Did I (33F) cheat on him (37M)? I think I have relationship OCD.

So if I looked at a list of attendees of a university fundraising event, and was curious who one guy was / what he looked like but stopped myself from looking him up individually but did go through the group me list to see if his profile was there but then stopped when it wasn’t and did not look him up individually and exited out, did I cheat? Should I disclose this to my partner? Was I in essence keeping my options open? Worried curiosity about another person of my partner’s gender means it was cheating.

So then I posted on another thread and a guy messaged me saying it wasn’t and I responded thanks and he started getting personal and I blocked him. Was a Reddit dm with a man cheating in this case.

Tl;dr: worried curiosity = cheating and then a DM from a man about it = more cheating ebb tho blocked him.

I (F, 30) have been with my boyfriend (M, 29) for a year, and I'm still trying to process what I found out. It started when I caught him deleting Instagram DMs with a woman he used to hook up with. I asked if I could go through his phone, and he agreed, but when I looked, his texts with her were gone and he had renamed her in his contacts to a completely different name. When I confronted him, he swore up and down that they had never slept together. I lied and told him I'd spoken to her and that she said they had, and that's when he broke down and admitted it. The fact that I had to trick the truth out of him is something I can't stop thinking about.

Then I went into his recently deleted photos, and what I found made my stomach drop. There were hundreds of screenshots and zoomed-in photos from women's Instagram pages, focused on their faces and bodies. It included the woman he used to hook up with, several of his female friends, and my own close friends. He grabbed his phone back before I could see everything, but from what I did see, nothing looked like it had been sent between them. I also found DMs where he'd reacted to other women's stories with heart eyes and told them they were sexy.

He also refused to post me on his grid, and rarely posted me on his stories even after I begged.

He also refused to take me on dates and take me out, and I found out now that a lot of his money is going to OnlyFans girls.

Aside from all this, he was an amazing boyfriend he was sweet to me, soft, never yelled at me, supported me and my work, always helped me around the house and helped with my dog and was a grounding partner. That’s why this shook me.

When it all came out, he told me he has a "problem" and wants to change, and he swears nothing physical ever happened. I told my friends, his mom, and his sister, and he responded that he's deeply sorry, ashamed, and going to start therapy. Part of me wants to believe him. He lives with his sister, he doesn't really party or go out, I know his friends and his mom, and I can see his location, so it's hard to picture how he'd even find the opportunity to cheat. But he lied to my face until I cornered him, so I don't know how much of what he says I can trust.

Chat; Does this sound like it stayed online, or should I assume more happened?

Has anyone been through something like this and chosen to stay, and how did it turn out?

And what would real change look like, and how long should I give it before I decide?

How long after discovery does it take to move on if you are trying to work on relationship? My husband of 27 years had an emotional affair with his boss’s wife. He keeps saying he didn’t do anything but they did talk a lot and kissed twice. He lied, deleted text messages and pictures. Thinks because he didn’t sleep with her it was nothing. Only been 1 month and he wants me to get over it and stop talking about it. Says I’m pushing him away. I was unfaithful with ex right after we got married 27’years ago and he is throwing that up in my face. I was 18. Said he got over it and didn’t badger me about it. I do remember there being occasions he would bring it up in a fight over the years. What should I do?

These days there are so many avenues to cheat. education, work, everything is mixed. Apps are encrypted. Phones are encrypted. Nobody really uses plain texts or calls, its all just encrypted apps designed for "privacy" aka cheating.

How can one ever find someone who is actually loyal? Live in a cabin in the woods with no running water?

Seriously though, if you left a cheater - have you been able to find someone who is loyal and how did you do that?

For context, I'm 18F in a long distance relationship since only one month. We have each other's numbers and socials. It all happened on TikTok, he admitted it to me 3 hours later out of guilt and he promised never to do it again.

My boyfriend has been struggling with lust (undiagnosed hypersexuality?) due to exposure at a young age and grooming. His surroundings (family) are described as judgmental or even neglecting (for example, forgetting to feed him), thus as a minor, my boyfriend never felt safe enough to reach out to mental healthcare professionals through his family. He mentions struggling with moods similar to anxiety and depression. Other than this cheating story, for one month he always was really loving, caring and really considerate towards me.

