This is not a question about the sub pushing against the dom’s limits, which I hope is obviously not okay. This is also not about the dom pushing against the sub’s limits, which is also obviously not okay.

Let’s say a sub has said that CnC is a limit. Then mid scene, the sub asks to be overpowered and treated forcefully and that their pleads and nos be ignored. There is an established safe word and it has not been used. But when discussing kinks beforehand, the sub said this is a limit of theirs.

What I do is not to engage in whatever the sub is asking for if they previously stated that it was a limit, even if they are begging for it mid-scene.

My thought is that they might be subspace drunk and might end up regretting it if I do engage and they might end up not feeling safe afterwards. I prefer to have a discussion about it after the scene and post-aftercare, and ask if their limits might have shifted since we last talked about them.

I want to hear thoughts and advice about this.

Ciao a tutti! Sono un aspirante Dom e sto iniziando a conoscere alcune possibili sub qui su Reddit. Non ho ancora avuto esperienze pratiche in una dinamica D/s, quindi sto cercando di conoscere persone, capire meglio le compatibilità e imparare anche attraverso il confronto con gli altri.

In questo periodo sto parlando con alcune ragazze, tra cui una che si definisce anche brat. Durante una delle nostre conversazioni ho detto che so essere dolce e gentile quando serve, anche perché durante la conoscenza mi è capitato di fare qualche battuta e scherzare con lei.

A quel punto mi ha risposto:

*«Mi sembri molto simile a me, non è che anche tu sei un po' brat e cerchi una mistress?»*

Le ho risposto che la sottomissione non mi è mai piaciuta e che fare battute o scherzare non significa non poter essere più deciso o duro quando lo si desidera.

La mia domanda è: **ho sbagliato qualcosa nel modo in cui ho risposto?** Essere ironici e scherzosi durante una conoscenza può far passare l'idea di non essere adatti al ruolo Dom? E, soprattutto con una brat, come si può trovare il giusto equilibrio tra complicità, ironia, fermezza e autorevolezza senza cercare di dimostrare continuamente qualcosa?

C'è poi un'altra cosa che mi ha lasciato qualche dubbio.

Questa stessa ragazza mi ha risposto dopo circa due giorni e successivamente mi ha scritto questo messaggio, che riporto integralmente:

*«Su instagram ci sono meno che su reddit però, ti avviso. Non vorrei mai rientrare nella lista nera delle persone che ti ghostano. Non sono davvero quel tipo di persona e mi dispiacerebbe accadesse anche se magari non volontariamente (es: avendo tanti impegni fuori dai social spesso non vedo le notifiche e mi perdo qualche conversazione). Quindi piuttosto metto le mani avanti ora e nel caso non volessi continuare a parlare capirei»*

Come interpretereste questo messaggio? Sta semplicemente cercando di chiarire che è poco presente sui social e che non vuole essere fraintesa, oppure potrebbe essere un modo per mettere le mani avanti nel caso in cui la conoscenza non dovesse proseguire? Non voglio attribuirle intenzioni che magari non ha, ma vorrei capire come comportarmi e se abbia senso continuare a conoscerla senza farmi troppe aspettative.

**Infine, c'è una questione più generale che mi sta facendo riflettere.**

Oltre a lei, sto conoscendo altre possibili sub, ma mi capita spesso di vedere le conversazioni interrompersi improvvisamente.

Per esempio, ieri mattina alle 6:40 ho mandato il buongiorno a una ragazza con cui la sera precedente avevo parlato normalmente e con cui mi ero salutato dicendole che ci saremmo sentiti il giorno dopo. Mi aveva risposto in maniera dolce e gentile, ma non ho più ricevuto risposta per tutta la giornata.

Con un'altra ragazza americana, invece, stavamo conversando nel pomeriggio, intorno alle 16:00 ora italiana. A un certo punto mi sono assentato per un impegno e le ho risposto nuovamente verso le 18:00. Da quel momento non ho più ricevuto risposta.

So benissimo che le persone hanno una vita al di fuori dei social, che possono essere impegnate, avere notifiche disattivate o semplicemente non avere voglia di parlare in quel momento. Non pretendo risposte immediate né una presenza costante.

