Hallo zusammen,

Ich W28 bin sehr krank, seit vielen Jahren bettlägerig und weiß, dass ich in den nächsten Monaten sterben werde.
Ich bin jetzt schon so schwach, dass ich nicht mehr viel machen kann.

Jetzt frage ich mich, was ich auf der einen Seite noch organisatorisches machen kann, was ich meinen Angehörigen abnehmen kann, auf der anderen Seite, was ich Ihnen hinterlassen kann, was Ihnen auch wirklich hilft oder Ihnen eine liebevolle Erinnerung sein kann. Mir fallen da bisher nur Briefe und Fotos ein…

Vielleicht habt ihr ja Ideen oder sowas schon mal mit einer Person durchgestanden ❤️

It’s been almost 1.5 years since my life has changed dramatically. It feels like I have lost a part of myself and no matter how much I try or struggle to fix things, nothing is working in my favour. Sometimes it just gets too intense, I could feel sharp pain in my chest and tears would start to flow. I hate myself for stupid decisions that I made and when I look back, I miss my life before the disastrous decision. I thought maybe with time I would feel fine but it never goes away. Some days are okay but some days are rainy days where it overwhelms me emotionally.

Does it ever get better?

I've lost my best friend to suicide on August 30th. He never showed any signs. Always seemed to be the happiest and most supportive of everyone.

Lately I've been feeling so incredibly guilty. Which I know is normal. But sometimes I just wonder why it couldn't be me. Because he was so important to so many people and had so much more to live for.

How do people deal with the survivorsguilt of losing someone close to them to suicide?

I know that there probably aren't really any tips, but if you have suggestions, I'd really appreciate it

I lost my little sister to suicide 3 years ago. We grew up in a dysfunctional family and I stupidly thought my parents would learn from this and be better people after what happened. They are South Indian though and grew up there (my sister and I grew up in America) so they can only change so much.

I was 22 when she died. I’ve tried my best, graduating college, moving to a big city in the West Coast, and then to a big city in the East Coast. Working long hours in a relatively demanding field. I’ve made friends from scratch in both cities, tried various hobbies: dance, skiing, sewing, cooking, solo traveling internationally twice. But I feel empty inside. People my age are starting to get engaged and married, and I feel so numb to life. Like I don’t know who I am anymore.

I stopped speaking to most of my friends from before my sister died because they utterly lacked empathy. But the lack of continuity of people who knew me before and after has screwed me up a bit. It feels like I spend all my time performing and keeping on a facade of normalcy because my pain makes others uncomfortable and makes me look weak. I feel like I can’t hear my own thoughts or wants or desires anymore. All I know how to do anymore is people please because I feel numb to everything. In order for me to live a life I feel proud of, I need to care about something, and I just don’t anymore. I feel sick of people in general and their lack of empathy or perspective.

I meet a lot of new people and frequently am asked if I have any siblings, and I say yes because saying no feels unnatural. She’s still my sister, whether she’s dead or alive. Then I get a follow up question like “oh what does she do?” and I lie and say she’s a lot younger than me and still in high school (the age she was when she died). With some people I try to be honest and say she passed away a few years ago, but then sometimes I get a “oh what happened” as if this is some kind of interesting drama for them for the day.

I work in finance and I’m supposed to be “young and hungry” at my age. I chose this field before she passed away and I used to be a lot more interested in and fascinated by the world. Now I just feel like, who cares about making more money for our investors? I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know what I value. I just do what people tell me to or whatever I think will make people happy or make me look functional from the outside because…I don’t care or trust the world as a safe or even reasonable place anymore. I feel so empty everyday.

On top of that someone reported me for body odor at work and it’s like…can you just shut the fuck up?

I lost my father(57) when I was 17, my uncle (68) at 23, and my bio mom(41) at 25. I'm currently 26, starting to plan a wedding and I want them to be there.

I want to call my dad and tell him about it. I can't even remember what his voice sounds like. I want my uncle to officiate my wedding like he did for my sister's. I want my mom to take too many pictures. But instead there's just going to be chairs with pictures frames.

I dont want picture frames I want them.

I don't want to be jealous of things my sister got like getting to celebrate graduating highschool with my dad. Having my uncle next to her at her wedding.

My dad and I have the same birthday and I want to celebrate my birthday without my birthday buddy again. He never even got to see me become an adult.

I want to spend just one more brutally cold morning in a hunting blind with my Dad. I want to spend another day on the lake with my uncle. I want to wade through the creek looking for rocks with my mom. And I want them at my wedding and when I have kids and start a family.