A few months ago, when he was with his ex, he admitted her he fell for someone else and flirted for a while, then regretted it to the point of degrading himself physically and verbally a lot, saying he would change, and he did try and think it was the case before he got with me. In their case, he was apparently feeling lonely in the relationship (not an excuse to cheat!). In my case, however, there was nothing romantic from his words, and not related to loneliness. I'm not sure if this is worth mentioning, but he also stopped watching NSFW content the second he got with me (a question I asked before).

On my demand, he sent screenshots of the chats to me and blocked her, telling her the truth. He accepted to share the details and wished for help. He has however got no clue on how to help himself out of potential hypersexuality and mood disorders. The issue certainly stems from happiness and pleasure hormones deregulation. I am currently going to CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) sessions myself, and suggested to reach out to my therapist for him.

I am aware that dragging people out of their mh issues isn't my role. However, I decided to continue the relationship and find a solution for this time, at least give it a try, especially because he has been honest, and very, very regretful, devastated, and disappointed of himself. I care about this person, every day he has been showing love and consideration through words and actions, and promised to work hard to fix the issue because deep down he wants us to work out, and it has been a beautiful start together before that. I offered to watch and read informative content together.

As I'm still figuring out how such an action could have happened, I was mainly asking if you guys had advice or explanations to share, especially if you are or have been a person struggling with lust/cheating, and whether my decision of not breaking up was too tolerant or not... Thank you to anyone who has took the time to read/answer to my post!

I had a short but otherwise really great relationship with a guy and I caught him cheating emotionally about a month ago. He was active on dating apps, and met up with a girl twice but he never had any physical intimacy with her. On the nights he was with her, he lied about his whereabouts to me, saying he was out with friends or he went home to sleep.

I caught him and confronted him WITH the other girl, it was kind of messy but I didn’t yell at him or insult him, but I was pretty hurt and distraught after she showed me the screenshots. I was happy to see it with my own eyes but I still wanted the relationship. He called me crazy, and ran off.

A few weeks later he messaged me to say he was blocking me, but didn’t. We ended up arguing over text and he trickle-truthed the situation to me. Initially saying it was just a short walk he had with her to later admitting he met her several times and spent a lot of time with her without telling me.
He claims he was going to end it with her and tell me everything. And that I ruined everything by jumping the gun, believing the other girl and her screenshots, and not asking him what was going on beforehand.

I acknowledged it was messy and maybe I could have done some things better, but ultimately none of this would’ve happened if he wasn’t on dating apps and meeting women while being in a relationship with me. I was also grieving a family member at the time and dealing with a lot of deep life stress so finding out my loving boyfriend was lying to me in that state of mind was probably a recipe for disaster.

He ended the conversation by saying he’d never forgive me and can’t trust me anymore, and he would never take me back because I went behind his back to find out.

I don’t know what to make of this. I was willing to reconcile and forgive him but he completely flipped the blame onto me.

Heya reddit, burner account for obvious reasons as my ex knows my main's name and I know she browses reddit. I changed some details to make it more anonymous.

TL; DR - My fiancée of 4+ years ended things after I sent condolences when her family member died, then married another man 5 days later. Friends confirmed she’d been engaged to him since summer while still telling me she loved me and taking gifts of money from me and being in constant contact with me. Should I tell her husband, and is the money worth pursuing?

Some backstory - I never thought I’d be here, but here we are. 3 weeks ago, my (now ex) fiancee (30sf) and I (30sm) called off our engagement and broke up. We lived together from 2022-the end of 2025. We agreed in summer 2023 to take out and to pay off a very costly loan together (over 5 figures), and we're actively going to build a life together and work towards paying that off. We agreed to do this verbally, and had briefly mentioned it to each other in 2024 via dms that have since been deleted. In summer 2023 She made me sign it in my name only because her "credit is bad" and we needed the best deal. I agreed since everything was great for years, but then issues arised when intimacy stopped in late 2023 due health issues she had developed. These issues were very weird symptoms that I told her she needs to go see a doctor for, but she refused to go see one because she was "scared". We argued about this a bunch. In the middle of 2024 I noticed she was active on an alternate twitter and sexting other men in the comments section of the posts, but was told this was not an issue and "isn't cheating, it's self expression since it's public", among many other weird coincidences. She let her health issues rot, and almost dies next to me in the hospital spring 2025. I help her get back on her feet for months and even agree to all her stuff like sleeping in different beds/rooms and whatnot. We had a huge falling out in summer 2025, because of me finding another man sending her hundreds of dollars, and her response being "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and that "[her] mental health is so bad she can't fathom existing anymore". When I confronted her she denied everything and broke up with me via text message.

