Life is getting harder as my hearing gets worse, and the loneliness is becoming unbearable.
Being around people who don't understand disability, or make fun of it, makes it even more painful.
I recently visited another town for a couple of days. My cousin owns a café, and I thought I'd spend some time with her. On the first evening, I was waiting for my dinner when some people she knew, sitting at a couple of tables away, invited me to join them. I knew how difficult it would be to follow their conversation, so I smiled and said I was fine where I was. But my cousin gave me a look, so I joined them anyway.
Everyone was talking, asking me questions, and jumping from one topic to another. I couldn't keep up. I kept missing words and struggling to understand. I became so anxious that my heart was racing. Eventually, I got up and left.
I was still hungry, but I couldn't sit there anymore. I waited outside until everyone had left. I ate outside.
Imagine being in your own cousin's café and feeling so out of place that you have to leave just to breathe.
I don't want to be antisocial. I don't want to spend my life hiding in corners. I want to laugh with people, have conversations, and feel like I belong without constantly worrying about what I've missed or how others see me.
The hardest part is that I don't feel like I have people in my life with whom I can truly be myself without feeling left out. I don't have even 1 person not even on online platforms.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way. How do you deal with the loneliness when all you want is to feel like you belong somewhere?