I’m 28F he’s 28M , his girlfriend is 22F.

So me and him were together for 10 years and have a 2 year old. I started cheating on him back in January and he caught me in April. I’m not saying what I did was okay but i was so unhappy in the relationship and every time i tried to leave him he would threaten to end his life. When he found out i cheated he overdosed and did try to end his life, so I feel like he actually was capable of doing it & it made me scared to leave. I felt miserable and trapped so I sought attention elsewhere.

When this happened i cut off all contact with the guy i cheated with. my ex wanted to continue to be in a relationship with me for whatever reason. I think he’s deeply insecure has low self esteem and just like no self respect to want to even stay with me after that. Also he’s just terrified of being alone. Anyways, i decided to give the relationship one last real shot. He decided to “ forgive “ me, and look past it, but he never REALLY did. Our relationship actually improved a lot after all of this came out, we were more communicative and open with eachother emotionally, things were really good for a month and a half.

He started using again one day (pills, he’s a functioning addict) and lying about it but i knew. Started to get super distant and I didn’t know why. Turns out he started cheating on me with this 22 year old girl ( she was 21 at the time). He lived a whole double life. He told the girl he lived alone and was a single dad, told her we’d been broken up for 6 months and that we only coparented. He even brought her in our home once when I wasn’t home and she met my son. He took her on their first “date” to the place we’d go to for all our anniversaries on the same day as my first half marathon, then came to cheer me on for that.
that, and her meeting my son hurt me more than them having sex. That race was super important to me, I trained for so long and looked forward to that day and now looking back all I can think about is the fact he was lying to my face the whole time and seeing someone behind my back.

I had no idea all of this was going on til something told me to check his phone one day and I found evidence of him talking to her. He lied and said it was just a kiss & said they’d only been talking for 2 weeks when really it was 2 months. He lied and said they didn’t have sex, then I found out he was having sex with her and paying for motel rooms with my money. I told him to cut it off when I found out (like how I did when I cheated) he said he would, and then I found out he went to see her the next day.

Once I found out, I reached out to her and she told me everything. She had no idea we were still together this whole time and we were both devastated that he could lie like this. I packed my bags and moved a couple states away to my parents house with my son a few days after and we broke up. They immediately hopped into a relationship after this and she moved in with him.

In July, me and him started sexting one night for old times sake I guess. I knew he was with this girl but I didn’t really take his relationship seriously or care tbh. He said he wanted to have sex with me and when I went to get the rest of my things we had sex. He asked me to keep it a secret and I did for a month. I ended up telling her about what happened because she posted a pic on Instagram trying to flex on me with him & showing all this money and posted a song which lyrics were clearly subs to me. Also he owed me 3 thousand dollars that he refused to pay me back yet he was over here flexing all this money with her, bold of him to do that when I had his secret. I got upset and I told her he cheated on her with me, she was devastated but still decided to stay with him.

A couple months pass… her and i end up becoming friends after me coming back to the old state i lived in for a trip. I realized if she was gonna be around my son then we should be cordial and we both let go of everything. For a while we were trauma bonding over my ex and then i realized it wasn’t healthy anymore so i stopped talking to her.

I was trying to save her from their relationship because I didn’t want him to ruin her life, she’s so young, and all he ever did was take away my youth and bring me down. I hated watching it happen to someone else. And I knew bc she moved in their dynamic would pretty much be the same or atleast he was trying to recreate what we had by moving her in so quickly. She told me she wasn’t happy in the relationship and still inlove with her ex. I told her to try and work things out with her ex bc he seemed like a genuinely good guy by what she described and I knew anyone but my ex would be the better option. but ultimately everything she did was her decision. She was inlove with her ex this entire time btw. She trashed that relationship bc she thought my ex was gonna be a better partner but then she told me she ended up regretting everything after she found out he cheated on her with me bc she probably could’ve fixed things with her ex instead of giving her love and staying loyal to the wrong guy.

While me and her were friends ( this was like 3 weeks ago) she tells me she’s sleeping with her ex. She starts spending the night at his house for 3 nights and my ex had no idea. He got suspicious but he had only found messages between them of her venting to him about her relationship. He didn’t know she was having a physical affair behind his back. My ex had texted me when he had his suspicions bc he knew me and her were friends and he said “ you’re my BM, you’re supposed to be on my side”. I didn’t wanna tell him about any of it cuz I felt like I’d be betraying her as my friend and I didn’t wanna get in the middle of their relationship cuz it wasn’t my business or problem. So I didn’t say anything. Til yesterday.