She has been diagnosed with "severe case” of a personality disorder (her and her therapist's words), and depression among other things. We reconciled and got back together the last month of 2025 and started a long distance relationship as she moved in with her parents when our lease expired at the end of 2025 because a family member was having health issues and she said she was moving to take care of them. She moved several hours from me, and we talked daily either by a phone call or be via text, instagram, whatsapp, or Discord. I sent her love letters, messages, Instagram memes, money for her lunches even as recent as a 4 weeks ago, pictures of my life and what I'm doing, I asked how she was feeling/doing and how her day was all the time. I tried really hard to show her that even though we're hours apart, that I'm always there. We saw each other in early spring this year and had a great time, a great dinner, and a lot of fun. I noticed she turned off her location off a few months after that, and when I asked she said the iphone update did it and she was not gonna turn it back on because me asking is “obsessive” and I need to "get over it". Starting in summer she had become very distant and gave sparser replies I had noticed, but she told me it was due to a major life event that took place in her town she moved to and the living situation with her parents causing her major depression issues. She said she was going to daily therapy and it was draining all of her mind/energy due to what's been going on in her life. She messaged me late summer/early fall that she was trapped in this town now, and her "life is over", and "things have changed". I asked what she meant and she said "I couldn't even begin to explain what life has been like with me being sick for months, and the [major life event that happened in her town]". I said "no worries, you can tell or not tell me if you want to." She says "thanks" and proceeds to message me daily about how she is "trapped" and how "awful" her life is. This all came to a head a month later when she asked for space while her family friend was dying. I reached out "4 times when she needed space and understanding" according to her, and that was way too many when she was "grieving and needed support and space". My messages literally said she didn't have to even acknowledge or reply, but I can see how this upset her in retrospect. She said my offering of condolences to her and her family the day after the family member's passing was the final violation of that space and that I crossed a boundary and to never message her again. I say okay, and stop messaging her entirely and go about my day sensing something was off for months. She messages me out of the blue a day later telling me that she's "beyond damaged", and "can't be with anyone, or even [herself] when this damaged" and she needs to "take care of herself and stop hurting her and me and that's why she's doing this".

This happened 3 weeks ago. Since the break up, I have since found out she is married to a new man. I found out from a family announcement that was shared on Facebook and a few friends of hers telling me. All of these friends thought we we're broken up as of summer last year, and were never told we got back together despite my ex saying to me that "everyone is aware we are back together". I told them we were still actively engaged as of 3 weeks ago, and both of them called me a liar. I said, if you want I can send proof with timestamps and dates confirming we were together as of 3 weeks ago, and I can send the breakup text. They agreed to see it all and we're shocked to see how much proof I had that her and I we're still together. After seeing the proof, they all admitted various pieces of information that they know. What I have pieced together based on what all these people have told me is this : she was engaged to this other man and had a fall wedding date planned as recently as the middle of the summer this year; she started seeing him around the time her location went off; she has been abusing alcohol, and other drugs to self medicate; she trauma bonded with this person during the major life event in her town as she was with him when it all happened; she has been hiding me from everyone and him from me. The day my ex got married was 5 days after she officially ended things with me. I was even texting her mom about the passing of the family member, offering condolences and she was replying to me and saying how the whole family appreciated me over the years and to keep in touch and let her know about my career and to visit soon. I sent her mom the screenshot of my ex's breakup message, and her mom said "I didn't know she would react this way to all of this. I wish I wouldn't have said anything" and that she "didn't know where this harsh reaction from [my ex] came from" and all this. In retrospect, this doesn't make any sense as I assume she would've known about my ex's new wedding that was planned for later that same week, unless my ex didn't plan a wedding and it happened out of nowhere or she kept it a huge secret from everyone in her life except a few close friends. There's just so many lies that have been told to me that I can barely even process this. Who is lying here? All of them? I don't know. I doubt even my ex has a clue either. Maybe someone here has helpful advice. I'm still stuck with this huge loan, and I've been sending hundreds of dollars to pay for stuff and gifts this whole last year under the pretenses that we were a couple and engaged. I feel abused and taken advantage of here, and I'm stuck with huge debt because of her lies.