Il problema è che, quando si stanno appena iniziando a conoscere delle persone e si cerca di capire se possa nascere una compatibilità, queste interruzioni improvvise mi lasciano spesso nel dubbio: è normale poca continuità all'inizio? È meglio aspettare che siano loro a farsi sentire? Oppure dovrei interpretare questi comportamenti come un segnale di scarso interesse e andare avanti?

Non vorrei diventare insistente, ma nemmeno interrompere conoscenze che potrebbero avere del potenziale soltanto perché una persona risponde dopo molte ore o giorni.

**Mi piacerebbe ricevere consigli soprattutto da Dom e sub con esperienza:**

- Ho sbagliato qualcosa nella conversazione con la ragazza che mi ha dato del possibile brat?

- Come si costruisce autorevolezza nel ruolo Dom senza rinunciare all'ironia e alla dolcezza?

- Come interpretereste il messaggio che mi ha mandato e come rispondereste?

- Quanto è normale che una conoscenza D/s online proceda con risposte sporadiche?

- Qual è il modo migliore per distinguere una persona semplicemente impegnata da una che non è realmente interessata?

- Come mi consigliate di comportarmi per conoscere queste ragazze senza mettere pressione, ma anche senza investire troppe energie in persone che magari non hanno lo stesso interesse?

Non cerco qualcuno che mi dia necessariamente ragione. Vorrei capire se sto interpretando male certe situazioni, se devo cambiare qualcosa nel mio approccio e come affrontare queste conoscenze in maniera più matura.

Grazie a chi vorrà condividere la propria esperienza e darmi qualche consiglio!

I found my diamond in the rough. She was everything that I was looking for. She had all the right itches in all the places I want to scratch. We talked. We listened. We made plans for the future.

While it was only a short time ago that I made my first post, it appears the feeling was not mutual. While I was smitten, she was carrying a scar that I could not see.

Today, our dynamic ended.

I received a message that was fairly ominous, but was clearly a message that she was having trouble so I reached out.

What followed was quite an astounding piece of bravery.

She indicated that she was having issues from outside our dynamic that was negatively impacting the dynamic.
We talked about steps forward, but it was pretty clear her mind was made up.
For a sub to come to her dom, and be authoritative, to be assertive and to do all of this while quite clearly on pain. That takes true bravery.

While my little one was hurting, she still was able to have the clarity to give me the one thing I asked for. Closure. Even when it pained her to do so.

So let me be clear.

This is how you do it.
If you have a problem. You speak up.
You don’t fall upon your sword. You don’t run off in to the darkness. You don’t hide and hope the problem fixes itself.
True bravery isn’t always fighting the hordes and the masses. Some times it’s the little voice in the dark, the one that whispers “enough”, even when doing so will hurt.

Our dynamic may be over, but my door has not closed. It will remain open, because of how you walked away, not in spite of it.
I’m proud of you little one. The sun will shine on you again.
I just hope to get to see it.
Good luck.

-Oh

Hi!

My partner and I have decided to try clicker training out. We're looking for ideas for training that would help me take care of myself better (such as brushing my teeth) or ideas like that, though we would not be opposed to NSFW ideas. What do ya'll have your subs clicker trained on?

Any ideas, both SFW or NSFW are appreciated.

Ciao a tutti! Sono un ragazzo di 25 anni, italiano e aspirante Dom. Anche se mi definisco ancora aspirante, conosco abbastanza bene questo mondo, avendo letto e approfondito molti aspetti della dinamica D/s. Semplicemente, non ho ancora trovato una sub con cui iniziare concretamente questo percorso.

Ultimamente sto conoscendo alcune ragazze che si definiscono aspiranti sub e avrei bisogno di qualche consiglio, soprattutto da chi ha più esperienza di me.

Parto dalla situazione che mi sta facendo riflettere di più.

Sto conoscendo una ragazza che è un'aspirante sub, abita a circa 40 minuti da me e sa già che sono un aspirante Dom. Ci stiamo conoscendo con calma, senza fretta e senza forzare nulla, anche se per ora non ci siamo ancora incontrati dal vivo.

