, each of our personal toiletries, medical/dental/vision insurance, all streaming services, and now paying the furnishing of our nursery and all baby related costs.
Because we already had separate accounts and my husband has always made far more than I have, we never had a need to create joint accounts.
Of course this is largely because we don’t split a bill 50/50 and instead we each have a list of expenses we manage 100%.
6
u/gingrbreadandrevenge 13h ago
It's actually fairly normal. My spouse and I have separate bank accounts, as well as a joint account that we use for bills/household.
We don't really look at our finances as « my money » versus « his money » and in my case, I also manage several family accounts, investments, trusts, and other assets that I'm responsible for keeping separate from our personal finances.
Having separate accounts doesn't necessarily mean a couple considers their money separate, it can simply be a matter of practicality.
Every couple has a system that works for them 🤷🏼♀️
6
u/Sad-Roll-Nat1-2024 13h ago
Right. Agreed. It's not mine and hers. It's ours. For us. Our kids. Our bills. Anything over $50 we talk about and make sure we can afford to get it, or make sure no bills are due, etc.
0
u/RaeaSunshine 12h ago
And that’s great, but for folks that have property and businesses that predate their relationship it isn’t that simple. No one should find either set up odd, they are both common approaches that differ based on circumstance.
1
u/jrossetti 6h ago
It's weird how everyone who thinks folks should use a system that works for them is somehow downvoted.
5
u/tic79 13h ago
I have separate accounts with my wife and most of the people I know have the same. For me it's odd the other way around
3
u/SkyYellow_SunBlue 12h ago
Not just odd but feels old-fashioned in a way. From the not too long ago times when women couldn’t have their own money.
2
u/IndigoTJo 10h ago
Is interesting you say that, as the majority I have seen do this because the man makes more money. Bet they will be shocked in a divorce when the husband has been saving but the wife hasn't, and that money still needs to be split with the wife. He will complain and complain how she is stealing "his" money. Anything earned during the marriage is joint money anyway. Having things separated just doesn't make sense to me and I don't understand it.
My husband and I have joint finances. He earns significantly more than me. I handle all the finances.
→ More replies (1)1
u/dischdunk 6h ago
The difference is it's a court splitting the assets in a divorce. When I left my spouse, they drained the joint account and left me with nothing long before we ever got to court. Sure, it may have been included in the final tally, but functionally at that moment, I had nothing. So now nobody has direct access to my money except me.
I hope you never learn the lesson the same way I did.
2
0
u/neverquitereallysure 13h ago
not really. if i wanna buy something for a hobby that i have why would i use what’s also part of her money? she shouldn’t have to pay for something she’ll never use
12
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
Our lives are merged, our money is merged. There's no my money or her money anymore. If she wants to buy something for her hobby, it comes out of the shared pool of money we have--I don't begrudge her or think she's taking stuff away from me. That's just weird to me, and I easily make 4x what she does. I can't imagine thinking, "Oh, man, why is she wasting my money on that?"
Different strokes for different folks. Just sharing my experience and how things work for us. I know they don't work that way for everyone.
4
u/Barbarossa49 12h ago
My financial situation is exactly this. And it has worked perfectly for 40 years and counting. All the money in our accounts is our money, not mine or hers.
2
u/neverquitereallysure 13h ago
def gonna have to agree to disagree! if it works for you then thats totally ok. i grew up in a single parent household so the idea of marriage being arbitrary is just kinda instilled into my head
→ More replies (1)1
u/stickyplants 12h ago
I would imagine the issues often come from couples that don’t have much money. As in any time they buy anything, they have to worry if they have enough for bills without screwing each other over.
Joint account for all the joint bills can make sense to help with that. Assuming it’s managed in a way that they have enough going in every month to take care of essentials, and then see how much extra they each have.
2
u/The_Squirrrell 6h ago
This is exactly it for my husband and I. We each keep the same dollar amount per paycheck in our individual accounts. The rest gets moved into shared accounts for bills and savings.
We both like having fun money in individual accounts. It makes it easier for me to budget fun purchases, as compared to if those were being paid from a shared account.
Now we're in a place where things aren't so stretched financially, but the system is still working and doesn't need to be messed with.
-2
u/igomhn3 13h ago
We do the same with milk. His, hers and shared. We never argue about our milk and use it however we like. It's just logical.
4
u/IrrelevantManatee 13h ago
I really hope you see the difference between sharing money and sharing milk
2
u/jrossetti 6h ago
No they thought they were clever that's why they posted it for all of us to read.
2
u/nopulsehere 12h ago
When I met my girlfriend now wife, she had her debt and I had mine. When we got married we were already use to paying bills with separate accounts. 20+ years and it’s still that way. At this point it’s almost a little bit of security. If we had all of our money in one account? And it got hacked or something? The bank takes its time getting that money back to you.
2
u/acnerd5 8h ago
Honestly I think it depends.