I don't want to mark holidays with death. - lost my father on Halloween. We share a Christmas birthday, lost my mother on Easter- I want to celebrate them with baskets and candy.

I lost my uncle in the month of October as well and with the anniversary of him and my dad being this month while starting to try and make a guest list the lack of them in my life feel like it's twisting in my gut.

I never usually post at all but I just feel so lost. I know there is no timeline on grief but I just feel "behind" for a lack of better word. I'm 22 and I lost my dad suddenly a year ago in November. He is 57 and it just , god , I can't even explain the shock. But I still just don't believe he is really gone. If anyone is willing to share, I'm curious to know how long/short it took you to realise that this is the new reality. I mean like it's practically been a year for me and I still can't talk about dad in past tense. I freeze when I hear someone else doing it as if it's so abnormal and isn't true. I just feel like I should be even a little further along this whole "grief process" and I can't cope. The year has FLOWN by yet it still feels like the funeral and everything was only a matter of weeks ago. I just honestly don't know.

My mom is actively dying in a hospice and my closest friends havent asked me how she or I am doing in a while. Am I just sensitive at the moment or should they be doing more? I’ve asked them how things in their life have been but they haven’t asked about me. It’s not as if they’ve never asked but am I just reading into this too much?

I wanted to share something I find helpful in hopes that others might benefit from it. Whenever I feel like the grieving is too much, I make a plan to go do something helpful for my community. I’ll volunteer helping people or animals, or just do things I know will help people I already know. After I do whatever charitable act I have decided to dedicate my time to, I focus and think of the person that has passed and dedicate that good deed to them. I find this helps somehow. Thank you for reading. Hope you all find peace and happiness. 🙏

My mum passed away four months ago to a hit and run accident and i feel very angry.

I am (35F) and had just started a new good job and finally thought i could now help my mum as she went through hell to take me through school.

I have been seing a grief therapist which helps abit but the anger part is what i cant process .

My dad refused to educate me and was always fighting my mum and trying to kick us out of the house.

To make it worse one of his gfs showed up at the funeral and had the audacity to say hello to me.

One one hand i fear losing my only remaining parent but on the other hand i resent him.

When I found out I was pregnant a month to the day after Dad died I felt like I had this invisible string connecting me to him. Like he was out there somewhere sending me pregnancies and hope. But then I miscarried. And the string is gone or maybe was never really real in the first place. He really is gone forever. And I’m struggling to find the hope. I’m grasping for a new string and I can’t find it.

Anyone else? Lost my mom at a young age. 30 years later I’m still missing her and wishing I could have her comforting presence. Most days I don’t even think of her. Most days I’m generally a happy person as I’ve spent most of my life without her. But today is not one of those days.

I’ve experienced 3 very different losses in the last year and half and it feels like I’m supposed to learn something about d**th, loss and grief from this, but I’m often left just feeling quite bleak about everything.

First it was a family member I’m not very close to, but our relationship was not bad at all…. my uncle, who attempted 3 times before the final… each time someone else found him and got him immediate medical care and then a more long term mental health care once his injuries were treated. I think either the first or second attempt, his kids may have found him. I was angry about that, and anger is definitely part of grief.

In the therapy apparently he just kept telling everyone that he’s just decided, and no one can stop him and there’s no point etc. my dad went out to where my uncle lived after one of these attempts and put every bit of his heart, soul, and body into helping his brother in every way, including cleaning up his house, inside and out because there were all of these construction projects around the house that had been left… giving him money, talking to him for hours, trying to work through it all… so much…. anyway I’m struck by this struggle of someone loving someone so much they would do anything to help them to prevent them taking their life, and the other person just still insisting none of that matters, and they are just going to do it anyway. I can understand the impact of depression, I have my own experiences with this, but I can’t imagine doing this to my kids if I had them, or any family. The anger part of grief came out a lot during this, but also this deep sorrow for my dad going through this with his brother, and for my cousins losing their dad, almost as if they had to lose him 3 times….

Next it was a friend, this spring, who took her life, and this one was a strange experience because she’s my age and our life experiences are quite similar. Ostensibly she chose to end her life because she could not imagine living without this partner who broke up with her, that he was perfect and she “fucked it up” by having a “mental breakdown” but in reality this guy wasn’t that great to her, he was coercive and there was an unhealthy power dynamic, and she was grieving a parent and he was so insensitive while she was going through that, and he got her into drugs, and they triggered some psychiatric issues for her that she got medication and treatment for, and then he broke up with her and said it’s because he didn’t want to have to be a caretaker, which is absurd because I watched her be his caretaker their entire relationship… she left town without telling anyone, well she said she was going home, but went to another country and d*ed there, with another person none of us knew, and it was so shocking that I think I did some “bargaining” and “denial” thinking that she wouldn’t do this and someone else had… like I started wanting to believe this stranger she had done it with had somehow coerced her to do something she didn’t intend to do, when in reality it was clear they both intended it and work together to do it. There’s more dark details about it that have really just shook me to my core….