Da qualche tempo, però, sta attraversando un momento difficile nella sua vita. Da ieri è diventata meno attiva nelle risposte ai miei messaggi. Quando mi risponde, comunque, è gentile, mi ringrazia per le mie parole e mi dice che le fanno piacere, ma non si apre molto riguardo a ciò che sta vivendo.

Mi ha detto che apprezza il mio atteggiamento e che mi parlerà meglio del problema quando sarà riuscita a risolverlo.

Da una parte vorrei farle capire che può parlare con me, sfogarsi e sentirsi ascoltata senza essere giudicata. Dall'altra non voglio insistere, risultare invadente o farle sentire che deve raccontarmi qualcosa per forza, soprattutto considerando che ci conosciamo da poco.

Come mi consigliereste di comportarmi? È meglio lasciarle i suoi spazi e aspettare che sia lei ad aprirsi, oppure cercare ogni tanto di farle capire che ci sono? Come si può aiutare una persona a sfogarsi senza metterle pressione? E come distinguere il bisogno di stare un po' da soli da un eventuale allontanamento nei confronti di chi si sta conoscendo?

Vorrei gestire la situazione con maturità e rispetto, senza confondere il mio interesse per lei con il bisogno di sapere cosa le stia succedendo.

C'è poi una seconda questione sulla quale vorrei sentire le vostre opinioni.

In questo periodo sto conoscendo diverse aspiranti sub: oltre alla ragazza di cui ho appena parlato, ce n'è una americana, quindi con tutte le difficoltà legate alla distanza e alla differenza di fuso orario, e un'altra che vive a circa un'ora da me.

Mi chiedo come sia meglio gestire queste conoscenze. Non ho ancora una relazione né una dinamica D/s avviata con nessuna di loro, quindi al momento si tratta semplicemente di persone che sto conoscendo e con cui sto cercando di capire se possa nascere qualcosa.

Secondo voi è normale conoscere più persone contemporaneamente in questa fase, oppure sarebbe meglio concentrarsi su una sola fin dall'inizio? Ha senso continuare a conoscere anche le altre mentre cerco di capire come evolverà la situazione con la prima ragazza? E quali aspetti dovrei valutare per capire con chi potrebbe esserci maggiore compatibilità, sia umana sia all'interno di una futura dinamica D/s?

Non vorrei prendere decisioni affrettate, ma nemmeno investire tutte le mie energie in una sola conoscenza prima di sapere se c'è un reale interesse reciproco.

Mi farebbe piacere ricevere soprattutto consigli da Dom con esperienza, ma anche da chi ha vissuto situazioni simili durante le prime fasi della conoscenza.

Grazie a chiunque vorrà condividere la propria esperienza!

So, I'm going to meet this really hot guy from grindr. He's a couple of years older than me, and we're going to hook up today. The thing is, he's submissive, and I'm going to be the dom top. The problem is that not only have I never dominated anyone before, but this is also only my second time topping someone. How do I do it? Any tips on how to be a good dom and top?

He asked me how I'd like him to look when he opens the door, since he's hosting and I told him to keep his clothes on because I'm going to strip him naked. He also said, “Bend me as you please in any part of the house” and “I'm free use.”

I did ask him about his boundaries and he said no restraining, no spitting. (He said he's okay with me pushing these boundaries, but only in future if we end up having some connection)

Please give me tips and tricks on how to approach this whole situation. What should I do? How should I greet him? How and where should I start? What should I do next? And what should I do after we both cum?

Honestly, any tips would help. I should also mention that he said he's interested in making this a regular, ongoing FWB situation, like sleepovers and everything.

Hello! I'm slowly getting acquainted with a woman I may date... May make a sub. I'm not sure yet. But she has a craving to just turn her brain off and be sub. I don't want to order her around, I don't think that's what she wants. I think she just wants to be loved on and not have to think. Like little space but not... Little? We are both girls so I was gonna do stuff like watch tv, play with her hair, paint her nails, maybe color or something.