I went on a run and was thinking about everything. Thinking about how he thinks he’s in this perfect relationship, how his life is apparently going so good for him. Yet he’s living a lie and doesn’t even know it. I’m trying to move on with my life, but also I can admit that he’s done so much damage to me where I don’t think I truly want him to be happy. I want him to feel the karma from what he did to me. He threw away our entire family for a girl he had only known for 2 months and when I asked him to cut it off he felt she was more worth it. That hurts. The other day he called me and was telling me how good life is for him and how much everything is working out for him. And I just thought wow, you could never get your life together when you had your family, but now you suddenly have it all together, it’s like he was capable the entire time but couldn’t do it for us. But now this new girl gets the best version of him or something. It made me upset seeing him happy I’m ngl. So I told him that she cheated on him.

The craziest part is he blames me for it. He said I’m always trying to ruin his life. He was devastated when I told her that he cheated on her with me and that really shook things up in their relationship. And now I’m the one who’s the bearer of bad news again, except this time I told him that she cheated.
He was saying I put the idea in her head. Which I did tell her she should be with her ex bc he prob is a better guy, but I wasn’t the one who walked to his house and fucked him. That was all her. I know he’s too weak to be alone so he probably won’t leave her tbh. I didn’t tell him so that he can leave her. I told him bc I wanted him to know he’s with someone who’s lying to his face everyday and the relationship isn’t as perfect as he thinks. But yeah he basically told me to fuck off, and said “ don’t think that you were looking out for me by telling me this, I know you don’t want me to be happy”.
Also I don’t really regret telling him. I sent him proof and I know he believes me. I just wanted him to know that like he can’t do whatever he wants in life and hurt people and get away with no consequences or karma.

I guess I’m just ranting. I’m not really looking for any advice. I’m gonna stay out of things now and not involve myself anymore. There’s nothing left for me to really say to him, and no other reason to communicate about anything besides our child.
The crazy part is he probably won’t even see this as karma. He’s just gonna see it as me trying to fuck up his life. He will distract himself til the day he dies and never take accountability for anything in his life. He jumped into the next relationship bc he refuses to be alone, sit with his feelings, or process anything. while I actually have to be alone and process all of this shit. Which I’m grateful for, I wouldn’t wanna hop into the next thing just bc it’s easier and less painful. I just don’t know how to fully let go of all the pain from everything. I want to feel indifferent for him and not care if he’s happy or not. I don’t wanna feel hate in my heart anymore.
I don’t know how to fully move on from everything without still being hurt over what happened. I know me and him were no good together, I wanted to leave him for a while. I guess I’m mostly just grieving the family we could’ve had and hate that my son won’t grow up in a 2 parent household. I also sometimes feel like what if my son blames me in the future for the reason our family broke apart. Even though the reason we didn’t break up was bc I cheated, it’s bc he continued seeing her when I asked him to cut it off. I was willing to look past his cheating for the sake of my family even though I shouldn’t have. But what I couldn’t look past was being lied to about it continuously and it still going on behind my back. Doing it once was one thing but the fact that he was willing to continue to do it was the real reason I left. It also just feels super unfair to me bc the minute he found out I cheated I genuinely cut off contact with the guy and didn’t even give him an explanation I just ghosted him. But he had an emotional affair with this girl and fell inlove with her. When I cheated it was just sex which I know doesn’t make it any better, but it’s just crazy how he felt this 22 yr old was worth losing his whole family over. When he caught me cheating that shit snapped me back into reality SO quick and I knew I couldn’t continue if I wanted my family to stay together, so I stopped. It just sucks that he couldn’t do the same for me. It’s like he wanted to have the best of both worlds and didn’t want to make a choice. He wanted the stability of being with me and having a family while also having fun with this girl on the side.

It’s been almost 4 months since the break up. I’m still hurt but not as hurt as I was when we ended things. I just wanna be fully over it already.

