these were both under the same post, the first person also says that they are intersex and claims this subreddit is "full of misinformation"

I am not trans (nor am I cis) but this feels no difference than saying that gender non conforming people are trans even when they say they aren't. I really am tired of random people on the internet decided what we can and can't be instead of letting us decide who we are by ourselves.

Something, something, people always wanting to shove us into boxes (sounds like someone else I know)

First of all, I want to acknowledge that I'm not intersex, and I don't have any personal experience with intersex people, so I'm still learning. That's actually why I'm making this post. I'd like to educate myself more thoroughly, but I'm not entirely sure where to start or how to approach this topic thoughtfully, so I'd really appreciate some guidance.

Also, this isn't my personal account. I'm borrowing it from a friend.

Anyway, I've been talking to a guy I met on a dating app for about two months now, and we've been getting closer. A couple of weeks after we started talking, he shared with me that he was assigned female at birth and that, during puberty, he began developing more typically masculine characteristics and a penis (5-ARD, if I remember correctly)

I want to make it clear that this has never changed how I feel about him. I really enjoy talking to him, and I've started developing feelings for him as a person. When he first shared this with me, I chose not to ask many questions because we were still getting to know each other, and I didn't want him to feel like he had to explain something so personal before he was comfortable doing so.

Looking back, I'm glad I gave him that space, because he later told me that he doesn't enjoy being asked too many questions about it. He explained that it can make him feel more like a scientific subject than a person, and that he wants people to see him as a whole person rather than reducing him to his body or medical history. I completely understand why he feels that way, and I genuinely want to respect that. His experiences are his to share.

The thing is, we're now planning a trip to meet in person. We live in different states, so we'll be spending a couple of days together, and I'm really looking forward to it! We've also started talking more indirectly about the possibility of being intimate, and it's something I'm interested in exploring, too, provided we're both comfortable and ready.

I do have some uncertainty, though, simply because I don't know much about his anatomy or what his experience of intimacy might be like. He's told me that he has a penis and feels comfortable using it 🫣 and he also mentioned having had surgery, although he didn't go into detail.

My main concern is how we can communicate about intimacy in a way that feels safe and comfortable for both of us. I know that discussing boundaries, preferences, and anything relevant to sexual comfort is important when two people are becoming intimate, regardless of whether either person is intersex. At the same time, I recognize that there's a difference between discussing what we would both like to do together and asking someone to disclose personal medical information they're not comfortable sharing.

So, would it be appropriate to have a gentle conversation with him beforehand about intimacy, without specifically asking him to describe his anatomy or explain his medical history? If so, how could I approach it in a way that gives him room to share only what he wants to, without making him feel pressured or scrutinized?

I'm also a little nervous about the possibility of being caught off guard by something unfamiliar in the moment. Not because I expect to dislike what I see, but because I might not immediately know how to respond, and I would never want an involuntary moment of surprise or uncertainty to come across as disgust, judgment, or rejection. I understand that I can't guarantee I'll react perfectly to every unexpected situation, but I want to be thoughtful about how I handle my own feelings and make sure we can both communicate openly, slow down, or stop if either of us feels uncomfortable.

I'd especially appreciate hearing from intersex people who feel comfortable sharing their perspectives. If you're willing to share, I'd love to know what respectful communication around intimacy looks like for you, what kinds of questions or approaches you've found considerate or uncomfortable, and what you wish partners understood when entering a new intimate relationship. I completely understand that there's no single intersex experience, and I'm not expecting anyone to speak for the entire community or share anything personal they're not comfortable discussing.

I'm asking because I care about this person and want to approach our relationship with consideration. I also know that educating myself is my responsibility, and I don't want to rely on him to answer every question I might have.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to share advice or reliable resources.

So I’m a transmasculine person with PAIS who has been on exogenous estrogen for their entire first puberty (because I had a gonadectomy).

