I typed my whole life story but it was too long. I'll try to shorten it
2025
march: im starting using weed 1 or 1.5 joints a day
April: I get a job, still smoking, but only 1 joint per day. im increasing antidepressants from 10 to 20mg after talking with my psychiatrist
may : BOOM, me acting weird not sleeping, feeling awaken, connected to the universe.
Verdict : manic episode. result : 1 month stay at the ward
Doctors say it most likely happened because i increased the antidepressants and maaaybe because of weed.
Me for the rest of the year: depressed, agoraphobic, anxious, lonely in fucking Iceland.
I return to my home country at my parents home,
1 suicide attemt -> ward for a month
2026 until today : Everything is shit, tried different antidepressants, maxed out the dosage, previous psychiatrist is like "girl wtf, with so much antidepressants and no antipsychotics you should be manic by now,not depressed"
I continue living my shitty life, get a short term job, going to the job, feel like shit, go home feel like crap, sleep, repeat.
I am a desperation with feet. I change psychiatrist, she tells me "giiirl weed fucked you up, this was not mania this was psychosis!!"
she tells me to avoid weed at all costs.
A month later, back in iceland, hoping for a new start. Results : me all day in bed waking up only for pee , poo and food smoking weed at nights, weed is not how it used to be, it makes me be aware of my desperation even more.
2 months go by lime this, no job, no life, only my one friend left there where I go play video games at his home and then back to bed.
Currently back in my home country, depressed and suicidal as fuck. Every minute is struggle. Considering OVERdosing instead of microdosing. Searching dark web for something strong to take me out peacefully.
THEN I remember microdosing psilocybin helped some people and im like " fuck it lets give it a shot"
So here I go, writing this post, I'm here to ask people with similar experience like me (mania, psychosis) if you ever tried microdosing, did u continue with SSRIs? How did it go? Did you go nuts?
Screw this im doing this, I have nothing left to try. My psychiatrist is going to be mad but we'll....
Thanks for reading. Good luck to all.