What I’m stuck on is this:

- Should I tell her new husband? I have dated messages showing we were together right up until days before the wedding. Part of me feels he deserves the truth. Part of me worries it’ll just pull me back into the drama and all the bullshit. Due to my brother's help a few weeks back, I have a plethora of proof, including over 60+ screenshots of text exchanges between her and I, the breakup text, all our dm's on discord and social media backed up and saved, and a record of all our communications from the other apps. I had support staff for one app send me a zip file of all our saved messages, and a record of all photos exchanged together over the last 10 months per my lawyer's request.

- Is it even worth trying to recover any money (including the loan) or should I just cut my losses and move on? A coworker I told this too insists that this is textbook theft by deception, and relationship fraud (and thus a form of scamming he said, but I know nothing about this hence why I'm going to fucking reddit). My coworker told me that he had a friend in our state that dealt with a similar situation, and he was able to get this taken further and take his ex to court. My coworker also got me the contact info of the lawyer that his friend used and I'm debating on reaching out. This woman would ask me for the last 8 months for cash, or bring up how "I'm starving and haven't ate in 2 days". So I'd send her $30 dollars here, $50 dollars here, brand new clothes and gifts there, as well as I covered her half of all of our final moveout bills from our last lease for her because she said that she would "pay me back in time once we're stable again". I sent her money or gifts at least once a week for this entire summer. The total of everything is well over 4 figures (5 with the loan I took out she promised to help repay), so my buddy thinks I definitely need to take this further as in my state this is a felony.

- I want to ask my ex to be honest via text message and ask for an explanation. Is this crazy? She told me to never message her again since she's so damaged and "can't be with or around anyone including herself so she need space" but she's since messaged me asking for various items back and to meet up and get the items to her hours away from her (they are very heavy and would cost a significant amount to ship). I'm trying to find another mutual contact that will take the stuff but most don't want to get involved once they realize how messy the situation is.

Thanks for reading yall, I'm hanging in there. Trying to bury myself in work, and surround myself with people who care about me. If anyone has any kind of advice, I'd appreciate it greatly.

I’m looking for someone on ig that could loyalty test my girl, I lowkey think she’s into black dudes

I own the phone.

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME, I am struggling!

I have been in a connection (not a relationship) with someone since 2 years now. He approached me, we talked everyday, everything was nice, introducing me to hid friends etc, suddenly saying he cant be committed to me (I didnt even ask)

I ended things and we went our separate ways. Figured he was sleeping with another girl (from before) even when he was building things with me. He continued even after we broke up. (she was a fling situation)

We reconnected again and he started everything with more intensity and things were much nicer now, it was good for 2.5 months until I figured he was sleeping with her still. confronted and ended thingsm, he cried ended things with that fling girl (she was kinda upset too even tho they were not in a relationship). Somehow after pursuing me for 3-4 days he said he cant be committed and lets be friends and i ended it there.

He again reconnected got more closer, both emotional and physical intimacy and not exclusivity yet, he ghosts me for a month suddenylu and later says he reconnected with that old girl again and fell in love with her. she didnt like him talking to me so he stopped, he didnt come in a relationship with her too, she broke contact with him, she started dating someone else.

he again came to me 15 days later with sorries and all, kinda initiated intimacy and after a wekk when i asked he still said 'cant get married or committed to you'. i ended things with him after explaining very nicely that i cant be your friend, cant be fwb, cant do casual. he was simping on that girrl through his statuses on burner accounts which he didnt know i knew about. i saw it all silently.

he kept initiating cintact with me here and there but i didnt. he again came back and the same cycyle repeated. for two more times. this time, i saw him approaching new girls and building connection with them while keeping me in loop emotionally (like not building anything with me but keeping me in his circle). he agreed he is seeing other people and seemed excited about it and kinda indifferent about me.