When I started testosterone HRT, my endo told me to start taking 2 pumps of 1.62% AndroGel alongside my normal estrogen dose. Long story short, while it did masculinize me it also wasn’t the best for my mental health (though that could also be attributed to me not being great at adapting to change). For reasons apart from my identity, I then decided I would taper my dose down to 1 pump (still with my E dose) and go off of T entirely. My endo doesn’t know I’m on 1 pump as they told me to quit cold turkey.

And I don’t know why but on 1 pump of T with my E, all of a sudden I feel great??? I’m still somehow getting masculinizing changes - I still have to shave twice a week, I have VERY hairy body hair, and my libido is still noticeably up - but I’m confused as to how that was enough to continue my changes despite having PAIS??? Honestly I’m also still baffled on how I was able to get changes with two pumps too - I’d have thought I’d need more to get much virilization because of my PAIS, but nope, I’ve been hitting all my “milestones” in relatively normal time.

I know for sure I have PAIS - I had karyotyping done and everything when I was younger and my gonads resembled testes more than they did ovaries. But I’m curious as to why I’m still able to virilize AND feel good on this low of a dose. Maybe I’m just on the milder end of the spectrum, but my genitalia seem to suggest I lean closer to CAIS, so that’s even stranger.

Im a trans man, not intersex, and i often see non intersex people debating if its a part of the LGBT or no. my personal opinion is that it depends if the individual considers themselves LGBT because not everyone does. so do you consider yourselves a part of the LGBT?

(sorry for my bad english)

This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

i’ve been flat pretty much my whole life and i was happy with it tbh. i was prescribed estradiol but i never took it consistently until recently and i noticed my breast getting a bit larger and its bothering me a lot. is there any way to prevent further development and/or reverse this side effect? from what my endocrinologist told me, estradiol was necessary for my bones which is the only reason ive started to become consistent, but my breasts have also been very sensitive lately and even a slight touch hurts a lot

Forewarning, im sleep deprived and had too many antihistamines. I just wanred to get this out.

I dunno if anyone relates or can share there thoughts, perhaps?

I know I'm intersex, but not why? I have some hormone related sensitivities and also have ambigious genitalia to some degree. I was assigned female though, went through female puberty, though felt like I was mentally going through a male one. Have felt like my body was going through push and pull, masculizing and then feminizing. I dont necessarily know how to explain it. Heck i was wondering many times I was developing premautre ovarian insuffiency? I cant remember if that's what's correct. Many tjmes it seems menstrual cycle wojld disapear and mine is atypical on the lighter side in the first place. I guess im androgynous with adrigynous voice too.

Im saying this though because i dont necessarily feel like binary trans fit my experience? I think my parents did try to socialize me as female, but it didnt really work until gender segregation at my school during middle school years. I always feel more male, growing up kept forgetting im supposed to be female, and full on didnt believe I'd get a period. Lol. I was wondering why i was different too.

I feel like it's not my body incongruemce, but the social label. If i was AMAB instead of AFAB, I wouldnt mind this body while AMAB. And if i had a more typical body associated with males, I'd likely take Estrogen. I dont really know now if i do or dont want some T, I have nonbinary, so one way or another i am trans.

But i do not know how to conceptualize the feeling of maleness seperate from my gender identity. My gender identity may fluctuate and change, but i feel like even if externally i look female, i feel like my body is internally male, though regardless. Sometimes it makes me wonder if jm a trans man, but i feel lkke that doesnt contain my experience.

In the end, I called myself genderqueer fluidflux (intersex) person.

I appreciate any thoughts and do (gently) call out if yall think I've pushed into unsavory or inappropriate territory. I dunno what to make of things.

just made an appointment with her. the last PCP was a crotchety old guy who dismissed my concerns (im a trans woman, but even before any hormones - i had symptoms of something going on) and im hoping to just learn more about my body for once i suppose.