TLDR; I told my ex that his girlfriend cheated on him. He blames me for it, wants nothing to do with me anymore. Ended a 10 year relationship over infidelity and struggling to fully move on after all the damage that was done.

I've been casually dating this lady for several months, now a relationship. How long did it take you to trust again? I've got an eye for everything unfaithful. I've met her parents, been out together with her friends, introduced our kids to each other, my toothbrush and body wash are a permanent fixture in her bathroom. Just booked a weekend getaway together. But I'm so guarded that I'm looking for reasons to end things before I get hurt.

1. She's always putting on fresh bedsheets before I come over. Every time. Shouldn't matter but I look at it like a red flag.

2. Not enough texting. She has a fairly demanding executive job during the day and single moms it in the evenings. She's busy, I get it, so am I. But that persistent intrusive thought of "if not me, then who else is she texting". I checked my call logs, we're chatting for like 5-8 hours a week. That's lots.

3. I find myself questioning what she says, just to see if I can trip her up or poke holes in her story.

4. Sometimes her car is pulled up real close in her driveway, she knows my truck won't fit behind hers, so why did she pull up so close, who else was over?

I can't tell if I'm looking for red flags that aren't there or if I'm being nieve by actively trying to ignore them. It's such a mind fuck.

This woman has been nothing but kind to me and I'm having difficulty not looking at her through a lens of betrayal and hurt. I try to project strength and confidence, but it's just a mask. I've got some ongoing counseling.

I have recently asked here in this subreddit if the certain signs I was noticing meant he was cheating and I‘ve eventually found out - he was cheating, sort of.

Context: We are a gay couple in the end of their 20‘s and we‘ve been in a relationship for a year, a monogamous one. Then I realized he suddenly started to use Snapchat but he was only using it when he wasn‘t around me (and Snapchat is very uncommon where we live, especially for people our age).

Then, I asked him to send some things to me on his phone, because every time you click the share button, iPhone suggests you your most contacted people and I was #1 and it was always some Snapchat contacts right after me, whose names I‘ve never heard before or anonymous contacts.

I didn’t want to go snooping but I also didn’t want to be lied to and fooled so I added some of these people on Snapchat and starting texting them and confirmed my suspicions. They met on an app designed for anonymous chats without signing up and were texting and exchanging nudes on Snapchat. None of them lives in our country though and they‘ve never even been here, so it was nothing physical. But I still feel betrayed he‘s looked for other people to text with in this context and exchanged nudes.

The bigger issue is that I asked him about it and begged him, before he started to speak, that he tells me the truth, and he still lied and did that so easily, so my trust is broken.

He eventually told me everything, that he used Snapchat a lot for this when he was in the closet (he recently came out for me with his family and friends). He doesn‘t know why but he just found himself downloading it again and texting with people there. Thinks might be almost like an addiction since he did that for so long and suddenly stopped altogether after he met me.

He had cried for days, says he‘ll do anything to earn my trust again if I let him but I don‘t know. One moment I‘m thinking that it‘s worth giving it a chance, and then, I suddenly find myself thinking it‘s a waste of time and it will only hurt even more if I let it go on.

So I found some photos of my wife in lingerie in her secure folder today (we shared passwords and she said I can look at whatever I want whenever I want so no snooping, it's with her permission) I'm a bit concerned though because the photos are from 2022. I remember when she sent them to me. They're at the top of her folder now and are showing the following directories and dates.

Internal storage/dcim/screenshots October 15,2026 12:04pm

Internal storage/dcim/camera September 26,2026 6:40 pm

If it helps she has a Samsung s26 I believe.

I'm concerned because the October date puts me at work during the time the screenshot would have been taken, though the september one shows a time I would likely have been home. She hasn't sent me anything like these photos in months.

My question is this, are these file directories showing that she took a screenshot on that day? Why is the date displayed so recently if the photos are so old. I know she added them to her secure folder several months ago but I'm not understanding how the file path is displaying the photo as being from last week and last month. Is there any way I can see if the photo was sent to someone if she's deleting the messages? Or is this simply a weird thing phones do.

Thanks for anyone that can help.