I am looking for more ideas of ways to pamper her. I'm limited on space we will be in the den. So clean things that can be walked in on by roommates.

Posting from a throwaway for privacy reasons.

I have been in several dynamics and a part of the community both in person and online for 7 years now and am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to RACK and similar basic things regarding BDSM guidelines.

The one thing I struggle with continuously is that as I grow and find out what my core/true kinks are, I find it easier to vet and tell right off the bat what my non-negotiables are and whether I'm going to click with the person or not.

It's recently been brought to my attention that I come off as a dick in my posts and as someone who only wants to get off vs form a genuine bond.

I very plainly state that I'm visual and exhibitionism is one of my core kinks that I look for when I engage with subs. That does not mean that I expect nudes right away, but it implies that visuals are important for me as is teasing. I know that is not everyone's cup of tea and I fully respect that. Comfort and safety come first.

However and I find it very unusual being called out by subs who have barely interacted with me calling me out for having preferences. Especially people who I have not previously engaged with in any way, dynamics or otherwise.

I feel like submissives do not understand the effect an emotional bond has in such a connection and the difference it makes vs "just porn" and they often mix the two.

I feel that part of our responsibility as doms is to educate as well as to care for our submissives while safely exploring sexuality, so I'm looking for ways to convey that no kinks should be judged or are less acceptable than something else.

I am very new to being a Dom (A Dom Bottom specifically,) I've been doing what I can to educate myself - mostly through watching videos from bdsm/kink veterans.

I have a potential Sub that I've been talking to on Fetlife for a few weeks. He doesn't have any experience as a Sub, and isn't very familiar with bdsm/kink in general, but is very into the idea of being dominated. We haven't been able to meet in person yet because he's been doing a lot of OT.

Granted, I'm kind of glad that we haven't met yet, because like I said, I'm still educating myself on what I need to know as a Dom; Communication, Negotiation, Limits, etc...I still have so much to learn.

But one thing that I'm not entirely sure how to handle is our first meeting. I don't want to overwhelm and intimidate him by just spouting out everything that I've been learning - but I -do- want to prepare him and reassure him that I'm taking this very seriously.

First and foremost, our first meeting will not have any sex involved. I feel like it's important that we get to know each other more in person and build a sense of comfort first. Yknow, small talk, watching a movie - maybe a little cuddling - but nothing beyond that.

Obviously, i do want to bring up certain kink related things; the importance of communication, the traffic light system. He doesn't have much experience with toys, so I want to assure him that I practice toy safety (nothing without a base is getting near his ass, etc and condoms will be used on the toys,)

I'm also planning on sending him a yes, no, maybe list a few days before we meet so he has time to fill it out and we can share our lists with each other.

I'm also considering finding some videos on basic d/s dynamics to show him so we can be on the same page.

Is that all too much? Not enough?

When you have a potential sub over for the first time, what does your first meeting usually look like?

Making him comfortable and starting to build a foundation of trust are my biggest priorities. I've dealt with terrible Doms before, and I don't want to ever put my Subs into uncomfortable situations that I've experienced with other Doms, so any advice or insight would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!

Edit: Admittedly most of my experience is with hookups, and I typically host, so out of habit, him coming over was what first popped into my head. But ty to those who pointed out that meeting in public would probably be a better idea.

I have a sub with a vary traumatic past and i have been using a dominant and submissive relationships to fix her trauma our bond is extremely strong we are separated from each other but we do meet up as often as possible the advice i am looking for my sub dose not share well with others and she has recently decided to put out a challenge to find a female Asian of her self to add to our relationship

It’s really quite interesting how much control that a sub can have over you. We’ve had an interesting 12 hours, but they have been worth the effort.

Yesterday, unknown to both of us, they crossed a line that I didn’t know that I had. This is due to poor communication on may part and they owned no responsibility for this. It upset me greatly. When it was an appropriate time to vocalize the concern, I spoke up. We talked. The discussion was hard. I think for both of us. It was a hard enough discussion that I was very aware of the Sword of Damocles…

That a sub is not in control of the dynamic is such a fallacy. They absolutely are. At any time, anyone can walk away. Especially when those red lines / limits are crossed. Anyone can be hurt. The saving grace here is that we both came to the table with an open mind. For that I will be very grateful.