Im nearly 23, and my voice has never deepened past 13-14 years old. i grow little body hair, mostly on my legs and pubic area and armpits and everything. I grow little to no facial hair and i can go a month without shaving anything noticeable (usually it’s peach fuzz and a stray dark hair)

I was diagnosed by that same PCP with having “severe bilateral gynecomastia” at 14 - IE I had D cups and was at tanner 3 of breast development. My WHR is 0.71, and i have a pear body type with a very wide pelvis and lipedema on my legs/thighs. Again, he knew this, i had physicals done, and he didn’t even ever order me a blood test despite asking. TMI - I don’t produce sperm, (nothing has literally ever come out or anything). I’m also six foot five and very lanky

My thyroid now is starting to look screwy ( my mother has hashimotos) and he’s refusing to do any panels because it’s “not that bad yet”, so I’m switching.

If yall have any ideas of what i might be experiencing or might have, let me know. I’m hoping to get a full hormone and thyroid panel and a karyotype test done. I really want to get this sorted

This is a follow up to my previous post where I was expressing frustration about having been given pieces of explanations about an 'infant surgery' without my parents telling me what surgery I had.

Well, with the help of my doctor we've figured it out without my parent's help! I was born with severe hypospadius that extended from the tip of my penis all the way to the underside of my perineum. This was 'patched' using my foreskin which was partially circumcised then flapped downwards to fill the missing gap.

I most likely didn't have full masculanization during pregnancy and was left with a vaginal opening or depression and potentially a uterine remnant. That would explain some of my monthly bloating I've experienced since puberty.

So all in all, I had a vaginal opening (we don't know how much though the scar is big enough to suggest a full scale vagina) that was stitched shut, and a cleft penis and scrotum that was 'repaired' using my foreskin.

I'm a bit... in shock to say the least. And now everything makes sense. The mysterious surgery, my parents suing the hospital (probably for not detecting the birth defect in the first place - they probably would have aborted me if they had known), why they always hated me and harmed me, why they forced such an intense gender binary on me and not my siblings. Why my mom freaked out whenever I was gendered female by strangers...

I'm 30... I feel like my whole life has been a lie. But I'm also so happy to finally feel like my puzzle has been solved!

To preface, maybe don't read this if you don't feel secure being intersex. Slight TMI warning too but nothing major.

Also I am not yet sure if I actually am intersex because I live in a place with awful wait lists for endocrinology but I'm pretty sure it's not normal for a person born male to have a monthly cycle that involves everything up to and including pissing blood a few days of the month. Also worth noting that I have had hardly any blood tests in the 5 years that I've been on HRT due to my own stupidity.

I don't know how long ago this started but from what I remember I have had horrible monthly mood swings since being a young teen but I can't be sure if that wasn't just me being depressed in general.

What I do remember is that a few months after starting MtF HRT at 17, I started getting bloating cramps and GI symptoms (I would shit my guts out for pretty much 3 days straight at a time). I would blame these symptoms one either my diet or the immense amount of coffee I consumed in spite of the fact they existed on a precise 28 day cycle while my diet and coffee consumption stayed constant.

Over time as I got on top of my stress and caffeine consumption, the physical symptoms largely subsided and my cycle slightly grew in length but what didn't change was the monthly suicidal crashouts. These will have me planning my death because someone glanced at me looking slightly less than happy. I'm just entering one currently, which (and with a whole bunch of other things going on) is probably why I'm so emotionally taunt and upset over this rn.

Once I started progesterone, my physical symptoms entirely disappeared but my the suicidal crashouts stayed and if anything, got worse. However, in the last few months, my physical symptoms have been on their way back with a vengeance. I'm not sure if this is due to a change in the way I take my estradiol (injections -> patches) and being retitrated on it or due to progesterone becoming ineffective against them. My cycle also seems to be shortening again.

Each month, I will plan my suicide sobbing on the bathroom floor, bloat like a pufferfish for several days, then feel like my insides are crushing themselves while someone goes ham on my pelvic organs with an office stapler (it's like a very widespread stabbing pain). I will likely also puke several times during this and have a rough couple of times spent on the toilet. I have also become aware that I produce an alarming amount of reddish or dark brown pee during the pain phase.