My husband and I TECHNICALLY have separate accounts, but I can pull money from his account at any time. I pull bill money or pay with his info, which is in my Google wallet, paypal, cashapp, etc - so I can do anything instantly. I do have a few small things I do still for a few bucks, but it's not enough to justify adding me to his account. His is bill money, I pay for fun and kids - and thats easier to do when the accounts are separate. I also separate my money in accounts - I have a savings account for "us" in my name, and a savings account for just me in my name, and one account for personal spend and another for joint spending with bills. Personal is also where kids get small surprises from me, his account is where they get surprises from him.
I previously ran a business and I found it easiest to have my own account plus the business account, and I was able to deposit any payments to an account that was clearly just mine, showing I was the sole person in the relationship involved in the business.
I know this isn't all situations, but sometimes separation makes it easier for people to manage and not overspend. For the short time frame we had a joint account, I found out my husband had no clue on bank account functions. He still struggles but that's ok, I am good with numbers so he can just tell me what he has and I manage the rest, leaving him to spend money not allocated for bills, which means if anything gets messed up it's not our payments. (Which also happened a few times before we started separate accounts, and was why we discussed a new plan. He liked how I had more than one account and we chatted about separating money sources with the understanding that it's still "ours" and how to not slow down access. Modern technology helps access stay quick between accounts
2
u/DirtyDan516 13h ago edited 12h ago
Me and my spouse have one main account for most things, the we each get some discretion money each month that goes into personal accounts.
When I talk to my buddies who have separate accounts, it usually comes down to an earning discrepancy. They all earn around 6 figures while significant others are lower earners.
Normally I thought with kids that would end that but from what I’ve seen it really hasn’t changed it.
7
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
Discrepancy causing them to not want to share their 6 figure income with their spouse? Or am I reading that wrong?
1
u/DirtyDan516 13h ago edited 12h ago
Generally the discrepancy being, more so being say over what the money is used for if that makes sense. Like if they want to buy a pickle ball paddle or something stupid like that, they feel as they deserve more say in that area. Still pay more towards bill and utilities across the board.
I do have one that recently joined after being separate for a while. Only reason they did however was more so out of not wanting to do finances in general.
4
u/thewinehouse 12h ago
When I talk to my buddies who have separate accounts, it usually comes down to an earning discrepancy
Y I K E S
1
u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife 6h ago
My husband and I keep everything separate. We started out with wildly different incomes (I made more, he made less because he was in school), then spent 7 years close to parity, then he made significantly more for a few years, and now he's on sabbatical for another few years and I'm the sole earner.
We've always kept separate accounts simply because I like having my own account and he likes having his. All the money is "ours" and we have each other's passwords, but there's just no reason that we can see why we should create another third joint account when maintaining the system we've always had works for us.
He pays the mortgage, and I just have an automatic transfer to his account for it each month. We use a credit card for other bills and then just each pay a portion of it from our accounts. It's so simple and not a big deal.
I guess when it comes down to it I trust him enough to not need to micromanage "his" money and vice versa, and fewer accounts is simpler for us. If we were ever to divorce it would all get split regardless, so it's not about control. It's just what works.
3
u/haikusbot 13h ago
Always odd to me
When spouses have separate
Bank accounts like this.
- rtkane
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
2
u/RaeaSunshine 12h ago edited 10h ago
It’s very common in my area because people settle down later. When both people entering into a relationship are already well established, with individually owned assets and businesses, it really does make the most sense a lot of the times.
The difference is that everyone I know, myself included, also has a joint account which shared expenses pull from to avoid this issue.
Honestly I only know a few folks my age that DONT have separate finances, and they all got married earlier on in life before these types of factors came into play.
2
u/bagel_blight041 13h ago
I have multiple businesses just easier to keep things separate.
→ More replies (3)6
u/MrBalll 13h ago
Why are you paying your personal mortgage out of a business account?
0
u/bagel_blight041 13h ago
I’m not. But I’m sending money from my personal account to their personal account. We don’t share any accounts.
1
1
u/PaintedMountains 12h ago
It always baffles me too. Our finances got so much easier once we got married and started the joint accounts.
→ More replies (6)1
u/RejectZero 11h ago
My spouse and I have separate accounts and just split the shared bills proportionately to our income. It works great. We don't have kids though. I feel like kids would add a lot more joint expenses and make separate accounts harder.
7
u/BigJim_TheTwins 13h ago
That goes beyond mildly infuriating, simultaneously panicked and pissed is a different catergory
2
u/mathewwalker714 8h ago
Had the exact thing happen to me, it got sent to a different bank that i never used for zelle.
4
u/big-booty-heaux 8h ago
Why are you doing things like this through payment apps instead of having a joint bank account?? You are BEGGING for money to be lost.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/Exhausted-CNA 12h ago
Thankfully your wife got the money. Me and my husband also have sep accounts. I pay the rent, he pays utilities and we each pitch in for groceries, etc. I've had a joint account in the past and got burned by my ex w it, so I refuse to do any joint bank accounts and he's fine w that. What works, works.