Finally, I again ended things. I dont want to entertain this again, I know my faults, etc. But, just want an opinion about him.

For context, I am a student but I do not have family I can rely on. I have enough money from part time work to afford living on my own but I would definitely be struggling, not to mention finding a place to stay in the first place as student accomodation and renting in my city is very expensive. Me and my boyfriend currently live together and split everything.

When me and my boyfriend first started dating we were having sex almost every day for 6 months. He is my first partner I have had intercourse with and I am his second. However, at one point I landed in the hospital and was suffering from health things, so we didn’t have sex for about 3 months.

When we resumed to having sex we started only doing it once a week, but at the time my sex drive wasn’t as high so I didn’t think much of it. My sex drive increased in August, but every time I would try and initiate things he’d say he’s not in the mood and I’d stop - we were still having sex once a week so again I thought his sex drive just decreased and didn’t think much.

At the start of our relationship I made it very clear that I hate the porn industry, especially because in my first relationship my ex had a porn addiction and would always compare me to porn stars and only fans models. He said he agrees, and said he is super against both porn and onlyfans.

I had an examination where my dr said I might have an STI and would send biopsies to confirm. This obviously freaked me out because I haven’t had sex with anyone but my boyfriend, but I didn’t tell him about my potential STI.

While waiting for the biopsies I went through his phone. He usually takes his phone everywhere with him even the shower, but he leaves it at home when he goes for a run.

I searched everything I could think. On Facebook I found that he had searched up a girl he used to date casually - not that big of a deal. On Instagram I found that he had a second account that has been newly created (September) but it has no followers, no followings, and there were no messages. The screen time on that account was 0 - I have no clue what this could mean.

On his search history however, I found that the day before I checked he was specifically looking at a particular Only Fans model (“(model name) leaks”), he had also looked at a few other models. I also saw a really explicit porn video involving a “legal teen”, there were also a lot of erome.com searches. I also noticed he googles a lot of things related to foot fetishes and looks at celebrities feet a lot, but has never mentioned any sort of fetish when I have asked what I can do for him in bed, and in fact has teased me in the past about my “weird feet” as a joke.

He always messages me when he is finished with work - some searches had occurred before he messaged me.

Other than the above there does not appear to be any other cheating evidence, sometimes he seems to take a long time to finish work but it is very customer dependent so it isn’t suspicious in a vacuum.

EDIT FOR MORE INFO: We currently aren’t having sex because I am still recovering from surgery. He has always told me that sex isn’t super important to him.

My STI results came back with a negative. However, I don’t know what I should do next and how to confront this. He’ll definitely be mad that I snooped (I know it was wrong) and I’d rather pretend to stumble across it or search it up while he’s there so he can’t use anything as leverage against me.

TL;DR: Boyfriend might not be cheating but is definitely looking at born despite a boundary, but it would be a huge struggle to live on my own and I don’t know what to do.

I have recently asked here in this subreddit if the certain signs I was noticing meant he was cheating and I‘ve eventually found out - he was cheating, sort of.

Context: We are a gay couple in the end of their 20‘s and we‘ve been in a relationship for a year, a monogamous one. Then I realized he suddenly started to use Snapchat but he was only using it when he wasn‘t around me (and Snapchat is very uncommon where we live, especially for people our age).

Then, I asked him to send some things to me on his phone, because every time you click the share button, iPhone suggests you your most contacted people and I was #1 and it was always some Snapchat contacts right after me, whose names I‘ve never heard before or anonymous contacts.

I didn’t want to go snooping but I also didn’t want to be lied to and fooled so I added some of these people on Snapchat and starting texting them and confirmed my suspicions. They met on an app designed for anonymous chats without signing up and were texting and exchanging nudes on Snapchat. None of them lives in our country though and they‘ve never even been here, so it was nothing physical. But I still feel betrayed he‘s looked for other people to text with in this context and exchanged nudes.

The bigger issue is that I asked him about it and begged him, before he started to speak, that he tells me the truth, and he still lied and did that so easily, so my trust is broken.

He eventually told me everything, that he used Snapchat a lot for this when he was in the closet (he recently came out for me with his family and friends). He doesn‘t know why but he just found himself downloading it again and texting with people there. Thinks might be almost like an addiction since he did that for so long and suddenly stopped altogether after he met me.