On top of that, I have started having pain that occurs further from my pelvic region including intense stomach cramps, aching hips and the dreaded butthole lighting as well as pain other times of the month. These have been getting slowly worse over the last couple of months and now includes pain when I need the toilet in either way - at the worst I become aware of the pain before the need to pee - pain when I put pressure on my pelvic region or over exert it and pain just because. Recently, needing a bowl movement caused me to be stuck in a state where whenever I coughed, the pain would go from dull to knife-twisted-through-my-pelvic-region bad.

As many of you know, there's a fair few misguided trans people who say they wish they were intersex because they want periods or masculinity, or for whatever other reason. But as someone who may genuinely be in that position, I feel so fucking alone: I can't talk to anyone about this and all it does is remind me that I wasn't born female as well as making me feel like some kind of weird freak. I sincerely wish that I was a cis peri woman and not a gangley 14yo boy looking thing who people aren't quite sure if to misgender as MtF or FtM. The only "benefits" I get from my condition are crippling physical and emotional pain, and nausea so bad I won't eat for days.

The last time I properly talked to someone about this, she (intersex trans woman) expressed that her symptoms, including the temporary relief whilst on progesterone, were very similar to mine and that she had had just enough internal reproductive system to develop endometriosis. I really don't want to have endometriosis and I have constant thoughts of "did I bring this on myself by taking HRT?" It doesn't really matter as I would rather be dead than male, so the pain is a small price to pay. To be clear, I don't have an issue with men/other male people, just with my body continuing to be male.

I can't talk to cis women about this because they won't believe me (and many of them honestly have it worse), I can't talk to trans women about this because they will tell me I'm lucky, and the one doctor I talked to about this told me I was looking for reasons for my transness but did refer me to endocrinology.

I'm also being driven up the wall because I shouldn't have a cycle whilst on continuous HRT. I want answers but I have no idea how long I will be waiting.

Thank you to anyone who read this far as I'm actively falling asleep and crashing out as I write this and it probably doesn't make much sense but I found it very cathartic to write and feel at least a little better now. I suppose if anyone has any mental health advise or anything, it would be appreciated.

No one believed me when I said cis, no one could understand. It was so funny to me. Like, how stupid binarism is. Because yes, a cis woman’s body can look like (inserte an average man, i cant pick a name), well, i was physically considered “manlier” than average guys so, some of them (het) would be envious and shady about me, telling me how manlier i was compared to them like whining lmao, and then the achillean ones were thristy confused at me saying my gender was a cis woman. so that’s how absurd it is and i loved pulling it even if it was absolutely isolating

People always assumed it was a lie. Like, convinced, because of what they learned about bodies working in 2 ways… i loved showing my chest, my voice, hairy, body overall everything

I sticked to the cis woman label due to that, im non binary but i felt like my way of pointing “see how stupid gender is, and most importantly how fake the sex binary is” was claiming the cis woman label. That did not work as i ended up being outside from that, but during that moment, it was what i could do as I was younger and my first contact to breaking binarism was being intersex, like i couldnt ignore it, how stupid it was. My body was a living proof

Can't go a day without people "defending" slur use

I wish I could get rid of all the hair that isn't on my head. I seriously hate having facial and tummy hair and would like to get it removed one day for good.

Does anyone know if this is normal?

As i child i already had a gonadal biopsy done w a different team, and my current dr already has acces to that entire report

But after my T spiked randomly, he has been trying to push me into getting another biopsy after another WGS didn't give him the answer he wanted

And im not sure what could even medically warrant a second biopsy?? Other than him doing it for himself

Post is pretty much title, but lately I’ve just been feeling so so so sick of all the awful crap I see and get told on a daily basis in effort to reinforce the false sex + gender binary most of society upholds. It’s to the point where even queer/trans spaces aren’t safe either and I’m just so tired of all of it. It doesn’t help that I’m also agender as well as an IGM, CSA/COCSA and conversion therapy survivor, too.