What I didn’t expect was the outcome. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. In this case, I guess I’m not the beholder. My anger tied to my possessiveness is something I’ve always considered a toxic trait. Something to suppress, regardless of the negative impact on my self. I have never even consider this to be a benefit until now, so its very interesting to have someone with a truly new perspective to consider. My possessive nature has always caused me trouble so I was approaching this problem assuming it was a negative. They on the other hand saw it completely differently. They saw it as affirming. They wanted the jealousy, because it felt like they were wanted and desired. I was told that the fact I was approaching this as if it was a problem was clouding my perspective, because it prefaced the situation as something that needs to be resolved and not embraced. Its not my place to project emotions and responses on to other people, but to give them the time to be able feel their own emotions and provide their own responses. I need to stop doing this in all my relationships.

So in reality, not only was the Sword of Damocles NOT hanging by a thread, it turns out it was bolted to the ceiling, anchored down and reinforced. Plus it was made of plastic. Hows that for a malaphor?

A hard situation to deal with, ended in affirmation. Imaging walking in to what you assume to be a conflict but to be met with encouragement, support and an improvement in the dynamic…

This morning felt like I was in a slow moving inevitable train crash in to a fire works factory located in the Chernobyl exclusion zone. It turns out that glow and warmth wasn’t radiation, but warmth and affection, provided with compassion and understanding.

Apparently I’m not Walt Goggins in Fallout, but Mr. Rodgers in his neighborhood…

Figure that one out…

Hi everyone!
I posted here not too long ago (FTM21) about getting started in the BDSM scene with another green sub (FTM20). As some of you guys can recall, I was a heap of nerves about it.

We had our first in person session over the weekend and it went GREAT. It was better than I had expected, we went very slowly and made a lot of space for communicating. Once I got out of my head it was a nonstop stream of enjoyment interspersed with a lot of cuddles and aftercare :)

We’re meeting again very soon, and he’s just as enthusiastic to continue our play as I am. Thank you for all of the great advice I got! You guys are lifesavers to a nervous overthinker like me.

I’ve gained a lot of confidence in myself, and I really look forward to learning more. Cheers! (and another thank you haha)

First up i have little relationship experience and 0 sexual i am in my thirties. I feel like if i was in a relation of any sort i would want to be dominant and in charge but i have grown up hearing thats not the way and so i feel like i shouldnt have these feelings. Any advice for not feeling this way?

OK, so there are things I can’t give super amounts of details about so please don’t ask for details farther than I tell you, but the gist is I’m military, my job in the military required me to go through SERE school (don’t know it google it for the in-depth info) due to the fact that there is a high risk of capture related to my job. While in the course those going through, it are captured and put into a POW camp. And the best way to describe it is the most intense BDSM experience of my life that had no safe word to stop it. Now I say that, but there was a way to stop it if I was medically in danger, but other than that, it doesn’t stop for anything, the program mentally, physically and emotionally breaks you. And once you’re done with the entire thing, there is absolutely no aftercare just a sterile emotionless debrief before you’re sent back to your unit.

So now that that’s out the way, I’ve just come out the other side of it within the last two weeks, and I am very much not OK. I was hanging out with some friends from the community, now that I got back home, two nights ago and there was some play going on and i very quickly found myself so emotionally compromised I had to go to the restroom and curl up in the fetal position. The sounds and visual of the impact play almost immediately caused me to fall right back into the mental state I had during the training, I wasn’t even participating in it just watching. I was in the fetal position so long that a close friend came to check on me and she had to physically remove me to her car before I I started coming back to myself.

I am exceedingly worried that this training has killed my ability to be in this community. Anyone with a similar experience or has gone through this I would greatly appreciate advice.

Earlier this year I had a pretty little thing drop into my inbox responding to a lockscreen request post.

She is over a decade younger than me, and looked great, the alarm bells around her being fake were ringing, but looking through her profile she appeared to be real.

Over the last 5 months we have messaged on and off, like friends.