One of the things that scares me about watching my friend do this, thinking about all the potential warning signs I missed… the more I think about it the more I think maybe I could be pushed to a point in my life that I would do that. I’m in a really great romantic relationship, and if that person decided to leave me, and said the things her partner said to her…. I’m in such a vulnerable state, there were times in my life where I would be certain I could survive that, but now I’m not so sure, maybe I would feel like she did.

And I don’t know if this is also “bargaining” but I’m continually haunted by this idea of like… what if I had been a better friend, if I had been more vocal and affectionate, if I had left no room for any doubt that I loved her and would help support her through the grief of a breakup… and she had so many other people who would have done the same… would she still be here? I first met her years ago, we didn’t become closer until many years later, but the first time I met her I was convinced she didn’t like me, she was too cool, and I wasn’t cool enough for her to like me….and I found out that she had recently, before leaving us, said that to a friend of mine “I wasn’t sure you really liked me” and I cry every time I think about it because I think so many girls/women go through this, like why would we think people don’t really like us? And if I was the friend to everyone who just made it so clear I like you for who are, not who you’re dating or what kinds of favors you might be able to do for me, I just like you as a person…. Would it make a difference?

The 3rd loss is a friend who was diagnosed with ALS about 2 years ago, and had deteriorated to the point that she made the decision to cease food and water. This is very different from these other two, a person with a terminal illness absolutely has every right to choose to de with dignity, but I guess that’s where my anger and sadness comes from because why couldn’t she have been able to just choose exactly when, to d*e comfortably? why was she forced to essentially starve to death in order to end the pain? She had morphine to ease the pain, but if allowed to have a higher dose maybe it would have been easier? It took 7 days, that doesn’t seem fair to her and her family, but then again this horrible illness isn’t fair, and none of this is fair. I miss her, I’m angry at myself and sad that I didn’t see her in person before she was gone. I’m sad because she’s the last person on the planet that deserved anything like that and I’m sad because she was so young, and so much was taken away from her because of this disease. Sometimes I feel survivors guilt like maybe someone else would make better use of this gift of life than I can, and maybe I don’t deserve my life 😢 all these are just thoughts and feelings they come and go, but overall I’m feeling depleted because in addition to all this personal grief, I’m submerged in a collective global grief… never ending war, economic exploitation, racism, sexism etc

If anyone reads all of this, bless you. I’m just looking to find some kind of meaning or lesson I guess? Like how do I move forward and show up better for people, and learn how to grieve without completely losing myself, because sometimes the spiraling thoughts make it seem like the future is so bleak and dark that I don’t know what I’m looking forward to anymore. Holding on to my threadbare hope….

What are your experiences with feeling like your emotions aren't valid? It can feel wrong at times to grieve when there are people out there who were closer to the deceased than you were. I.e. immediate family, siblings, friends

Since my dad passed away, I feel emotionally disconnected from everyone. I don’t seem to feel love or emotional attachment towards anyone anymore, and it genuinely concerns me. It’s like my grief has taken over so much of me that I can’t feel anything for other people.
Has anyone else experienced this after losing someone they love? Does it get better, and how do you start feeling emotionally connected again?

A couple of nights ago, I had this ironically accurate nightmare about the fear of losing my mom. In that nightmare, she passed away. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to have a heart attack and immediately grabbed my phone to call her. It took me like 30 seconds to realize she was already gone. She died of cardiac arrest a year ago. It hit me like a tidal wave. The worst feeling ever. Grief just never goes away.

My brother unexpectedly passed away this year and I am trying to think of something meaningful to do with some of the readings from the funeral for my parents as a gift. These were extremely nice things said about my brother and I don’t want them to be forgotten. I’ve thought about getting them framed but wanted to see if anyone had ideas or has done something similar?

It was full of baggage for both of us but I am sad to them officially go. I wish them the best and hopefully they find someone that brings them happiness. But never want to see or hear from them again.

Goddammit, I hate that I'm back here.