I just wish there was actually understanding in the world for people like me and others who feel the same or similar, I mean even in nonbinary spaces I feel…weird because of how often AGAB language is used in a way that leaves zero space for me. Hell, even telling them I’m intersex gives the wrong impression because people are so often uneducated about us. Constantly having to remind or educate people is alienating and draining.

I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately and debated posting about it, but it’s been so heavy on me every day and I have a feeling others may be dealing with these feelings too. If that’s the case, please feel free to share your feelings and experiences below, at least we have this safe space for ourselves if nothing else.

Hi! My husband and I just found out there's a high chance our baby will be intersex based on some screening that was done. So we wanted the opinion of actual intersex people of how they wish their parents had handled it. I did some research about the options and what I feel like is the best option would be raising them non-binary until they can decide for themself. But I'd still like yalls opinions :)

Thank you all who do reply or even just read this

Hi everyone, I’ve posted in this sub before, but I wanted to update you on my diagnosis.

About two or three weeks ago, I went to get a karyotype test done. Yesterday I went to pick up the results, and I was quite surprised to find out that my karyotype is 46,XY. It really surprised me because I generally look female, in addition to having a uterus and menstruating.

I was also very uncomfortable with the way the doctor received me. Besides looking at me almost with contempt, she didn't explain anything to me and practically kicked me out of the office. I don't know how to digest this, and I also don't know if this is going to complicate anything regarding my general health. Medical care is also terrible in my country; whenever I go for checkups or tests, I get treated pretty badly, and they almost never explain things to me. When they do, their explanations are very poor and lack empathy.

Thanks for reading.

I mean like; I've kinda given up a bit of looking for specific variations. Not exactly making fast progress. I did find some evidence of hypogonadisms though. So that's kinda what I understand my deal to be for now.

Not to mention that I'm slowly admitting to myself how odd my appearance is given my life circumstances. Sometimes I'd try to prove to myself that I did go through it and like apply all the changes that come along with it mentally to myself. But like it's really hard to consistently make that up just to hurt myself. There's really only so much I can do when I look at myself and see that I've not grown a single facial hair in 23 years of life, and my voice can barely reach into what's generally "masculine speaking pitches" not to mention that people tend to speak a decent amount higher than their lowest note.

I still find it very odd though; but I think I am happier if I acknowledge this. Kinda funny too as I am now basically going through my first puberty in my 20s?

Video is the launch.

Resource available here. https://www.shfpact.org.au/index.php/education/print-download-resources/219-including-intersex

I did some testing in the last month and found out that I'm intersex after a long time suspecting it. I'm an AMAB woman with ambiguous genitalia.

I don't produce hormones naturally, so I never went through puberty until I started feminizing HRT when I was 16 years old.

Because I'm AMAB, I identified myself as a trans woman for the last decade, but I always felt that something was different. Every time I tried interacting with the trans community I couldn't relate to almost anything because my experience was so different, so I always felt left out and uncomfortable discussing some things.

I was seen both as a boy and a girl growing up, I was accepted into women spaces a lot of times, I had some breast growth before HRT and my dysphoria never made sense because I wasn't masculine. I realized later that I was dysphoric only because I wasn't femme enough and struggled with the traditional gender roles before HRT.

So, I don't identify as trans anymore, but I don't feel I'm cis too. Is it normal to feel that I'm neither of them?

This is going to sound like a stupid question but I truly just don’t know.

Was anyone assigned intersex at birth? Or not given an assignment? I’m from the U.S. and I feel like that wouldn’t happen here, but idk about anywhere else. But also I know things are changing and there’s non-binary people who can get their birth certificate changed to X, so I see it as a possibility.

In that same vein, is it possible to change your birth certificate to X after finding out later in life, without the requirements a perisex nonbinary person would need (eg living as that gender for x amount of time, having medically transitioned, etc)?

I literally cant find anything in their rules that i could be breaking beside it being "opinion based" which is not, its the literal meaning of the word intersex , i cant even ask the mods cause the bot said if i do they'll perm ban me. I'm so confused.