I have been married to my husband for 3 years and jn a relationship with him for 7. We lived in Spain, ans last year we decided to move to Colombia wherre he is originally from. We were súper excited although none of us had a job. I had some savings so we rented a beautiful apartment, furnished it, but as the months were passing by jobs did not arrive. After 7 months Ii got a job in the Dutch Caribbean so I went there for a month. In the meantime I got him a job u the same company. Everything was ready for him to come, but 10 days before his arrival he had a stroke in Colombia. I immediately went back. Now he can’t move half of his body. He did not lose his ability to speak but his movements are very limited.

The fourth day we were in the hospital I discovered by accident that just 4 days before his stroke he hooked up with a random guy. I accidentally saw a WhatsApp conversation with dick pics and videos swapping, and got to know that my husband went to his apartment for sex. Nonetheless to say, this is NOT an open relationship, and we have been in a committed close relationship since we started back in 2019. I was shocked and cried all night. Seeing my husband’s in such a vulnerable position, so dependant in a bed hospital, and at the same time knowing what I knew…

Then I started noticing how he was all the time on his phone, writing or just checking things and hiding it when I was around, and started becoming suspicious. I had never checked his phone, but this time all the blind trust I previously had was starting to vanish. So one night I grabbed his phone and found telegram archived chats with dozens of guys he had cheated on me during the last 3 years! Some of them were not random hookups, but regular sexbuddies that lasted months, some years. He would usually go to their places while I was at work, or he would tell me he wanted to got to the park to call his family and disappear for one hour. Sometimes he squeezed some in our place while I was away, or agreed to have sex in parks, toilettes and other cruising spots. Of course, he used grindr and other dating apps to find guys, and he had the regular ones in archived chats on WhatsApp and telegram.

Based on the nature of the conversations I found,I could barely recognize my husband. Sex with him was never great, but within time I learned to prioritize other things in the relationship. Most of the chats I discovered had a master&servant dynamic, where my husband was the master. He demanded pictures of his servants in women lingerie, talked about them to drink his piss, and worse things. Also, agreed to take money from them when they had a sex date. Not all the encounters were from this kind but it just blew my mind to know this.

When I found the Girindr app on his phone I got to know that this had been going on for years. Also, this whole last year that we spent in Colombia were plenty of random hookups. Funny thing is that we didn’t have sex for months. I was getting used to the idea that this marriage was gonna be like that, but then I discovered his constant sexual drive, towards others, but me. He is a super loving and caring husband and I know he loves me despite all of this. Somehow he has his secret sexual life in a drawer and me, his family and his public life in a different one, and he has no problem or remorse at all.

After the stroke I had to take care of everything. Got to cancel my apartment rental agreement, sold all the furniture I bought with my savings, and moved to his parents house to a poorer area in the city since he needs as much help as possible and I had to quit my job in the Caribbean to be with him. To worsen things, he has been continuing chatting with his previous hookups and new ones on grindr, swapping nudes, sending his location even he cannot move (although he has been making great improvement and is able to walk with a crutch), and making plans for sex dates if me or his parents are not in the apartment or if he is able to go somewhere close by, what still hasn’t happened.

After 7 years of relationship and 3 of marriage, I decided to help him to recover enough so he can be more independent. He doesn’t know that I know everything, and I don’t think it is the moment to confront him since if he could have another stroke for that, so my plan is to help him and take care of him till he is better and then quit my marriage.I feel bad because it gonna be hard for him especially given his situation. I do all the caring 24/7. He has a brother that has come only twice and as in a visit. His parents live here but it looks like we are in vacation. I am the only one doing all the physical therapy with him, dressing him up, showering him or just keeping him company. Before I knew about everything I told him we would go back to Spain and fully recover there. Now I’m thinking I’m gonna go back by myself and continue with my life there since all his family is here and he already made a choice all this years cheating on me so compluslively I could have had a collection of stds. Also my heart is broken and my trust is gone, so there is no point in talking about his behavior these 3 years, and the stroke is not a cause to forgive his infidelities since he has been doing it before and after the stroke, and if he didn’t have it, it would have gone further in his sex adventures. I love my husband because we have a 7 year story, but I love more my dignity. I just wanted to share this because I’m alone in a different county with no friends and I have no one else to tell. Thanks for reading this

My partner was turned over, setting their alarm and I swear the screen went from an alarm clock, to white arrows all over the screen and then a whole new screen appeared and once he noticed I looked over it went back to the alarm clock. I’ve had concerns the last year of an affair

- partner has pet cameras and security cameras outside. Partner insists i set them up and adds me to the application. This is not something I've asked for or wanted but went along with it.