First my Mom died of Ovarian Cancer, now my dog's dying of Lymphoma. He's drank very little water today, but he has eaten a bit of wet food spoonfed by my Grandma.

If his condition worsens by tomorrow, the vet that diagnosed him will be here to humanely put him to rest this Thursday.

His symptoms showed up about a month and a half ago, but he likely has been sick for a long while, maybe several months. He's always panting, laying about and trying to eat and drink. His drool is thick and sticky, which I thought was the prednisolone he was taking just drying his mouth, but nope, he just won't drink water.

He probably understands he's near death is close, but he most likely doesn't understand he'll be gone so soon.

Poor boy always hated cars, he hates being in one and he hates when they pass my home. And he'll pass in one(mobile vet van).

This is proof to me that God is real and that it is laughing at me.

What's next? What the hell is next!? What does it want? A limb? My soul? My life?

Edit: he's finally drinking water and eating

Hello everyone. I’m M.

Thursday evening I went to reach out a friend who I hadn’t reached out to in a long time because I missed him, only to find he took his life in 2022.

I didn’t know. No one reached out. We didn’t have a bad falling out, life just got in the way and he moved out of state.

He did a great deal of my tattoos and we actually had a marriage pact. That’s what destroys me. My thought process keeps going to if we had gotten married and had a life, would that have changed anything? It’s eating me up. I’m not taking blame, that’s selfish. But if I had reached out more, or maybe followed through with our pact, he’d still be here.

I’m trying to be okay, trying to accept the fact that he’s gone. But it’s hard. It’s like now we don’t have a chance to come back to each other and talk and grow back what we had as friends.

I miss him a lot.. even more now that I know there isn’t a chance to hear his voice again.

Sorry, bit of a vent.

I guess I just wanted to be heard really. My dad died at the age of 92 today. I had a thought though. I may be sad but I am only 42. My mom was married to him for 49 years, so she must be devastated. I reached out to her but it seems like she’s trying to remain strong. I did fly home and saw him last week, but now I’m kind of mad at myself. I wanted to retire from the Navy and graduate college before he left us. I know he’s in a better place! I guess I wanted to just scream this out into the ether. Thanks for letting me talk.

What is a smell that reminds you of them, and do you look for it or avoid it? For me its faint cigarette smoke mixed with Pepsi.

First of all, I am very sorry for my rambling I just find it hard to put into words.

I lost my wife 3 years ago after being married to her for 45 years and they were very caring and loving years.

I have not been with anyone since she passed. I find myself after this 3rd year being hard than the first two, every night going to bed I miss the feeling of her skin next to mine as we snuggle. It was like we were one person when we did and I missed that.

I feel that I could never be married again, but you never know what the future is going to bring you. Is it possible to find someone that would also feel the need for the same thing?

I feel at this point I think, only a widowed woman who had a husband that was very loving and caring to her as my wife was to me could only understand. So we can share our feelings and each of us would know that the other one would totally understand how the other one feels in the grief, pain and sadness that we feel from our loss.

I truly feel that only another widowed person can really understand these feelings.

Someone that I could do things together so we can both talk about our feelings. Knowing that each of us can totally understand our feelings and maybe would be able to help each other.

I’m not a very social person so I know that I do not socialize very much and that will make it difficult to find someone. So how do you do it?

It is hard to say these things and hard to think it. I am 76 and kind of old-fashioned I feel you should be married to do these things, but I find myself all mixed up in my feelings.

I hope it’s ok to ask questions but I’m just curious it seems like we can be free here. I think because we are in the same boat and could understand our feelings.

That’s why I’m asking what do other people feel and think about this and have they experienced this and what did they do?

Thank you for your time and I am sorry for all of you who have lost your loved ones, and I know the pain and sadness that you’re dealing with. To all of you try and take care the best you can.

I don’t think it’s wrong in how I feel but I’m just curious what other people think.

I’m so confused in all my feelings, but I don’t know if other people feel the same way or have felt this way.

I am trying to cope with all the emotions and feelings and to see what other people are experiencing.

The love I had with my wife was that we were inseparable. All we wanted to do is be together holding hands everywhere we went and going for rides. We loved each other in any and every way we could.

We just love being together more than anything else. We didn’t need other people we had each other and that’s all we needed and that’s all we wanted. I still feel that I’m not very social. I don’t care to be around a lot of people I just like things quiet and peaceful.

The loss of my wife is more than I could ever have imagined but after reading other people’s stories on here I do feel I’m not alone and it does help some.

I am 76 years old was married for 45 years to a very loving and caring wife that meant the whole world to me and it’s been three years plus that she’s been gone and the pain is sadness is still deep inside me.