Sometimes it was mundane chat, other times it was some quite intense stuff (previously trauma and bas partners on her part).

More recently she has been exposing more of herself to me. And this is where the difficulty has come in.

I would never expose her to someone else, I don't want to risk her safety. But equally it is the threat of being exposed which seems to turn her on and push her further down the rabbit hole of submission.

After an intense session she regressed and will go AWOL for a few days, which I respect as people need time. But I concerned it's from regret.

I don't want her to regret anything she is doing, beyond the thrill of kink she experiences.

Any opinions are welcome.

(No I absolutely will not share her pictures with you.)

I am currently exploring D/s dynamic that has been really great for both of us. There are some specific actions, choke holds, hands around her neck and face slapping, that we have completely avoided, as my sub has experienced a violent relationship in the past and she doesn’t want to associate our dynamic with this.

I of course respect this and I would never push to engage in this. But now she has expressed a clear wish to explore it. And I feel conflicted.

It doesn’t feel like a whim or impulsive idea from her side. She has thought it through, and we’ve already discussed it. We have built a very trusting relationship, and we imagine staying in the dynamic for a long time. I think we both have a feeling that there is something therapeutic that can come out of engaging in this. A way of neutralizing bad experiences from the past. But at the same time, do either of us really know? Being her Dom I naturally feel a responsibility. If I say no she will respect it. But what if this is how we can come even closer?

Does anyone have experiences with similar situations? What would be the the best way to proceed?

Where do I start? There have been so many duds, false starts and mis-matches. The amount of posers and fakes is just crazy.

Then I met her… how I don’t really know. Her account was effectively blank but had some breadcrumbs that just seemed appealing. I just got the right vibe. I’ve been looking for my partner in crime for a while now but never really had the success I’ve been looking for. But her? Wow.

Her submission is just delicious because my command is what she craves. I’ve dabbled; I’ve played but I’ve never really have someone TRUELY submit at this level.
This is intoxicating.

It’s what I have been craving to my core and all I want to do is wrap her in bubble wrap and keep her on my desk and feed her grapes…

Aladdin may have been the hero in the story, but I feel like Jafar… and for the first time in a long time… I’m ok with that.

Hey all! I’ve been with my sub for about two years now. He’s been collared for those two years as we’ve treated his current collar as more of a promise ring but we’ve discussed making things a bit more permanent and I’m looking for a nicer formal collar more resembling an engagement ring :)

We’ve discussed marriage and all that so a marriage proposal is our next step but I’m having the HARDEST time finding collars that are more masculine that aren’t ugly as sin or very plain. His collar now is a simple locking clasp o-ring style with a simple chain in sterling silver but I’m wanting something with a bit more oohmph. I’ve looked into traditional vanilla jewelers to maybe get something custom but they either can’t do what I’m asking for or they’re way out of my budget. I’ve looked into Etsy, but they’re not quite the style I’m after. I’ve found some really nice ones but again they’re a bit too feminine for our taste. Anyone have any formal collar recommendations?

I’m pretty new to actually doing BDSM, even though I’ve wanted to get into it since I was young. Lately I’ve been reading up on the culture rules safety and general concessions all of that, and I’m trying to take it slow, I'm a fast learner but I want to full understand what I'm doing not just take in the information 😂

I’m kind of a teddy bear by nature, Soft spoken, don’t like raising my voice I don't like much loud noises in general, I'm pretty passive with people even if I'm egged on, Once I click with someone I talk a lot though, and stuff gets jumbled, so I’ve been working on slowing down.

Where I’m stuck is in scene and even out. I’ll repeat the same line, come back with something stale, or catch myself asking instead of telling. That last one keeps throwing me off. I know what I want to do, I just don’t know how to get it across without it sounding flat or like I’m checking in every two seconds.

Any advice on breaking the habit of asking instead of directing, or on not running out of words, and keeping the same tone throughout?

Generally, the stance I take as a dom is firm but fair. I try to stick to the principle that punishments are earned just as rewards are, and don't simply come out of thin air. The aim really is so that I don't feel guilty for having been harsh and my submissive doesn't feel hard done by.