He had cried for days, says he‘ll do anything to earn my trust again if I let him but I don‘t know. One moment I‘m thinking that it‘s worth giving it a chance, and then, I suddenly find myself thinking it‘s a waste of time and it will only hurt even more if I let it go on.

I have been married to my husband for 3 years and jn a relationship with him for 7. We lived in Spain, ans last year we decided to move to Colombia wherre he is originally from. We were súper excited although none of us had a job. I had some savings so we rented a beautiful apartment, furnished it, but as the months were passing by jobs did not arrive. After 7 months Ii got a job in the Dutch Caribbean so I went there for a month. In the meantime I got him a job u the same company. Everything was ready for him to come, but 10 days before his arrival he had a stroke in Colombia. I immediately went back. Now he can’t move half of his body. He did not lose his ability to speak but his movements are very limited.

The fourth day we were in the hospital I discovered by accident that just 4 days before his stroke he hooked up with a random guy. I accidentally saw a WhatsApp conversation with dick pics and videos swapping, and got to know that my husband went to his apartment for sex. Nonetheless to say, this is NOT an open relationship, and we have been in a committed close relationship since we started back in 2019. I was shocked and cried all night. Seeing my husband’s in such a vulnerable position, so dependant in a bed hospital, and at the same time knowing what I knew…

Then I started noticing how he was all the time on his phone, writing or just checking things and hiding it when I was around, and started becoming suspicious. I had never checked his phone, but this time all the blind trust I previously had was starting to vanish. So one night I grabbed his phone and found telegram archived chats with dozens of guys he had cheated on me during the last 3 years! Some of them were not random hookups, but regular sexbuddies that lasted months, some years. He would usually go to their places while I was at work, or he would tell me he wanted to got to the park to call his family and disappear for one hour. Sometimes he squeezed some in our place while I was away, or agreed to have sex in parks, toilettes and other cruising spots. Of course, he used grindr and other dating apps to find guys, and he had the regular ones in archived chats on WhatsApp and telegram.

Based on the nature of the conversations I found,I could barely recognize my husband. Sex with him was never great, but within time I learned to prioritize other things in the relationship. Most of the chats I discovered had a master&servant dynamic, where my husband was the master. He demanded pictures of his servants in women lingerie, talked about them to drink his piss, and worse things. Also, agreed to take money from them when they had a sex date. Not all the encounters were from this kind but it just blew my mind to know this.

When I found the Girindr app on his phone I got to know that this had been going on for years. Also, this whole last year that we spent in Colombia were plenty of random hookups. Funny thing is that we didn’t have sex for months. I was getting used to the idea that this marriage was gonna be like that, but then I discovered his constant sexual drive, towards others, but me. He is a super loving and caring husband and I know he loves me despite all of this. Somehow he has his secret sexual life in a drawer and me, his family and his public life in a different one, and he has no problem or remorse at all.

After the stroke I had to take care of everything. Got to cancel my apartment rental agreement, sold all the furniture I bought with my savings, and moved to his parents house to a poorer area in the city since he needs as much help as possible and I had to quit my job in the Caribbean to be with him. To worsen things, he has been continuing chatting with his previous hookups and new ones on grindr, swapping nudes, sending his location even he cannot move (although he has been making great improvement and is able to walk with a crutch), and making plans for sex dates if me or his parents are not in the apartment or if he is able to go somewhere close by, what still hasn’t happened.

After 7 years of relationship and 3 of marriage, I decided to help him to recover enough so he can be more independent. He doesn’t know that I know everything, and I don’t think it is the moment to confront him since if he could have another stroke for that, so my plan is to help him and take care of him till he is better and then quit my marriage.I feel bad because it gonna be hard for him especially given his situation. I do all the caring 24/7. He has a brother that has come only twice and as in a visit. His parents live here but it looks like we are in vacation. I am the only one doing all the physical therapy with him, dressing him up, showering him or just keeping him company. Before I knew about everything I told him we would go back to Spain and fully recover there. Now I’m thinking I’m gonna go back by myself and continue with my life there since all his family is here and he already made a choice all this years cheating on me so compluslively I could have had a collection of stds. Also my heart is broken and my trust is gone, so there is no point in talking about his behavior these 3 years, and the stroke is not a cause to forgive his infidelities since he has been doing it before and after the stroke, and if he didn’t have it, it would have gone further in his sex adventures. I love my husband because we have a 7 year story, but I love more my dignity. I just wanted to share this because I’m alone in a different county with no friends and I have no one else to tell. Thanks for reading this