-indoor camera is motion sensor so it goes off pretty much everytime we walk in the kitchen, so we get multiple notifications all day to our phones. I stayed at partner's house all week and everyday cameras worked and we got the notifications each time.

- As soon as I'm staying at my place for the evening, suddenly no notifications. I don't check the cameras, but the sudden radio silence in notifications was very strange.

-this has happened twice now, both times when I've been away and they had been working normally the day prior and morning I leave. So I asked partner and they said must be because the door is open in front of the camera (i know this is false as it still works fine regardless and had done all week, also, we left the door closed when we left for work, as pet was in kitchen, so partner returning home that evening would of set it off)

-if partner had said they felt uneasy having cameras on whilst chilling out at home so cut the wifi, I'd of completely understood and accepted the explanation for the downtime. But I've just been given weird explanations instead.

- partner also now says they were off work and didn't leave house which is why no notifications , but again doesn't explain why indoor ones wouldn't capture motion and also, bit random to take a holiday and not mention it? Partner doesn't have many holidays left to use and we were planning on saving them to go away, so found this a bit strange also.

Doesn't really make sense why you'd insist on adding me to this application if you knew you were upto something. But st the same time, it looks incredibly strange.

For context, I am a student but I do not have family I can rely on. I have enough money from part time work to afford living on my own but I would definitely be struggling, not to mention finding a place to stay in the first place as student accomodation and renting in my city is very expensive. Me and my boyfriend currently live together and split everything.

When me and my boyfriend first started dating we were having sex almost every day for 6 months. He is my first partner I have had intercourse with and I am his second. However, at one point I landed in the hospital and was suffering from health things, so we didn’t have sex for about 3 months.

When we resumed to having sex we started only doing it once a week, but at the time my sex drive wasn’t as high so I didn’t think much of it. My sex drive increased in August, but every time I would try and initiate things he’d say he’s not in the mood and I’d stop - we were still having sex once a week so again I thought his sex drive just decreased and didn’t think much.

At the start of our relationship I made it very clear that I hate the porn industry, especially because in my first relationship my ex had a porn addiction and would always compare me to porn stars and only fans models. He said he agrees, and said he is super against both porn and onlyfans.

I had an examination where my dr said I might have an STI and would send biopsies to confirm. This obviously freaked me out because I haven’t had sex with anyone but my boyfriend, but I didn’t tell him about my potential STI.

While waiting for the biopsies I went through his phone. He usually takes his phone everywhere with him even the shower, but he leaves it at home when he goes for a run.

I searched everything I could think. On Facebook I found that he had searched up a girl he used to date casually - not that big of a deal. On Instagram I found that he had a second account that has been newly created (September) but it has no followers, no followings, and there were no messages. The screen time on that account was 0 - I have no clue what this could mean.

On his search history however, I found that the day before I checked he was specifically looking at a particular Only Fans model (“(model name) leaks”), he had also looked at a few other models. I also saw a really explicit porn video involving a “legal teen”, there were also a lot of erome.com searches. I also noticed he googles a lot of things related to foot fetishes and looks at celebrities feet a lot, but has never mentioned any sort of fetish when I have asked what I can do for him in bed, and in fact has teased me in the past about my “weird feet” as a joke.

He always messages me when he is finished with work - some searches had occurred before he messaged me.

Other than the above there does not appear to be any other cheating evidence, sometimes he seems to take a long time to finish work but it is very customer dependent so it isn’t suspicious in a vacuum.

EDIT FOR MORE INFO: We currently aren’t having sex because I am still recovering from surgery. He has always told me that sex isn’t super important to him.

My STI results came back with a negative. However, I don’t know what I should do next and how to confront this. He’ll definitely be mad that I snooped (I know it was wrong) and I’d rather pretend to stumble across it or search it up while he’s there so he can’t use anything as leverage against me.

TL;DR: Boyfriend might not be cheating but is definitely looking at born despite a boundary, but it would be a huge struggle to live on my own and I don’t know what to do.