Naturally, a problem arises, as though I like to have a reason for issuing out punishments, I also generally like giving out the punishments! It's a lot of fun! But it leaves the inevitable situation of those times when my submissive isn't deserving of a punishment but I want to give one out! I'm sure this is a somewhat common experience for my fellow dominants out there. A lot of us like to have some sort of reasoning behind our punishments, and when your partner isn't a brat or deliberately breaking rules or such, sometimes it can seem very tricky to come up with a good reason.

I'm sure many of you know exactly the feeling. You want to spank your submissive, your submissive wants to be spanked, but you can't find any fault with their behaviour, and they don't want to be bad.

So I'm wondering what ways you've come up with or heard of to get around this sticking point in the past?

One that's come in handy for me before is to give my submissive time to prepare for something. Works great for an inspection scene, but it can apply anywhere I think. Then I find just about anything, no matter how small or silly, to pick up on. A loose thread, a stray hair, whatever. I ask them a question, like "When did you put on that garment?" or whatever, and it's a trick question. No matter what they say, an hour ago, 5 minutes ago, I can say "Long enough to have noticed/fixed this!" and just like that, I have my 'excuse'. If they try to adapt and next time say "I only just finished putting it on" I can say "You ought to have used your preparation time more wisely then!".

Another that comes to mind is the imagined crime, whereby the reason for punishment is a rather arbitrary thing. For example, asking them to turn around, and then saying that because they turned left instead of right, they must be punished. Generally I'm less of a fan of this sort of thing because of how unfair it usually seems, but when I know my partner is keen for a punishment or funishment, then that makes it tolerable.

EDIT: Since it's come up a few times already, I want to try and clarify something. I'm all for play for the sake of play. Spanking because spanking is fun, orgasm denial because orgasm denial is fun, whatever it is.

What I'm getting at here is that play for the sake of play doesn't quite carry the same feeling as punishment because a rule has been broken. It's very fulfilling to go through that series of events; Submissive makes an infraction - I punish them - they vow to do better - we both have a lot of fun! But if your submissive is good at not breaking the rules, then you need to find a few loopholes to get this kind of play!

My wife and I have been experimenting with the dom/sub dynamic for about six weeks. I had always fantasized about this in the past but was afraid to discuss it. Dabbled about 10 years ago when we both read "50 shades of grey". I am mostly a pleasure dom in that I like to make and watch her cum. She is very sensual and orgasmic. She has fully embraced her role as my submissive and enjoys everything about being my sub. She loves the attention and the service, and also my using her whenever I please. We are ready to write a contract and have a collaring ceremony. Has anyone else had this happen with their significant other? BTW, we have always had a good and very sexual relationship, and have been together for almost 30 years. Just curious how this has worked for others and any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hey so I’ve (FtM 20) been a dom to only one sub (MtF 22) before.
She was very much a service sub, I did my research and asked around, met some people and did basically all in my power to be the type of dom that she needed. Our relationship lasted quite long and ended up evolving into a 24/7 master/slave relationship, we only split because she had to leave the country and we both decided that we weren’t interested in continuing this over long distance as we wouldn’t be able to see each other more then a few times a year, and agreed that we should just each look for a new play partner irl.
Now I’ve met this second person quite a few times already and we’ve discussed entering a at first platonic play partnership with them (NB 20) as the sub and me as the dom. They just told me a few days ago that they are really into age-play and consider themselves a little, they regress to around a toddler age level 3~5, and I’ve spent the last few days reading up on it and have been noticing that there is a huge difference between what I’m used to and what I’m trying to become.
Don’t get me wrong, while I’m really into the Master/Slave dynamic, it’s not really a must for me I know that my new partner needs something else and from what I’ve read I think I’d really enjoy that dynamic too. I just don’t know what to do and what exactly I have to learn/unlearn to get used to both to a place where we’re comfortable.
I’m planning to talk to them about my only previous experience and the dynamic tomorrow when I see them again for the first time since that last talk, and wanted to ask for some advice and help in general, if you have got any suggestions or even experience in making a switch like that I’d be really thankful! 🙏
Anyways have a nice day/night!