I've been casually dating this lady for several months, now a relationship. How long did it take you to trust again? I've got an eye for everything unfaithful. I've met her parents, been out together with her friends, introduced our kids to each other, my toothbrush and body wash are a permanent fixture in her bathroom. Just booked a weekend getaway together. But I'm so guarded that I'm looking for reasons to end things before I get hurt.

1. She's always putting on fresh bedsheets before I come over. Every time. Shouldn't matter but I look at it like a red flag.

2. Not enough texting. She has a fairly demanding executive job during the day and single moms it in the evenings. She's busy, I get it, so am I. But that persistent intrusive thought of "if not me, then who else is she texting". I checked my call logs, we're chatting for like 5-8 hours a week. That's lots.

3. I find myself questioning what she says, just to see if I can trip her up or poke holes in her story.

4. Sometimes her car is pulled up real close in her driveway, she knows my truck won't fit behind hers, so why did she pull up so close, who else was over?

I can't tell if I'm looking for red flags that aren't there or if I'm being nieve by actively trying to ignore them. It's such a mind fuck.

This woman has been nothing but kind to me and I'm having difficulty not looking at her through a lens of betrayal and hurt. I try to project strength and confidence, but it's just a mask. I've got some ongoing counseling.

Looking for best legal ways to make the mistresses life a little harder.

She knew about me, she knew my husband had a two year old and I was pregnant.

I am mad at my ex husband for blowing my life up and abandoning his family. He’ll get his justice but I still want creative ways to make her life harder.

Any suggestions?

I just need some place to vent about this. She cheated on me about 4 months ago, I broke up immediately cause I'm not gonna give a cheater a 2nd chance. She moved on immediately since she already did so during our relationship by flirting and sexting with other girls. I didn't. I to this day have a hard time moving on from her.

A few days ago I vented about her on one of my private socials and someone in there apparently is still defending her and sent her my post and she decided to double down with a post saying:

"It feels weird to find out people you've healed and moved on from are still obsessed with you... Is there really nothing better to do these days? Relearn shame, embrace embarrassment, find a hobby, forget I existed. But turns out that's too much to ask!! But that's not my problem anymore lmao."

The audacity to tell me to "feel embarrassed and just move on like she did" pisses me off. She cheated on me, ofc moving on was pretty fucking easy for her. Shifting the blame onto me and putting herself in the light of the saint just pisses me off so much, but I'm not surprised. It's the only way she doesn't look like a fucking asshole.

I will never be able to fully move on from what she did. She made me feel worthless and unloved. Congrats on healing so quickly, but you walked away with a paper cut while I walked away with a stab wound.

Really struggling today. Been alone now nearly 3 years. It’ll all be over in December. How could i not have seen what she was doing. Looking back, I knew. I knew and was so blinded.

I (38m) caught her (36f) cheating and got evidence to confront her. She ended up finishing the relationship before I could. i was devestated. so, why is it i find myself still looking at it sometimes??

To make a very long story short, I allowed myself to be in a situationship with a man from work for over two years. We were at the movies one day and when we were coming out the theater we ran into his girlfriend of 3 years that I had no idea about. She saw his car in the parking lot and waited for him to come out. The next time I saw him he told me he doesn’t feel guilty and doesn’t regret it and laughed in my face.

It’s been almost two years since then and I still think about it every day. I’m having nightmares and panic attacks. I’ve been cheated on in past relationships but it didn’t feel like this. It genuinely feels like I have some kind of ptsd. I had to quit my job and move away. This is ruining my life and sense of self. We were never even in an official relationship so I dont know why I feel so betrayed and can’t move on. I say it was a situationship but we spent the holidays together, he’d take me out for my birthday, talk almost every day, etc. he was full on living a double life

I have never clicked with a therapist in the past but I thought about seeking one out again. Does anyone have any suggestions for what kind of therapist/specialty I should seek out to help with this?