I found this site and signed up thought that maybe it would help but I want to warn people.

I’m new to this Internet stuff and I don’t like it. I’ve already had some people send me a DM and want to chat.

I’m not sure how to explain it but they’ll send you a message and you click it to accept it and want to view it.

After a while chatting back-and-forth something didn’t seem right they keep wanting more and more information about me and they don’t say anything about them.

Then the next day I go to see if there’s a message from them because I’m feeling good that it would be nice to be able to chat with someone.

Then found out that Reddit cancels their account and I want to thank Reddit for trying to protect us at this point in life when we are very vulnerable.

It’s really a shame that people take advantage of people like us when we’re in such pain and sadness after losing our loved one.

I don’t know, but maybe most of you already know that stuff but to me this is all new and for some people who don’t know I just wanted to point out to be very careful with that stuff cause we are very vulnerable at this time in our life and to all of you be careful and take care

I know it can be hard to trust with what is being said on here and to trust what response you get, but I feel I need to try something and I don’t know maybe I’ll just spend the rest of my life all by myself, but I just thought I’d try something.

I had an account here that I started about 6 weeks ago and because of scams I felt I needed to cancel my account so I started this one a few days ago. I think I have learned how to be careful on here now.

I found this site and then I signed up so I can write on here and share my feelings after three years of losing my wife. I had my Doctor, Chaplin and other people to tell me to go see a grief counselor.

I tried one after the first year; all that did after what they told me was to piss me off and made me mad. The first year was kind of numb. The second year was bad and this third year is even worse.

So I tried a different grief counselor and it was a total waste of time. This is what happen, I ask them how long will I be able to talk with them and they said 20 to 30 mins. Now they showed me in to their office and I sit down in front of their desk. They had a clock on their desk facing me. Now after a short time I was starting to cry and was looking for something that you would think would be in every grief counselor’s office. It was nowhere to be found. Kleenex can you imagine that. That did it no more grief counselors.

I think reading here on this website and to share my feelings on it to get feedback does help some and much better than I could ever get from a grief counselor.

Thank you to the people who have written back to me and I am sorry for you widowers who have lost a loved one too because we all know what we’re dealing with.

My dad wasn't a good man, but he was present in my life, there to support me. I know he wanted to be a decent father, and I still hold him in a special place even after all the bad memories.

He frequently smoked a lot and had a bad diet, all of that caught up to him and he got diagnosed with kidney cancer. He had frequent fights with my mom that I as a kid willingly chose to ignore. I was a kid who didn't knew any better back then. When my dad got bedridden with cancer, the both of them softened up with each other.

And as a kid, I did get abused by my dad. I did do a lot of stupid shit back then as a kid but I remember it being. Being a lot to handle I guess, my child mind didn't got used to the pain and would cry. I really don't know what to feel about it now that's he dead. And I don't really hate him for it.

I remember my dad getting a hole on his stomach, he needed it to shit and pee in a plastic bag because of how bad his kidneys got. When they operated on the guy, I remember my mom telling me his kidney had too many kidney stones for the operation to handle. He got so weak, he would spend most days lying down on the couch, couldn't play with me and my sister like we used to.

Like I remember, on the last night my dad was alive. I fucking cried so bad. My dad was on the couch and my mom sent me off with my sister to spend the night with my uncle and aunt. I begged them to not let me go, I don't remember the reason why, maybe I had no reason, maybe I just didn't want to go so bad. I just had no idea he would die after that evening.

That was the last time I would ever see my father, I didn't get to hear him say his final words and at the time I had no idea he was dead by then. I woke up that morning clueless of my dad's passing. When my dad died apparently he got so heavy my mom couldn't carry him off his wheelchair.

I guess I just never got any closure from that. Death took my dad away without letting me talk to him one last time. At the funeral I never cried, I think I didn't feel any grief back then. My mind couldn't process that my dad was just, gone from my life for good. Maybe that's a good thing, because maybe I couldn't have handled it that well either.

I don't have any regrets now. I guess the one good thing is that he atleast got to spend his daughter's birthday before he died? I don't know it's just me trying to find the positive in things.

I guess it just, it just kinda sucks that my most recent memories of him is when he was bedridden with cancer. That sucked

I don't think I want my dad to be forgotten about either, it's hard to imagine someone that special in your life to be forgotten by people. Like no one talks or thinks about my dad anymore, not even for a second. I don't want that, even if he was a bad person, I guess I'm just not ready to forget about him yet man