→ More replies (12)
4
3
u/Duke_Newcombe 11h ago
And now you have another issue--you've found his second account that he spends out of for his side piece...
5
4
u/Carlosthefrog 1h ago
How are you married and not having a joint account lmao ?
0
u/bagel_blight041 1h ago
Because it’s not 1950 anymore
4
u/Carlosthefrog 1h ago
why get married if you trust them so little, crazy work
1
u/bagel_blight041 1h ago
Has zero to do with trust.
1
u/Carlosthefrog 1h ago
hence you not wanting a joint account that literally just provides benefits ...
•
u/ArmedClaymore 43m ago
This is so true. I didn't want to have separate finances for years, because money was "tight." Now that we've distaste our acorns accounts, we have more conto of our spending and saving. As it turns out, one or both of us was were not being responsible spenders. Now I got a couple thousand saved and it's only been less than a year. Sometimes out ain't about trust, it's about accountability.
1
u/Sudden_Ad_9255 4h ago
Zelle is reportedly down for maintenance currently, according to Navy Federal.
2
u/Safe_Control_9572 1h ago
My Mom and Dad both advised me as a teenager to have a shared account and to have my own bank account and credit card. My husband and I lived together for 17 years before we married and we have always had a shared and private account. I think it’s healthy and safe to do that.
-2
u/Geronimo732 13h ago
I just have to say that I think it’s weird to have separate accounts when you are married. Also, I think it’s weird when spouses basically live separate lives and never spend time together (Im not implying this is happening, just adding some more opinions of mine.)
→ More replies (7)11
u/1000thusername 13h ago
And basically invoice one another like it’s the doctors office co-pay or something
“Here’s my half of the baby formula and diaper bill, sweetheart”
5
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
Yeah, it's very strange. My daughter has a friend whose husband tracks stuff down to the penny. Literally, they'll go out to eat, and he'll tell his wife how much she owes from the meal and have her Venmo him there and then.
3
2
u/clarkcox3 13h ago
That feels so weird and controlling to me.
1
u/rtkane GREEPLE 13h ago
It is very weird. But he makes sure to send his portion of the bill to her when she pays, so it's at least not one-sided. My daughter and her husband went on a trip with them once and my daughter picked up the bill for some coffees or something for everyone. Later in the day, he bought something else for everyone and immediately asked my daughter to Venmo him her share. She was like, "What? I paid for your coffee earlier, I'm not paying for this." She said you could tell he was trying to do some mental math to make sure he wasn't overpaying.
1
u/ShowdownValue 8h ago
Are you guys married or roommates?
Your half of the mortgage? wtf?
→ More replies (2)8
-4
u/LadyRedofShire 11h ago
"your half?" So not your spouse, your roommate.
3
u/Kickedhard 11h ago
I have done this for nearly 28 years. It has worked for us splendidly.
We have a joint account for bills/costs and seperate accounts for fun/hobbies.
I tend to go out with friends and travel alot. She tends to prefer a quiet night with tea and a book.
So our costs are greatly different. I wouldnt even consider having her money go towards my misadventures.
-3
u/LadyRedofShire 10h ago
Room mates. There is no "mine and hers" when you're married. Unless you're doing it wrong. Congrats on being happy about doing wrong for 28 years. :) gold star.
→ More replies (2)1
u/jrossetti 6h ago
Why is anyone who doesn't live like you think they should wrong? You seem to have some strange beliefs.
0
u/caryn1477 10h ago
Ridiculous, a lot couples do this. It's called contributing to expenses and it's totally normal.
→ More replies (1)0
u/bagel_blight041 11h ago
Wrong. We split the mortgage, I pay the rest. End of story.
-3
u/LadyRedofShire 10h ago edited 10h ago
Room mates. Also your post wouldn't need to be made if you had a joint account.
2
u/ithinarine 2h ago
"Mortgage comes out today." So you send your money today?
This is idiotic.
→ More replies (6)
1
u/aiprompt 1h ago
My wife and I have been together since high school, and we're both now in our mid 40s. We've had a joint bank accounts since we were both 20. We've both bad periods of unemployment, and we've both always made different levels of incomes. It's ALWAYS been OUR money. We have different accounts for different purposes, but they are all OUR accounts.
Personally I think that says a lot about trust since money is a major sore point for many marriages. If you can't trust your spouse enough to have a joint bank account, why are you even married?
1.2k
u/Chance-Work4911 13h ago
Each of you keep your individual accounts, but get one joint between you. Makes things easier for sharing, plus it gives the added security of having a "backup" card/account when travelling in case something happens to one of them.
Also - what if Zelle was down today? Stop waiting until the last minute and then be ShOcKeD when some minor hiccup throws you into a tailspin.